do INFJ women hate bad boys?

[zeroemission]

hi all. i just joined up here today after doing some MBII type reading yesterday after learning my latest fatal attraction (been celibate over a decade, on purpose) is an ENFP driving me further into disgust and contempt for women as a species re-enforecing everything i hated about the last whack job i was with, only this time, without ever even putting out and drawing an ignored "you're not my type, don't even think about it!" line in the sand attempting to pre-empt further flirting.

my first crush was didi conn at around 5 years old in the 70s. i instantly clicked with her gentle ditzy aura and smiling eyes. i still think she's a babe. either i imprinted on her then and there, or i already knew what i liked and that was the 1st time i saw it.

so yesterday, i was looking at all of the variants to see what else, besides INTJ i could tolerate. S is my mortal enemy, so that's right out of the way immediately, though i do get along for the most part with my ISTJ sister. as long as i'm not challenging the authority structure she tries to preserve, we get along just fine, but she has "the stare" too.

ENTJ, ISTJ & INTP all just sound wrong to me, but i have a crush on the INFJ description. it sounds to me like angelic goody goodies that are MOST likely to appreciate another goody goody in a male and maybe even try to keep them steered in said direction through love and encouragement.

it all sounds good, in theory, until i start seeing horror stories about how there's 24/7 arguing over communication because of the logic vs emotions thing. it's kind of disheartening because i really do believe in soul mates and i just picture mine as a "grounded INFJ" looking to balance her weakness in logic as i would mine in social situations that never work out. it was also disheartening to read in the description that logic makes INFJs sad. my ideal is NOT making someone sad, but completing them the same way i'm looking for while there's still some life left in this pushing 50 body.

at first, i thought INTJ + INTJ might be my ideal, but so many INTJs are so dark and gothy. i'm a far left tree hugging hippy. not seeing a lot of that in INTJs though a lot of us are artistic.

is my reading that INFJs are THE long lost island of women who say "oh, the nicer and better you are, the more turned on and wanting to be bored with you the rest of my life" or am i just projecting a fantasy onto my "kinder gentler" relatives?

 

[linger]

I've always had a thing for bad boys, unfortunately. I can, however, offer you hope about the INFJ + INTJ communication debacle. It exists, but my boyfriend of 13 years and I have learned to manage the conflict relatively well. There are misunderstandings, and the logic used to make me sad, but at a certain point we realized the value that the opposite brings to our understanding of the world and personal growth. It takes a lot of patience and sometimes more perserverance than some people are willing to put in. But it can be done. There just needs to be willingness on both sides to figure it out. Just like everything else in a healthy relationship.

(Of course right now my life is a mess, so things aren't wonderful as they've been but that's a completely different topic for a different thread and our troubles are only influenced by, not caused by, our T/F difference.)

 

[Sriracha]

Bad boys repulse me.

 

[zeroemission]

thanks for that insight. to me, just going by statistics, INTJ + INFJ seems the most natural compliment... neither side is going to go to far into irrational territory, both are deeply monogamous leaning, but need space too, and INFJs in particular are supposedly mellow which is what i am around the same.

i REALLY miss the safe boring environment i shared with the masochist room mate. i model what i'd consider an ideal relationship around it. we probably never argued because we weren't actually involved, but it used to feel like we were an old married couple sharing dinner at the table some times. the earlier descriptions i read for INTJ + INFJ indicated a lot of boredom which is exactly what i crave... nice low stress company.

that INFJs can lean towards being homebodies interests me too because the universal "gotta travel" thing about women drives me nuts. my goal is to find a nice comfy niche where i no longer have neighbors i constantly want to beat to death sharing my walls with that one ally who not only gets me, but has similar issues themselves eg. needing a long time to really warm up to a relationship.

i REALLY despise the female imperative to breed with "the alpha male" even when said perceived alpha is really a fugly genetically inferior slug whose only "saving grace" is talking down to everyone, but who's really just a snivelling coward when you put them to the test.

if that's all every woman is, you know what, i don't think i ever want to be bothered by one again. i'm PROUD of being nice, hating social climbing and my honesty and there's no effing way i'm EVER settling again after not only the last fatal attraction made me disgusted by women, but after an ENFP decided to do the same for no reason other than to undermine everyone's life she can including her own.

i'm just not willing to compromise or get attitude over my RIGHTEOUS attitude about being treated like i'm damaged for GOOD THINGS in favor of scum i'd love to eradicate like the putz who THOUGHT he was tough, with his 2 butt buddies rolling up on this one armed old man until i showed him just how unimpressed i am with being outnumbered (just learned TODAY that i'm an anti-phobic taking the ennegram test) and sent him and his boys packing mothing feeble threats, like it worked the first time. what REALLY annoys me is that women PERCEIVE that big mouth piece of crap as "stronger than me". just because i try to be nice, don't ever mistake it as a sign of weakness, like EVERY woman i've ever actually been attracted to has done leaving me with the crazy clingy scraps i barely want even for sex.

