Girlfriend | INFJ Forum

Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Faye, Mar 15, 2010.

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  1. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    How do you get one?


     
  2. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    The store sells them.
     
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  3. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

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    This seems to be a subject that eludes us INFJ males.

    I'm not sure how I got any of the girlfriends I've ever had. It just kinda happened.
     
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  4. Wyote

    Wyote (#/-\[]$ ([]`/[]'|'[-
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    LOL so true.
     
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  5. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Start off by looking for something other than a girlfriend: a hobby, a passion, an adventure. Do this for yourself, and whilst you're looking the other way, the girl will appear. They like to do that. It's part of their magic.
     
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  6. JShafer

    JShafer Regular Poster

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    Yep, pretty much just as Elf said. Also once you accept being alone and are okay with yourself, that is usually when you'll find someone.
     
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  7. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    You're great. I have really come to understand and appreciate who you are, as we have had some wonderful PM's.

    I'm sure if you find the courage to let yourself show, the girls will just fall in love with you dear :) Good luck!
     
  8. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    apply club to the back of the head of the female of your choice, then drag home and apply the neccessary bandages to stop the bleading(drag her to the hospital if neccessary). When she wakes make sure you either baught or prepared her dinner as most women don't like to be hit on the head and then not be given a good meal.
     
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  9. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    I don't know. I quit caring, so I guess my girlfriend is supposed to show up within six to eight weeks.
     
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  10. Reon

    Reon Midnight's Garden

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    Did forget shipping and handling charges, that'll take it up to....a whole hell of a lot of money.
     
  11. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    First watch this movie! This guy never gives up!!

    [​IMG]

    Seriously though, some good advice here. Like Ria says, be yourself even if you think that's something women won't understand. People respond to someone who knows what they are, and are not afraid to show it. Yeah, confidence and honesty--if you can fake that you're home free! ;)
     
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  12. OP
    Faye

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    Like what?

    Okay, once they start to fall in love with me, what do I do?

    I guess my biggest question is how do you approach it? Do you try to become friends with the girl, or do you make it obvious that you like her from the start? If the latter, how do you do that?

    I have issues with so many small things, like how to approach someone without seeming creepy (which I'm sure I've done before anyway) and how acceptable it is to contact someone via facebook, etc.

    I also seem to be having trouble reading women's behavior. When a man complements a woman, he oftentimes has interest in her. At least, I could see the compliment and know easily whether or not he is interested in her. Women are more difficult.
     
  13. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    Coming from someone who hasn't had a "girlfriend" in nearly three years (although I've been on dates), don't worry about it. Be selfish. Concentrate on yourself. 90% of people out there are dumb and not worth your time, including girls.

    If you meet a girl you like, go slow (but not TOO slow) unless she initiates everything. My thing is to ask them out for coffee and talk for awhile, although this hasn't really gotten me anywhere. It would've, but the first girl I tried it with was a total conservative hyperChristian (which I guess is fine, but we didn't mesh well), and it would've worked with the second one had she not been dating someone else without my knowing it.

    Coffee is informal, casual, and can be short but sweet. You don't even have to like coffee; I always get tea.

    Really though, man, it's not worth it. Concentrate on yourself and do some things YOU want to do. Better yourself. If a woman is smart, she'll notice it. If not, fuck 'em, you're having fun anyway.

    I did meet a really cute girl (/woman, since she's five years older than me) the other day, and she offered to give me piano lessons since I mentioned I was trying to learn. She hasn't responded to my Myspace (lol) message yet, but I also notice she hasn't read it. Either way, I don't care because I have better things to worry about. If something comes out of it, great. If it doesn't, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

    In short: better yourself. Worry about you. Women will always be around.
     
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  14. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    My answer, like several others was mixed with true advice and a bit of joking. But I don't want you to think I didn't take you seriously Dragon. That's a real tough one actually. What I said about being yourself is absolutely true. People will respond to that. It's really along the same lines as the guys who told you to not worry about it and then it will happen. I have heard that advice repeated over the years so many times that I believe it to be true. When you have the confidence to not worry about it, then you also show that confidence and women really respond to that.

    And having trouble reading women is not uncommon, especially at your age. It can be difficult sometimes at MY age. People often don't know what they want themselves, so how can another person know? The best advice I can give you is honesty, both with yourself and with how you relate to "her". Yes, there are times when you will get rejected and hurt, but that's all part of it and can't be avoided. The one time you get the response you want, will make up for the 5 times you didn't. Trust me! I hope this helps some.
     
