do INFJ's believe they know someone without even making contact? | INFJ Forum

do INFJ's believe they know someone without even making contact?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Morgain, Dec 13, 2009.

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  1. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    Today I had an other shiatsu course day. It has been half a year since I had seen my classmates again. It always felt strange to me that I seemed not to be able to bound with these people. Today I have been observing them to find out why I can't connect and I think this must be it. I think they are INFJ and I'm INFP. So I need you guys to help me to figure this out!!!

    I think they are all NF types. They must be, I don't see what a S or T type would do on a shiatsu course and I have seen with almost all of them strong intuitive and feeling capabilities. So if I had to type them I would say most of them are INFJ (or maybe ENFJ). A lot of them have a great intuition and a lot of times they can spit out an observation about someone out off the blue and right on the dot!

    Secondly, among each other they seem to connect very strongly. It is like they talk on an other level than me. They know things about each other that I'm not aware of. They can say something out of the blue to the other and the other really likes it and appreciates it and I have now clue where that came from. They also can't stop talking about there lives, there spirituality and there vision on shiatsu. I like that to but to them it seems like I speak chinese. They don't see the depth of my feelings, my bound with shiatsu. I can't explain it and they don't seem interested. Like they don't expect much from me. For them, talking is very important. To me, when I truly bound with someone, I stop talking. I can sit there with the other person next to me, knowing that we are on the same level. I can stare in there eyes and see the opening, a connection of souls (this is very rare though). And in those moments there is no need for words. So the more I connect the less words I need. For them it is the other way around.

    I feel also very uncomfortable when they look at me. It is like they have there tentacles into me to figure me out. I can see them look at me and I see that smug grin on there face "I have figured you out completely". They don't even try to get to know me, they don't even ask permission to scan me. They don't look me in the eyes. I don't understand this. When I want to get to know someone, I search his/here eyes. I ask for a contact through the eyes and when they look back at me and I can feel the eyes opening up to me, than I know I have permission to enter the scene and that he/she is interested in knowing me. These people don't look me in the eyes. They don't make contact with me. They give me the impression that they know me inside out. I feel like I have no privacy: "don't try to hide yourself from me little girl, I know you better than you know yourself". Why should I bother to interact with them, nothing I can say or do will change there minds. Every time I reveal something I got this sense "I knew that all along" or they are playing my therapist. Ok, if they truly are INFJ they must have some clue (a good clue) about who I am even without talking to me. But how can they truly know me if they haven't made contact yet??? How arogant can you be?

    And than I wondered, Are they really INFJ? Do you guys scan people and than make up your mind about them without truly making contact? If they
    are, I definitely am INFP
     
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  2. Gaze

    Gaze What am I mixing? Well . . .
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    Yeah, i do. Not sure if it's good, because it can lead us to avoid getting to know someone further because we feel we've pegged them pretty quickly. if i was describe what i feel, i'd say i can pretty quickly catch on to someone's personality, whether they're easy to relate to or not, but i'm not so good on determining motives.
     
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    #2 Gaze, Dec 13, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  3. Raccoon Love

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    Yes, a lot of times I been finding myself in the situations where I can read people, but I tend to not make a final judgment right away, I give the person a chance and everything however I am finding that most of my readings about a person are correct..so it's not so much that I use it in any way.
     
  4. OP
    Morgain

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    wouldn't that be a little bit prejudice? To me it feels like I'm stuck to this image they have of me for the rest of my live and I don't even think they truly know me. Why would I bother to open up to them, it is like all new information is used to be added to the image that is allready present and not to adjust the image. But I can be totaly wrong too :becky:

    It is strange to me. I have a certain feeling about a person that tells me weither I want to make contact or not and I can sence weither or not there is a deeper level present in this person that I would like to get to know. But I can't tell there personality imidiately...
     
