Attention INFJ Males : [borrowed]

Thank you Odyne. <3 <3 <3
I'm interested in number 3 mostly. thinking of one INFJ in particular . . .

 

yeah. I wonder why . . .
guys?

 

Trust me, I'm replying! It's taking a while.

 

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?

Nowhere exclusively social. I'm rarely in bars, club or pubs. Coffee shops or cafe's- maaaaaaybe. If you really wanna find me, you'd have to be involved in my activities/job. So, holding script meetings, out around town shooting footage. At the gym, sports centre, at my club training. In the film/sports section of a book shop, reading the books instead of buying them. Cinema sometimes.

2) How does one recognize you in public?

If I'm in a crowd or not participating, I'll be the quiet and reserved but alert. I'll be the scanning the environment for details when I'm feeling dis attached or despondent. If I'm feeling good I'll just staring into the sky or at hot girls. I'll be standing with a confident, but cold and slightly intimidating body language. That keeps away people who like to pick on soft targets. So I'm usually on the defensive and try to maintain a constant sense of awareness which can make me seem distant but if you actually approach me with a non-high horse, friendly (but not too friendly, I'm very suspicious) way, I'll respond warmly and helpfully.

If I'm talking or I'm the centre of attention I'll speak A LOT. I'll talk fast and use lots of gesticulation with my hands. I'm either explaining something with life or death conviction or arguing/running rings around someone verbally.

3) How would one go about attracting you?

Just listen to what I'm saying and show genuine interest. Relate my experiences and activities to yours. Create connections between my feelings and experience with yours. If you can connect pieces of your experience/life with mine then that shows empathy and intuition.

Let a bit of yourself go emotionally. If I feel that someone feels comfortable enough to reveal a genuine bit of themselves then that shows that they are emotionally intelligent and have a great depth of feeling and that we relate on some level. Showing a vulnerable side is good. I want to see that you are a deep feeler/thinker.

If I sense any dishonesty I'm gone.

Don't be a sugar coated Missy. Overly "precious", "cautious" or "sensitive" girls don't seem confident and are frustrating. Swearing/jokes shows you're down to earth, for me. Showing that you have dislikes and that there are things that rub you the wrong way, that your capable of having a resentful side- shows your human! I find overly "sweet" or "nice" people stressful to be around because I feel like I'm walking on egg shells.

Light pushing, punching and play fighting kind of stuff is awesome. That will send a clear message through my thick skull, backing up the verbal with physical. It also shows your not made of glass and that you can be tough and rough and tumble. I'd wait before you start doing that though, otherwise I'll get overwhelmed.

Be patient! Don't force me into social situation without giving me enough time. I Don't like surprises, I need time to prepare for things.

Reply to my messages. That drives me absolutely insane when people "forget" to reply or simply don't. Take any correspondence that I initiate as a blessing because it's very rare for me to do that!

4) How do INFJ men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?

There has been one girl who I have really "gone after". At first I just messaged her asking her questions under the pretence of our work. I'd met her before and just asked her questions and we seemed to click. When I messaged her later I said how I was listening to what she said and I felt that I related, blah blah blah. I don't know, it was the same as any other guy. I messaged her, opening with funny/ever so slightly flirty lines. Get to know her through conversation but also being jokey and taking the piss every now and then. I eventually asked her for coffee. However again, I asked her so as to work on a piece of writing I had done. Then after that I would've asked her out on a proper "date".

The typical way of picking up girls does not work for me- in a bar/club, chat up etc. I would have to be around them a lot, so we would have to be in the same field of study/work or in close proximity over a period of time. I would get to know them. I know this set's us up for the friend zone but I'm not a very "nice" person. I challenge people, that's how my relationships with people go. I'm quite aggressive and confrontational also, so I've never had a problem with the FZ.

 

Oh can we add another question? I want to know how INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how they approach women they are interested in. Because this would be revealing.

 

I'm actually in finance... But for idealistic reasons! Other then that.. libraries?

Facial expressions.

Talk to me and be interesting and genuine. And I can sense when your not being genuine, so be honest. Nervous and shy is ok. Lies are not. Also if your interested in getting my attention real quick dump the small talk and discuss things that matter.

