I think it has to come from both sides, the love on first sight.
Or else just try and take it slow I think.
Attention INFJ Males : [borrowed]
- Thread starter Odyne
- Start date
Or else just try and take it slow I think.
This.
WhiteWolf got to it before I did. They both felt the same way at the same time. Otherwise, you've probably got to take the time-honoured path of taking time.
What they said! Even though you may develop your feelings fast, you at times need to taper them and be aware that others may not. Also be careful, as INFJ's we sometimes assume that others can read our minds. Newsflash- they can not.
That being said, this is how we generally get ourselves into our lonely quandaries. We decide right away that we're in, but hold back and wait to see if she interested too, and then we either end up never saying anything, waiting too long and some other dude snags her, or say it too fast and rush into things too quickly.
That being said, this is how we generally get ourselves into our lonely quandaries. We decide right away that we're in, but hold back and wait to see if she interested too, and then we either end up never saying anything, waiting too long and some other dude snags her, or say it too fast and rush into things too quickly.
1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
I'm almost never actually out in public areas except when I'm at work or school. Occasionally I'll do something like bowling or whatever when I need to get my mind off something.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
Really quiet, peaceful looking person. Not an uncommon happening for me to look completely lost in thought about something. I won't typically avoid people completely, but you can bet I'm not going to be around a lot of them. Also, I tend to wear more formal clothing than other people my age, but that might be just a personal quirk.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
I understand that I don't act like the vast majority of everyone else, so a big thing is to not...I guess, look down on me for it. Be actually interested in who I am. And for the love of whatever deity you may believe in, spend time with me without me having to start it. This may be just another one of my quirks, seeing as how my brain tries to justify any action someone I like does as a sign of dislike towards me, but seriously - if you actually willingly talk to me on your own, it gets rid of that paranoia. Sense of humor also goes a long way.
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
I'm way too paranoid to actually approach someone (6 years of being made to feel like the most undesirable walking piece of crap on the planet does that to you). I end up being even more quiet and quirky acting when I'm around someone I like but I haven't gotten comfortable around yet. When I AM comfortable around them, I'm more chatty around them than I am around everyone else. I'll start to talk much more seriously instead of just being a goof like I am normally (my sense of humor is my primary method of getting basically anyone to like me, male or female).
I hope that makes sense, but apparently it doesn't since I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship. FML.
Oh, BTW. First post on here. Hi all.
I'm almost never actually out in public areas except when I'm at work or school. Occasionally I'll do something like bowling or whatever when I need to get my mind off something.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
Really quiet, peaceful looking person. Not an uncommon happening for me to look completely lost in thought about something. I won't typically avoid people completely, but you can bet I'm not going to be around a lot of them. Also, I tend to wear more formal clothing than other people my age, but that might be just a personal quirk.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
I understand that I don't act like the vast majority of everyone else, so a big thing is to not...I guess, look down on me for it. Be actually interested in who I am. And for the love of whatever deity you may believe in, spend time with me without me having to start it. This may be just another one of my quirks, seeing as how my brain tries to justify any action someone I like does as a sign of dislike towards me, but seriously - if you actually willingly talk to me on your own, it gets rid of that paranoia. Sense of humor also goes a long way.
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
I'm way too paranoid to actually approach someone (6 years of being made to feel like the most undesirable walking piece of crap on the planet does that to you). I end up being even more quiet and quirky acting when I'm around someone I like but I haven't gotten comfortable around yet. When I AM comfortable around them, I'm more chatty around them than I am around everyone else. I'll start to talk much more seriously instead of just being a goof like I am normally (my sense of humor is my primary method of getting basically anyone to like me, male or female).
I hope that makes sense, but apparently it doesn't since I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship. FML.
Oh, BTW. First post on here. Hi all.
I dated an INFJ for about two years...
We met at a 3-week-long summer program at a school I later ended up going to; there were 36 people total, which meant that you got a really good chance to get to know everyone really well. About halfway through the first week, when I was sitting under a tree minding my own business, he came up to me and started drilling me about theological stuff - I had never really talked to him before. ha. It was funny.