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  5. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    I do too, but not like those girls. I never exclude someone because of what I instinctively know. As a matter of fact, I'd be more likely to befriend you and listen to you, rather than sit in judgment - I have no need to sit and talk with people who will verify that I'm right every time, although that would be nice - lol. I do understand how people tick--usually instantaneously, but I never use it to discredit them, and tend to seek out their friendship rather than exclude them.

    I do not think these women are INFJ's - but that's just based on my own responses.
     
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  6. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    Mhm, they do that... which doesn't mean they are correct. xD


    But that's how intuition works. It makes you think simultaneously about *everything*, and then no matter what happens, it seems you thought about it already. Even worse, you can't completely realize you are doing this, when you are very intuitive; you can't see your own thought process from aside. (and it's not linear enough to be traced, it's a map)


    Actually, there's nothing incorrect in all that, just don't freak out, Morgain, it's not strange. It's another way of thinking.

    edit:
    It's like you say:
    ██████████ - this
    and they say:
    - yeah, i knew that
     
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    #6 enfp can be shy, Dec 13, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  7. Afrelen

    Afrelen Community Member

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    That's all very strange to me. While I get a sense of the person before we actually make contact, I never seem to think I "know" them. Perhaps I just have a pickier view on social epistemology than everyone else, but "know" is a strong word for what's going on when I read someone. It's like I'm getting a glimpse of someone, but not enough to describe their face to someone. The funny thing about being an INFJ is that you still crave to have a relationship with anyone you can get a really strong read from. Chances are the people you've met are doing what I do when I get a strong read from someone and it doesn't seem like we have a lot in common: I put on the stone face and keep myself distant so it doesn't hurt when I get rejected.
     
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  8. sassafras

    sassafras the devil wears nada

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    No, that's overly presumptuous and arrogant. I'll get a vibe about a person, which I like to think of a first impression, the extended edition, but I certainly do not think I "know" anyone without making contact... or think I have them completely figured out.

    Unless all I'm arguing here is semantics, anyway. To "know" someone is a pretty strong assertion.

    Mind, I'll be able to subconsciously pick up on patterns of behaviour, and to some extent, sense what a person values or likes or dislikes (we're naturally pretty sensitive to that sort of thing, methinks) but ultimately, I believe there's more to a person that meets the eye... or the Ni. I give most people the benefit of a doubt.
     
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  9. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I tend to know a lot about a person just by the way they carry themselves. I don't usually need to initiate contact to understand someone pretty well.

    However, I enjoy making contact and talking to people and learning more about them from them -- their experiences, the reason why they feel what they do, stuff like that. I don't judge so much because I can sense them -- it's just something that happens. And I definitely don't pretend like I know everything about everyone; that's pretentious.

    So, I could see that these women could be INFJ, but I don't approve of their actions. Maybe because there are many of them in one area, they are lost in their INFJ bond, but I still don't think that excuses that type of behavior...

    Maybe try talking to them about your insecurities. If they are INFJ, they should listen and try to make amends.
     
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  10. OP
    Morgain

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    yeah, maybe I'm not correct in my impression of them. They haven't told me they "know" me. But that is what I sense.

    to be more concrete. I have been very isolated during the courses, while normaly I'm more extraverted than that. Each time I tried to make contact it felt like they don't want me around because I'm to clingy, dependent. But I was not, at first that is. I just wanted contact, to be known. Now I feel like they never wanted to know me because they are prejudiced so I shut down what makes them even more certain in there view on me.

    It feels strange to me to :becky: I'm completely blown away again, damn you people! :D
     
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  11. Gaze

    Gaze What am I mixing? Well . . .
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    Of course, i don't agree or support anyone making judgments about a person, before getting to know them. But some are able to read people better than others, which is not a bad thing. It's how we use that information which is the real concern. If we use it to judge or discriminate then it's a problem, but if we use it to help us understand how to more effectively relate to someone, then it's not such a bad thing. It's really how we use it, not so much whether or not we have the ability.
     
