Determining Sexual Orientation. | INFJ Forum

Determining Sexual Orientation.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Raccoon Love, May 24, 2010.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Raccoon Love
  1. Raccoon Love

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2009
    Threads:
    310
    Messages:
    5,413
    Likes Received:
    703
    Trophy Points:
    657
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    How does on determine his or her sexual orientation exactly? Do you believe we can't really determine our sexual orientation till we experiment? Is it all mere physical attraction? To what extent does emotional fulfillment determine ones sexual orientation?

    This questions crosses my mind. I have always been attracted to guys, always found guys to be interesting. I have yet to experiment however, and with some saying that hormones are wild during teenage years, I am really uncertain. Though I been finding myself more and more attracted to man both physically and emotionally.

    So in your opinion, how do we define our sexual identity clearly? Or is it all vague and really sexual orientation does not exist..
     
  2. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Threads:
    132
    Messages:
    3,886
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,108
    Trophy Points:
    792
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I tend to agree with the idea that sexual orientation is a sliding scale some fall on the far edges of the scale Strait -Gay and some fall toward the center or just off to one side. I think defining sexual orientation is not that important as we all a little strait, a little gay, or a little bi and so on. Its just where we fall the majority of the time that we tend to focus excessively on.

    My take is go with whatever orientation feels best to you and not someone else.

    For example I'm mostly strait but I can still say I'm fine with commenting on what guys are hawt and I'm not bothered by homosexual or bi couplings. I guess I'm a bit bi but again to me it doesn't really matter..
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #2 Blind Bandit, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  3. Daeledin

    Daeledin <font color=#575EC1>NVs Fanboi</font>

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    69
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Ever try asking a straight guy why he is straight? They don't know either. They'll just say because I am. Or it feels right. Or they don't understand why they wouldn't be.

    Of course if you're interested there is a whole scholarly subject called sexology (I know very imaginative name)

    Where else better than Wikipedia to start?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexology

    In particular take a read through Alfred Kinsey's theories.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Kinsey
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #3 Daeledin, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  4. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,136
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    33,460
    Trophy Points:
    1,377
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    I've always just.. known I was straight. Always felt that. I did go through a bitter man hating period after a particuliarly hellacious two year rollercoaster ride with various ones.. and experimented with a female friend of mine. Who I had developed a crush on. I found out homosexuality did nothing for me. So I guess you could say that whole bit sealed the deal for me on defining my sexual identity.
     
    #4 acd, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  5. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2009
    Threads:
    17
    Messages:
    1,067
    Likes Received:
    140
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    IDFK
    Enneagram:
    69
    It's hard to say! I feel the same way about females, I think they are absolutely beautiful and dynamic and irresistable... but having been with a woman, it was nothing compared to the same experience with a man. Not that a man could do more than a woman, but it didn't feel the same to me personally. A woman could physically do the same as a man if she wanted, but I wouldn't like it as much. Does that make sense?

    Anyways, while I still am totally into girls, and could love them, I have found I can't fall in love with them, either. So, I'm guessing my intense attraction to them has to do with crazed hormones. Not saying that's the case with you, it could be. Or it could be the real deal. Experimenting could definitely help you decide, but you'd do better to not experiment unless you are totally sure it's the right person to go there with.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2009
    Threads:
    289
    Messages:
    10,794
    Likes Received:
    1,933
    Trophy Points:
    453
    MBTI:
    Meh
    Enneagram:
    Meh
    I've just "known" that I'm into girls in a way that I'm not into guys. Guys don't do anything sexually for me. I think there are attractive guys, but in the sense that I appreciate their appearance, and not in a sexually attractive way. I find that I love a number of people, men and women, but I'm only romantically/sexually attracted to women.

    I guess my answer is I've just "known." I've questioned it and thought about it, but I've concluded that I'm only attracted to women in a sexual/romantic way.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. OP
    Raccoon Love

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2009
    Threads:
    310
    Messages:
    5,413
    Likes Received:
    703
    Trophy Points:
    657
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I am also only attracted to guys sexually, and have never consider girls in a romantic way. My body, my intuition tells me that I am indeed attracted to other males. But my curious and over analytical persona can't help but read upon this and just doubt everything.
     