And the rest is history.
We met at a 3-week-long summer program at a school I later ended up going to; there were 36 people total, which meant that you got a really good chance to get to know everyone really well. About halfway through the first week, when I was sitting under a tree minding my own business, he came up to me and started drilling me about theological stuff - I had never really talked to him before. ha. It was funny.
And the rest is history.
hi Steve Dude!
How to snag an INFJ male, interesting....I'll play. Keep in mind I am now in my early 40's and have not played the field in a while--not that I was ever a real "player". I never dated around. Always tried for relationships over getting some.
1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
Back when I was single, and still a bit now: Bookstores, coffeeshops, places with old things (second hand stores, flea markets), parks, places with beauty.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
I'm not talking and drawing attention to myself, I'm observing or contemplating. My face is not very antimated, but I may smile at you if I find you interesting or attractive. If I make eye contact for more than two seconds, I definately find you attractive. I take pride in my apperance and am well groomed, even if I am simply dressed. Dressy-casual is my prefered look. I will not usually initiate conversation, but will engage in it if you start and I find you interesting. I will avoid strangers if they are loud and boisterious.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
A smile is the #1 turn on for me. Everyone is more attactive when they smile (I should take my own advice more often!). Be interesting and don't talk excessively about yourself. Self-absorbed people are not interesting--deep thoughts and insightful comments are. Have a sense of humor. Even an edgy one is better than none at all. Be honest. We can smell liars from a mile away, and we hates them!!
4) How do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
Not very well usually! I had a lot of problems when I was younger. I think this one depends a lot on what age you are talking about. For myself, when I was single, I would cautiously increase my interaction with someone I was interested in. More conversation, more eye contact, smile once in a while. I could be obsessing about you and you might not know it. If I got the nerve up to ask you out, a "no" was major devistation, so I usually didn't do it unless I was +90% sure you'd say yes. If you are waiting for an INFJ male to ask you out, you're better off making the first move.
Now that I am older I think this has changed somewhat. I would lay on what I consider my "charm" more now. That would include my wit and my insight. I would figure out what made you tick (fairly quickly) and apply that to catching your interest. I would adapt whatever your "type" of humor is and engage you with it. In short, I'd use my brain to win you. It helps to be fairly decent looking to, but that's not required. If you see increased animation, you have my attention.
__________________
1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
Back when I was single, and still a bit now: Bookstores, coffeeshops, places with old things (second hand stores, flea markets), parks, places with beauty.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
I'm not talking and drawing attention to myself, I'm observing or contemplating. My face is not very antimated, but I may smile at you if I find you interesting or attractive. If I make eye contact for more than two seconds, I definately find you attractive. I take pride in my apperance and am well groomed, even if I am simply dressed. Dressy-casual is my prefered look. I will not usually initiate conversation, but will engage in it if you start and I find you interesting. I will avoid strangers if they are loud and boisterious.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
A smile is the #1 turn on for me. Everyone is more attactive when they smile (I should take my own advice more often!). Be interesting and don't talk excessively about yourself. Self-absorbed people are not interesting--deep thoughts and insightful comments are. Have a sense of humor. Even an edgy one is better than none at all. Be honest. We can smell liars from a mile away, and we hates them!!
4) How do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
Not very well usually! I had a lot of problems when I was younger. I think this one depends a lot on what age you are talking about. For myself, when I was single, I would cautiously increase my interaction with someone I was interested in. More conversation, more eye contact, smile once in a while. I could be obsessing about you and you might not know it. If I got the nerve up to ask you out, a "no" was major devistation, so I usually didn't do it unless I was +90% sure you'd say yes. If you are waiting for an INFJ male to ask you out, you're better off making the first move.
Now that I am older I think this has changed somewhat. I would lay on what I consider my "charm" more now. That would include my wit and my insight. I would figure out what made you tick (fairly quickly) and apply that to catching your interest. I would adapt whatever your "type" of humor is and engage you with it. In short, I'd use my brain to win you. It helps to be fairly decent looking to, but that's not required. If you see increased animation, you have my attention.
