Can you truly love someone you don't trust?

[slant]

From recent experience: yeah, def. not.

 

[enfp can be shy]

if she is an INFJ, then it's likely that she actually fears the disappointment of having the trust broken. In that moment of discovering that trust has been broken, the pain and hurt is pretty unbareable. I think this is why she "blocks" it rather than "sabotages" it.

It is to protect herself. If you don't understand this, that's ok, I'm just thinking as an INFJ, and I too can see myself in her. Also, like myself, it's possible she has experienced this lots of times, so she just has made this pact with herself to not ever be in that position again, as her empathy helped her also see how her expectations of others caused her her own pain... I again can relate. So, it's not being imature or inadvertantly being manipulative, more like setting a block or a boundary of a guard of some sort, to avoid the inevitable.

It is not disappointing when enimies break your trust, it is also not something that will bring with it, the anticipation of knowing you'll (she'll) get hurt by someone she thinks well of, or wants to think well of. I bet she would love to be able to trust, but she knows how she feels and that emotionally, she's just not safe to do so.

Thank you. It's very hard for me to understand it fully, so any help from other INFJs is appreciated.

I told her that I feel sorry for her, and she thought that was rude. I still think this attitude towards love cannot go forever, I won't believe it. In every explanation about it, there is fear. And it is a necessity for true happiness to not feel fear.

Assume that betraying the trust of an INFJ hurts so much... well, yes, but for me love is also about vulnerability. I need to be completely vulnerable in the hands of my love, and not protected. If I'm protected, means I'm afraid, and it's not full. I'm sure that this is not only how I feel it. Of course, one can have all kinds and levels of giving into it.

In any case I don't want to push such an issue, as if it should be "resolved". I believe it will require time. Maybe many years, who knows. I hope some day she suddenly realizes that she actually trusts somebody close to her.

 

[Kristine]

You can think you love them, but if you cannot trust them, you cannot truly love them. And, if the trust has been broken over something really bad, there is no, I mean NO going back. Why would you waste your time? Life is too short!

 

[Ria]

Thank you. It's very hard for me to understand it fully, so any help from other INFJs is appreciated.

I told her that I feel sorry for her, and she thought that was rude. I still think this attitude towards love cannot go forever, I won't believe it. In every explanation about it, there is fear. And it is a necessity for true happiness to not feel fear.

Assume that betraying the trust of an INFJ hurts so much... well, yes, but for me love is also about vulnerability. I need to be completely vulnerable in the hands of my love, and not protected. If I'm protected, means I'm afraid, and it's not full. I'm sure that this is not only how I feel it. Of course, one can have all kinds and levels of giving into it.

In any case I don't want to push such an issue, as if it should be "resolved". I believe it will require time. Maybe many years, who knows. I hope some day she suddenly realizes that she actually trusts somebody close to her.

INFJ's are proud creatures and highly sensitive... we don't want people feeling sorry for us ever because pitty from others feels patronizing. Your friend is honestly just doing her best to protect her sensitivity. It might be helpful to her if you just honored and acknowledged that this is the way she feels, and let her be the boss of her own emotions and what she does with them. Just be there to listen to her, and validate her. INFJ's do know what's best for themselves... who knows, if given time and space, she may come to feel safer to trust; it sounds like you would like and appreciate an opportunity to have her trust you...

 

[enfp can be shy]

Lack of trust by itself is easy to understand. We began the long discussion, because of the strange claim that love should exist without trust; and love is even violated, if there is trust.

Trust turned out to be something impossible, unrealistic, which you would do only to people who you don't care about. If you really love them, you wouldn't sentence them to trust.

The more time passes by, the more I'm getting used to this odd idea. Indeed, there is something careless about trust, almost as if you manage people and delegate expectations, instead of keeping a vigilant caring eye on them. The problem is - mistrust is felt. So it ruins the confidence of your close ones in themselves. Which doesn't help them. It's not so easy to decide which is good, there should be some balance.