That's because you are too young for mature men in their mid 40s. In my experience as a general rule the mature ones don't date women that are much younger than they are, only the immature ones do.
Oh that is a great point!
That's because you are too young for mature men in their mid 40s. In my experience as a general rule the mature ones don't date women that are much younger than they are, only the immature ones do.
Could it be not the age but the geographical location of the men you're choosing? I don't want to seem prejudiced but I've only had less than par experiences with American men. 20s-40s, they are essentially all identical. The one absolute thing I can say about men who were raised in the US is that they tend to be self centred, pathological liars. (Minus my male platonic friends lol)
In contrast, British men tend to be of a similar mindset to me, and we make it very clear from the beginning exactly what we are looking for. For marriage and commitment, I think British men would be the most honourable.
Could it be not the age but the geographical location of the men you're choosing? I don't want to seem prejudiced but I've only had less than par experiences with American men. 20s-40s, they are essentially all identical. The one absolute thing I can say about men who were raised in the US is that they tend to be self centred, pathological liars. (Minus my male platonic friends lol)
In my experience as a general rule the mature ones don't date women that are much younger than they are, only the immature ones do.
Yeah, interesting note. What are some of the other differences in dating men from other cultures?
I do think there is less directness and a good amount of unnecessary game playing when dating in the US. Nothing is ever really straightforward. There is usually a lot of facade, which means much of it is empty, and rarely substantive. British appear more direct and practical, but I don't have personal experience so can't say for true. In US, the emphasis is on the superficial and quite a bit of time is spent not being taken advantage of because of too many hidden personal agendas. And people tend to behave as if they're doing you a huge favor if they want to date you. They walk around parading their dating or life resumes as if dating you is based on a process of going through rounds before you get to final approval not unlike the tv show The Bachelor, oddly enough. *rolls eyes* Yes, I get it, you've had a ton of life experience or umpteen number of exes, yata, yata, yata but enough already! Not that this attitude is not present in all cultures, but since US and the Caribbean are the ones I have the most experience with, this is my observation from what I've seen. It's just so ridiculously false, and most of all the false energy never goes anywhere. Apparently, dating around is the only way to go, and apparently there's some unwritten law against sticking with one person. No one ever takes anything seriously. Everything is a joke or a game.
I think I am done with dating men in their 40s. As a 32-year-old woman, I've had some bad experiences with dating single/divorced men in their mid-40s these past five years. It seems that they are either narcissistic or immature at that age and I find that men my age or a couple of years younger are way more mature than the 40-year-olds plus they want a relationship whereas the older guys seem to want friends with benefits or no string attached.
What is going on with single and divorced men in their 40s? And have other INFJ women here gone the same way as me?
Well she did say date. She never said she was in full blown relationships with these men... she hinted that they didn't want a relationship. You can't really sum up a person based on who they go out with a couple times vs the type of people someone chooses for relationships.
People are different at various stages of their life. As people get older, they are more decisive in who they are and what they want. They are least likely to change this and compromise, and are more likely to look for someone to fit them rather than vice versa. So, if you're going to date someone older, this will be a fact you will have tolerate for find someone else in another age group to date. Older partners will expect their younger partner to make most of the adjustments or changes, not the other way around. This is why it's usually a fail when dating to assume is a particular way and then look for confirmation, rather than date the actual person. When you date, first thing is to not impose your own expectations or assumptions on the person, but observe and let the person reveal themselves on their own terms. Don't expect them to conform to what you want them to be. Let them be exactly who they are, then you'll know who you are really dating. Actions speak louder than words. It's not necessarily that people will be intentionally dishonest or try to hide, but it's just the case that people will try to reflect the type of self that will be more highly regarded than other aspects. People slip up, and their actions won't match their presentation. It takes energy to keep up appearances.
This. I agree that older people expect you to fit into their lives and basically made most of the sacrifices. Maybe that's why I have had enough. But I am also sure that there must be a reason men in their 40s are single.....I mean, women are usually choosier than men. If these guys were that good, wouldn't it be more likely that some woman would have picked them up by the time they are in their mid-late 40s? It seems that the ones who are single in this age range are looking to hook up and fit you into their lifestyles, not to get serious or even to be in love. Of course, there are always exceptions to this.
Many 'older people' have figured out that you shouldn't have to twist yourself to fit into somebody else's lifestyle, if your lifestyles aren't compatible or you're not willing to accept the differences then move on. Perhaps what you call immaturity might be more mature than you see it. It's all a matter of perspective.
It seems that the ones who are single in this age range are looking to hook up and fit you into their lifestyles, not to get serious or even to be in love. Of course, there are always exceptions to this.
Wait.....so it is mature of a man to only contact someone who is his significant other (wife, gf, etc.) only once a week or every ten days? If said person sees his wife every three weeks (not because of long distance)? These are not signs of not fitting into someone's lifestyle....they are signs of someone who can't love and is self-centered. And there are plenty of single or divorced men (and some women) in their 40s who expect this sort of a setup these days. Not to mention the many workaholics who use work as an excuse to avoid emotional intimacy with their significant other.
If they are pretending to be something and then doing otherwise than that is immature but if they are straightforward and honest about what they want and are willing to do then I would call it mature even if it doesn't match up to what you would like. I'm just saying that wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be in love is not necessarily a more mature thing.