Finding Ourselves

[Black Swan]

Because we live in a physical world that requires all the practicalities of healthy development, self-awareness, identity, etc., knowing oneself is vital.

I agree with this...but your definition of "healthy development, self-awareness, identity, etc" may differ from mine. As an example, for me, I feel it's unhealthy to compromise my divine essence by trying to label it with the standards this world has provided... For me, this world is a side note in a never ending story, I can't use it's standards or labels to capture my essence (who/what I feel I really am). It's like trying to fit the entire ocean into a teacup.

 

[bs98r3kjf]

Maybe people feel lost, like they're grappling for themselves or for something about themselves and they know they haven't accessed it within and they don't know how/where/what it all is. But they're searching through experience/thought/life. I think of it almost as a horizontal growth vs. a vertical one. If vertical was to represent expanding consciousness.

I think there's a difference between evolving/expanding and removing the layers to find the fundamental centrality of who you are. The process of doing so evolves you (vertical) but the discovery is more horizontal. If that makes any sense.

Yeah I know what you mean and I'll admit I've felt that way before. I've felt lost before like I didn't know who I was. I guess I'm basically just ranting and my argument doesn't really stand because some people really do feel lost. Maybe that's what makes people feel like they need to "find themselves."

I'm starting to confuse myself even more.

 

[Soulful]

I agree with this...but your definition of "healthy development, self-awareness, identity, etc" may differ from mine. As an example, for me, I feel it's unhealthy to compromise my divine essence by trying to label it with the standards this world has provided... For me, this world is a side note in a never ending story, I can't use it's standards or labels to capture my essence (who/what I feel I really am). It's like trying to fit the entire ocean into a teacup.

Interesting BlackSwan. How do you define labeling and not labeling yourself? To what degree do you do both? I am just curious.. because I'd like to understand better.

Questioning who I am is the way through which I am making sense of my feelings and how to live in this world.

I'm not sure that this really answers anything, but I think we're coming from two different perspectives My focus tends to be "How can I live in this world and apply my understanding of the spiritual nature of reality to my physical life here?" I can be very practical - much more so than I ever gave myself permission to be. I admire your ability to conceive your essence .

 

[54192&#cmy]

I get it. When I was a teenager I used to hear people saying all the time they need to find themselves. I used to say I was never lost so I did not need to be found. It's like when someone tells me they found Jesus. My reply is I didn't know he was lost. Fast forward 19 years. I am still learning about myself. I never stopped and neither does anyone. If they are not paying attention that's their fault. As an infj I always seem to find something else to discover, or fix. So for me finding myself is a life long journey that will continue until I die. And even in death I imagine that I will be questioning what will happen to me next. For myself I decided a long time ago to just be true to who I know I am inside. I don't try to bend or break for others and I let them do the same. I put no expectations on life other than I am going to leave this life. For me the whole process of life is a journey. It's the most fun when you live in the moment and for me and that is where I found myself.

 

[54192&#cmy]

I really don't care if they are paying attention, it's not my problem how you spend your life. It's your life. I am not here to help everyone I am only here to help those who want my help. The rest don't matter... And I was not bragging or trying to make myself special buy saying that I know who I am . I am a fuck stick and I know it. That's part of self acceptance. I don't understand why anyone cares be yourself that's all I am trying to say. I was only speaking for myself and no one else. And I know myself today I may not recognize who I may become tomorrow...

 

[Soulful]

I really don't care if they are paying attention, it's not my problem how you spend your life. It's your life. I am not here to help everyone I am only here to help those who want my help. The rest don't matter... And I was not bragging or trying to make myself special buy saying that I know who I am . I am a fuck stick and I know it. That's part of self acceptance. I don't understand why anyone cares be yourself that's all I am trying to say. I was only speaking for myself and no one else. And I know myself today I may not recognize who I may become tomorrow...

I deleted my post before you replied (for you or anyone else who's wondering).

I didn't think you were bragging. When I said good for you, I meant it genuinely, good for you. I think it's a strength to know oneself.

 

[Zero]

I've noticed that a lot of INFJ's tend to be mimics in a way. They'll pick up little things from other people if it's something that they feel that they might enjoy doing. This could explain why INFJ's need to "find" or at least "explore" themselves, they pick up so much from other people that they end up losing that thing that made them them.

