Do You Live Your Life The Way You Want To? | INFJ Forum

Do You Live Your Life The Way You Want To?

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  1. dneecey

    dneecey I am who I am.

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    This thread is pretty self explanatory.

    The main question is, do you live your life the way you want to?
    Do you do things for yourself because it's what you want, or do you do things, do you live for someone else/other people?
    Do you feel that there is any correlation between this and your MBTI/personality type?
    Is it in any way about the way you were raised? (ie. nurture vs. nature)
    Or perhaps another way of looking at it, do you feel that maturity, life lessons, and experience have led you to live, or not live, for yourself or others?
    If you are living your life this way, do you find it fulfilling, and what are you doing that you do want?
    If not, what do you want to do that you aren't and why not?

    I'll make these questions the original post and come back and answer them in a response.
     
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  2. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    I used to live according to what everyone told me to do.

    One by one I started to distrust other people's judgment: my brother, my friends, my teachers, gov't officials (who make laws); finally my parents.

    Now I live according to what I want to do, and oftentimes that means living in accordance to what I think is right rather than just what I "feel" like doing. Supposedly INTPs are supposed to question a whole lot from the get-go, but I certainly didn't.

    My parents were also pretty lenient in what was expected of me, which may have helped me onto the path of living the way I want to.
     
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  3. kita

    kita <font color=#990066>Regular Poster</font>

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    I'm definitely not living the life I really want right now. I work two jobs and go to school so I can hopefully have the life I really want later...and its taking so long to get there.

    I'm not sure that the work itself is fulfilling, but I do feel more content and happy then when I had a more typical lifestyle, maybe more than ever. The benefits probably come from feeling more in control of my future.
     
  4. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Great question!

    As a young person, 20yrs, I'm currently struggling with this. I think even as an INFJ I have a pretty well developed "t" so I'm able to stand back from the smaller picture (me) and analyze how I'm doing in life as a whole. One thing that's been difficult as of late, is realizing that the way I see the world and the way I wish the world/ people could be is just not the way it is. So coming to terms with who I am, what I want, in relation to the way the world really is.

    It's funny---I had a little "crisis" in the beginning of high school...I thought that was done once and for all, and by senior year I was awesome. But now that I'm in college, the process has ironically started over again, but on another level. I think now it's not so much about identity seeking but more about figuring out where that identity fits in this life and world.

    So currently, it's like a battle....push and pull...me consciously making the effort to LIVE the way I WANT on a day to day basis, some good days it is effortless, other days it just seems too hard. But I'm on my way and I'm optimistic it'll eventually become almost a permanent thing for me. :)
     
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  5. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Oops...my post was kind of general. Sry, but this is the best answer I can give you at this time. May be later I'll be more detailed. :p
     
  6. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    This pretty sums up my entire problem with this issue. Rep when I can.

    Its a hard thing to deal with. Its like as an INFJ we can't live the way we want in the world we want because neither are really true.

    I'll be honest it kinda breaks my soul heart to know I can't truly live the way I want.
     
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  7. OP
    dneecey

    dneecey I am who I am.

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    The main question is, do you live your life the way you want to? I sometimes think I am on the way to living my life the way I want, a "finally free" feeling, in a sense. But, then I realize I often take two steps forward and three steps back.

    Do you do things for yourself because it's what you want, or do you do things, do you live for someone else/other people? Being a mother, I naturally do everything with the thought of my children at least somewhere in my mind. I live for them at the moment, while still trying to retain some semblance of who I am in the mix. I find however that I sometimes try too hard to please other people and will do things I don't necessarily want to make them happy with me, and to make life "easier" in my opinion. More like for "the greater good." I justify doing things I don't want to by these standards but I do wonder if I just did exactly what I wanted what that would be like. I am not sure I'm capable of it, because it makes me feel extremely selfish, although when other people do it, I think "good for you." Its a very strange double standard I hold myself to.