i love women as friends. as a species, you have great fierce hearts and in many ways are he stronger sex, but when it comes to breeding, you're mostly monsters looking for monsters and don't REALLY mean any of the complainst you have about men being dogs and are really just complaining about yourself and what you chose to lay down with.

sorry, i'm getting really frustrated (and old) here trying to imagine ever being in an actual loving relationship where all of the things that make me me and special aren't merely repellant. if you could only SEE the absolute losers i've come in second to, only because they're scumbag abusive aholes, you might have an inkling of a clue why i just want to write the entire species off and find the biggest ahole i can and battle them to the death.

 

[CindyLou]

I only have a thing for bad boys when I'm not looking for anything serious. When I'm looking for something serious, bad boys are off my radar. Almost like they are repulsive and its not conscious...I'm just not attracted to them.

Bad boys are for fun only and I've never taken them seriously.

FWIW, the most abusive asshole I've ever dated presented himself as "Perfect Prince Charming" and not a bad boy. At least the bad boys are upfront and honest about it.

 

[CindyLou]

Have you been married?

 

[zeroemission]

me? nope. never married, no children, and have NEVER been able to maintain ANY woman that i'm actually attracted to's interest for more than a month before they give me the brush off, even after asking me to marry them a week or two before!

FWIW, the most abusive asshole I've ever dated presented himself as "Perfect Prince Charming" and not a bad boy. At least the bad boys are upfront and honest about it.

sure, when women are being pragmatic, ESPECIALLY after breeding with a loser that's left them, they like nice guys and all of the beneficial things that we do for them, but when it comes to being satisfied, as soon as the monthly estrogen cycle hits, they want those bad boys again. how is it even possible for a guy to trust ANY woman when he knows that even if you won't admit it, you think he's queer and will upgrade at first opportunity?

my perspective might change if i ever was with an INTJ or INFJ, but it feels like my lot in life is to be stalked by ENFPs. *cringe* even there, it's beyond ironic when you tell a woman in no uncertain terms that she's nothing remotely your type and she admits 'bad boys straight outta prison" are hers, yet she tries everything she can to trick you into sex.

 

[jupiterswoon]

hi all. i just joined up here today after doing some MBII type reading yesterday after learning my latest fatal attraction (been celibate over a decade, on purpose) is an ENFP driving me further into disgust and contempt for women as a species re-enforecing everything i hated about the last whack job i was with, only this time, without ever even putting out and drawing an ignored "you're not my type, don't even think about it!" line in the sand attempting to pre-empt further flirting.

my first crush was didi conn at around 5 years old in the 70s. i instantly clicked with her gentle ditzy aura and smiling eyes. i still think she's a babe. either i imprinted on her then and there, or i already knew what i liked and that was the 1st time i saw it.

so yesterday, i was looking at all of the variants to see what else, besides INTJ i could tolerate. S is my mortal enemy, so that's right out of the way immediately, though i do get along for the most part with my ISTJ sister. as long as i'm not challenging the authority structure she tries to preserve, we get along just fine, but she has "the stare" too.

ENTJ, ISTJ & INTP all just sound wrong to me, but i have a crush on the INFJ description. it sounds to me like angelic goody goodies that are MOST likely to appreciate another goody goody in a male and maybe even try to keep them steered in said direction through love and encouragement.

it all sounds good, in theory, until i start seeing horror stories about how there's 24/7 arguing over communication because of the logic vs emotions thing. it's kind of disheartening because i really do believe in soul mates and i just picture mine as a "grounded INFJ" looking to balance her weakness in logic as i would mine in social situations that never work out. it was also disheartening to read in the description that logic makes INFJs sad. my ideal is NOT making someone sad, but completing them the same way i'm looking for while there's still some life left in this pushing 50 body.

at first, i thought INTJ + INTJ might be my ideal, but so many INTJs are so dark and gothy. i'm a far left tree hugging hippy. not seeing a lot of that in INTJs though a lot of us are artistic.

is my reading that INFJs are THE long lost island of women who say "oh, the nicer and better you are, the more turned on and wanting to be bored with you the rest of my life" or am i just projecting a fantasy onto my "kinder gentler" relatives?

I've been dating an INTJ for six years, and we were friends for two years before that- and yes there is some communication break down between Fe/Te but, once you know it's there, it's easy to work with. It makes arguments 100 times easier to deal with, because it's like on my part "Oh, okay, activate Ti, relinquish emotion," and on his part he has to be reminded to "Use tact! Use tact!" and that allows for arguments to be much more tolerable.