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I've been looking at this with interest. As a man in my early 30s, I would consider myself a mature INFJ in that I have overcome many of the issues that used to cripple me (shyness for example) and I am fairly outgoing and quite successful in what I do. (Context is everything).
Here goes:
1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
Work. The cinema. The pub. Even nightclubs occasionally. Imagine that! Though I spend a lot of time at home, reading etc.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
This is a tricky one girls. If you want to meet an INFJ, you must do it strategically. INFJs can look like extroverts if they are in a small group of people they know well. So this can be misleading. If they are in a crowd, you will find them (or me anyway) usually having a very intense conversation with just one person. Look for an introvert first. Then you've got to watch their eyes. From a distance, we have a kindly intense, serious impassive look to the eye. But get up close and have a conversation and you'll notice that the eyes of an intuitive pick up details others don't. They READ you very intently. If you are spoofing, you will know by our eyes that we know you are lying etc. We have a look like an x-ray machine: we can see right through you . So if you've got this far, you may have found an IN** man.
Congratulations if you've got this far. Because it gets more difficult. While I am an F, I can also be quite theoretical/intellectual and can match a T in just about any contest. The difference though, is that I would instinctively steer a conversation towards people or feelings. You need to watch for this. Ts never really talk about themselves and getting them to talk about themselves is hard work. INFJs love to talk about themselves.
Best of luck on the J part. Perhaps best to ask them specific questions where they have to show decisiveness. INFJs are very decisive. Ask a P a question and they'll hum and ha over it, teasing out possibilities. An INFJ will give you the answer straight-up without thinking about it. They're always very certain.
Also, career might be an indicator, though it might not. I am a writer. The only other INFJ I know is a writer. Many are to be found in the arts/psychology fields. Though that is very very general and only a guide. Put it this way, you are unlikely to find one in a bar full of accountants in the financial district of your city. You have to think bohemian/arty/non-conservative.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
INFj men love it when a woman makes the first move. We find it very sexy. Unless there is drink on board (I am Irish!), I am unlikely to make the first move. What I do however is stare. I will look at you, try to catch your eye and look at you meaningfully. That's my cue. If you smile back I'll smile back, but really really awkwardly. After about twenty minutes of this kind of thing, I might go over and talk to you.
If you are a female introvert, you have to remember this: INFJs are introverts too. So pick up the courage and go for it. Or at least smile. Or wave.
I hope that helps.
Here goes:
1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
Work. The cinema. The pub. Even nightclubs occasionally. Imagine that! Though I spend a lot of time at home, reading etc.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
This is a tricky one girls. If you want to meet an INFJ, you must do it strategically. INFJs can look like extroverts if they are in a small group of people they know well. So this can be misleading. If they are in a crowd, you will find them (or me anyway) usually having a very intense conversation with just one person. Look for an introvert first. Then you've got to watch their eyes. From a distance, we have a kindly intense, serious impassive look to the eye. But get up close and have a conversation and you'll notice that the eyes of an intuitive pick up details others don't. They READ you very intently. If you are spoofing, you will know by our eyes that we know you are lying etc. We have a look like an x-ray machine: we can see right through you . So if you've got this far, you may have found an IN** man.
Congratulations if you've got this far. Because it gets more difficult. While I am an F, I can also be quite theoretical/intellectual and can match a T in just about any contest. The difference though, is that I would instinctively steer a conversation towards people or feelings. You need to watch for this. Ts never really talk about themselves and getting them to talk about themselves is hard work. INFJs love to talk about themselves.
Best of luck on the J part. Perhaps best to ask them specific questions where they have to show decisiveness. INFJs are very decisive. Ask a P a question and they'll hum and ha over it, teasing out possibilities. An INFJ will give you the answer straight-up without thinking about it. They're always very certain.
