[ENFP] Does she like me? Do you guys ever take a week alone time from someone you love?

[Sloe Djinn]

My only advice is:

If you’re going to Moscow be sure you’re doing it for you, not her.

Do not spend money on her.

Do not volunteer your monogamy to (or expect monogamy from) someone who is inviting you to have cyber threesomes.

If she’s not grooming you, she’s on a way more casual level than what you’re obviously looking for. Proceed if you will, but take her off the pedestal. Keep your heart close and your eyes open.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

My only advice is:

If you’re going to Moscow be sure you’re doing it for you, not her.

Do not spend money on her.

Do not volunteer your monogamy to (or expect monogamy from) someone who is inviting you to have cyber threesomes.

If she’s not grooming you, she’s on a way more casual level than what you’re obviously looking for. Proceed if you will, but take her off the pedestal. Keep your heart close and your eyes open.

I am doing it for me. Decided it before I even started talking to her.

Wasn't planning on spending money on her, outside of a meal at a cafe that wouldn't cost me more than $20 dollars or so (food is cheap there.).

The last part, you are correct about. But things can change, I would argue. The last advice is some of the best in the thread from someone cynical about this.

 

[Lady Jolanda]

I think she likes your company, is interested in you and is attracted to you, but doesn't love you (yet). If she did, she'd be jealous or upset about you flirting with other girls.
So she sees you as a friend with possibility, but that's it (for now).

Take it slow, see what happens at the meeting. She's not as into this as you are (yet).

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

I think she likes your company, is interested in you and is attracted to you, but doesn't love you (yet). If she did, she'd be jealous or upset about you flirting with other girls.
So she sees you as a friend with possibility, but that's it (for now).

Take it slow, see what happens at the meeting. She's not as into this as you are (yet).

I would certainly agree with this sentiment. I'm extremely into her.

 

[April]

I was told disappearing is pretty damn normal for an INFJ. Also, she's dealing with a lot in her life.

I'm not one to easily give up on things, idealist after all. I've been hurt emotionally dozens of times and it will happen dozens of more times before I meet the person who will love me the way I'm able to love them. It's just how it works.

Also, I'll wait to see what an INFJ chimes in and says on the subject ;D

I'm an INFJ. I will tell you this. We are pretty romantic. If we feel something strong for someone, we are NOT going to want to go an entire month without speaking with them. Hell, I bug the shit out of people I barely like... LOL. Although I do get reclusive, my romantic interest is almost NEVER included in my shutting people out. Almost never. Lol. Sometimes though. We need validation, we need to feel loved and we need connection. If we find that... we aren't going to let that go because of wanting private time for a whole month. Others here are right, it sounds shady. While she may be wary because of not being in person, and because she may be going through some personal stuff, if she has not told you she loves you back and only says she adores you, my intuition is telling me... brace yourself for this... that she is not that into you. I think honestly she doesn't want to tell you she loves you because she knows she doesn't. And also, she may want to actually meet you in person to "be sure" of her attraction or whatever. But honestly, if this is happening now it will only get worse. Please do not put too much into this. If you meet her, you may fall head over heels moreso in love, while she gets even more confused because while she wants someone, the attraction or feelings aren't really there on her part. She may be hoping it will happen in person, but if it hasn't already, it probably won't. Honestly I feel very strongly that this is the case, and that she is "stringing you along" even if it is unintentional... because she doesn't want to lose you "just in case". I'm so sorry to be so blunt. I really wish it was different, but ask several people on here about being an INFJ in love... we are hardcore at it. My heart breaks for you. Please stay here, we can help you. I actually am severely hoping that I am wrong, and she is just being cautious until she meets you in person! I know nothing about people from Moscow, so this could be cultural differences!!! I hope for your sake it turns out okay, but I am not hopeful. Hugs.... don't hate me.

 

[April]

I think she likes your company, is interested in you and is attracted to you, but doesn't love you (yet). If she did, she'd be jealous or upset about you flirting with other girls.
So she sees you as a friend with possibility, but that's it (for now).

Take it slow, see what happens at the meeting. She's not as into this as you are (yet).

Heh. I couldn't have said this better... and you were much nicer about it than me...

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Heh. I couldn't have said this better... and you were much nicer about it than me...

Well, I guess it's good to know. I guess I just let her go and forget about it?

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

I just want to scream at a wall to be completely honest. Not out of anger, it's no one's fault but my own.

 

[April]

Well, I guess it's good to know. I guess I just let her go and forget about it?

