Are we INFJs because we're just too damn selfconscious and had a crappy childhood??

[Sarahkins]

I feel like...I'm an INFJ because I had such a crappy childhood full of abuse which made me such a shy, withdrawn, verbally untalkative, and self-conscious child. Now that I'm older, it's difficult for me to break out of the way I "am". Are you guys the same??? We're just too afraid to be ourselves in fear that people won't accept us or like us. Also, do you guys have social anxiety too???

Am I the only one who thinks our difficult childhoods made us this way???

 

[Soulful]

I don't know the extent to which my childhood shaped my INFJ inclinations. However, many many many people have varying levels of terrible childhoods and do not identify as INFJs, so I'm inclined to say there is more to it.

Also, it may help to consider that an INFJ nature is not limited to social anxiety and self-conscious worry. Although many people do identify with those traits, particularly (I am going to go out on a limb and make an assumption) the younger populations on the internet, there is such a thing as healthy and well-adjusted INFJs who learn to balance their sensitivities to others and to the environment, and take care of themselves by developing healthy self-esteem, confidence, and a strong sense of self. In part, this is what coming into adulthood is about.

It is possible that you may identify with the anxious aspects of the INFJs identity for now. I encourage you to also keep in mind the other positive and neutral qualities that constitute the dynamic of the personality.

 

[James]

Hey no infj bashing ! I think I guess why this post arose, anyone can have a difficult childhood but infjs tend to feel such things deeply. That said I think infj types are a catalyst for positive change, they are often critical in the development of others and play such a key role in societal groups.

Look at the likes of Ghandi or MLK, infjs that changed their world for the better. Its tough being an infj, largely due to their high standards and morality. How many great books, art is produced by infjs ?

I know infjs have their difficulties, but they also have an uncanny ability to reach and move others. As tough as it is I think every type have their mountains to climb. Its not just us.

 

[Siamese cat]

I very much think that I came to this world mostly as I am, that those core traits of my personality have been there from the very beginning of my being. So, you may say I was born an INFJ, not made one later.

 

[Motor Jax]

As tough as it is I think every type have their mountains to climb. Its not just us.

^


i can relate to a hard life
being introverted, i think i just made an easy target

sure taught me a lot though
and because of that, i'm stronger

 

[5r6jhd]

I was abused my whole life and I'm fucking FABULOUS. We have a choice, you know.

Edit: I feel like being flippant. When I have more time, I'll reply to this thread seriously.

 

[knight in battle]

Self-consciousness is an unhealthy condition that can come from the thought patterns of a bad childhood. That is different from introversion. You can be a balanced person and still be more introverted than not.

 

[Shaqie]

Maybe ...

Nature and/or Nurture is the question.
You were bullied because naturally you had something that made you look weaker to your peers or you experienced something that made you look weaker than your peers.

 

[Nitesteamer]

I think that once you identify your personal traits as an INFJ, and realize that some of the things that you had perhaps identified as flaws in your personality are normal and natural for your type, that you can slowly begin to accept and even embrace who you are, and eventually see that (for instance) you can be quiet, but not shy.

 

[BMatt]

I feel like...I'm an INFJ because I had such a crappy childhood full of abuse which made me such a shy, withdrawn, verbally untalkative, and self-conscious child.

I don't mean in any way to pry into your definition of 'abuse', but that term can be somewhat ambiguous. I'll share a brief bit of my childhood which could on some levels be considered abuse, but is certainly not anything near the level of the physical and mental abuse that some people experience.


When I was a child (approx 10-16), my father and I went through a pretty crazy period.

He is a person that I now describe as a "reformed INFJ". . . in that he was once incredibly similar to how I am now, however he found that it didn't function well in the world of making money within the business world. He was in the process of forcefully altering his way of thinking to fit in with the world and new demands of the various promotions he was given.

The problem stood that while he was struggling to alter himself in his 40s. . . he saw me travelling down the same path that he was and decided that he needed to save me earlier on in my life. He basically went into the Ni-Ti loop thing. . . and forced me into one too. Things never went well between us for years, but it has since been fixed. It did however have a lasting impression on my ways of thinking.




Anyway, to give my view on the question: I'd be more likely to believe that abuse is the side effect of existing in this world as an INFJ. They tend to see things in a confusing, yet correct way that makes sense to few people. Interactions with people who don't see the world like you do can bring out any number of negative emotions which could include hostility or abuse. . . . the Fe side senses this and then learns that it is best to just lock up your real personality in an effort to fit in with the world.

 

[Paladin-X]

Twas many moons ago
I remember it still
As clear as day it was
Destiny, I had sought to fulfill

I sat beneath the sorting hat
That ill-fated day
I prayed and prayed to be Gryffendor
But the stupid hat proclaimed INFJ!

 

[ChadKarding]

I think who we are is mostly shaped within the first year of our lives.

 

[Apone]

You can be whoever you want at any point in your life, provided you don't stand in your own way. If you keep feeding all of your energy to your issues then you'll never be able to escape them. If you're aware of what the problem is then that should make it easier to accept... not knowing is probably the hardest thing, but even so you can always choose not to dwell on it and fill your life with more worthwhile activities.

And the anxiety could very well be a vitamin deficiency of some sort-- there are psychological causes but ultimately I think these things can be controlled by exercise, diet, etc. Make sure you're getting enough sunlight and take Omega-3 and a really good multivitamin. It did the trick for me... cut out the top 3 worst foods in your diet and you'll be golden.

 

[Chatterbox]

Is INFJ a bad thing? I mean, we can be very miserable and hard on ourselves, sure. But to the society at large, we are amazing people. At least I'd like to think so.
My childhood was not terrible at all. Maybe I felt a bit unnoticed, but not terrible.

Maybe I need to know more about what INFJ means before commenting further. IMO, there are many aspects to a person's personality and INFJ is looking from one perspective.

To answer your question, assuming what you mean by INFJ is "too afraid to be ourselves in fear that people won't accept us or like us.", I am that way because I'm gay and closeted. And the need to hide myself has made me ultra sensitive of what others think of me. Is he suspicious of me being gay? Does he think I'm not manly enough? Does having idols like Christina Aguilera says "I'm gay"? These are the questions that occupies 70% of my brain activity from my teenage years till now (I'm 22). So, in my case, these insecurities stem from my sexuality and my inability to accept that my sexuality is not wrong. Not so much of my childhood. Maybe everyone has something in their life that has "made" them INFJ. Everyone's different.