Also, the thing with bad boys- INFJs don't want to date them, because we don't want them to break our hearts. I've definitely dated bad boys, and they definitely broke my heart. I like my INTJ because he represents a solid, rational pillar of stability that can deal with my flighty emotions or rash judgments (this is worst case scenario me- the me other people never see). I could never date a FP, or a TP, I need a solid FJ, TJ- But I could also never ever ever date a sensor- so that leaves me with INTJ/INFJ. I'm damn picky. Although I am attracted to ENFPs too. I like people who are intuitive and have things going for them. Bad boys just seem to self-destruct and take everything down with them including who they are dating. I think about all the possible pros and cons before I date anybody! So I would never date someone who might hurt themselves or me, I'm ultimately a pragmatist. But I'm also an idealist, so I like to make long term plans, and I'm a builder- looking to actualize my dreams. That being said, INTJs are perfect for INFJs because they are also systems builders.

It was described in the Isabella Myers-Briggs book that INTJs would be the captain of a ship, and the INFJ would be the president of the ship- INTJs concerned with the course of the ship, and INFJs concerned with the crew on the ship.

 

[arbygil]

I can understand the frustration of waiting for an ideal mate; sometimes it takes a while. But remember, there is no such thing as the "perfect" man or the "perfect" woman - there's just different degrees of understanding and tolerance. You may get along with some INFJs but not all, especially if they have different political or religious views from you. First look for a woman who shares your interests, beliefs, and depths. The rest comes in time.

 

[zeroemission]

thank you VERY MUCH for those words of encouragement. from the other side of the coin, i have an INTJ or INFJ or bust outlook. the deeper you get into the realm of the emotionals, the less i want to do with them. i'm having similar discussions in the INTJ where there's more "watch out! INFJs will drive you crazy!" sentiment. all the while i'm trying to distance myself from a WTF?! fatal attraction from an ENFP! uh, how can THAT be more natural (and they do seem to love INTJs) than INTJ + INFP?

see, THAT'S probably one of the reasons i have a crush on the INFJ description... that whole soul mate commitment thing. THAT is my goal, and the best place to look for it is within types that share the same goal. if you truly ARE soul mates, problems are merely challenges to attack on 2 fronts.

honestly though, don't you think any relationship leaning towards ES_P is only worse? speaking of those letters and one of the reasons i think i might lean towards F is that i've had some experience with psychic phenomenon, most clearly with three different people hearing words in my head that i hadn't spoken.
- one sexy nerd boss that was interviewing me noticed me staring just below her eyes at her nose because it fascinated me the way it "winked" when she said words with an N. when she drew it out of me what it was as she was sure i wasn't staring at her chest (her words) and made a fuss over my calling it "cute" made me blush like crazy with a "what did you say?" when i started thinking sexual "i'd like to blah blah blah you and make that nose... thoughts
- recently, another gal that i was thinking "i'd like to hit tha hardt!" had to have heard the thought as her last email said something to the effect of "get back to me when you want to hit it hard" comment along with a thank you for "turning her on" to a song with her rare name she'd never heard in her life.
- finally, i KNOW the uppity arabic guy in the deli near where i used to live heard me saying, in greek (as close to arabic insults as i know) the equivalent of "eff you a hole" and in between arabic babbling with the nice guy that worked the counter, i heard him using one of the words so i knew he heard me and understood me

maybe not ALL INTJs are INFJ compatible, but i think i'm way more in tune with F than most being an artistic type with extreme sensitivity and sentimentality at times besides some psychic leaning. that too adds to my conviction that INFJ is what i should be trying to at least experience once in my life if not INTJ, but i like the sweeter sounding INFJ descriptions more. even if two types have different emotional functions, a string psychic bond could skirt the issue as how can you hide anything from a psychic, especially if you're a broadcaster, right?

 

[zeroemission]

i HAVE looked everywhere. i know exactly what i want too... some kind of mellow goody goody that gets her kicks out of keeping me on the right path too as i've let scum draw me into their game a couple times as well as been in so many relationships i really didn't want to be in. i want a far left hippy chick with an INxJ personality. that's a person who will make sense as well as take her relationships seriously.

my experience with "the others" is that they're flighty and ruled by irrational ultimately self destructive breeding instincts and compatible intuitive rarely ever meet due to the shy = shy thing.

of COURSE even within a type there's variation. i'm a perfect example. i'm an INTJ and very much a tree hugging hippy. i'm not exactly feeling the love there in that respect, though it's a lot easier socializing with people who share so many of the same issues as i do. i find it very easy to open up and bear all kinds of embarrasing things in the presence of INTJs i would never trust with an emotional that hasn't proven themself to me.

there's a lot of INTJs too i want nothing to do with. like i keep saying, many of them are way to dark for me. that's why they're crows & spiders and i'm a rare fox. there's only one other fox there that i know of. not sure what it means, but i imagine it boils down to curiosity and playfulness vs cold calculation. in my comfort zone, you'd likely never guess i'm an INTJ as i can be very playful when i feel safe with my company.