I wouldn't go that far, but I would definitely guard your heart. <3 Just keep it in the back of your mind that she may just not feel the same about you as you do her, ever. But just in case we are wrong and shes just a cautious person, I wouldn't like, ignore her or anything. My advice is, don't reach out to her first. See if she actually wants to talk to you. See how long it takes, and see how long she sticks around. It's all in the facts, if she wants you she will make it known. (Even if she doesn't know what she wants, as is COMPLETELY normal for an INFJ sometimes... your absense can make her realize her feelings a little clearer.) I have been known to realize how much I cared for someone when they stopped messaging me a lot, and then I was confused that I was so hurt. I realized I was hurt because I truly did care. So take it a step at a time, you don't have to give up but please be careful, and don't let her purposefully OR accidentally manipulate you into being strung along.

 

[April]

I just want to scream at a wall to be completely honest. Not out of anger, it's no one's fault but my own.

I understand. Trust me. I have been through this SO many times. I wish I could hug you. Well, I can't.... so here!

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

I wouldn't go that far, but I would definitely guard your heart. <3 Just keep it in the back of your mind that she may just not feel the same about you as you do her, ever. But just in case we are wrong and shes just a cautious person, I wouldn't like, ignore her or anything. My advice is, don't reach out to her first. See if she actually wants to talk to you. See how long it takes, and see how long she sticks around. It's all in the facts, if she wants you she will make it known. (Even if she doesn't know what she wants, as is COMPLETELY normal for an INFJ sometimes... your absense can make her realize her feelings a little clearer.) I have been known to realize how much I cared for someone when they stopped messaging me a lot, and then I was confused that I was so hurt. I realized I was hurt because I truly did care. So take it a step at a time, you don't have to give up but please be careful, and don't let her purposefully OR accidentally manipulate you into being strung along.

I know. I just feel so ridiculous for getting in this far in the first place. I feel absolutely idiotic for liking someone that much. I feel idiotic for caring about her this much. I'm not gonna message her until she messages me. It's whatever. If she doesn't message me for a month, that's on her. This makes me extremely sad to think about though.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

I understand. Trust me. I have been through this SO many times. I wish I could hug you. Well, I can't.... so here!

Thank you. <3

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

@April I honestly thought I was codependent for a bit, but it seems that a week without talking to someone you care about deeply is actually a long time, and isn't just me being clingy.

 

[Lady Jolanda]

Heh. I couldn't have said this better... and you were much nicer about it than me...

Heh, I thought you were nicer about it than me.

Horses, you don't have to feel stupid about being into her this much. People fall in love at different rates and different intensities. That's normal.

The best advice I can give you is to stay realistic and to check in with your feelings to see how you want to proceed now you know what you know.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Heh, I thought you were nicer about it than me.

Horses, you don't have to feel stupid about being into her this much. People fall in love at different rates and different intensities. That's normal.

The best advice I can give you is to stay realistic and to check in with your feelings to see how you want to proceed now you know what you know.

I know how I want to proceed. But I'm afraid of the outcome. I know I'm just not going to text her until she does...if she doesn't, well...that's just how it is. I was going to sort of be detached when she does, but that's me playing games which is a bad thing and I don't like playing games. But I also don't know how to let her feel how nervous or stressed I am about this.

 

[April]

I know. I just feel so ridiculous for getting in this far in the first place. I feel absolutely idiotic for liking someone that much. I feel idiotic for caring about her this much. I'm not gonna message her until she messages me. It's whatever. If she doesn't message me for a month, that's on her. This makes me extremely sad to think about though.

Oh, its not idiotic. It's love, silly. There are different types and levels to love, and oftentimes when it begins fast, it can be a little easier to get over. Of course the intensity of the pain is sharp and it stings, and makes you want to cry for days, but at least its not the type of love where you spent years with someone and that is more of a slow fade... the kind that is really hard to get over sometimes. Of course what do I know about how you love, this is my experience, and everyone experiences it differently! But I do hope you will stick around, there have been many who came here brokenhearted over an INFJ and we accepted them as part of us and they say it REALLY helped!!!

Again, don't feel silly. I've felt that embarrassment and disappointment in yourself. But sometimes, we just need love. When that happens, rules just kinda go out the window and we gravitate to what it is we need, no matter the consequences. <3 That is why we must be careful. But it happens. To the best of us. As humans.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Oh, its not idiotic. It's love, silly. There are different types and levels to love, and oftentimes when it begins fast, it can be a little easier to get over. Of course the intensity of the pain is sharp and it stings, and makes you want to cry for days, but at least its not the type of love where you spent years with someone and that is more of a slow fade... the kind that is really hard to get over sometimes. Of course what do I know about how you love, this is my experience, and everyone experiences it differently! But I do hope you will stick around, there have been many who came here brokenhearted over an INFJ and we accepted them as part of us and they say it REALLY helped!!!