    Do you feel that there is any correlation between this and your MBTI/personality type? I can't be entirely sure, if its MBTI, or enneagram 9w1 or anything like that. But I do feel that perhaps INFJ's are more inclined to at least in the beginning of our lives try to please because we are so used to not fitting in, and because we have a high tendency to service those we love in a way of showing our affections. And I feel that we are very easily manipulated (without realizing) and also easy targets to for people who very quickly learn how to push our buttons on how to get us to do things for them. I believe our affection can be taken for granted without either party realizing and even sometimes (unfortunately) on purpose. I also think this constant manipulation and getting taken advantage of however does eventually become apparent, and causes us to become a bit more thick skinned and hopefully (fingers crossed because I'm still somewhere in between) start do things for ourselves and helps to live how we want.

    Is it in any way about the way you were raised? (ie. nurture vs. nature) I am not really sure if its something I've learned, but I'm going to go with it is just who I am to please. I do think I have a don't upset the herd mentality to a certain degree, and I do have a strong sense of obligation. It is hard for me to say no, especially if the only "good reason" I have is that I don't feel like doing something, or don't want to. That is of little consequence to me, if the big picture is I can help something or someone, or make someone happy, why not do it? (yes, I do know how self deprecating that sounds. =/ )


    Or perhaps another way of looking at it, do you feel that maturity, life lessons, and experience have led you to live, or not live, for yourself or others? I think even though I have practically lived at the school of hard knocks my entire life, I still have to continually try to remind myself that my opinions do matter. I feel like evidence proves otherwise however. I am always cautious about who I say what to because despite the fact that people say they are good listeners, very few are actually listening. I find it silly to talk if I'm not going to be heard. I think that maybe as I get older, I will just do whatever it is I want just because I have become so jaded that I wont care enough if I'm pleasing anyone... but I'm not sure if that's ever really going to happen, or if I just think it will. I cant ever see me not caring is the thing.


    If not, what do you want to do that you aren't and why not? [I]Honestly, I don't really know what I want.
    [/I]
     
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    #7 dneecey, Sep 1, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2010
  8. deadred

    deadred Community Member

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    Yes, I'm living my life exactly as I want, except maybe for financial considerations. Part of my upbringing included the need for me to assume responsibility for myself, and to be independant. I guess it depends on what personal goals you set for yourself. Actually, as far as what factors would limit our ability to live live as we want to, aren't they self-imposed anyway? The biggest potential problem I see is unreasonal expectation. We can expect anything we want of ourselves, but we need to be careful of our expectations for others. We can set ourselves up for failure from square one if these expectations are out of line. Maintain your personal expectations for yourself, and let others take care of their own.
     
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  9. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

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    No

    Currently, I don't have anyone else to live for (though I am trying to mend that currently) and I think that's part of the problem; doing things for me is not satisfying (enough.)

    Probably the reverse... the way I am (and many others before me) helped map out what the personality types are... but yes, I tend to believe this is correlative, compounded by quality of 33 years of life.

    Hmm, I pre-empted this, I guess. I think my MTBI has a little something to do with how I react to things (okay, a lot) but that still is part of a larger equation in which 33 years of alienation and several instances of having all my roots (friends, settings, etc) pulled up led to who I am now (a person who has difficulty believing anyone can want or need him, regardless of how true that isn't.)

    I do not feel fulfilled, no

    I want to do two main things (with a myriad of happy peripherals): Be very good for a small group of people, and be good for the specie at large. On the one hand, I want to take care of and be a career-springboard for my artist crush, and on the other I want to find solutions that may forestall humanity's approaching near-extinction. Along the way, I'd like to be able to relax here and there, take in some scenery, explore another planet, etc.
     
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  10. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    The main question is, do you live your life the way you want to?

    No

    Do you do things for yourself because it's what you want, or do you do things, do you live for someone else/other people?

    None for myself

    Do you feel that there is any correlation between this and your MBTI/personality type?

    Nope

    Is it in any way about the way you were raised? (ie. nurture vs. nature)

    Nope

    Or perhaps another way of looking at it, do you feel that maturity, life lessons, and experience have led you to live, or not live, for yourself or others?

    No

    If you are living your life this way, do you find it fulfilling, and what are you doing that you do want?

    I find it incredibly fulfilling

    If not, what do you want to do that you aren't and why not?