back to my INFJ dream, i just picture this type being best suited for bringing out the best in me no one has bothered to yet only feeding my mistrust & contempt with all manner of E+S+F+P games. i guess my irrational heart is waking up now yelling "is that dido conn?! are we there yet zem?"

somewhere in the back of my mind is the notion that there might be only one person in the entire world that can make me what i can't be on my own. honestly, i'd like to be bossed around A LITTLE if only it's someone keeping tabs on my less attractive qualities and steering me into the light so to speak. i just can't imagine THAT from any indifferent INTJ where the INFJ need for personal improvement DOES appeal to me and part of me believes there are at least SOME INFJs hungry for my particular tree hugging, fight the system, and otherwise live a nice quiet uneventful life.

why oh why oh why must "nice" be the deal breaker for women? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

 

[Billy]

me? nope. never married, no children, and have NEVER been able to maintain ANY woman that i'm actually attracted to's interest for more than a month before they give me the brush off, even after asking me to marry them a week or two before!

sure, when women are being pragmatic, ESPECIALLY after breeding with a loser that's left them, they like nice guys and all of the beneficial things that we do for them, but when it comes to being satisfied, as soon as the monthly estrogen cycle hits, they want those bad boys again. how is it even possible for a guy to trust ANY woman when he knows that even if you won't admit it, you think he's queer and will upgrade at first opportunity?

my perspective might change if i ever was with an INTJ or INFJ, but it feels like my lot in life is to be stalked by ENFPs. *cringe* even there, it's beyond ironic when you tell a woman in no uncertain terms that she's nothing remotely your type and she admits 'bad boys straight outta prison" are hers, yet she tries everything she can to trick you into sex.

1. You're taking type and mbti way too seriously
2. The way you talk about women they almost seems like objects which leads me to think that maybe you're not as nice as you think you are.
3. Never mix up nice for doormat and bad for asshole. It's silly. That's the reasoning and not intuitive at all.
4. I don't know a single woman who wants a guy out of prison. So that may have just been her.
5. She can't hurt you any more bro!

 

[zeroemission]

2. The way you talk about women they almost seems like objects which leads me to think that maybe you're not as nice as you think you are.

i am so effing sick and tired of hearing that crap from clueless people making snap judgements. i'm only going to say this ONCE. i have NEVER been abusive to ANY woman other than to TRY and send home the message i want absolutely nothing to do with them when you try and get away, and they cling to you. yes, THEN i'll tell a woman to her face i hate her guts, and even then it doesn't work and she just clings harder.

even the crazy b#### that tried killing me in my sleep didn't get so much as an insult, but came really close to fighting for her useless life trying to block my exit from her apartment when i had enough of HER crap.

now? you bet your butt i'm disgusted with not just women, but the entire social climbing, planet destroying human species that rewards scum and punishes the righteous. not me! i do the exact opposite of that crap, within reason. having some crazed ENFP recently turn fatal on me too even though i told her don't even think about it from the git go decide to stage an OD suicide because you refuse to have sex with her, THE SECOND you try and climb out of 11 effing years of utter disgust for murderous, scum loving females only deepens my contempt for their scum breeding tendencies that ARE behind my effing beloved planet dying.

i've ALWAYS treated women with the utmost respect, so back the eff up with your pithy condescension! all it's ever gotten me is "you're a NICE guy, but..." dozens of times or fatal attractions from women i absolutely don't want to be with at all, but it's better than nothing.

just because i don't hold back on what i'm thinking here doesn't mean this is how i court women. you need to work on YOUR condescension skills maybe, because you're sure as eff offending ME!

i'm "so much the ahole" that even after she ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it so that she could marry SCUM that beat her and cheated on her 2 months into her marriage, something i would NEVER DO, i still came running to the b#### (and yeah... i'll call her nowadays S&M pornstar butt that, because she is what she is!!!!) across the entire country, quitting my job, terminating my lease, and driving cross country so the ho could rip my heart out a second time.

i've given and given and gotten nothing back EVER except fugly, desperate clingy women no one else wants turning fatal attraction on me because i treat EVEN THEM good, until they push too hard, i can't take it anymore, and they refuse to let me go and i decide THEN is the time to stop being nice.

sorry, i've been way nicer to women than they've EVER been to me.

until you can show me a SINGLE EFFING EXCEPTION TO THE RULE, get off my back already until you've walked 47 years in my "you're a nice guy, but..." shoes and had at least one crazy b#### try to kill you in your sleep. until then, stuff a sock in it already and keep your condescending snippy remarks to yourself.

i see there's no mute button here either. do me a favor, don't talk to me. you have nothing to say i remotely want to hear. i've decided already i do not like you. me? i'm totally up front about that. i don't pretend to get what i want. even if i AM lowering my standards WAY MORE than i should be (i'm not an unattractive guy or obese BTW. nit that it matters as ahole is the gold standard always) i don't lie to my partners. i tell them to keep their options open and encourage them to find happiness.

