Make friends with as many ENTP/ENFP females as you can. That way you can choose which one would fit your needs best.
Saves time and money.
Girlfriend
- Thread starter Faye
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Make friends with as many ENTP/ENFP females as you can. That way you can choose which one would fit your needs best.
Saves time and money.
I don't know, you need to figure this out for yourself. Work on yourself. Well, I'm working on myself and for the first time, I tell you it was the most amazing things. A few days ago I was laying on my grandmother's couch thinking "This is the most content I've ever felt. I don't even want a partner. I am so content with myself." I think because I've been keeping busy, setting goals, and by the end of the day I am just so tired and I think 'I am so thankful for this' and 'I love this about my day' or 'this was crummy about my day but I am going to work on improving it' sometimes, I just have bad days and I have to let that sink in. I guess, all I am saying is, because I've had a better attitude with life I feel a lot more fulfillment in the little things. I think before I dependent so much on others for emotional security- I could go on and on about my problems and unhappiness. I still do need emotional support but because I hang around the right kind of people I am constantly getting praise and constructive criticism, along with support. Everyone is different though and everyone needs what they need- I know a lot of people right now who are trying to date, young people in the same situation as me but 19-21 year olds, who do it by meeting people at work or through other friends and just going on nice coffeeshop dates. I don't think it's something I'm interested in doing right now but that is good for anyone- if you want to date I think you should just start by looking for connections and stuff. Dating is good experience, I've been told, for those of you who want to be married at some point. Then you get to know what you like and don't like. I think people grow a lot through dating experiences, it really shapes a person.
Here is an infallible technique:
Get yourself into that kind of mood where you want to go out and enjoy some scenery, or art, or music, etc. on your own in a quiet peaceful way.... Inevitably some girl will see you having a pleasant time and will feel impelled to come over and ruin it for you by starting a conversation.
Get yourself into that kind of mood where you want to go out and enjoy some scenery, or art, or music, etc. on your own in a quiet peaceful way.... Inevitably some girl will see you having a pleasant time and will feel impelled to come over and ruin it for you by starting a conversation.
Bwahahahaha! True facts!
Strangely, this approach really does work well for us INxJ types.
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Isn't it the case that we are what we do (Nietzsche)? All a woman will ever know about me is what I do or say; she cannot read my mind.
I honestly have a hard time knowing what people's MBTI's are. Some ENFPs make it obvious, and I tend to attract ENTPs magnetically, but I'm completely open to dating anyone of any type. I'm even friends with an ISTJ who I'd be open to dating if she weren't already in a relationship.
I never said I need one. I don't need one, but I would really love to have one.
That's hilarious.
So there is a lot of really great advice here, and I did read it all. Today, spring hit where I am living- I got a haircut and was able to wear shorts and a t-shirt.
I don't know what I was thinking exactly when I made this thread other than I really don't know how to go about getting a girlfriend, but I didn't have anyone specific in mind. Since then, things have happened. I wont lie, and this may be a terrible thing, but I am interested in more than one girl at a time. When I meet people, I see their good as well as their bad qualities, and I'm open to interacting with them and seeing where things go. But I haven't really idolized anyone in a long time and focused solely on them- I haven't had any huge crushes. In fact, for a long time, I didn't even really like anyone. I did/do focus on myself and typically feel pretty confident about interactions with others, especially this week.
It has been very strange. I feel like I am dreaming, and now that spring is here, I've woken up to a different world. Here is what happened:
Last week, I had some brief conversations with a girl who later told me I'm a really nice person (okay, that sounds weird- there is much more to it than that). I feel some kind of energy with her, and I spoke with her for over 2 hours on facebook last night, and today I invited her to come see a movie with my friends and I (she wasn't able to come, but we were going anyway). I don't know why, but I do feel like she might be interested, and I'll be seeing her soon at dinner and want to talk to her. Nothing has happened, and I guess I'll know better when I try talking to her. I just feel some kind of energy with her that I've never really felt before.
The other thing that happened is that today, on my way back from class, I bumped into a friend of mine who hugged me and we then had a conversation. She invited me to a coffee house this friday, and presumably she'll be the only person I know there. I don't know if she is just being extremely friendly but she clearly wants me to spend time with her and I definitely want to.
I'm not necessarily getting my hopes up, and nothing I'm doing here is a date (at least, not yet), but I definitely feel like there is possibility now, which I haven't felt in a very long time- over a year actually.