    I want for nothing(well almost nothing)
     
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  11. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    yeah im happy with where im headed, and how im getting there. im also aware things could change and therefore change my direction which is ok too, bc the reason im happy isn't bc i feel i am headed in the right direction, i think that is a product of finding a way to be happy, direction doesn't feel as important anymore.
     
  12. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    Not currently, but I'll get there. I'm living a decent life, but it's totally on the other side of what I want (I look at life as 'paths' or something that you go down. There are plenty of intersections, thankfully).
    My philosophy is that if you work hard when you're young, you get to enjoy being older and wiser a lot more.
     
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  13. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    for the most part the answer would be a resounding yes :)
     
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  14. BlinkandThink

    BlinkandThink Community Member

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    I try to ... but I've been in a transitional phase for a while now that's been about figuring out what "the way I want to" even is. I'm content with my progress, even though it's been slow. I'm close to an answer now.


    I do what I want. But what I want relates to other people.


    Don't know.


    Maybe ... my mom is an INTP with a total disdain for social norms or conformity of any sort. She raised me to be kind but to decide things for myself. In her opinion, living for yourself or for other people are equally valid choices, as long as you come to the decision because it's important to you (and not because it's what you were told). I agree with a lot of her opinions ... but I definitely care more about interpersonal stuff than she does.


    For myself first. For others second.


    Yes.


    see: response to first question

    But I'd like to have a job that involves doing something creative for the public on a large scale.
     
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    #14 BlinkandThink, Sep 1, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2010
  15. 894tt3h9

    On Holiday

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    The main question is, do you live your life the way you want to?
    Unfortunately I do not.

    Do you do things for yourself because it's what you want, or do you do things, do you live for someone else/other people?
    I spent a lot of time doing most things in my life with other people in mind. Actually one specific person. I lost a lot of really important years thinking I was doing the right thing by leading my life this way. I was wrong.

    Do you feel that there is any correlation between this and your MBTI/personality type?
    Not really. I have so many different shades in my personality and it makes me very, very outside of the INFJ box. I just thinking it's an accumulation of events and circumstances that I have allowed to block me from leading the life I feel I should be.

    Is it in any way about the way you were raised? (ie. nurture vs. nature)
    My parents had to endure a lot of hardship. I think that I learned that I had to just push through things. I never dealt with many feelings that I had growing up. I kept everything to myself. My family is not very emotionally expressive at all. So that might be part of the reason I am so closed off.

    Or perhaps another way of looking at it, do you feel that maturity, life lessons, and experience have led you to live, or not live, for yourself or others?
    I'm not sure. I think my primary focus was always trying to do the right thing and be there for others. I forgot to do the right thing for myself. Essentially martyring myself for the sake of others is pretty much where that got me. I don't necessarily regret it, but I wish I could have lived wit a little more balance.

    If you are living your life this way, do you find it fulfilling, and what are you doing that you do want?
    If not, what do you want to do that you aren't and why not?

    I'd like to reclaim a little extroversion. I'd like to experience more of the world. I'm not doing what I want currently, but I am formulating plans to go on many adventures and just getting out in the world in general. So I guess it is a work in progress.
     
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  16. Feelings

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    The main question is, do you live your life the way you want to?
    Kinda. Not really.

    Do you do things for yourself because it's what you want, or do you do things, do you live for someone else/other people?
    It's all about me. Although doing things for other people may make me feel warm and fuzzy, but ultimately it's me me me.

    Do you feel that there is any correlation between this and your MBTI/personality type?
    Yep. INTJ classic.

    Is it in any way about the way you were raised? (ie. nurture vs. nature)
    No.

    Or perhaps another way of looking at it, do you feel that maturity, life lessons, and experience have led you to live, or not live, for yourself or others?
    Yeah. Tried being more focused on others' needs. Doesn't work for me.

    If you are living your life this way, do you find it fulfilling, and what are you doing that you do want?
    If not, what do you want to do that you aren't and why not?

    Hard to ascertain what I want.
     
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  17. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    The main question is, do you live your life the way you want to?
    Yes

    Do you do things for yourself because it's what you want, or do you do things, do you live for someone else/other people?
    I do for others even when I don't really feel like doing it. I think that is just the nature of life. You have to accept life on life's terms and a lot of the time, it isn't about you.