NOW RIGHT EFFING NOW? you bet, i've had it! i've been at trying to get a date over a year at a dozen sites and gotten little more than one desperate clingy argumentitive woman in mexico try to get me to move there (i still say she was up to SOMETHING) and another gal ask me if i was even human. yes, i've effing had it! EVERY woman that actually does want to be with me is a lost cause well beneath my standards and i'm not compromising ever again, hence telling fatal attraction #2 "don't even think about it" which of course, she ignored because as much as women are repulsed by honesty and niceness, they drip for misogyny and rejection. this is a fact. an unbearably annoying fact.

if your theory that i'm an abuser were correct, then i should literally have to be fending women off with a stick because they like that. take, for example, the annoying cashier at the grocery store i worked at long ago that would not leave me alone no matter how many times i asked if she didn't have anything better to do, and it only turned her on, like the nympho that came looking for me that was into being raped *blech* or the one date i had who said she hated being called dear and all that NICE STUFF and would rather be called b#### as her favorite movie was 9 1/2 weeks, or was it blue velvet? nope, never abused them losers. as always... treat 'em nice and watch 'em run, or in the case of the nympho, wear see through teddies in front of their brother who tells you they were "dirty dancing" before you got there.

EFF ALL OF THAT NOISE! i've had it! i want some nice nice or eff off.

sadly "the best" relationship i EVER had was with a female room mate that i knew had the hots for me i just kept brushing off as she always wanted to turn me to sadism as she was a devout masochist and, rather than compromise my effing integrity for a piece of tail when i wasn't getting any or hate myself, i just refused.

so where's your brilliant theory now einstein. i refused to abuse someone even when they begged me!

you know, i would STILL be nice to a woman if a decent one showed interest, though i'm not letting my guard down anymore or lowering my standards again. there's one good thing about having a crazy b#### try to kill you for refusing to service her, it teaches you women aren't necessary and that the peace and quiet of living alone can be refreshing. it might not get you love, but i've never had that anyways,. just fatal attractions and rejection. THAT'S IT!

i'm entitled to my righteous outrage at being rejected for being a nice guy and i am. now? no, yet another instigator is trying to trigger my "i'll fight all of you" response over lies when i'm in the right and the facts SUCK.

women hate nice guys. 99.99% of them. OK, sure after they make a bastard child with scum who leaves them, THEN they want the nice guy they otherwise wouldn't give it up to around as a parental slave or if they're so fugly no guy wants them, but if they know they have options, they ain't giving it up for a nice guy ever except for sympathy which also disgusts me.

hate me all you want for telling the truths no one else will because challenging the sugar and spice MYTH is forbidden. like i care about stupid social rules!

you can hate me because i don't sugar coat anything, but i speak truth and i'll call you a liar, or at least deluded to your face if you want to start up with me.

47 years of being nice has only gotten me fatal attraction misery or rejection misery. call me a liar like you just did to my face! i can be very not nice when provoked. only aholes bring that out in me though. the nicer someone is to me, the nicer i am to them in return. that too is a fact. i'm the one that's nice to ALL of the square pegs everyone else walks all over. stupid scum breeding women see that as a sign of weakness, but they're just being stupid and shallow as most of the guys that act tough around women are really snivelling cowards. i just sent three such putzes that tried ganging up on me packing with their tails tucked between their legs, then i'm sure all 3 p###ies went home ang got laid by stupid women that think they're macho when they're just fake a## p###ies that are only tough if they think they have the upper hand.

don't ever accuse me of abusing a woman unless you want to be abused yourself. i have no problem giving the stare to an entire roomful of instigators, and i've faced down half a dozen as well as a dozen instigators before. if i say i am nice. IT IS A FACT!

you bet i've had it now after having someone who doesn't even have the right turn fatal attraction on me for being nice, try and trick me into sex with a suicide threat and "misogynist that i am" try to lie down with her to comfort her, no matter how much doing so disgusted me to my marrow manipulative ENFP socio that SHE is, only to have her too get mad at me for STILL refusing to perform for her and even after THAT b#### burned me in the neck with a cigarette with a "see? that's what you get" (for not having sex with me) i did not cold knock her out like i should have. i merely walked away with a whatever and want nothing to do with her again.

never been mean or abusive to anyone that wasn't asking for it. don't say it again. try and cling to me when i'm saying no, yeah... i'll tell a gal about herself and my true feelings then, but until then, i'll treat her better than probably any guy in her life ever has even if my heart isn't in it.