  8. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2009
    Threads:
    289
    Messages:
    10,794
    Likes Received:
    1,933
    Trophy Points:
    453
    MBTI:
    Meh
    Enneagram:
    Meh
    There is nothing wrong with questioning the way you are, and doing research. However, I'd be careful not to try and convince yourself that you are something that you are not. It sounds to me that you already know who you're "in to." Don't doubt yourself; questioning is fine, but just be careful not to try and change yourself. You know what makes you happy, and you know what feels right. Go with it!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Threads:
    249
    Messages:
    5,014
    Likes Received:
    713
    Trophy Points:
    245
    MBTI:
    yes.

    How does on determine his or her sexual orientation exactly? Based on your feelings, whether or not you have acted on those.

    Do you believe we can't really determine our sexual orientation till we experiment?
    Sometimes we need to experiment if we're unsure, but many times we don't.

    Edit: experimentation can give you that 'official' stamp of yes/no I'm ____, but chances are your feelings are spot on.
     
    #9 Soulful, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  10. M-Tewalt

    M-Tewalt Community Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2010
    Threads:
    25
    Messages:
    299
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    For me it was as simple as 123
    1. Look at your attractions
    2. Look at your genuine desires
    3. Give both sides a try.

    You do kinda need to try it out a bit.

    no. Sexual orientation is love too, it's all about how you feel.

    70+% of it is emotional fulfillment

    Give every option an honest try.

    Oh believe me, there are very clear lines between homo/bi/hetero sexuallities
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. Daeledin

    Daeledin <font color=#575EC1>NVs Fanboi</font>

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    69
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I think you'd be hard pressed to change yourself beyond your base desires. You've probably heard about all the ex-gay programs. Extremely controversial and it is up in the air whether or not it works. I highly doubt they do. They were probably just bisexual or bicurious to begin with to have gotten some 'benefit' out of it and were persuaded to act on their straight tendencies. Every American psychiatric organization is opposed to those programs. Whatever you desire in a romantic partner is completely yours. Don't compromise what you feel or want when it comes to this. If you want a guy or a woman: have it. If you want sex one time with a person of interest then make it well known that is your goal. If you're in it for a romance then work towards that. If it turns out it isn't going to work for you because your core attributes and values cross then call it off and move on. It is all apart of your orientation. I think we get caught up in the whole 'sex' aspect of orientations. If you fall in love, you're falling in love with that person. All aspects of that person.

    People like to put labels to things. Homo-, hetero-, bi-, tran-, pan-, a- they are just labels. There have been plenty of people who have been in marriages for years and then find someone of the same sex and find a 'wake up call' of sorts and open themselves to the possibility of homosexual romance. It works both ways, a 'gay' guy can open up to the side of him that prefers the intimate company of females. Did these people all of a sudden become gay or straight? Probably not. It's entirely possible that the feelings or desires didn't surface in them as a possibility until that moment.

    The teenage hormones effect everyone differently. I certainly wasn't a sex maniac and I quickly determined I prefer the gents. However you can't allow yourself to prejudice the possibility that the star quarterback who fooled around with every cheerleader all of a sudden stumbles upon his desires for men.

    It's all a part of being human. We don't know what we want. The things we want can hide from us or simply change when we find something better.


    There is all sorts of research being done on sexual orientation. Most of it dealing with twin studies and physiology of exclusively gay and straight men (unfortunately it is mostly men who receive the attention in these studies, not men and women). There is no isolated 'gay gene' although there have been linkage studies with Xq28 in males. I went off on a small discussion on these things in some other thread.

    If you're uncertain with yourself then I wouldn't worry about it. Like you I haven't had any desire to be in a romantic relationship with a girl or be sexually involved with them. I do for guys all the time. I'm not opposed to the possibility of it one day changing or finding a girl that will rock my world that way. Although it seems like it'd be pretty hard to do. She'll be lacking the anatomy. I think I'd be bored.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #11 Daeledin, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  12. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,136
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    33,460
    Trophy Points:
    1,377
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    I personally don't think this is true.
    What you feel right now, is basically your orientation. I don't think sexual orientation is an informed decision one makes. It just exists.
    You just are what you are in this respect. So, don't push yourself to try anything with someone just to see. From experience, it's incredibly awkward and lonely.
    Plus you could hurt someone.
     