Also, career might be an indicator, though it might not. I am a writer. The only other INFJ I know is a writer. Many are to be found in the arts/psychology fields. Though that is very very general and only a guide. Put it this way, you are unlikely to find one in a bar full of accountants in the financial district of your city. You have to think bohemian/arty/non-conservative.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
INFj men love it when a woman makes the first move. We find it very sexy. Unless there is drink on board (I am Irish!), I am unlikely to make the first move. What I do however is stare. I will look at you, try to catch your eye and look at you meaningfully. That's my cue. If you smile back I'll smile back, but really really awkwardly. After about twenty minutes of this kind of thing, I might go over and talk to you.
If you are a female introvert, you have to remember this: INFJs are introverts too. So pick up the courage and go for it. Or at least smile. Or wave.
I hope that helps.
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1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
Besides the obvious answer of home, you might see me biking or walking some time on the path near where I live. I go to the library now and then. When class times don't interfere, I practice and help teach Tae Kwon Do at a local school.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
When I'm walking around and not talking to anyone(actually even if I'm talking to someone I tend to do this), I'm usually looking at my surroundings but not focusing on any area in particular. My eyes wander all over the place. However, if I'm not walking or moving, and I'm talking to someone, I'm probably looking intense or focused. The secret is hidden in our eyes. As pointed out above.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
Sincere kindness. My heart always warms when I see geniunely kind people. A sense of humor definitely helps, or perhaps someone that can understand my odd sense of humor. Showing interest in me is a definite plus, but I'll probably act shy at first. Don't be discouraged, it's just my way of determining what sort of person you are. Definitely be honest with us though. If we can't trust you, it becomes a big hurdle to any relationship.
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
We'd likely have been friends or known each other for a while. I think I would probably ask you out, if I was really attracted, but it's pretty iffy. It's probably a long process, though. There's so many absolutely rigid STJ's here that I don't really know.
Besides the obvious answer of home, you might see me biking or walking some time on the path near where I live. I go to the library now and then. When class times don't interfere, I practice and help teach Tae Kwon Do at a local school.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
When I'm walking around and not talking to anyone(actually even if I'm talking to someone I tend to do this), I'm usually looking at my surroundings but not focusing on any area in particular. My eyes wander all over the place. However, if I'm not walking or moving, and I'm talking to someone, I'm probably looking intense or focused. The secret is hidden in our eyes. As pointed out above.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
Sincere kindness. My heart always warms when I see geniunely kind people. A sense of humor definitely helps, or perhaps someone that can understand my odd sense of humor. Showing interest in me is a definite plus, but I'll probably act shy at first. Don't be discouraged, it's just my way of determining what sort of person you are. Definitely be honest with us though. If we can't trust you, it becomes a big hurdle to any relationship.
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
We'd likely have been friends or known each other for a while. I think I would probably ask you out, if I was really attracted, but it's pretty iffy. It's probably a long process, though. There's so many absolutely rigid STJ's here that I don't really know.
At work, or somewhere that caters to my interests (for me that would be the supermarket, the library, the book store, or maybe the coffee shop) If there's something that my closest friends are interested in, I may be there too. Most of my 'party time' is spent attached to my closest friend when he wants to go somewhere like that.
If it's at one of my places, I may just be the guy that won't shut up about the topic at hand! If it's a social place, then I'm the guy who stands around smiling, listening, and saying little of substance. I am agreeing with whatever that ES is screaming about (metaphorically - I probably stopped hearing him/her a while ago too). I am probably shadowing my best friend. We also tend to have hushed conversations if others are talking around us. Usually about points that we feel are either too taboo or too out there for the group we are hanging with.
Attention, Attention, Attention! Not the "I just became attached to your hip" kind, but the kind that says "Hey I find you interesting as a person.. and kind of cute too" if that makes sense. And if you top that off with a few statements that show that you too have a deep side... wow!
Well, if you are in a hurry you could push. That may work if it happens to be the right day. Just a nudge though. If it takes more than a sentence or 10 seconds than it's probably too strong.
