Finding Ourselves | INFJ Forum

Finding Ourselves

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by bs98r3kjf, Mar 6, 2009.

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  1. bs98r3kjf

    bs98r3kjf Well-known member

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    Why do people always say things like "I want to find myself" and "I finally found myself?" Why do we think we need to find ourselves? We ARE ourselves. And we are ever changing. There is no need to find ourselves. I think this might be common with introspective and curious people so I think this is an appropriate topic for people like us to discuss. I'm not sure if I'm communicating this correctly but let's see. So what do you guys think?
     
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  2. IndigoSensor

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    Actually, I think it is a wonderful thing for people to "find themselves". Yes, of course we are who we are. However, it is nearly impossible to know everything about yourself and what makes you tick. I know for me, I know much more about myself then others know about themselves, but I by no means know myself completly. I discover new things about myself everyday. It is nesscerry for people to find themselves when the come to a major crossroad in life. They simply might not know what to do at all, because the don't know exactly who they are. At times this is nesscerry.

    People should always strive to learn move about themselves. It is a perpetual work in process. Some may need to know more about who they are then others, but is a nesscerry thing. I mean, by knowing oneself, you know your identity, and that is crutial to know in life.
     
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  3. Black Swan

    Black Swan Community Member

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    I couldn't agree with you more Fly Away. It goes back to labels and the need for our egos to know it's place in the world. We're so busy trying to box ourselves in with labels and titles, we forget what we were in the beginning.

    And Indigo, what is "identity"? Do you think your personality is your identity? Your emotions, social status, career, your actions, your beliefs? I don't believe any of that is remotely who anyone is. So, regardless of what is happening around you, one thing remains consistent...and that is us; energy, soul, life force, whatever you want to call it. I believe it was there when we were born, and will still be when we die, when everything that people claim is their "identity" passes away.

    The things many people call "identity" are just symptoms of being in this world...pretty, intelligent, kind, insane, repulsive... Who we are gets lost, and before we know it, we are living a life that's a byproduct of living in this world.

    Just my two cents. :)
     
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  4. Cuddle Donor

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    I just want to be the best me I can be. I want to understand why and how I do things so I can work out how to do them better, or do what I can't do but want to.
     
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  5. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Found me! I'm sitting right here, that was easy.
     
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  6. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    I've heard is that searching for identity is fundemental to INFJs.
     
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  7. Black Swan

    Black Swan Community Member

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    :m131:

    That was profound.
     
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  8. IndigoSensor

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    I won't deny it, I need lables. I don't know any other way to sort people out. I mean, those lables are most feelings that are catagorized into area, but no less it is a lable.

    I don't think I could describe accuratly what an identity is. But it to me is personality, likes, dislikes, what we want, what we try to do, our emotions, the list goes on. Without this, we are all the same. and we are NOT all the same. I agree with you on the energy but, but there is much more too it then that IMO.

    And mister literal joins the party! :tongue1:
     
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  9. Black Swan

    Black Swan Community Member

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    I understand where you're coming from and I totally respect your opinion. I guess for me, I feel the need to label is something driven by the world we live in, it's what makes us civilized and structured...and at the same time, cruel and chaotic.

    I guess the biggest difference between your belief and mine is that I do believe we are all the same. I think of you Indigo, or Flyaway, or even my own daughter...and I think... "They are me, we are all the same". Of course, not by the standards of this world. I guess I think of it in these terms... strip away everything this world has attached to you...and what does that leave? I believe that is who we are. What a world it would be if people could look at each other and see themselves in that other person. But I digress. I could just be insane.
     
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  10. Cuddle Donor

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    Yeah I'm starting to realise this. By taking short-cuts with labels I only end up cheating myself. Your spirituality path is a bit of stretch for me seeing as that line of thinking would hardly have been supported in my upbringing.
     
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  11. Black Swan

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    LOL... Yeah, my spirituality has been a life obsession. And actually, my believing the way I do was very painful at one time, and occasionally still is. It's not how a lot of people think of spirtuality, but anyway... My mother would fall over if she read what I just wrote. :)
     
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  12. IndigoSensor

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    See that is so interesting. I actually find myself looking for ANY kind of similarity between myself and that person. I almost trick myself into thinking I am much like a person. And I guess I get what you mean, on a spiritual level we are all very much the same, just not exactly the same. The idea of everyone being the same actually sort of scares me. I can't really explain why. I put alot of pride in me being who I am, and being an individial, partly because I am a very independent person. The idea that I am no longer myself, truly does scare me.
     
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  13. IndigoSensor

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    *nod* it is a near obsession for me as well. I apply it to EVERYTHING in life, everything I think, and everything I do. And I agree it is painful at times, but it all part of the process. It is a perpetual work in progress, but it is so worth working towards :)
     
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  14. Cuddle Donor

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    Yeah it's kinda weird. You usually here about children being suppressed by overly religious parents. People don't usually consider that opposite extreme isn't exactly a better option. Not to say that my parents suppressed me, that's not fair. More so that any sort of fanciful thinking was never fostered, even by an ENFP mother.

