Are most men cheaters? And experiment
- Thread starter Artemisia
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I have actually been on the receiving end of something very similar to what is being described here. Very early on in my relationship, a female work colleague of my husband (we were not married then) got quite friendly with him. I knew intuitively when I was introduced to her that she was seeking to create problems between us. Long story short, I told hubby that she was “interested” in him. He dismissed me and said that they were just friends. As you can imagine, it caused a lot of issues between us but I trusted that he would do the right thing. She would overtly flirt in front of me, she bought him a gift and then it happened! She out rightly asked to sleep with him and that’s when it hit my fella. Fortunately for him, he said NO and he walked away having learnt a bit more about the opposite sex and the importance of maintaining emotional and physical boundaries.
Anyway the point of all of this was that before and after this scenario, I can’t ever say I felt deeply offended or hatred towards this girl - only empathy. I am not a saint by any means but I do try and see what motivates people to behave in certain ways.
I don’t mean to sound melodramatic nor do I support the behaviour of the OPI but I would like to know what the underlying reasons were that led her to carry out this “experiment.”
We’ve all messed up and hurt people – hopefully the realisation of her behaviour will kick in at some point. I hope so!
Anyway the point of all of this was that before and after this scenario, I can’t ever say I felt deeply offended or hatred towards this girl - only empathy. I am not a saint by any means but I do try and see what motivates people to behave in certain ways.
I don’t mean to sound melodramatic nor do I support the behaviour of the OPI but I would like to know what the underlying reasons were that led her to carry out this “experiment.”
We’ve all messed up and hurt people – hopefully the realisation of her behaviour will kick in at some point. I hope so!
Unfortunately I think this is a human thing and not a just a man thing. Looking at humans outside of “humanity” we see that we are animals. The species needs to populate and in mens cases we really cant completely ignore the attentions of any woman regardless of our relationship status. Now this doesn’t mean we can’t mindfully avoid it. Meaning more specifically we are attuned to it. Now, say a man does his best not to be influenced by a woman he thinks is attractive, the act of making the attempt doesn’t negate the attraction in the first place.
There’s more to be said here but Im not going to. I fairly open minded so if this is a learning process for you so be it. If any of these men bite, there could be any number of reasons for it. Mostly like though it comes down to simply biology and the need to mate. Its not any more complex than that and there’s really no reason for you to continue your “experiment,” now that you know.
Interesting responses here though, Ill give you that.
Hate me if you like for the following but its the absolute truth. Just because a man loves a woman doesnt mean he doesnt look at other women. The thing that got you his attention in the first place is the same thing at play here.
There’s more to be said here but Im not going to. I fairly open minded so if this is a learning process for you so be it. If any of these men bite, there could be any number of reasons for it. Mostly like though it comes down to simply biology and the need to mate. Its not any more complex than that and there’s really no reason for you to continue your “experiment,” now that you know.
Interesting responses here though, Ill give you that.
Hate me if you like for the following but its the absolute truth. Just because a man loves a woman doesnt mean he doesnt look at other women. The thing that got you his attention in the first place is the same thing at play here.
Yeah society could really do with an open, honest, frank and non-judgmental discussion along these lines....its long overdue
@Artemisia - First off, I'm not interested in being anti-OP. I don't know you personally so I have no interest in personally attacking you or judging you since I don't know what you've been through and what you've experienced.
Sorry to hear you've had so much distrust in relationships, but it's not fair to use those hurt feelings to take advantage of your guy friend's feelings to prove a point about men's supposed inability to remain committed in a relationship. The ethics of the experiment as many have already mentioned are the concern. Maybe the best thing is to get at the heart of the reasons for the experiment. I think when someone has been through many experiences where they're repeatedly hurt or betrayed in relationships, it's easy to believe that everyone will be the same in the future. Your reading of the results of the experiment suggest that given the chance, people will grab at someone new if they show or express interest. I think this is not a fair reading since people are often insecure. Both men and women are insecure and feel good when more than one person shows interest in them. It doesn't mean they are immediately ready to cheat. However, the results from the experiment may simply reflect that the men you've had as friends or acquaintances may not be the kind of persons who are exclusively committed and invested in their relationships. Rather than trying to prove that all men cheat, maybe just start seeing these guys as individuals whose actions reflect their own self interests, rather than reflecting all males. Of course it's tough to keep giving your trust to people you love and care about only to have it demeaned or betrayed.
Although you say you don't care about their girlfriends and how they're affected I would recommend rethinking that statement. Is that how you would feel if you were one of those girlfriends? Do you think you would appreciate a boyfriend's platonic girlfriend flirting with him - encouraging him to think of someone besides you, to prove he's a cheater for her own sake? And even if you would want to know if your boyfriend is capable of cheating, do you think you'd really appreciate a woman intentionally flirting with your partner to make that point? Do you really want to be known as that girl who interfered in other people's personal lives to prove her point that all men are cheaters? Do you also realize what someone could do with this information if they found out you did this? I hope you reconsider your views on this. I really don't think you want to be THAT girl.