And here is a problem- today I was thinking through all this, mostly subconsciously, and then I felt a huge sense of dread. I feel horrified at the idea of any action that I've taken to get into a relationship because I really don't feel like I'm worth it. I feel guilty for daring to assume that I would lead someone to waste their time with me, and I know these feelings are unmerited and that I am good enough, but they are so overpowering that they are really getting me down. Really down.
And my question remains on whether to make intentions obvious at first or to try to become friends first. And maybe I care about this too much.
I don't know what I was thinking exactly when I made this thread other than I really don't know how to go about getting a girlfriend, but I didn't have anyone specific in mind. Since then, things have happened. I wont lie, and this may be a terrible thing, but I am interested in more than one girl at a time. When I meet people, I see their good as well as their bad qualities, and I'm open to interacting with them and seeing where things go. But I haven't really idolized anyone in a long time and focused solely on them- I haven't had any huge crushes. In fact, for a long time, I didn't even really like anyone. I did/do focus on myself and typically feel pretty confident about interactions with others, especially this week.
It has been very strange. I feel like I am dreaming, and now that spring is here, I've woken up to a different world. Here is what happened:
Last week, I had some brief conversations with a girl who later told me I'm a really nice person (okay, that sounds weird- there is much more to it than that). I feel some kind of energy with her, and I spoke with her for over 2 hours on facebook last night, and today I invited her to come see a movie with my friends and I (she wasn't able to come, but we were going anyway). I don't know why, but I do feel like she might be interested, and I'll be seeing her soon at dinner and want to talk to her. Nothing has happened, and I guess I'll know better when I try talking to her. I just feel some kind of energy with her that I've never really felt before.
The other thing that happened is that today, on my way back from class, I bumped into a friend of mine who hugged me and we then had a conversation. She invited me to a coffee house this friday, and presumably she'll be the only person I know there. I don't know if she is just being extremely friendly but she clearly wants me to spend time with her and I definitely want to.
I'm not necessarily getting my hopes up, and nothing I'm doing here is a date (at least, not yet), but I definitely feel like there is possibility now, which I haven't felt in a very long time- over a year actually.
And here is a problem- today I was thinking through all this, mostly subconsciously, and then I felt a huge sense of dread. I feel horrified at the idea of any action that I've taken to get into a relationship because I really don't feel like I'm worth it. I feel guilty for daring to assume that I would lead someone to waste their time with me, and I know these feelings are unmerited and that I am good enough, but they are so overpowering that they are really getting me down. Really down.
And my question remains on whether to make intentions obvious at first or to try to become friends first. And maybe I care about this too much.
I considered the start of relationships with past girlfriends and I asked myself what was consistent among them. The answer:
Whatever happened after that was down to the unique interactions between two people trying to get to know and understand each other.
cheers,
Ian
* of course it might be argued that one can never be not oneself no matter what actions (or lack thereof) are chosen. fair enough - my "being myself" speaks to consonance between intent and action, sharing of feeling and thought, sense of safety to express needs and display vulnerability, the ability to be fully present in the moment, and so on.
- I felt comfortable to be myself when I was with each of them, so I was myself when I was with each of them*, and
- I expressed my feelings of attraction to their person
Whatever happened after that was down to the unique interactions between two people trying to get to know and understand each other.
cheers,
Ian
* of course it might be argued that one can never be not oneself no matter what actions (or lack thereof) are chosen. fair enough - my "being myself" speaks to consonance between intent and action, sharing of feeling and thought, sense of safety to express needs and display vulnerability, the ability to be fully present in the moment, and so on.
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hmm where do we start with this topic...
I will probably going to sound generic but I trust you to pick up the bits and pieces that fit your own personality and use them. You should also know that I was terrible with dating for a veeeeery long time until some real progress have occurred.Essentially there are two parts to this puzzle. First is your own personality, second is techniques. Most people when speaking about troubles with dating ask for techniques, but what they really need is some inner work.
The key to personality part is being attractive. And the single most powerful attraction element is how happy and comfortable are you with being a man. Consider the following questions - if you answer no to any of those then you have a problem with self-esteem:
- Do you know exactly what to do with all kind of tests that women throw at you during relationship?
- Do you know what a girl expects from you when entering relationship?
- Do you know your own expectations?
And what about these (the answer that a girl expects is no):
- Do you feel that women are impossible to satisfy?
- Do you think that men are insensitive bastards?
- Do you feel that women overpower you emotionally in a relationship?
- Do you feel shameful or guilty about your own expectations (the real ones)?