I tend to wait to make a move until I realize that there is something there. Definitely not looking for a superficial fling here. Strong signs that you have my real interest include increased interest and attention on my part beyond what everyone else gets from me, a sincere willingness to engage in conversation about topics of your choice, and if in a social setting, a willingness to hang out with just you instead of you and my chaperon(s) *cough* I mean friend(s).
1. Depends on the man and our interests. I am personally interested in computers and music so I surround myself with friends that are usually smarter than myself so I can learn from them. Otherwise I am usually at home learning. Sometimes I go to concerts or to local venues hosting local bands. Then again the town I live in has nothing but bars for social fun. I hate bars. I hate clubs. I am not a big fan of any place with large crowds.
2. You don't recognize us in public, you don't even notice us. Usually in public I am either by myself or with a single friend or two.
3. Tell us something that isn't superficial. Show kindness.
4. I find a lot of women attractive, but I generally I assume that woman is shallow unless she proves otherwise. Therefore, I usually have to be in a situation already talking to the woman to know whether or not I am interested in them.
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My answer: you don't. If they can't believe in your heart, then there's nowhere to go from there.
1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
At a coffee shop, the gym, or my apartment. Or with friends. The grocery store. I love to buy groceries.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
They'll notice I don't speak much at all in groups unless people ask me what I think. I'll almost always have my iphone/ipod headphones on - off in my own world complete with soundtrack.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
They'd ask me questions. Ask me what I think about whatever the topic of conversation is. They'd catch my eye and maintain eye contact with me. I find this extremely alluring.
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
Hah... I'm actually trying to figure that out right now. I tend to circle the girl for a while and once I make up my mind, I pounce. I'm not saying it's a good way to do it. But based on my past, it's sudden and, from the girl's perspective, with out rhyme or reason.
One thing I did think of... as much as I can tend to be standoffish in groups, if a girl notices that I'm all of the sudden hanging around her and her group more, that's a dead giveaway simply because I don't like groups, so if I'm there, it's got to be for some reason.
At a coffee shop, the gym, or my apartment. Or with friends. The grocery store. I love to buy groceries.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
They'll notice I don't speak much at all in groups unless people ask me what I think. I'll almost always have my iphone/ipod headphones on - off in my own world complete with soundtrack.
3) How would one go about attracting you?
They'd ask me questions. Ask me what I think about whatever the topic of conversation is. They'd catch my eye and maintain eye contact with me. I find this extremely alluring.
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
Hah... I'm actually trying to figure that out right now. I tend to circle the girl for a while and once I make up my mind, I pounce. I'm not saying it's a good way to do it. But based on my past, it's sudden and, from the girl's perspective, with out rhyme or reason.
One thing I did think of... as much as I can tend to be standoffish in groups, if a girl notices that I'm all of the sudden hanging around her and her group more, that's a dead giveaway simply because I don't like groups, so if I'm there, it's got to be for some reason.
Ah same old, same old. New intro pagey thing on the forum. Loving it or hating it? What happened to you?
Lol it had changed? Sweet. I'm clueless to that stuff usually :S
Hmm. I've been doing well. Not really sure why I was gone for so long. I just took a break for a bit - not sure how long I'll be back either. That's usually the way it is with me and my sporadic visits to forums.
Getting back to the topic...
One thing I thought of..
If some girl is immediately touching my shoulder or wanting a hug when we say goodbye even though we just met, I'm usually very suspicious/wary around her from that point on.
1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
walking around campus or just some random place staring off into space.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
i dress work casual and am usually alone or the one in the group who rarely speaks
3) How would one go about attracting you?
say nice things and mean them
Question Added on Request:
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
I'm not sure i've figured this one out yet. Still trying to figure out how to talk to those of interest
walking around campus or just some random place staring off into space.
2) How does one recognize you in public?
i dress work casual and am usually alone or the one in the group who rarely speaks
3) How would one go about attracting you?
say nice things and mean them
Question Added on Request:
4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
I'm not sure i've figured this one out yet. Still trying to figure out how to talk to those of interest