Women usually ask me out. Seriously. So I recommend that

 

Was that directed at me? I'm sry Yield. I'm just all kinds of crazy today. *gives self a dissaproving look*
I totally did reply to your post before. lol I said: "Hurry UP! jk" but then I was just like god, I'm so pushy so I deleted it but forgot to write anything else.
Thank you so much for your reply It was really helpful; I appreciate it.

 

Ha ha, no! None of that is directed at you in anyway, don't be so paranoid!

 

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
I'm in college, and the only significant places I go to, everyone goes to, e.g., class, the dining halls, the bus, the CS lounge in between classes, etc.



2) How does one recognize you in public?
I live off campus, so when I'm on campus, I make sure to always have a book. Always. In between classes when I don't have enough time to take the bus back to my place, I go to the CS lounge and read. If it's noisy there (or smelly >.>), I go to one of the quiet floors in the library and read. If I show up to class early, I pull out my book and read. However, if I have a good friend in the class, I might talk to him or her, and then read.

On the way to classes, I would say that I walk faster than most people. I know that people have told me that I look serious, but no one's said anything for a while.

On the bus, I zone out. I have no idea what that looks like.



3) How would one go about attracting you?
For walk ups, start off with "Hi," and let me say "Hey" back. That's always nice. Beyond that, it's just another conversation.

Smiles are the best, really. Just make sure they're full-facial smiles; I better see those eyes smile too.

It's difficult for me to answer this question because I haven't met anyone mentally, emotionally, and physically attractive for at least a year. I know that my previous girlfriend was a friend, and we flirted a lot as friends. We liked each other a lot, and, before I left her house one night, she made me kiss her. Both of my exes have had to force me to kiss them.

Last weekend, I talked a bit to the president of the math club at a party. During the conversation, I actually felt attracted to her, but she didn't look that great. I believe it was just small talk, but I felt like we understood each other.

The biggest turn on from my last girlfriend was her mannerisms. She moved and talked with grace and sensuality. Think of a hippie fashion model. I'll try to write a more specific description.

I don't touch people, and I don't like to be touched. I give only a handful of hugs a year, all to my mother when I'm leaving to or returning from college. So, what'll happen if you touch me, as I know some of the PUAs like to? Well, I think I'll get it. I had one girl that hit on me for like a month, and when I finally got it, she got bored and moved on; she never touched me.



4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
I haven't done that in years. I know PUA theory, but I'm bad at the execution. I'd rather have a slow build from a friendship to a relationship, and we never explicitly define anything about the relationship because that's half the fun.

As you can tell from my About Me, I'm bad at writing hooks, introductions, and openers. This problem also extends to the dating scene.

 

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
When I'm outside I tend to pick the place farthest apart from people and sit down under a tree and seem to be lost in thoughts writing(or appear to be writing) things in a notebook about things about life.

2) How does one recognize you in public?
I always seem to be in a hurry, I pace really fast with structured steps along the way and seem really focused towards where I'm going. I may look at you in the eye but sometimes my mind would be occupying my attention and would be looking somewhere else oblivious to things in my surrounding which may cause me to trip, but not fall
3) How would one go about attracting you?
By not being too pushy and too needy. I don't like women who just wants to talk about some random, superficial stuff because I will be sooo bored by the conversation even though I might look interested. Be honest, have a sense of humor and intellectual curiosity and I'll fall all over you lol.


4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
I usually don't show interest at all. I may look at you with a bit hint of curiosity but you may think that I'm staring at the booger at your nose and most women tend to run away in embarrasment. If I have enough trust in you, I start to flirt alot and ask lots of questions about things that interest you and that may potentially lead to both of us like in the future. I want to connect at first and while it may seem that I think of you as a friend, I don't, but I usually want a very strong bond with you at first so please don't shove me into the frigging "friend zone" because I will not be your friend and leave forever from your life.

 

I'm actually a hard person to find to be honest. I go all over the place and at the same time, I don't get out much. I can't give someone any specific place they can find me. I think I'm still struggling to establish my self identity- which makes it erratic. I'd say look for the quiet guy in clubs, class, or whatever, and talk to him to see what he is like. That would be the best way to find a male INFJ I think, though it is not absolute.

Well, they would probably need to know what I look like, but if you mean characteristics...

I'll probably be very quiet in group settings unless I know the people or am more than somewhat intoxicated. I have very acute awareness of my environment, and I typically carry myself with confidence. People have told me that I look like I handle myself very well in regard to social relations and life in general- even though I don't feel that way. I think I intimidate some people too, though I don't mean to.