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  15. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    Alright...

    I understand shyness and having a tough time with getting started with someone you like. However, if you want something (and I have learned this later in life), sometimes you just need to make the first move. Do you actually have someone in mind who you like? If so, how much do you know about them? Have you spent time watching and observing them? Have you got a sense of who this person might be?...

    If you have no one in mind, and simply want to find out how to go about finding a girlfriend, then again, the pro-activeness and first move, needs to come from you. There are some options:

    Check the local singles activities sites in your area. If you are not particularly interested in dating sites ('cus lets face it, what's really going on there half of the time anyway?), but are maybe having a tough time going out to places to meet girls, then most towns and cities have singles organizations where you can sign up for activities. With these, there is obviousely a core basis for possible romantic connections to be made, but not necessarily. Sometimes, people just want to be able to do things in a group, and these people can range from just being new in town and not having many friends; therefore having an opportunity to make friends. There are others who are always looking to expand their circle of friends, and often times, there are people who are single and looking for meaningful connections with the possibility of something more. The events are varied, and there may be something you might be interested in.

    If there is someone whom you're interested in, a simply conversation is always a good start. Women have their "creep factor" feelers out on full steam whenever they are being talked to or observed by guys, so it's always important to relax, and centre yourself first, about how you feel about yourself first, and also, how you feel about her. (in the sense of self respect and respect for the girl). Women can tell from a mile away, guys who just wanna get some, and sometimes even the smoothest guys get shot down, despite what they say irl, and in far too many songs, lol. I'm guessing you're into getting to know a girl for who she is, rather than what she's got to offer you. Have something kind to tell her about herself, such as how you maybe find that she gives off the vibe of being a nice person or something like that. Women are just human beings, and want to be safe and secure in their interactions. Smile, and just be yourself. Just be the nice person that you are.

    Ok, so now she has fallen in love with you, lol...

    well, after you have had a couple of interractions with someone, it's a good idea to try and relax and allow things to flow naturally. Talking is the best way to get to know eachother to see if you can first get along and be friends. Without friendship, respect and trust, a connection won't be meaningful, despite the chemistry. It won't last. Respect and friendship (coupled with hopefully chemistry) is a great start to having a girlfriend, once you have managed to meet someone.
     
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  16. SpoofyMcPoof

    SpoofyMcPoof Community Member

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    The trouble with women is that they're all different so there's never one set way to approach it. The best bet is to approach it the way that feels true to you, and if she doesn't like it then you probably aren't a good match. Go with your intuition on it. Most women are probably not going to be creeped out unless you come up from behind them and ask them for a date very suddenly...or if you persist too much after being refused.

    As for the little things, don't sweat it so much. It took me a lot of practice and some real humdingers to work out all my little things, and all it came down to was experience and getting to know myself.

    As for the facebook thing, I think that's just a matter of opinion. I contacted someone on facebook once for the sole purpose for a date. The date was seriously blah but it was acceptable for both of us and he wasn't creeped out.

    As for behavior, that just takes practice. Body language is the most complex language there is and half of it doesn't make sense. However if a girl isn't interested in anything more than friendship she will usually make it obvious.

    Anyway, the most important thing is to be yourself, and realize that every situation is different. I mean, when I met my current boyfriend we went on a date every night after the first date. Most people may see that as "wow one of them is coming on too strong" but it was perfect for us.

    The bad news? There is no exact formula. The good news? It keeps life interesting ;)
     
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  17. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    You flirt with every single girl you see online and offline and just keep at it without worrying about how they view you. as the girls get narrowed down, you focus more on those who are close, and interested.
     
  18. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    you do nothing, she already loves you for what you are not for what you did.
     
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  19. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    Elf said that and boy do I agree. While you're waiting, continue to make yourself more interesting and keep yourself interested in a lot of different things. You'll be healthier, happier and more attractive than someone who is too focused on 'getting one.' lol
    And you know, all the planning in the world isn't really going to help you out in the end. All the 'how should I act' 'what should I say' .... all that. It will just happen/or not naturally.
    Don't worry, be happy now :)
     
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  20. Matariki

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    Ask.
     
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