    Do you feel that there is any correlation between this and your MBTI/personality type?
    I have many strong INTJ traits. I think one of those is logically accepting disappointment (especially now that I am older) or negative things that cause me to not get what I particularily want.

    Is it in any way about the way you were raised? (ie. nurture vs. nature)
    I am a member of a tribe. There was always an emphasis on harmony and looking out for others. I have strong culturally based beliefs.

    Or perhaps another way of looking at it, do you feel that maturity, life lessons, and experience have led you to live, or not live, for yourself or others?
    Still waiting to grow up. <jokes>
    To me, the first step away from childhood is understanding that life is about choices. The moment you become an adult is when you understand that you have the power to make those choices. The moment you are entitled to call yourself a man or a woman is when you accept responsibility for the choices you make. In my world, we call that living with honor. LIfe demands many things from us and many of the choices we make don't take our wants and feelings into consideration--but it doesn't mean that we aren't living the life we want. I will always chose to make honorable decisions over selfish ones and I don't feel that I am missing out on anything because that is being true to myself.

    If you are living your life this way, do you find it fulfilling, and what are you doing that you do want?
    Yes. I am content.

    If not, what do you want to do that you aren't and why not?
    There will always be the want over the horizon or else what is the point of living?
     
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  18. OP
    dneecey

    dneecey I am who I am.

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    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-KgKGKIHhk&feature=related"]YouTube - Katy Perry - Who Am I Living For (Teenage Dream)[/ame]
     
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  19. Gaze

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    The main question is, do you live your life the way you want to?
    - No
    Do you do things for yourself because it's what you want, or do you do things, do you live for someone else/other people?
    - Live for others, responsibilities, etc.
    Do you feel that there is any correlation between this and your MBTI/personality type?
    - maybe, since i'm INFP but not sure
    Is it in any way about the way you were raised? (ie. nurture vs. nature)
    - nurture plays a large role; raised to satisfy expectations
    Or perhaps another way of looking at it, do you feel that maturity, life lessons, and experience have led you to live, or not live, for yourself or others?
    -can't really say whether maturity plays any role; most of it comes from realizing people will only react or respond to someone who reflects what they already think or feel, so you adjust.
    If you are living your life this way, do you find it fulfilling, and what are you doing that you do want?
    - I'd like to live for myself in a good way, but there's always the sense that it will become self indulgent, which i'm sure isn't a good thing.
    If not, what do you want to do that you aren't and why not?
    - Just because life is what it is, and we can't always do what we want to do.
     
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  20. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    Most of the time I do. I believe that I'll never be truly satisfied, I always see something that could be done better, differently, I always strive for more. So let's say that to some 80 or 90 % I do live my life the way I want to.


    Up until recently I did thing for others, I lived for others and I have found myself to be extremely unhappy. The minute I turned to my own needs, things became much better, I found out that I can be happy. Now, I do things for myself first and then see what I can do for others.

    Yea, I do. I think that correlation is pretty strong.
    It is. I have a younger sister who was born not completely healthy, and from that point my parents turned to her and I was very involved in every thing that had to be done with her. I used to babysit her, pick her up from school, had to put up with her tantrums "because she is younger and doesn't know better, but I do because I older". And even when the problems with her health were over the same routine was continued. So from the very young age I was thought that I should serve others before myself and that had a very detrimental effect on me. I don't blame my parents any more, they did the best they knew how, but I'm glad that I know why things were the way they were and that I'm in peace with myself about it.

    As I said, I do live the way I want to most of the time. I find it very fulfilling. I have time for myself, I don't feel like I'm suffocating in my own feelings any more, I insist that I do things the way I want to because ultimately for the consequences of my decisions I'll judge myself. I'm happy most of the time. There is obviously so much more that I want but I'm working on it, I have my little projects, I feel loved and I feel like I can accomplish what I want.

    I want to be a bit more relaxed, I want to resolve some health issues that I have as a consequence of having a very stressful several years... I keep a list of the things I want to do, and I do my best to complete that list as soon as possible.
     
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