Have you ever thought of someone as a close friend then realised it's not mutual? | INFJ Forum

Have you ever thought of someone as a close friend then realised it's not mutual?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by easy_rider, Aug 14, 2009.

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  1. easy_rider

    easy_rider Community Member

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  2. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    Yes for all my friends until I was about 17 or 18 then I realized I had no real friends and started seeing everyone else as expendable or useful little pawns in my chess game of life... no not really... but I did stop trying.
     
  3. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I used to be very naive when it came to that. I had a really hard time distinguishing between good friends, acquaintances, etc. because I just cared for people in general, and I got along well with most everyone.

    When I went abroad for a year, I learned quickly who was there for me and who wasn't. I am very careful now with who I care for; I can tell very easily whether or not it's reciprocated.
     
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  4. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Occasionally. I also occasionally see people that see me as a close friend, when I'm not.

    The trick is to not betray them and things end out hunky dory.
     
  5. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    A few times.

    It almost always partially your own fault when it happens. You should always share how you feel about your friends so they know where they stand.
     
  6. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    It usually goes the reverse for me. Where someone concideres me a best friend, and I don't concider them a best friend. I won't become close with someone unless I know the feelings are recriprocated, so it almost never happens with me. Come to think of it, I don't think it has ever happened *knock on wood*.
     
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  7. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Yeah it used to happen quite frequently, but I began to dissolve the idea that close friends ever mattered, the people I was closest to always had 'their' person, you know, the person they would call up crying about issues? It was never me. I was always the second best, or perhaps, the last resort. So I just began to understand that even if I enjoy someone's company over everyone else's yet it isn't mutual, that probably means I need to find more friends. So that's what I've been doing....
     
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  8. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    That's not a bad step to take. And yeah, I know what you mean -- I was always second resort for a long, long time.
     
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  9. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Yet the more friends I have the less time I want to spend with them.
     
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  10. overainbows

    overainbows Regular Poster

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    I always had a problem considering someone a friend because I don't feel connected with/close to people. But the only time I considered someone to be my friend later I perceived (amongst other things) that they

    I enjoy some people's company, yet I don't think they're my friends nor do I feel like being friends with them. It's not that I don't give a damn about them, but I don't have bigger feelings for them. And these people feel the same way about me.
     
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  11. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    This is usually the case with me. I've had one or two "friends" that have screwed me over but it's usually the opposite case where someone tells me some deep shit I don't want to know because they think I'm one of their best friends.
     
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  12. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    the more time I spend with friends, the less time I want to spend with them. but by then i'm in too deep and have to spend more. the result? I pull back completely and utterly dissolving the friendship mostly.

    so far, there has only been a group of friends that I really considered friends and would honestly go so far as to die for them if it came down to that.

    those guys were really my backbone. If anyone of us had any problem or any thought, anything at all, we would say it, without fear of them getting angry or them not lending me a listening ear. I suppose you could call it acceptance of sorts. We all accepted each other and some of us were so close that we would never be able to find each other if we got lost and were told to find each other as we would know each other so well so we would always be one step behind each other :m146:

    But those guys were the only ones that really know the most of me. No one else has so far ever warrented enough trust or acceptance from me since them.

    We had to split up not 'cos we wanted to but 'cos we had to change schools and graduate and thus have not really have time to meet up and thus have drifted slightly apart but still, if theres anyone I trust, its them.

    Regarding everyone else, I have regarded so many people as close but then having the relationships backfire in my face. I've pretty much decided not to get close to anyone anymore unless I feel it would be worth it. And trust me, after these few months, it is about as hard to do that as it would be to hijack air force one.
     
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  13. v.shadow

    v.shadow Community Member

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    well, I have always thought of an old friend I have as my best friend but I don't know if she thinks of me that way (she has a lot of friends now...I think I'm disposable)
     
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  14. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Ugh! Stab to to the heart. I know how that feels.
     
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  15. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Ohhh yeah. I'm like the well that people come to take a refreshing drink from when they're bored of playing with their real friends.

    It hurt when I first figured out what was going on. Especially with one guy who I considered to be my best friend, but it's just life. Can't change other people. Just gotta keep doing my dance and looking on the bright side.
     
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  16. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    often this happens to me. I have mentioned before those I call energy vampires...These friends take everything you have to give them, your trust, your love, your most intimate secrets, and your hard work and devotion to them...and after they have used you up till your a useless husk of something that once was a human being, they tear out your heart and soul and leave you to die...
     
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  17. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Your optimism is unbelievably awesome.
     
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  18. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    This has been the story of my life in regard to friendships. I think someone is my best friend but then it turns out I'm not important to them.

    Lately though, things have not been like this. I think I really am good friends with my current good friends.
     
  19. TrevOrTrevor

    TrevOrTrevor Community Member

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    In high school, I eventually pushed away most of my close and best friends after trying hard to remain friends with them because I didn't want to hurt them, but I had to let them go because I began to realize that we had nothing in common in our views of life.
    I've always been the first one to walk away from a friendship which probably leaves them feeling completely confused and shocked.
    I have a few very close friends now though and am hoping they will remain.

    I always try to be "nice" with everybody..but me not realizing that some people might think that I really want to be their friend just because I ask them random or personal questions so I can get to know them better..then after a few months or years even or whatever they want to visit individually, or outside of work so then I become unavailable for everything in order to distance the relationship because I don't think of you as that close a friend..just a moment friend..(a moment being years maybe..and good times for sure...), but that's all. You didn't make the cut. :(
     
  20. TheLastMohican

    TheLastMohican Captain Obvious
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    Well, I'll just come out and say it: I consider all of you my close friends. Now it's mutual, right? :m083:
     
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