    #12 acd, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  13. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2008
    Threads:
    160
    Messages:
    4,066
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    316
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ISFP
    You want to do it with dudes = gay
    You want to do it with ladies = straight
    You don't mind = Bi
    You don't want to do it with anyone = asexual
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. j e s s i e

    j e s s i e Buried Myself Alive
    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    385
    Likes Received:
    154
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    xNFP
    Enneagram:
    6w5
    I define sexuality as merely which gender your body reacts to, and is attracted to on a purely physical level. Emotional attraction is an entirely different affair, however it, without a doubt, can complicate things greatly when it comes down to who you want to be with.

    I find the female body to be appealing on a sexual level, where as with men I cannot have that same innate attraction and desire to be in a physical relationship with one. I am also a girl, therefore I identify as a lesbian. It is not something I've had to experiment on so much as I just know and can identify what I like, just as straight boys would yearn after the opposite sex and hang posters of hot women in their bedroom, for example.

    Though, I totally believe it when people say that with the right person, even if they may not coincide with your normal sexual preferences, an intense emotional attraction to them can lead you to also feel physically attracted as well, and want to be with them in your entirety. I believe it from experience. The power of love and all of that. :rolleyes:
     
    slant likes this.
  15. Faye

    Faye ^_^
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2009
    Threads:
    311
    Messages:
    7,278
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4,613
    Trophy Points:
    892
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Gridania
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    If nothing else, give it a shot. That is the best way imo.
     
  16. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Threads:
    540
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    549
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INXP
    For me, it was an awkwardness. No matter how much I tried I couldn't find a certain interest in girls. I wanted a relationship with one and I tried dating, but it wasn't successful. I couldn't form a real emotional or physical attraction. I also knew I was very easily aroused by giuys, and I liked to see naked men, whereas I didn't have that drive to see naked women.

    It isn't very sophisticated, but I guess if lesbian porn does nothing for ya, then chances are you are gay.

    I could go into the whole philosophy that sexual orientation is a social construct and that sexuality exists upon a spectrum which can change throughout life by varying degrees, but that doesn't sound like what you are looking for.

    The best answer is it is your sexuality and only you can determine who you want to be with and why.
     
    slant likes this.
  17. beetpoet

    beetpoet Community Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2010
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    18
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    i agree. i'm one of those mid-spectrum people who doesn't have a totally straight or totally gay perspective.

    i like the idea that we "come out" at some point about our orientation. but then there is also how we "turn out" as we grow and change through life and follow our hearts. it usually turns out to be more complex than the original idea that we "came out" to. both are important.
     
  18. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    332
    Messages:
    10,231
    Featured Threads:
    40
    Likes Received:
    15,865
    Trophy Points:
    1,741
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Enfp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    No you don't have to experiment to know your orientation but it can just prove to embrace what you already knew which is what it did for me.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2009
    Threads:
    26
    Messages:
    787
    Likes Received:
    68
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTP
    I've had crushes on boys since a very early age and feel an attraction towards men, I've never felt anything like that towards a female. I think it is safe to conclude I am straight just from that. Now although I can find women quite attractive(without being interested in them) I also find some girl parts gross and don't like women at the best of times, certainly wouldn't want to date one.

    I do not think you need to experiment to know the answer.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    332
    Messages:
    10,231
    Featured Threads:
    40
    Likes Received:
    15,865
    Trophy Points:
    1,741
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Enfp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    Just because at an early age you had crushes on persons doesn't make your orientation a certain way; for example, up until middle school I believe I had crushes on males but it wasn't sexual of nature it was just...I don't know how to describe it. Anyway, at some point in middle school that just stopped. I did assume I was heterosexual until middle school and then things got really messed up.

    It also became clear to me in sixth grade that I had a weird thing for butchy looking females because I once thought for the longest time my music student teacher was dude and I had the biggest crush on him and one day I realized the music teacher was a female and I was actually quite petrified. But that sort of thing continued to happen.

    Needless to say, I am NOT heterosexual. XD
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #20 slant, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
Loading...

Share This Page