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[ENFP] Does she like me? Do you guys ever take a week alone time from someone you love?
- Thread starter HorsesIncorporated
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- Sep 28, 2008
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Oh, Hos lied to you. You can report whatever you deem bad though and if it is determined to have violated rules then the user will be given infraction points which accumulate towards bans.
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Deleted member 16771
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Deleted member 16771
We all got played tonight, brother
I actually didn't.
Y'all know what I meant.
- Sep 28, 2008
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Y'all know what I meant.
I'm just workin with the information I'm being given lol
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Deleted member 16771
I meant, 'OP you can tell him to fuck off, and ask Wy for backup'.
This is what I said:
Me said:
Oh, I thought you literally meant kick him out of the thread.
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Yeah we don't kick people out of threads. Unless it's a blog... we did that for a bit but tbh I don't even remember how to do that it's been so long. Don't make me do it, just play nice. Report stuff.
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Oh, I thought you literally meant kick him out of the thread.
I'll kick him out of all of our lives if he's a dolt. How bout that y'all.
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Deleted member 16771
Yeah I did - just say 'please don't post here again' if it got that bad, but I was also under the assumption that this was a 'thread of a personal nature' - it's not just a discussion about something; it's about your personal life, so it's yours. If you don't want somebody in your business, you have a right to enforce that. Here's the rule:Oh, I thought you literally meant kick him out of the thread.
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@Deleted member 16771 at least he got me thinking about dating other people. There are some benefits to it
He did seem to run away with his tail between his legs after you went man mode on him lol.
He did seem to run away with his tail between his legs after you went man mode on him lol.
Haha you probably don't want advice anymore. You got enough of that already lol
But could we get an update?
But could we get an update?
From information gathered from the OP it looks like she definitely likes him, but that liking him is not by any means equivalent to desire or readiness to engage in an intimate or exclusive relationship. She flat out told him that she would not be ready to decide on whether or not to take the relationship further until she met him in person. When he asked if she loved him, she responded that she loved him in the same way that she loved her family and friends. Does it get any more straightforward than that? I don't get how it is the responsibility of the women in this thread to educate the OP on what his love interest is "really" saying to him.With that being out in the open as it is, I don't see why there's such negativity about her putting some distance in between them. They're not in a relationship right now, and they won't find out if it's going to happen for a while. I'm wondering why people seem to be scrutinizing this under a lens that appears to color her as stringing him along or being dishonest as if they have been dating for months. Her taking time to herself seems perfectly reasonable.
The OP already mentioned that she observed some negative characteristics including being controlling, which the OP conceded he may indeed exhibit at times. That being the case, I cannot fathom why people would encourage him to confront her and insist on mapping out where this relationship (that doesn't yet exist) is going. "No, I"m not a control freak, but I'm going to exert my will and press you to decide whether or not you'll commit to me before we've even been on a date."
It's sensible of her not to claim she was willing to take things farther considering the boundary that she had clearly set. What would suck is if she was like, "Yes, I really like you and want to be in a relationship with you" and then grew distant. She didn't do that though. The debate over showing emotion vs cowboy-ing up is neither here nor there as far as what I was trying to say anyway. My intention was to get people to back off the fixation on how he should address this NOW. Choosing either end of that spectrum did not address the larger issue that whatever the hell happens with this woman, the feeling of having to take immediate action shows that OP would still be letting his insecurities lead him around by the nose. This is not a solid foundation from which to pursue any relationship. You plant a seed, give it what it needs, and give it time and space to grow, and tend it when necessary. It may or may not take and grow into something beautiful. No amount of prodding or standing there staring at the soil is going to have a positive effect.
Anyway, I don't know what the hell is going on in this thread now. @sassafras pretty much got it and was way more eloquent, but I had a few other points I wanted to make.
The OP already mentioned that she observed some negative characteristics including being controlling, which the OP conceded he may indeed exhibit at times. That being the case, I cannot fathom why people would encourage him to confront her and insist on mapping out where this relationship (that doesn't yet exist) is going. "No, I"m not a control freak, but I'm going to exert my will and press you to decide whether or not you'll commit to me before we've even been on a date."