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  12. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    Is this something beyond the typical first impression, which is already VERY influential?

    I don't think I know anyone at all until I can observe them for a bit. But I can usually size people up pretty quickly. Definitely not always right though.
     
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  13. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    I am exactly like this as well. However, I don't have regular interaction with people and I'm mostly oblivious to my surroundings and others around me. I do observe people but I acknowledged a long time ago that I am not a mindreader and my observations are based on mere details in a certain situation and I'm not aware of any underlying reasons for their behaviour and attitudes. I've decided not to finalize any impressions I get, I always take people as they are in different situations, adding layers to them, so to speak. You never know when people might surprise you, may it be positive or negative, but that's life.
     
    #13 Isis, Dec 13, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  14. OP
    Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    they know me for three years. But I was always very closed. I have never been (able to be) myself among them so I isolated myself, what I normaly don't do. But since I now INFJs I know myself beter, so I thougt that seeing them again whould give me a chance to alter there impression of me but I'm not given a chance to show.

    talking to them make me feel very vunerable, like they see through me and judge me, and I don't even know on what there judgement is based. Like they know me so they don't have to check in to see if they are correct. I don't think they know a tenth of who I am inside.

    Maybe I'm making to much a deal of this, after all, why whould I care about there vision on me. It is there problem and loss not mine :becky:. It only makes me feel so depressed. Like there is so much potential for deep friendships, but I have no clue why it doesn't work out, damn!
     
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    #14 Morgain, Dec 13, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  15. OP
    Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    exactly what I think!
     
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  16. Jana

    Jana Searching...

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    Well, thinking that we know someone without talking or having conatct would be so immature and, let's face it, stupid.
    Ok, intuition...it does not work always. And if it would work, I can't imagine thing that is less infjish than rejecting one without reason, just on the base of "gut feeling". Like I said, immature.
     
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  17. EvenIfLove

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    yeah, I can just sit down and 'feel' the mood, but it does not mean that it's easy to talk to people. on the contrary, it's harder just because you know exactly what to say to get a certain effect. and yeah, it's not about mind-reading - it's just noticing small things.
     
  18. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    yeah i do this too :) :).... those girls are creepy ahahaha and i wouldn't exclude someone before not really knowing who they really are... i get to read a lot when i have observed them in a number of situations but it doesn't mean i KNOW THEM COMPLETELY.. maybe like a sneak peek :) :) like a trailer to a whole movie
     
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  19. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    I try to withhold judgment and to some extent do this indefinitely on some level. My impression of others forms like an ever shifting cloud because I recognize that the impression forms as a dance between my experience and perceptions, and the information they put out.

    There is one funny thing that happens to me that might be Ni-Fe impression. The is no way to measure its accuracy, and so I take it as a curiosity. Sometimes when I am tired and/or just let my mind wander, I will see a stranger in a restaurant or parking lot and have these rapid impressions of seeing them experience the entire gamut of emotion. There is something in their body language and their face that implies to me how they are when angry, grieving, joyful. Each instance is unique and in some people I read little or no anger but more of a sense of withdrawal, while in others I feel this intense animation of their anger or other emotions. It might just be that my mind is seeking to complete a fragmented picture, but I think each moment of a person can be a micro-image of the whole. It's just a curiosity.

    Determining a personality type is more difficult for me, and become increasingly hard the better I know the person.
     
    #19 Julia, Dec 15, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  20. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    I am not arrogant by nature and I think I would have to be to really think I had anybody immediately figured out. People are just too complex...I prefer to journey alongside and get to know and appreciate them as people. Even if I do intuit something, I generally set that aside...useful perhaps, but not without knowing someone further. It is simply a matter of respect....no control, no mind games. Each of us is like a little universe inside ourselves....I enjoy people more by just being open....to a degree. If I do pick up something creepy it gets my attention and I look for other clues. Still, they deserve the benefit of the doubt.
     
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