Ever-changing the INFJ is. This helps explain why they are one of the most common types to mistype themselves at first. They think they're someone else :|

 

[Wyote]

I've noticed that a lot of INFJ's tend to be mimics in a way. They'll pick up little things from other people if it's something that they feel that they might enjoy doing. This could explain why INFJ's need to "find" or at least "explore" themselves, they pick up so much from other people that they end up losing that thing that made them them.

Ever-changing the INFJ is. This helps explain why they are one of the most common types to mistype themselves at first. They think they're someone else :|

And possibly the reason we all seem quite diverse.

 

[Soulful]

I've noticed that a lot of INFJ's tend to be mimics in a way. They'll pick up little things from other people if it's something that they feel that they might enjoy doing. This could explain why INFJ's need to "find" or at least "explore" themselves, they pick up so much from other people that they end up losing that thing that made them them.

Ever-changing the INFJ is. This helps explain why they are one of the most common types to mistype themselves at first. They think they're someone else :|

Yep. I don't know if I'm an INFJ. I feel confused about my identity (again). But I agree wholeheartedly about picking things up from others. For myself, INFJ or not, that seems to be the reason for my confusion.

And as Wyote has pointed out, possibly why we/they're such a diverse bunch.

 

[firehotemily]

i think it's the fact that either people realize what they want to do in life such as a career or job or know what they like and what they stand for.

or because in a sense someone may "loose themselves" because of some temptation or problem that may arise, but once they get back on track and figure out that, the way they're living life isn't the way it should be lived, they change to being better...and in a sense they "find theirselves again" returned back to normal or came back to their senses.

 

[mayflow]

I agree with this...but your definition of "healthy development, self-awareness, identity, etc" may differ from mine. As an example, for me, I feel it's unhealthy to compromise my divine essence by trying to label it with the standards this world has provided... For me, this world is a side note in a never ending story, I can't use it's standards or labels to capture my essence (who/what I feel I really am). It's like trying to fit the entire ocean into a teacup.

I 100% agree. By being empty of self-limiting factors, we realize our true identies as everything. Reminds be of anatta theory: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatta

 

[Sinistrad]

Personally I have to disagree. Is there a divine essence? Yes, probably. But the way I see it, that essence is the car's driver, while this life is the road trip. We only get to drive this particular vehicle once, in one direction. I like my car, and I enjoy driving it. If I have a next life, it won't be me, it'll be my divine essence in a new car.

We do not know what comes before. We do not know what comes after. All that we know is this life, so we might as well make the most of it while we're here.

 

[Soulful]

Personally I have to disagree. Is there a divine essence? Yes, probably. But the way I see it, that essence is the car's driver, while this life is the road trip. We only get to drive this particular vehicle once, in one direction. I like my car, and I enjoy driving it. If I have a next life, it won't be me, it'll be my divine essence in a new car.

We do not know what comes before. We do not know what comes after. All that we know is this life, so we might as well make the most of it while we're here.

I agree. That's the way I look at it as well.

The way I feel is that as much as I am connected to everything and everyone, and as divine as I surely (probably) am - I am still unique. I was born into a certain situation, to a set of parents, into a specific family, with particular personality traits, skills, preferences, desires, tendency for beliefs, etc. I WAS born unique, and I am unique. I enjoy that uniqueness, what makes me ME, especially when I consider that there is a cosmic reason for who I am. Not only that I am.

But like I said, I think it's just a different way of looking at it. I would like to know the feeling of feeling 'divinely connected' as BlackSwan and Mayflow describe. But I really do love my individuality. Maybe also because it's so interesting. Because the depth is that enthralling. And because of the constant growth. It feels like an aphrodisiac for self/spiritual expansion. I'm really starting to love life.

 

[Black Swan]

We do not know what comes before. We do not know what comes after. All that we know is this life, so we might as well make the most of it while we're here.

I agree with you to an extent. But, believing the way I do doesn't mean one can't function in or enjoy this world. But the point is to know the difference between one's true self (divine essence, or as you call it, "the driver") and to not confuse it with what the world has manufactured as your existence here (the car).

For example, before I started a career/got married/had a child, people would tell me all the time: "Hon, you need to get a life". I don't believe being married, having a career or kids, gives one "a life". We are life already, as we were when we came into this world, as we will be when we leave it, and every moment in between.

