There are many gay men in my academic workplace.....about half, for a grand total of 9. I have noticed that eight of them dislike me a lot and spread malicious gossip about me (and others, whether male or female) and I wonder why. The only gay guy I get along with is married to another guy and is masculine in his conduct.
I have noticed that the more feminine gays tend to hate me in general. I wonder if it's because of my INFJ personality which values authenticity or the fact that they can't make me feel bad about myself as I see right through them. I've had similar problems with gay stylists and fashion people in the past. Maybe there is something in my personality that they don't like, but I would like to hear from other INFJs.
I have always supported gay rights btw so it has nothing to do with homophobia.
@Artemisia
First I will say, I am a straight white male aged 46. Personally ? To me that is just a label, essentially I am the same as every other human being on the planet.
I have read through this thread carefully and I think the following has happened;
1) You have been hurt and upset by the actions of some of you workplace colleagues - and you wanted advice on why they would do that to you.
2) Without wishing to be impolite to you, I think you have chosen your words poorly, in expressing that. I think it has caused hurt and upset to people (gay or straight) and this has caused some tension. I am not judging you for that, I choose my words poorly all the time. I'm probably doing it right now.
3) Honestly ? I really don't think the way your colleagues are behaving is remotely to do with their sexual orientation. They are not mistreating you 'because they are gay'. Have you never been mistreated by a straight person ?
I think the constructive thing to do, would be to try to see the individual people you are talking about as just that, individuals. Put aside any preconceptions you may have about them, and make a positive effort with each of them to build better rapport. You may be surprised at the results. Engage with them, say hello, ask how they are etc. Show some interest and compassion, and give things a chance to improve. It may feel awkward and difficult at first, but it may make things a lot better for you - and them.
Some years ago I worked with a gay lady. She was a bit older than me, very aggressive and domineering. She initially really gave me a hard time, interfering with the staff I managed, moaning about me behind my back to my boss, and being rude and obnoxious to me in front of others. It had nothing at all to do with her gender, sexuality, race, religion, etc. It was due to her personality. She was insecure and lonely, and I was fairly popular. I got it right away. Also we were of equal rank, and although I am a non-confrontational person I don't let anyone push me around. She grew increasingly angry when I ignored her 'commands'.
It continued like that for some time, until one day things came to a head. She sent me a nasty email - so I politely approached her. She had a total melt down, called me a lot of names (I did not respond to that) and she then stormed off to see my boss. My colleagues were stunned, all of them told me they supported me, a few of my staff were in tears. It was very stressful, but I patiently waited. She returned a few hours later and was silent.
It was never mentioned again, my boss never told me what she said to her, but over the next few weeks and months my aggressive colleague made very clear and obvious attempts to 'make peace'. I went along with it and never complained about what happened. I made similar efforts with her. We never became friends, or anything like it, but we had a workable peace. I would suggest you think carefully about how you want to approach things with your colleagues to avoid my mistake.
I had waited too long in addressing the conflict, so that when I did, it had reached a higher level than I'd realized. Just on the gossip? Try not to let that bother you. Intelligent, mature people aren't interested in rumor and gossip, especially when it is malicious. If they persist with that and it upsets you, tell the person doing it, how it makes you feel, ask them why they are doing it, and
politely ask them to stop doing it.
Ok I've probably mangled the English language enough here, so I will stop. I hope you are not angry or upset at my post, that is not my intent and I hope it helps in some way. Lastly I think
unintentionally you have upset some really nice people on here. I hope you are brave enough to acknowledge that and apologize. If you do ? I think you will win the respect of a lot of people who may not be very happy right now. I wish you all the best.
James