as to my alleged misogyny getting in the way of relationships, doesn't happen. i'm not a flirt and never got anywhere the 3-4 times i've tried seducing women.

you show me a left wing hippy leaning woman of no worse than average looks (i actually really go for big noses and glasses where others say homely like mayim bialik & "ugly betty") who wants nothing to do with a bad boy ever and that is attracted to me, and i'll show the happiest most adored woman in the world as i do put women on pedestals. i know i shouldn't do that because it only makes them kick you in the head, but that's my MO when i'm in love. as i'm not seeing much in the way of exceptions to the rule YET (i still have some optimism regarding IN_Js) love isn't even an option. if anything, i'll just revert back to revulsion mode when even attractive women hit on me.

these are all of the facts missing from your completely wrong assessment. if you're nice, women mistake you for soft. if you're soft and fugly and talk really big with nothing to actually back it up, that's all it takes to impress stupid women.

there... there's a perfect example, i went to school with this weasel of a coward (started a fight with me and nut kicked me once) that was stupid, short, pudgy and chinless and when we went out with three gals, they ALL ignored me and hung on his every contempt filled condescending to everyone, including women word. his ONLY skill i couldn't match was being an ahole.

you KNOW that's how it is in the real world. oh, wait, this isn't the real world. y'all ignore logic & facts up in here, forgot where i am after 3 gals built a cauldron for me over the same thing at INTJ and put me on the defensive. if i'm on the defensive, i like to flip it and go for it.

 

[the]

sure, when women are being pragmatic, ESPECIALLY after breeding with a loser that's left them, they like nice guys and all of the beneficial things that we do for them, but when it comes to being satisfied, as soon as the monthly estrogen cycle hits, they want those bad boys again. how is it even possible for a guy to trust ANY woman when he knows that even if you won't admit it, you think he's queer and will upgrade at first opportunity?

I think I've read elsewhere on what I think you mean here., women reproduce with the badboy and expect a nice guy to pay the bills. Yep I agree with that.

 

[Billy]

Wow.... Well uhhh as I am on an iPad I will keep this brief.

1. I didn't say you were an abuser I said you're not as nice as you think.
2. I don't think you're an INTJ, way too many logical fallacies in your belief structure.
3. If women like less than nice guys you must be deep in them all day, because it's quite evident you despise and hate women, not to mention just because you don't beat women or "abuse" women it doesn't mean you're nice. You don't even seem to think they are worthy of being considered people with their own ideas and feelings.
4. I'm sorry some crazy tried to URL you in your sleep and the girl you rejected married someone else... That sucks, it's also not something you can blame other women for either.

 

[linger]

honestly, i'd like to be bossed around A LITTLE if only it's someone keeping tabs on my less attractive qualities and steering me into the light so to speak. i just can't imagine THAT from any indifferent INTJ where the INFJ need for personal improvement DOES appeal to me and part of me believes there are at least SOME INFJs hungry for my particular tree hugging, fight the system, and otherwise live a nice quiet uneventful life.

That's funny to me because that's exactly what my INTJ does for me. He's invested in my personal growth since it ultimately helps the growth of our relationship (and him, in turn). He won't baby me (that would be hilarious) or continually nag me (he gets tired of not having his voice heard and will shut up), but he will be completely blunt about things if I'm veering off what he thinks is the best course for my own growth and well-being. It's actually one of the things I love most about him--he sees me as an investment (in his cold-blooded INTJ wording) and so he cares (oh my!) about my well-being.

I also think it's weird that you keep meeting INTJ's who are really right wing conservative (that's what I'm inferring from your desire for a hippy). Because of his mastermindiness, mine has some pretty strong opinions about what is wrong with the government. I wouldn't call him a tree-hugger (although he digs nature seriously), but he definitely isn't towing the party line or anything.

What you want exists in INTJ-ville. Don't write them off. Don't write off any type, really. People are people beneath all of this MBTI stuff and the varying degrees to which they score one thing over the other or have developed one skill over the other make a HUGE difference in the way they interact with themselves and the world/people around them.

And [MENTION=1451]Billy[/MENTION] is right with his second point (in his first post. Damn, you guys are responding fast!). I don't know anyone who wants to date a complete asshole (at least no one who is grown up). I also don't know anyone who thinks "nice" is a deal-breaker. There's a difference between being attracted to a bad boy and being disinterested in someone because they're nice. Just because I notice the apples first and have a taste for them, doesn't mean I don't also love bananas. (I can't believe I just used a fruit metaphor. It's time to stop typing now...)

 

[Vict]

Jesus. I thought I was bitter.

TL;DR aside, your OP question is a personal one not dependent on type. Don't strictly apply MBTI to courting women.