Again, don't feel silly. I've felt that embarrassment and disappointment in yourself. But sometimes, we just need love. When that happens, rules just kinda go out the window and we gravitate to what it is we need, no matter the consequences. <3 That is why we must be careful. But it happens. To the best of us. As humans.

As an ENFP, I go in hard and fast. Her and I clicked immediately the second we started talking, to be completely honest. It happens to me often with INFJs...Something about them.

 

[sassafras]

@sassafras it seems the thinkers are cynical about this, and the feelers aren't...hmmm

I actually find it interesting that the feelers are the ones answering your question directly while everyone else is fretting about what it all means. The fact that you guys are going to meet in short order (rather than some far date in the future) and that you don't seem particularly bothered about the nature of your relationship apart from your brush with the 'detached therapist' put my hackles down. Like I mentioned before, I can understand someone holding back on an 'I love you' when they don't really know a person and I rather dislike the implication that just because you say 'I love you,' you're owed it back. I prefer honesty rather than obligation, personally. And she explained why she doesn't know yet and it scans as pretty reasonable. Apart from the in-person thing, if you're worried about being catfished, she probably is too and you really cannot be too careful online.

That being said, I understand everyone's concern. There can be a number of pitfalls when it comes to online dating and her periodic disappearances do seem odd, but if she's explaining what's going on and you're comfortable with what she's sharing, you're a lot closer to the situation than anyone else here. I also agree with everyone who has expressed caution about letting your feelings run ahead of you... but you've expressed a sober awareness of this issue and are already aware you're going to need to manage your expectations. Now you need to do just that and focus on what you need to do before you move. It's not too long now. You'll have your answer soon enough.

P.S: I also think the offer for a threesome is a little weird, but you brought up in the context of illustrating how casual you guys are at the moment and don't seem particularly bothered by it. Unless you are and want to talk about it, of course...

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

I actually find it interesting that the feelers are the ones answering your question directly while everyone else is fretting about what it all means. The fact that you guys are going to meet in short order (rather than some far date in the future) and that you don't seem particularly bothered about the nature of your relationship apart from your brush with the 'detached therapist' put my hackles down. Like I mentioned before, I can understand someone holding back on an 'I love you' when they don't really know a person and I rather dislike the implication that just because you say 'I love you,' you're owed it back. I prefer honesty rather than obligation, personally. And she explained why she doesn't know yet and it scans as pretty reasonable. Apart from the in-person thing, if you're worried about being catfished, she probably is too and you really cannot be too careful online.

That being said, I understand everyone's concern. There can be a number of pitfalls when it comes to online dating and her periodic disappearances do seem odd, but if she's explaining what's going on and you're comfortable with what she's sharing, you're a lot closer to the situation than anyone else here. I also agree with everyone who has expressed caution about letting your feelings run ahead of you... but you've expressed a sober awareness of this issue and are already aware you're going to need to manage your expectations. Now you need to do just that and focus on what you need to do before you move. It's not too long now. You'll have your answer soon enough.

P.S: I also think the offer for a threesome is a little weird, but you brought up in the context of illustrating how casual you guys are at the moment and don't seem particularly bothered by it. Unless you are and want to talk about it, of course...

She just mentioned that her best friend mentioned it. I told her that I was totally into the idea,

Besides that, after talking to the people here, I've accepted that I'm going to end up heartbroken. It's easier to expect the worse and be surprised when life actually goes your way for once.

 

[April]

I understand!!! I only know one ENFP and even though he is an older male that I worked with for a short time, I felt an instant connection with him. I think the ENFP and INFJ dynamic in general is beautiful, and honestly I don't know what it is either, but every time he and I had a conversation, or even if he was just in the same room with me, I felt safe and warm and cared about. He's sooo warm and inviting and precious! Lol. It's strictly platonic but it is also deep, like true friendship love, even though we only worked together! I saw him in the grocery store the other day, and he came up to me and hugged me, and I was left feeling happier and thinking, "Why aren't there more people like him?" I mean seriously, this dude talks about anything at all and I am filled with love! There is definitely something about him that I can't explain... and I think maybe that is probably why you feel so attracted to her too. That something that is there when those two types connect. (I'm not saying all ENFPs and INFJs will connect... or that those are the only types we INFJs connect with... you know what I mean though)