It's sensible of her not to claim she was willing to take things farther considering the boundary that she had clearly set. What would suck is if she was like, "Yes, I really like you and want to be in a relationship with you" and then grew distant. She didn't do that though. The debate over showing emotion vs cowboy-ing up is neither here nor there as far as what I was trying to say anyway. My intention was to get people to back off the fixation on how he should address this NOW. Choosing either end of that spectrum did not address the larger issue that whatever the hell happens with this woman, the feeling of having to take immediate action shows that OP would still be letting his insecurities lead him around by the nose. This is not a solid foundation from which to pursue any relationship. You plant a seed, give it what it needs, and give it time and space to grow, and tend it when necessary. It may or may not take and grow into something beautiful. No amount of prodding or standing there staring at the soil is going to have a positive effect.
Anyway, I don't know what the hell is going on in this thread now. @sassafras pretty much got it and was way more eloquent, but I had a few other points I wanted to make.
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I see where the confusion arose from now. Yea it's not right for somebody to come into a thread like this one where somebody is asking for support and then just gets trashed on by somebody who thinks they are all high and mighty or some shit.
It's a lack of respect here. Dude wasn't playin' nice.
Also this is important
Oh boy. I missed a lot.
Yes to everything @Sloe Djinn just said. But especially this...
A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that her taking time to herself is shady but, as I mentioned up-thread, I compartmentalize in a similar way... which is why this particular pattern of behavior doesn't register on my radar as a problem. When I'm with someone, I'm with them 100%. They have all of my attention, all of my resources, all of my affection. But when I care deeply about someone, I have to be especially careful that their needs don't start eclipsing my own when I'm already in a vulnerable place. For the sake of my emotional health and productivity, I need to occasionally take the time away to re-calibrate as it's the only way I have been able to balance my emotional needs with the other person's.
This is especially true when I'm going through something major. When my grandmother passed, I had an extremely delayed reaction.... afterwards, I needed a few months to get back to myself and I think there was a good six weeks when I didn't really talk to anyone. When I was going through my quarter life crisis, trying to figure out my direction in life, I was laser focused on my work to the exclusion of everything else. I was dating a guy at the time and we wouldn't really talk apart from a few texts here and there during the week (but we'd catch up on the weekends and again, when I was with him, I was with him 100%). Another example was when I was depressed back in uni, I would go through bouts of sadness that required me to recharge my batteries. I couldn't focus on other people and myself at the same time, so I'd juggle. My boyfriend at the time never once complained or expressed that he felt unloved or supported. He understood this was what I needed.. and gave me my space... and we were together for nearly five years.
So it's not ~weird~ to me that someone would do this, especially if they communicated those needs clearly and they're not a couple in any official capacity. And while I don't know for sure if OP's girl is doing this exact same thing, or if its just an excuse for, I dunno...? putting off rejection? (frankly, it appears to me like this girl would've told the OP point blank she wasn't interested; she had no trouble calling out his flaws) I just wanted to say, again, that its a legit way some individuals process their feelings and that's why I'm willing to give this girl a benefit of a doubt.
Yes to everything @Sloe Djinn just said. But especially this...
A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that her taking time to herself is shady but, as I mentioned up-thread, I compartmentalize in a similar way... which is why this particular pattern of behavior doesn't register on my radar as a problem. When I'm with someone, I'm with them 100%. They have all of my attention, all of my resources, all of my affection. But when I care deeply about someone, I have to be especially careful that their needs don't start eclipsing my own when I'm already in a vulnerable place. For the sake of my emotional health and productivity, I need to occasionally take the time away to re-calibrate as it's the only way I have been able to balance my emotional needs with the other person's.
This is especially true when I'm going through something major. When my grandmother passed, I had an extremely delayed reaction.... afterwards, I needed a few months to get back to myself and I think there was a good six weeks when I didn't really talk to anyone. When I was going through my quarter life crisis, trying to figure out my direction in life, I was laser focused on my work to the exclusion of everything else. I was dating a guy at the time and we wouldn't really talk apart from a few texts here and there during the week (but we'd catch up on the weekends and again, when I was with him, I was with him 100%). Another example was when I was depressed back in uni, I would go through bouts of sadness that required me to recharge my batteries. I couldn't focus on other people and myself at the same time, so I'd juggle. My boyfriend at the time never once complained or expressed that he felt unloved or supported. He understood this was what I needed.. and gave me my space... and we were together for nearly five years.
So it's not ~weird~ to me that someone would do this, especially if they communicated those needs clearly and they're not a couple in any official capacity. And while I don't know for sure if OP's girl is doing this exact same thing, or if its just an excuse for, I dunno...? putting off rejection? (frankly, it appears to me like this girl would've told the OP point blank she wasn't interested; she had no trouble calling out his flaws) I just wanted to say, again, that its a legit way some individuals process their feelings and that's why I'm willing to give this girl a benefit of a doubt.