The bast way to attract me is to be nice to me. If I find a woman physically attractive, she becomes even more attractive after I know her and find out that she is a nice person. I might not even find her that attractive at first. Its weird.

Become friends, ask to hang out, get to know the person or talk to them often, hopefully ask out if the girl seems like she might be interested or is interested. I have a very difficult time showing interest in someone because I would hate to make someone uncomfortable. I guess I need to be more direct.

 

So is it fair to say that INFJ men don't approach women they are interested in initially. And you hate small talk. And you are sometimes somewhat oblivious to other people's interest. Damn that must suck. How do any of you ever find women? It must be REALLY difficult to be an INFJ guy on the prowl. There's something quite endearing about that, actually.

 

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
This is a tough one. I'm usually either working or in class, and if I'm not in one of those two places then 80% of the time I'm at my apartment (when I'm in school, mind you). If I'm ever anywhere by myself or with friends, it'll be at a bookstore, a show (/seeing a band), or a party.

2) How does one recognize you in public?
I don't really think I stick out. If you see someone who can't dress in the summer but looks fucking stylish in the winter then that's probably me.

3) How would one go about attracting you?
They'd probably have to approach me unless I'm in a high potential for gain/low risk situation. Be polite (not necessarily "friendly" since this can be hard for someone you don't know) and don't come off as stupid or a prude, and at the very least I'll be intrigued. If she's cute and says as much about me, then she'll have me at the balls (figuratively).

4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
I'm still not great at asking for dates, but generally coffee seems to be a pretty good icebreaker. Flirting probably isn't the best indicator of attraction unless I do it every time I'm around someone, as usually I'll just do it for fun or practice.

I've kind of gotten over being too shy to ask someone out on a date. I probably come off as kind of awkward but I think most women are flattered and find it somewhat endearing. Still no luck, but I rarely ask girls out anyway because I just don't find too many of them I'd like to get to know better. They tend to find me, and soon find out that I'm either not for them or that I'm just not interested.

And yeah, I can't stand small talk. I'm really bad at it and if that's all my date is capable of then it'll be a short night.

 

I'll let Yield do the talking, but I'll bold anything I've tweaked.
*shameless thief*

4) How do INFJ men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?

I'll start by increasing communication. It'll be less professional (if it was that to begin with) and more personal. The more I like/trust you, the more open it'll become. Flirting is a good sign I like you, but be careful - I'll mildly flirt with any female friend. There's a difference between mild flirting and more serious flirting. Eventually, I'll work up the nerve to tell you how I feel, and hope for some sparks! (Assuming you haven't already beat me to the punch!)

 

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
Probably somewhere with my friends, or at some bar playing a show with my band. I also like nature so I spend a lot of time walking through the woods near my house. If I'm not doing anything important, I'm probably at home reading.

2) How does one recognize you in public?
I'm pretty tall and stick out in a crowd because of my height. I also tend to walk pretty fast. There's also a good chance that I have a guitar with me (any picture that has ever been taken of me would argue that I'm never without one). So I guess basically, look for the hottest guy in the room, it's probably me.

3) How would one go about attracting you?
Like someone said before, smile. I really like girls that smile and laugh a lot. Take the time to at least feign interest in what I talk about and I'll probably melt like butter.

4)how do INFJ boys/men go about showing their interest and how do they approach women they are interested in?
Approaching women? What's that?
I get horribly social anxiety when I'm around a woman I am interested in if I haven't met her before. I suck at breaking the ice. I'll probably avoid any glances that are tossed my way and silently hope that you'll approach me. Like I said, I suck at breaking the ice.

Once the ice is broken however, I open up pretty quickly. If I find you and our conversation interesting, I probably won't shut up.

 

^Actually, yeah, put me in the "tall walking-fast guy" category, too. I didn't realize that would make me stick out.

People who walk slow are dumb (I kid, but stay in slow lane please).

 

I think the problem with finding women isn't that I can't approach them or anything, it's just extremely rare to find a someone I like. It's extremely rare to find a girl who likes and understands me. When I do, jesus, my world falls apart. Well, I did find someone like that and practically fell in love with her. It's not particularly healthy I suppose. But that feeling, when you suspect that you've actually found someone who you could be with, it's unbelievably overwhelming.