 

[zeroemission]

yes, i know there are exceptions to every rule, but a lot of times, generalizations are true and the female imperative to breed with scum is true no matter HOW you look at it. science has proven it with the study that showed when women are menstruating, they CRAVE "bad boys". OK, you don't accept the findings of science? how about art? how many love songs about nice guys like "he's so shy" are there, and how many songs are there like "leader of the pack", "i need a roughneck" & "bad bad boys you make me feel so good" are there.

now? you bet i'm in a spin about women. i JUST got over ANOTHER fatal attraction the second i decide i've had enough celibacy with someone, again, who has zero right or claim on me, so yeah, i'm not in the best mood these days, especially with people adding insult to injury over it.

as to INTJs & INFJs? you're right, i've never been lucky enough to be with a rational who appreciates rationals, just typicals ruled by their backwards breeding instincts. i don't hate ALL women, just the ones that play that same old same old game, and that IS the majority of them. i'm not going to argue about that because it's true. not one woman out of dozens i've known has ever stepped out of the box and done the opposite of the others. wherever the ones that ARE are hiding, please, let me know! i've been searching in vain my whole life!

you know too, the fatal attraction played the game of tricking me into thinking her fake INTJ profile was real and used all of the info she knows about me to exploit me and make me start falling in love with her twisted game. i'm still not over that, OK? it REALLY built me up and beat me the eff down. OK? you would have seen a different person talking to "her". TOTALLY different.

if any DECENT woman that likes me for me gave me some good luvin' (and by that i just mean cuddling, i'm getting to the point now where i don't like the idea of sex anymore) i would be the happiest i've EVER been in my life and would make a mental note to tell her "you're the best thing that ever happened to me. keep me on my toes earning it"

having someone build you up after you try and crawl out of a hole just so they can kick you back down is a good reason to be upset... that, and wasting a year of my life on unrealistic women (cougars) online treat you like crap because you don't cam or start conversations with "show me your t##s!" you know, one woman actually got mad at me for refusing to cam up in a speed date. REALLY!

i'm angry at being tricked recently and the time it wasted as i was just getting ready to get out there and meet women through music & bikes which DOES WORK only to have her nip it in the bud and do me like that. i'm positive it was a calculated move. if i didn't know better, i'd swear she's trying to destroy me. this is here and now. don't even say i was mean to her either. yes, i've told her "don't even think about it" when she refused to take hints and crudely persisted, but the bottom line is i was way nicer to her than she was me. she broke a pair of speakers i loaned her, and eventually gave her when she started losing it along with a stereo receiver, and even as much as she does disgust me from that queen voice to her queen attitude, i offered to sleep with her as a friend out of concern. when it matters, i can very easily set my own wants aside. having sex with her though? nah uh... didn't owe her that. she didn't need it anyways as she swaps partners every couple days.

that's where i am now... come off an 11 year fatal attraction that nearly killed you then get another one try to finish you off (i think she has hep C still) the second you try and re-enter the market besides the lifetime of rejection.

this entire past year has been misery as person after person keeps starting crap with me trying to mind my own biz. i'm starting to think nutters was the neighbor that likes to knock on my walls all along before i even knew her. i have nothing but stress and no social cushion whatsoever save my sister on facebook and a gal pal in missouri. i'm desperate, as much as i'm loathe to say it, for love. i've tried EVERYTHING i could my entire life and it never happens. that takes it's toll too when you're losing your hair and pushing 50 after wasting over 1/5th of your life because someone else is a nutjob that steals every bit of trust you have left to give.

i don't hate women, just their breeding priorities. if i ever became impotent, maybe then it wouldn't be an issue and i could collect dozens of them as friends and almost all gals love me as a friend... just a friend though. if i really was what you're saying, they wouldn't friend zone me even. think about it.

i don't see an INTJ or INFJ relationship happening either as neither site has a dating feature and i don't like cold calling. someone just said "i sound like their soul mate" in another forum and it sent a wave of panic up my spine as she joined "post fatal" and i consider such an early admission a warning sign anyways. it takes me a long time to warm up to someone.

i know i'm not perfect or the best catch in the world, but i have been known to be very funny, very attentive, ahem, to my partner's needs taking care of them before my own (SO THERE!) and even worth keeping around in live in situations. if THE RIGHT gal, or even a pretty good one for once, came along, i'd show them what a LOYALIST (9.7!) that's waited for her his entire life is capable of. even as much as i don't like the idea of bringing children into the world, i would do it for the woman i love. yes, i might be cold and clinical in an argument, but i can be very affectionate too, and in my mind have been making a concerted effort to remember to praise my mate, and even in general have been making a point of not holding back on compliments wherever.

you might not believe it, but i'd like nothing more than to find that one person in my life i could adore with ALL of my heart and that isn't someone else's puppet game. i wouldn't much want to be around anyone else. if she's a people hating reclusive too, all the better. if she's the most boring gal on the planet, EXCELLENT! well, not if she can't shut up maybe, but passionless is cool.

