Friction among members | INFJ Forum

Friction among members

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Stu, Feb 25, 2010.

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  1. Stu

    Stu Constipated
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    Friction among the membership is a good thing. Reading the threads here and there over the last few months it has become clear that without friction topics never get fully aired. There are members whose points of view are diametrically opposed to my own. I know that. I also know that if I don't call them out a bit on it I will never catch a glimpse of what is at the root of their views (and my revulsion to them). It is very easy to write someone off as imbecilic but what is learned from that? I urge all members to refrain from putting folks on their ignore list. Also, whenever you feel irritated or annoyed by what a member has said, or how they said it, take a moment to reflect on why you respond, emotionally, they way you do.
    Of course folks will immediately want to argue about what is respectful and what isn't, but let us all bare in mind that no one is always respectful and that often times it is when we see disrespectful actions, or act disrespectfully, that we really get at what it is we are trying to understand.
    BTW I hate the monkeys. (they really bug me) <what is up with that?>


     
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  2. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    but not too much disrespect :( ... it kinda affects me.. like really really affects me and I take that emotion for about a day or so :( I kind of take it personally but now, I'm practicing not to take it personally because I know they're just pointing out their opinions... oh yeah I learned that here!!! yeah!!! ahahahahaha (and that's why this forum helped me :) )

    :( the monkeys are cute :)
     
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  3. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    :mcute: you don't like me???


    I disliked the monkeys too in the beginning but now I appreciate them because of the huge benefit they bring in understanding "the way" people say something. Is it a joke or not, what are the emotions behind the words.

    I must confess I like a little bit of drama now and then. But I don't like friction when discussing topics. When people get agitated they don't listen to eachother and then it becomes a "my point is the only right point" kind of conversation. When someone react on my topic in that way I tend to react in the same way, becoming defensive or wake away. There is nothing to gain in a conversation where people are lecturing eachother.

    It can be that someones ideas are the opposite of mine, but if (s)he brings it in a calm way with respect for me and my idea, then I'm prepared to listen to it and think about that point of view. If that person would lecture me pointing out that I'm wrong, then I'm not inclined to listen at all.
     
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  4. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    There are ways of sharing perspectives and asking for elaboration that are much more effective than others.

    A certain level of negativity will disuade a person from even posting here, so while one or 2 may gain a bit of knowledge the hard way, everyone else suffers.

    It is much easier to share your perspective and to help others if you show your true intention is to help them rather than to antagonize or benefit yourself.

    Some people simply need to learn lessons the hard way, others are open to the views of other people. However, approaching someone with the intention of beating a lesson into them rather than sitting down calmly and respecting them as a person won't get you too far.

    Everyone needs to be open to fully understanding the other's perspective. However, some are simply not ready to learn certain lessons or knowledge, and I personally don't believe you can force it into them no matter how hard you try.

    It is important to introspect and discover what your flaws are, and seek guidance when you are ready to confront your fears. Being antagonized during this process certainly doesn't help anything but one's ego.
     
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  5. OP
    Stu

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    I deeply respect the peace and equanimity that you propound. But conflict is not all about ego masturbation.
     
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  6. The Jester

    I agree.
    Like I said before:

     
  7. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    I do feel there should be a balance, but that it can be really really difficult to be mature enough to see it. Compromise is a tough thing for folks, and if you're a certain personality type (not just MBTI but in general) it can be downright impossible to get two sides to agree on anything.

    That's why we have police, judges, court systems, and the like. Not that they're honest all the time, but they do exist. You do hope that the court systems are mature enough to balance the cases as well.

    Metaphors aside...I think folks have a right to ignore who they want to ignore if they're not at a place to respond positively to criticisms. And on that same branch, if a person refuses to listen or calm down, I should have every right to "hang up on them" via ignore. 'Course I don't ignore anyone anyway - I have to look at everything as a mod, anyway.

    It's not wrong to want to avoid conflict if you're not at a place to take it, and it's not wrong to listen without reacting first or asking something in private. Neither is a weak response - they're just different responses.

    Two cents.
     
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  8. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    aww you can't not like the monkeys! they're so cute! :msith:

    jk, i agree with ya. conflict = good for the soul, as long as it's not taken too far. would do us all good to build up a tolerance for it.
     
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  9. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    I have always learned more through dialogue than through friction...this is especially true in the on-line world. Dialogue seems to entail more respect of the other and their perspective...friction generally does not, at least that is how it comes off. In my interactions, friction has always carried a lot of negative results. Dialogue has had the opposite effect. I suggest dialogue might be a more productive course, which might only require removing some barbs, dialing back some coarse jesting, and maybe walking away from the keyboard for a few minutes now and then.
     
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  10. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    Endless fruitless conflict could drain the life from me. I even seek conflicts, but in order to find resolution. Unfortunately, there are also people who argue, just for the sake of conflict, forever shifting and shifting, to keep the blade stuck in your brain. This hurts me, because it has no positive result for anyone. :/ It's not such a big deal to suffer some time, but I need to know that at least someone else gains from it. What I hate to see is lose-lose situations, which is often the case in those conflicts.
     
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  11. NeverAmI

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    Friction is a byproduct of clashes between different perspectives. Friction isn't necessarily good or bad, but different perspectives can definitely expand the scope of knowledge one receives. Greater knowledge can lead to an ability to make more robust conclusions and decisions.

    You should seek other perspectives, not friction. In my opinion, friction and conflict are trivial. Insight and knowledge are significant.
     
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    #11 NeverAmI, Feb 25, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010
  12. the

    the Si master race.
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    Are you trying to start conflict or something?
     
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  13. ec3khrl

    ec3khrl Community Member

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    That's the spirit ! Expose yourself to the most uncomfortable. Venture out alone in the endless ocean before the new land.[​IMG]
     
  14. Norton

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    Every idea, concept, or opinion can be presented with respect and civility. This is the only way to have your opinions reasonably received and evaluated. Friction obscures the issue. It causes extraneous issues and baggage to be introduced and it throws people off track. So, instead of understanding the point you are trying to make, your readers respond angrily to side issues. The post becomes not about your original, intended point, but the way in which you presented it. Some people enjoy being provocative. It gives them a sense of power when they upset others. They are poor communicators of ideas. Politicians are particularly good at appealing to base emotions instead of presenting ideas clearly, simply, and accurately.
     
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  15. OP
    Stu

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    Are we only intellect here? I for one am here to learn. Those "extraneous issues" many times really are the point. Open your heart as well as your mind.
     
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  16. myself

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    I think everyone should read this post again.

    This is good stuff. Listen to this guy, k?

    Embrace the monkeys:mf:
     
  17. dark_angel

    dark_angel Community Member

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    I agree but can everyone just put it to rest now
     
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  18. myself

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    I think you are missing the point.
     
  19. dark_angel

    dark_angel Community Member

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    and you are missing mine (I guess I should have added this :deadhorse: )
     
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  20. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    thats my favorite smiley
    :typing:
     
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