    EDIT: By opposite I mean my parents were highly Atheistic and rooted in the natural world.
     
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    #14 Cuddle Donor, Mar 6, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2009
  15. Black Swan

    Black Swan Community Member

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    Yes, but what is it that you're looking for in the other person? Intelligence, someone gentle, kind...? These very definitions are created by our world, I feel these labels are illusions.

    Scares you because the world has always told you that you are different, special... so accepting being the same would mean these things are no longer true, and somehow, you're worth less than what you were before? Your responses remind me EXACTLY how I felt when I stumbled upon these teachings, that's what I was referring to when I said earlier that it was painful for me to adopt these beliefs.

    Pride in being what though? Pride in being labeled as a word from this world's dictionary? Also, please don't take this as a debate, I'm hoping it's coming off as a thought provoking discussion. :hug:

    Also, I just thought about how much this reminds me of the Red/Blue Pill thread.

    And yes, I agree with you Indigo, I'm a work in progress too, it's always in my thoughts.
     
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    #15 Black Swan, Mar 6, 2009
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  16. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Answering the why of me/my life is important to me.

    I don't know that I am finding myself precisely because we are always changing, we are always becoming. Who we are is never stationary, and I don't believe I am lost. But all the same, I feel that I am awakening and reaching greater heights within myself and my understanding of both myself and life.

    On the other hand - maybe I am finding myself, maybe I am lost to the effect that I have taken on other people into myself. So now I am distinguishing who I am. At the same time, I am still constantly growing and expanding.

    Because we live in a physical world that requires all the practicalities of healthy development, self-awareness, identity, etc., knowing oneself is vital.
     
  17. IndigoSensor

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    When I look for similarites in another person it is usually behavior an similar thinking patterns. Sometimes it is just a "feel" that I can't describe. Usually when it is a feel I end up becoming very very good friends with that person (hence it is rare).

    You really are making me think, and I am glad you are. I largely try to avoid it because I don't want to except it, but I know I have to. And yes, I feel exactly how you described you felt when you first discovered these teaching. I can actually feel a physical resistance well up inside of me when I read this. I think it is because, I know it is true, but I don't want to admit it.

    And yes, thinking we are all the same does make me feel like I am worth so much less, which again, scares me. I do understand that this is all an illusion. I think part of it is I don't know how to apply things any other way then using the words created by this world. I just don't know how to describe or catagorize things anymore if I adopt these ideas. Not being able to tell things just makes me feel like I am not doing anything.

    This is all linked to fear, and ego. I am so aware of my ego, but I can't seem to let go of it. I always feel a resistance (I am actually talking about a physical gut feeling that wells up from inside, and let me tell you, it is strong), when I feel like I am going to lose it. I know I have to let go of it, I want to let go of it, but I can't seem to. Again, this scares me, because I am so aware of it. It makes me feel like I am weak as a person, and not spiritually far down the road as I thought I was. I had a talk about this kind of thing with my mom on the phone. She said that mabye someone should explain the power of now to me. When she said that, I felt really dissapointed in myself for the idea of not getting it. I know so many people who just "get it" and I am not one of them. It makes me feel inefficent and uninteligent to not be able to wrap my brain around it, or read it withouth encountering alot of internal resistance.

    I think too much.
     
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  18. OP
    bs98r3kjf

    bs98r3kjf Well-known member

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    Thanks for your interesting replies everyone. I don't think anyone here really understood my question though. I meant: why do we always say we're finding ourselves? We are ourselves. I am me. I'm not lost. Even though there is a lot about myself that I don't know and even though I crave learning more and more about myself and even though I discover more about myself every day, that doesn't mean I'm finding myself. It only means I'm learning more about myself. I just don't know why people say they're finding themselves. I'm not trying to get all literal on you guys, but I am myself the same way you are yourself. I don't know if you guys get me but yeah its hard to express what I mean.
     
  19. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I enjoy being me and having the experience of being me. Maybe it is my ego, maybe not. Maybe it means I'm not as developed - I'm not sure, but I'm okay with that. I don't know that this feeling would ever go away - maybe it is much more so enjoyment (and maybe pride) in that I AM, rather than who I am. I can't help but love all of this experience, and who I am allows me "to be". I am proud of what I have learned and proud in who I am becoming because I have grown. The pride is the joy in my growth. It's an emotional celebration.
     
    #19 Soulful, Mar 6, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2009
  20. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Maybe people feel lost, like they're grappling for themselves or for something about themselves and they know they haven't accessed it within and they don't know how/where/what it all is. But they're searching through experience/thought/life. I think of it almost as a horizontal growth vs. a vertical one. If vertical was to represent expanding consciousness.

    I think there's a difference between evolving/expanding and removing the layers to find the fundamental centrality of who you are. The process of doing so evolves you (vertical) but the discovery is more horizontal. If that makes any sense.
     
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