Sorry to hear you've had so much distrust in relationships, but it's not fair to use those hurt feelings to take advantage of your guy friend's feelings to prove a point about men's supposed inability to remain committed in a relationship. The ethics of the experiment as many have already mentioned are the concern. Maybe the best thing is to get at the heart of the reasons for the experiment. I think when someone has been through many experiences where they're repeatedly hurt or betrayed in relationships, it's easy to believe that everyone will be the same in the future. Your reading of the results of the experiment suggest that given the chance, people will grab at someone new if they show or express interest. I think this is not a fair reading since people are often insecure. Both men and women are insecure and feel good when more than one person shows interest in them. It doesn't mean they are immediately ready to cheat. However, the results from the experiment may simply reflect that the men you've had as friends or acquaintances may not be the kind of persons who are exclusively committed and invested in their relationships. Rather than trying to prove that all men cheat, maybe just start seeing these guys as individuals whose actions reflect their own self interests, rather than reflecting all males. Of course it's tough to keep giving your trust to people you love and care about only to have it demeaned or betrayed.
Although you say you don't care about their girlfriends and how they're affected I would recommend rethinking that statement. Is that how you would feel if you were one of those girlfriends? Do you think you would appreciate a boyfriend's platonic girlfriend flirting with him - encouraging him to think of someone besides you, to prove he's a cheater for her own sake? And even if you would want to know if your boyfriend is capable of cheating, do you think you'd really appreciate a woman intentionally flirting with your partner to make that point? Do you really want to be known as that girl who interfered in other people's personal lives to prove her point that all men are cheaters? Do you also realize what someone could do with this information if they found out you did this? I hope you reconsider your views on this. I really don't think you want to be THAT girl.
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Update. One of the guy friends (the one who wants to come to Europe from Australia to see me) is asking "what is going on between us, Artemisia? Are we falling for each other?"
Oh-oh. This is the guy who puts little hearts on his friend's FB page every week.
Oh-oh. This is the guy who puts little hearts on his friend's FB page every week.
I suppose you should reply with something along the lines of:
"Sorry Aussie, I am not falling for you but am attempting to get you to fall for me so that I can prove that all men are cheaters. If you still want to come to Europe to fuck, please do so that I have more ammunition to add to my data. Just know that I actually don't care for you romantically at all and you are simply a rat in my lab."
AM I RIGHT????
Because Science.
The point is that the Aussie is biting and is willing to travel to Europe for a meeting.....he was the one who suggested it in the first place. At least 2 of the other 5 are beginning to bite as well. Given enough time and attention, I bet you that I could get all six of them to come to Europe to "meet" me.
Attraction is more a matter of the senses. Commitment is more a matter of the mind?
Classically, the imagination was also considered as part of the senses.
I find it funny that this:
was followed by this:
I don't know. I would say the number of men that would potentially cheat is probably equal to the number of women that would do the same. And for every 6 men (or women) that would cheat, there are 6 that would not.
I don't think you can accurately say that these 6 men would respond to "any" woman this way. You obviously know them, therefore they are already aware of any attraction they have towards you. And they probably are in love with their partners. It's one thing to flirt through email; it's another to actually carry out the act. Now if you said they made real plans to meet up with you for a little afternoon delight, then it proves that these 6 particular men are cheaters. Not most men.
I get a feeling that you have trust issues with men and that is why you chose to do this small study. Did you want to somehow validate that men are no good and cannot be trusted?
What I can tell you is that there are a lot of people in this world that cannot be trusted. But there are also some pretty great people out there that will not break your heart. I really hope you meet one that changes your mind!
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This still proves nothing at all…why are you even bothering with continuing your supposed “scientific” experiment?
Sounds like you were either cheated on and are trying to rage against men by lumping them all into the same group of “cheaters”.
Or…you are the cheater and are trying to justify your own cheating by showing how all men are cheaters.
But I can tell you right now that you are wrong…no matter how much “data” you collect…not all men are cheaters, just as not all women are.
Statistically (which can be discovered with a programs called - “google search” and is much easier to use than being a bitch) 70% of men have cheated…while 60% of women have. That means 30% of men are not cheaters…so there is the answer to the OP.
You must really crave attention.
And then... you attract the guy that doesnt take no for an answer and your science project goes horribly wrong...
Iiiii don't knowwww, some of my married coworkers have been hittin on me and some of them not, I wouldn't say that all of dem are cheaters, nope