i've never been in a REAL relationship long enough to know what to expect, but i really do believe it's possible for 2 people that hate drama (i thought that was INFJ modus operandi) to get together and not create drama.

i'm old fashioned and do believe in soul mates. i won't go into details, but 2 times in my life i've seen love trigger miracles. i don't care what you think there. that's for my own benefit. i don't believe marriage should be taken lightly either. if you go there, for better or worse... you shoulda took a test drive! it would be nice to quietly die in my sleep next to the only wife i've ever had. well, it would suck for her, but you know what i mean.

i'm not proud of the uppity "don't start with me" INTJ thing here or that it's part of my personality, but i'd love to have someone keeping me on my toes with "come on, be nice" and other sweet commands.

when it comes to being a goody goody, my soul mate and i are always on the same page. maybe you just have to die to meet your soul mate and that's why they're called that. i know at least one very smart nympho maniac i'd love to hang out with in the afterlife once genitals become moot, but my soul mate would demand monogamy AND being treated with NOTHING BUT RESPECT. it's the ones that'd rather be dissed i have no use for. let commoners breed with commoners. if INTJs & INFJs combined are just 3% of the population, then i'm looking for at least a 1:100 there for a 1:3000 longshot.

otherwise, there's always the internet and a free hand. *sigh*

 

[CindyLou]

me? nope. never married, no children, and have NEVER been able to maintain ANY woman that i'm actually attracted to's interest for more than a month before they give me the brush off, even after asking me to marry them a week or two before!

sure, when women are being pragmatic, ESPECIALLY after breeding with a loser that's left them, they like nice guys and all of the beneficial things that we do for them, but when it comes to being satisfied, as soon as the monthly estrogen cycle hits, they want those bad boys again. how is it even possible for a guy to trust ANY woman when he knows that even if you won't admit it, you think he's queer and will upgrade at first opportunity?

my perspective might change if i ever was with an INTJ or INFJ, but it feels like my lot in life is to be stalked by ENFPs. *cringe* even there, it's beyond ironic when you tell a woman in no uncertain terms that she's nothing remotely your type and she admits 'bad boys straight outta prison" are hers, yet she tries everything she can to trick you into sex.

Lol, gross.

When I mean bad boys I mean I mean someone with only two masters degrees that sleeps with multiple women and has an obvious personality disorder but is hot and I choose to not resist.

If you're going to attract an INFJ I would work on my language. Using the terms "breeding" and some of your posts seem abusive, like women are inferior and you seem like you would be someone that might covertly abuse. You might not attract healthy women because maybe there are some things about you that might be turning them off? Please don't take this the wrong way, but to me you seem like a bad boy. You are not coming across as some "nice guy". Not by a long shot. A healthy woman would pick up on that subtle stuff, she's not going to date you. Only an unhealthy woman would go for that.

10 year forced celibacy is another red flag.

 

[zeroemission]

yes, there are many great people out there that AREN'T IN_J, but i've never met any yet AND i'm at the point now where i'm DONE compromising. now it's MY WAY or the highway. i've tried it "your way" long enough. i'm not settling EVER again. i'd rather go without. i could do another 10 years, but it might drive me crazy... i feel i'm actually not too far from slipping away right now really. every day, some fool in the hood tries to test me.

hippy chicks are the PERFECT example of women that can exceed the limitations of their programming so to speak as they want that nice mellow life that bad boys don't belong in. very sadly, A LOT of such women are gay. when i saw a ton of gorgeous hippy chicks outside an ani difranco concert, my first thought was "cha ching!" until i saw there weren't any men to be seen. if i could just catch one of them before they turn to carpet cleaning... then maybe...

hippy chicks are virtually impossible to find, but i know they exist

when i say "bad boy" i just mean some piece of crap punk with an attitude, and yes, they do score multiple partners... hey, that brings me to another rant about female breeding priorities, the "chase the wedding ring" syndrome. many don't want a guy until someone else has "laid claim" to them. you know it's true... nice guys can't get any, but cheaters? oh gals gotta drop their knickers for that!

sorry, but NOTHING anyone can say to change the fact that the BASIC breeding program for women is completely busted and counterproductive. yes there are exceptions to the rule, but the rule is the rule. when women call men dogs, you know what that makes them.

when women seek alternatives to dogs, then i want to know them and not a second before. any woman that refuses nice guys is another loser in a world full of losers destroying said world. my baby's gotta be totally go against the flow.

you tell me what monastery she's hiding in, and i'll make a pilgrimage to her on my bike! i'd trade EVERYTHING i have in the world for 1 good woman that despises bad boys like the rest of them refuse to. if there isn't a single one in the entire world, god strike me dead here and now because i don't want to live anymore, there's no point.