Holding back or Giving it your all

[Gaze]

When it comes to relationships, are you the type of person who usually holds back or do you give it your all. Why or why not.

What are the pros and cons of giving it your all vs. holding back in your experience.

 

[David54]

I give it my all. .
why? it seems that itsit how I am.. it's not a conscious decision, I'm either all in or not. .
well. . I"ve made a fool of myself more than once in believing something was something it was not. . I think that is the biggest danger. . this is an issue I'm dealing with right now. . loveing someone without jumping in with both feet the way I normally do. .letting them call the emtional shots. .

 

[Gaze]

I give it my all. .
why? it seems that itsit how I am.. it's not a conscious decision, I'm either all in or not. .
well. . I"ve made a fool of myself more than once in believing something was something it was not. . I think that is the biggest danger. . this is an issue I'm dealing with right now. . loveing someone without jumping in with both feet the way I normally do. .letting them call the emtional shots. .

+1 . . . I'm very much the same and I'm realising it's a problem. But I can't help it. I don't hold back. I can't enjoy something if I'm half in, half out.

 

[barbad0s]

What does holding back look like?

 

[David54]

I am trying really hard not to over step. . over reach . . everytime I feel myself starting to go there I have to stop myself. . but in doing that doubt gets created. . .so I dont' know what the answer is. .

 

[endersgone]

You can't give it your all... You'll end up broken and hurting. You have to have something in reserve for when your world comes crashing down.

 

[Ryo]

I always hold back because I never really believe it's going to work out. ONE time I jumped in after several years of knowing the person and I regretted it. I think I hold back too much but it's dangerous not to hold back at all.

 

[barbad0s]

I guess I don't know? I don't exactly hold back no matter what, or blindly charge forwards with relationships no matter what. It depends on how much I am drawn to someone, how much I think they will like me, and all sorts of things. I stay super vigilant and read cues. It's like I have a little stoplight in my head.. red: hold back or do nothing, yellow: maintain things with them, green: go. In general, if I like someone a lot I'll try to go as fast and far as they'll let me and as far as feelings can be mutual. The point where I can say "I love you" is when I've decided the gates have flooded and to give it my all.

 

[Rasmus]

I never save anything for the swim back. I wouldn't jump in the water if it wasn't worth my all. I don't know where the strength to continue comes from when a relationship falls apart. Divine intervention I think. Let it not fail with lingering regret heavy upon my head; that my own withholding brought it about.


Gattica
[video=youtube;IYZ_77qxRr0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYZ_77qxRr0&feature=related[/video]


A great movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119177/

 

[eloquent_leo]

When it comes to relationships, are you the type of person who usually holds back or do you give it your all. Why or why not.

I tend to hold back for quite a while. Then I give my all once I see we are on the same page. I give as much as they give me in a sense.

What are the pros and cons of giving it your all vs. holding back in your experience.

Pros for giving it your all...
You know that you gave your all for the relationship, so you shouldn't have any regrets towards not giving enough.
Cons for giving it your all...
You may drain yourself, making high expectations for the other person to do the same. You may think "if I can give this much, the other person should too" But it doesn't always work like that. Appreciate what they do give. They may not be ready/open to give it all like you are.

Pro's for holding back...
When the relationship goes sour, you won't be as hurt. It's easier to toss away something you didn't devote yourself to. Kind of like an invisible shield. You don't let it get to you.
Con's for holding back...
You don't know what you may have missed if you opened up and gave your all. They may have seemed not as serious of a relationship to you, but it could have been because you didn't allow them to "get" to you.

It's just my personal opinion though.

 

[bamf]

I give it my all. I don't see how an intimate and deep relationship could succeed without such open disclosure. It's dangerous, and yes I've gotten hurt, but I don't know how to do it any other way. I don't get into relationships very often at all though. I wait until I know someone is worth it.

 

[mochi]

I give it my all, or at least I used to. I think the next time around I will definitely be more careful.

 

[Nixie]

I hold back. I require someone to give me their all before I allow myself to give my all. I am the worst girlfriend ever.

 

[the]

I give enough to get a reasonable amount back. I'll take it back if I have/want to. I doubt anyone ever gives all, at best they give most.

I think you INFJ types think of 'giving all' as someting different than I think of it as. I think I take more into account, and you probably place more value on certain things.

 

[JGirl]

i give it my all. there is nothing better than the feeling of loving someone. feeling loved is great too, but it's not the same rush as actively loving another person. if you are in a relationship and not giving it your all you should ask why you are there.
the downside is that sometimes i get hurt.

 

[yepunsarang]

My prior relationship, I gave everything...or almost everything. It was amazing being able to realize that there is someone who exists who i can love this much, and vice versa. But when things went very sour, it hurt a lot. Still healing from it, and not afraid to say it. I'm amazed and proud at how far I've came. I think, honestly, that I needed to love that much because that was my first relationship. Considering my doubts prior to it, that someone could ever love me or I find someone to love, it seemed like a miracle.

My current relationship, I'm holding back a bit. My bf has already fallen in love with me... yet I feel as though I'm still healing so I'm not ready to be in love with someone. I'm still on testing grounds on what is healthier for me, what is more natural. I'm an independent woman i've realized---and revel in the freedom of not being in a relationship where I'm in love. Yet, loving is a natural thing for me. I realize although I'm in a loving, good relationship right now, I miss and am sentimental over the "high" I was in when I was with my ex.

 

[killdabuddha]

was it chesterton who said that women use intellect to support their intuition, and men do the opposite? did he know what we know?

for myself, giving all is the canary in the coal mine, even if it's just to put sumthin out there to see what sum1 does with it. holdin back comes later if i've cast my pearls b4 swine. but i don't trust cleverness or scheming, especially in myself. to hold back beforehand smacks of calculation and will become a maze in which i'm the rat. why box myself in? if i jump on a wave there's a better chance i'll be tossed and swallowed than that i'll ride it, but do i stop?

 

[AUM]

I give 90%, and reserve 10%.

 

[Vict]

I used to hold back. It was fruitless to do so.

Eliminating the ambiguous nature of a relationship is a breath of fresh air.

 

[technics]

I'm an extreme "holding back" person. I don't even go into relationships. Pros: You can lead the life you want without any distortions. Cons: You're pretty much alone. But for me that's okay.