Going from dating older men to dating younger men
- Thread starter Artemisia
- Start date
Many "older", or should I say "more experienced" men (and women) who have been in a serious, long-term relationship before have sort of "been there done that" -attitude towards dating and romantic relationships. They're not interested in having another all-in relationship where they would share their life entirely with their SO, maybe have (more) kids etc. What they're looking for is an independent partner who also has a life of her own outside the relationship and who also has the patience to see in which direction their companionship is developing.
This can happen at any age. I was dating someone who is only a year younger than I am but has vastly more relationship experience including marriage and kids. And yes, when someone has this kind of history, whoever they're dating later on tends to get the short end of the stick sometimes because they gave most of their effort to partners in previous relationships. They don't often realize they are doing this but it happens. Sometimes, it's expected that you simply take whatever is left, or whatever they have the capacity to give, and not expect as much as previous partners did. Of course, this is unfair to new partners since they're not the cause of any hurt or pain the person experienced in previous relationships.
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Yeah, I wouldn't have it either. But there are people who don't want to commit anymore but still want someone in their lives. And that's ok if both partners have same expectations and neither one is "settling" for anything. I guess that it would work if for example both had already been married with children and weren't looking for new "mom"/"dad" to their children.
I totally get it that you or anyone who's looking for the love of their life isn't into this level of commitment. It's just doesn't have to mean that the person who wants it is being immature. In this case, he may actually be too mature.
What you are describing can be the case, but some people learn a great deal from the breakup of relationships and become better partners afterwards. Some people need that wake up call to be able to have a more mature viewpoint, so in some cases you may get a better version of the person as opposed to the leftovers. It all depends on the person.
That's your viewpoint. Because it is not what you are looking for doesn't make it wrong, or immature, or 'leftovers' for others that are looking for the same thing. I really think that perhaps you shouldn't date older men but not because they are immature but because they are not what you looking for. They are at a different stage in their lives, that is why it is more common for people to date in their age range.