Friendship

the

the

Si master race.
Banned
MBTI
ISTJ
Enneagram
9w1
I was talking to a friend and she was carrying on about how happy she is that she is getting to know me so I decided to throw a monkey wrench into the works. I told her that

1. she really isnt getting to know me because the me that she knows today isnt the me that she will talk to tomarrow.

2. also that old friends are better than new friends because past actions are indicative of future actions.

This makes someone you've known for a long time a better known friend because even though there are small changes that occur, more of the big picture of that friends life is showing to you so you can know what to expect of them.

Thoughts?
 
You do generally understand people better who you've known longer but that doesn't necessarily mean they're better friends. It probably says more about how much you like them that you've stuck around for that long.
 
So if friendship is a ship, a new friend ship is shiny and exciting to be in, but has neither weathered any storms, nor met with any icebergs. An old friend ship, that has survived the trials and tempests of life, neverthless needs constant maintenance in order to stay afloat. Both kinds of friendships are blessings, and both have clear advantages and potential sources of trouble. Simply put, it is wise neither to invest too much hope in an untested friendship, nor take too much for granted in an existing one. :)
 
wise words Elf

for me it depends on the friendship, the depth of the friendship, how good does this friend know me. I've got old friends that doesn't know me that well and haven't the intention to know me better. So that is an old ship that always has been lying in calm waters. While I have new friends to whome I can open up much more, who invest more in my friendship and therefore know me better. And I have one old friend with whome I have had a shallow friendship untill quiet resently. We have tested the waters, we have hurt eachother, we have shared with eachother and now we know eachother better than ever before. Is she than an old friend or an new one?


1. she really isnt getting to know me because the me that she knows today isnt the me that she will talk to tomorrow.

if you say this, than you can know nothing because everything is changing all the time. Its true though but its a useless frace. You can't built anything on it.

whether you know someone or not depends on how open you are with this person and how many waters you have explored together, and is not defind by how old the relationship is.


why didn't you answer that you where happy to get to know her better too? Don't you want to know her better? Don't you want to make new friends? What is holding you back?
 
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I have to agree with what Morgain and the others have said here. I have had friendships that blossumed quickly, and I've had those that I have had to nuture. Both can be fufulling. I don't think length of time (after a certain minimum period) matters as much as the connection. This is certainly an interesting subject. In typical INFJ fashion, I prefer fewer and deeper friendships. I am very loyal and (still) more easily hurt than many. But I am also quick to forgive. In the end, life is all about the connections we make--both through friendship and through love. Indeed a true friendship will have both (comradery and love) in my opinion.
 
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Interesting points. I can't say it better than the above.

Ubberrogo, do you get the feeling that you change frequently? Did you ever have a really large change in your life? Has someone else changed on you?
 
uberrogo said:
I was talking to a friend and she was carrying on about how happy she is that she is getting to know me so I decided to throw a monkey wrench into the works. I told her that

1. she really isnt getting to know me because the me that she knows today isnt the me that she will talk to tomarrow.

2. also that old friends are better than new friends because past actions are indicative of future actions.

This makes someone you've known for a long time a better known friend because even though there are small changes that occur, more of the big picture of that friends life is showing to you so you can know what to expect of them.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Do you feel you change a lot, Uber? I ask this because the first statement seems contradictory to your last paragraph.

I also agree with what's already been said. I think for many people the quality of the connection, rather than quantity of time spent knowing one another, determines the closeness of the friendship. To add to it, sometimes people can change, or begin to change, unexpectedly. So while a friend we've known for a long time might be easier to understand or predict, chances are at some point they might change in ways that will disrupt our existing expectations of them and shake things up.

I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind...
 
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uberrogo said:
I was talking to a friend and she was carrying on about how happy she is that she is getting to know me so I decided to throw a monkey wrench into the works. I told her that

1. she really isnt getting to know me because the me that she knows today isnt the me that she will talk to tomarrow.

2. also that old friends are better than new friends because past actions are indicative of future actions.

This makes someone you've known for a long time a better known friend because even though there are small changes that occur, more of the big picture of that friends life is showing to you so you can know what to expect of them.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Well, you won't get any awards for being a charmer - I hope your friend has recovered from the monkey-wrench.

Old friends have loyalty and trust, which are based on sound, tested knowledge of each other. She's might be on the way to becoming and "old friend."
 
Morgain said:
why didn't you answer that you where happy to get to know her better too? Don't you want to know her better? Don't you want to make new friends? What is holding you back?
Click to expand...

long story short, i think she wants a booty call to make her ex-bf jealous.
 
hooray for booty calls. Boo and hiss for head games. People suck.
 
I think that the length of a friendship has more to do with personal comfort than the actual value of the friend. It's easier to trust someone you've known longer and easier to be yourself around them, but that doesn't mean they actually know who you are at that given time or are any more likely to be there for you when you really need them than someone you've met more recently. Anyway, like you said, you're always changing, so what good is it for someone to know who you used to be? I mean, considering the person I used to be, I don't know if I want people to think of me that way simply because it isn't me. Besides, friendship is about more than just having people understand you.

I don't know that I would tell a new friend I didn't value them as much as an older one. It's almost like saying, "I will appreciate you more when and only when you prove yourself to me sometime in the future."
 
Elf said:
So if friendship is a ship, a new friend ship is shiny and exciting to be in, but has neither weathered any storms, nor met with any icebergs. An old friend ship, that has survived the trials and tempests of life, neverthless needs constant maintenance in order to stay afloat. Both kinds of friendships are blessings, and both have clear advantages and potential sources of trouble. Simply put, it is wise neither to invest too much hope in an untested friendship, nor take too much for granted in an existing one. :)
Click to expand...

Wow, that is an amazing comparison & I agree with you.
 
Well, I've had plenty of experiences where people I've known for just a year know me wayy better than those I've known for half of my life. Some people just click with you---they're at the same wavelength, so they immediately fit into your intimate circle. If you intrinsically know the core of a person, that person becomes predictable. (Oooh but that's so lovable when you realize these things about a complex person <3)
 
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