Dragon said:
From your reply it seems that you do have an inner problem with self-esteem that prevents you from getting what you want. And it might be very difficult to overcome. Remember the book I have recommended you about relationships - there some good answers there.
If you master your self-esteem you will start attracting girls automatically.
Next, the techniques. There some basic rules you should keep up with:
Rule #1: you have to stay in control of a relationship. The moment you hand over the power to a girl, everything starts to fall apart.
In practical terms it means you hold the power to initiate and end the relationship. It can be very blunt or very subtle. For example asking a girl out with the following line "would you like to have a cup of tee with me?" is not sexy because it gives away power. A simple rephrase improves your chances considerably: "I want to have a cup of tea with you - will you come?". She might refuse in both cases but the difference is that in first case no means "he is a looser", the second "she's too busy / committed/ shy / whatever".
Rule #2: use your own unique strengths and abilities in a relationship.
There are a lot of strategies depending on ones character, physical attributes, social status and so on. There's no one proven recipe to fit them all. The following advantages I attribute to INFJ male: authenticity, honesty, empathy, sensitivity, logical thinking. There would be no use for me to go into muscle building or becoming a comediant.
Rule #3: define what you want from a relationship at the start. It corresponds to rule #1 - stay in control.
If you say "let's be friends" - then that's what you'll become, just friends. If you say "I love you and want to marry you" - she'll think that you're dumb because you cannot control your own emotions. If you say "I want to have sex" then it's a lottery - some will agree and some will not. Usually the most interesting girls are in the latter category
The best approach I have found is "I'm looking for a relationship". It is good because it does not imply that I seek relationship with this particular girl (thus I do not give away power) but it states my intentions clearly and she knows what to expect.Rule #4: Pickup lines - use them with caution. Better avoid completely.
A good alternative for picking up a stranger is just saying a sincere compliment. But it has to be stated in such a way that it does not violate rule #1. That means you just say what you wanted and be prepared to go away - you should not expect the girl to respond favourably. The reverse logic is that girls hear LOTS of pickup attempts during a day and they automatically ignore them unless the guy is extremely good. If you say a compliment without the intention of a pickup - you will get her attention as someone who stands out from the crowd.
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Hey Dragon:
Work out
I'm serious. If you start eating right and getting into a good exercise routine, you could get buff and start getting the hunnies. Contacts help with this, too.
The key is confidence. I don't exercise because I have a high metabolism and I make excuses. Being fit will make you feel awesome and you can kick someone's ass if they fuck with your girl (kind of kidding). Adjust to a good diet and start working out.
This does not guarantee babes, but it ups your chances by a large margin.
Work out
I'm serious. If you start eating right and getting into a good exercise routine, you could get buff and start getting the hunnies. Contacts help with this, too.
The key is confidence. I don't exercise because I have a high metabolism and I make excuses. Being fit will make you feel awesome and you can kick someone's ass if they fuck with your girl (kind of kidding). Adjust to a good diet and start working out.
This does not guarantee babes, but it ups your chances by a large margin.
I fell for this one, with some guy playing the guitar. He instantly asked If I wanted to go out with him.
I simply replied "There are plenty of fish out there in the sea, I just happen not to be one of them."
And that was the end of that.
Most ENTP females prefer men on the fit side. So yes, by all means work out. Get some six pack abs and you're in business.
Also the ENTP/ENFP females love feminine looking men, so I suggest you wear light makeup, if you have long hair this also serves as a bonus.
HAWT!
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I do those things to a moderate extent, except for looking feminine. For example, today I ran ~5 miles, and I regularly go to the gym, but I don't have a six pack. Having a six pack requires one to have a particularly low body fat ratio. I'm not sure how I could realistically achieve that without semi-starving myself, and I'm in no condition to deal with the anxiety that semi-starvation would produce. Though, I will say that I am not fat, at all (or so I've been told by multiple people). It is not quite the same as what is required for having a six pack.
As for looking feminine, I'm not convinced that many women like feminine looking men, particularly ENTPs and ENFPs. Even if they do like feminine looking men, I used to look much more feminine (I had long hair), and it did not go over well. I am not an individual who can pull off long hair effectively. Never in my life did I receive as many compliments as the day that I cut my long hair off, especially from women. I'll never grow it out again.
I know that I'm a generally attractive person (at least, the people on Hotornot seem to think so). How I look is not the issue. The issue is figuring out when/who/how to ask a girl out. I don't know if I just haven't found the right person yet or what, but it is depressing being lonely.