 

[acd]

Thanks for your interesting replies everyone. I don't think anyone here really understood my question though. I meant: why do we always say we're finding ourselves? We are ourselves. I am me. I'm not lost. Even though there is a lot about myself that I don't know and even though I crave learning more and more about myself and even though I discover more about myself every day, that doesn't mean I'm finding myself. It only means I'm learning more about myself. I just don't know why people say they're finding themselves. I'm not trying to get all literal on you guys, but I am myself the same way you are yourself. I don't know if you guys get me but yeah its hard to express what I mean.

People are influenced by things beyond their control as children and then as adults, the influences manifest themselves in ways that may be confusing.

I think we spend a lot of our adult lives trying to overcome influences that we don't want; feeling lost because we don't understand the processes that have influenced the way we perceive and function in the world.

It's fascinating, we're brought up and nurtured and taught things about the world and ourselves, we're told how it is-- but we still have a choice to either disagree or accept those things or to sift through those values we want to maintain and build our own experience.

I'm glad for you if you've never felt lost, but some people do feel lost and find it absolutely necessary to not only learn about themselves but also find themselves.

 

[Black Swan]

But I really do love my individuality. Maybe also because it's so interesting. Because the depth is that enthralling. And because of the constant growth. It feels like an aphrodisiac for self/spiritual expansion. I'm really starting to love life.

I really do understand. What you're saying is how I felt before I adopted these teachings. And honestly, in some instances I felt like pieces of me had died...but then I realized, it wasn't truly pieces of me.

But what you're describing "I really do love my individuality"... is more of an ego type issue as it applies to me, as Indigo was saying earlier. What created that individuality/personality? For me, I believe this world does...one's experiences here, one's likes/dislikes, etc, we learn all of this information through living in this world and we bend ourselves to it, claiming it as our identity.

Why would I use this world, in it's finite knowledge and limitations, to define what I truly am? This world is temporary, my soul is not.

I think I may be doing a poor job in explaining. It's like trying to to explain in another language because even my connotations are so different now and I've already used words in ways I disagree with, but I don't know how else to explain it. Makes me wonder how other things will change, it's been recent since I've began practicing this. I'm just in the beginning.

 

[bs98r3kjf]

People are influenced by things beyond their control as children and then as adults, the influences manifest themselves in ways that may be confusing.

I think we spend a lot of our adult lives trying to overcome influences that we don't want; feeling lost because we don't understand the processes that have influenced the way we perceive and function in the world.

It's fascinating, we're brought up and nurtured and taught things about the world and ourselves, we're told how it is-- but we still have a choice to either disagree or accept those things or to sift through those values we want to maintain and build our own experience.

I'm glad for you if you've never felt lost, but some people do feel lost and find it absolutely necessary to not only learn about themselves but also find themselves.

Thanks for your reply merrytrees. Actually, I did feel very lost and confused for the first 16 years of my life. But not in a way where I believed the real me didn't exist. It's complicated. I don't know how to explain it. Sorry for the ambiguity.

 

[acd]

What is the real you? How do you know who or what the real you is?

 

[Soulful]

But what you're describing "I really do love my individuality"... is more of an ego type issue as it applies to me, as Indigo was saying earlier. What created that individuality/personality? For me, I believe this world does...one's experiences here, one's likes/dislikes, etc, we learn all of this information through living in this world and we bend ourselves to it, claiming it as our identity.

These things can be hard to strap into words.

I think we come in individuated. Our experiences in this world remind us of who we are. Maybe our preferences and desires are part of the ego, but it is an ego we are born with. And while my soul may have created my individuality and decided on it before I came into the earth plane, I don't understand how focusing on my soul is... relevant. I live in a physical plane. I feel that I came here to experience joy, enjoy life, and grow. I try to live that life with the knowing that I am an essence of something divine and all of life is, including my consciousness of it. I integrate that into my life and my understanding of it/myself. I know I am guided by my soul or something akin to it, and I think that is why I am alive. It's not that I feel pride in myself because I am somehow different or better from someone else. I enjoy my individuality because it allows me to experience life. It IS my experience of life. I think your individuality is what drives you to experience the divine essence and in itself, what within you, seeks to expand beyond your ego.

 

[Soulful]

What is the real you? How do you know who or what the real you is?

I think deep down we all have a real us. It is the feeling of authenticity deep within. That authenticity manifests itself differently for different people. In some people, it means merging with others. In other people, it may mean defining oneself in a very individual sense. I believe we were born and came to earth to learn and grow. If you are truly living from that authentic core/authentic self, then you are the real you, and you are fulfilling whatever your soul-needs are. Whoever that means being.

But it's not always easy to be truly connected to that authenticity.