Are most men cheaters? And experiment

[ThomasJ79]

Really. I have been conducting an experiment recently. I have been sending loving/flirtatious notes and emails to some of my male friends who have girlfriends. Most of them claim they are in love with their girlfriends. You would be surprised to see how easy it is for them to cheat with another woman if the other woman shows interest in them. 3 out of the 6 live abroad and all three indicated they'd like to come and see me at some point (while being flirtatious themselves). The ones who are here where I live are also responding ecstatically to my giving nature. So while my sample size is small at the moment, that's 6/6 hits so far = 100%.

Remember, all of these guys are professionals (most with MAs or PhDs) and have girlfriends; most of them claim they are in love with them. Yet, if the opportunity of sex with me arose, they'd think nothing of cheating. I could be any woman, not saying that it's because they find me especially hot. They are responding to my supposed interest in them! I'm sick to my stomach. Are most (not all) men THIS selfish?

Well, I would say that you haven't proved anything other that the fact that they're willing to flirt back with you in return and have given you the impression that they are willing to cheat, a possible intent to cheat. Isn't it possible that since you have no intention of sleeping with them that they have no attention of sleeping with you as well? So 6/6 seems pretty conclusive, but you are already acquainted and that is a bias in your experiment. You will need a larger sample size, preferably between 20 and 30. You will also need to redefine what constitutes cheating because many people would argue that it would require some physical act before it could be considered cheating. How much are you willing to sacrifice in the name of science?

Whether they are cheaters or not, you will have to deal with the consequences of your own actions. What are you going to do if one of these men decides to meet up with you or won't stop contacting you. That may even try to force themselves on you. They may be angry at you. You could get hurt. Do any of these families have children? Do you even realize the amount of psychological trauma these children could suffer from? If you're going to prove anything at all it would be to demonstrate all the negative effects from dishonestly trying to get men to cheat on their significant others. Did you not know that any of the men would behave this way? Did something wrongfully happen to you to make you want to to something like this to men? What is your motive?

There is quite a bit of hypocrisy in your experiment as well. While cheating is morally wrong and falsely leading men on to cheat is also morally wrong, what you are doing is far above either of those and is the greater wrong.

 

[Skarekrow]

Yes, they were in fact interested in me at some point. A few of them had in fact made it clear. But you see, that's not the point. The point is that even though they are now in relationships with other women, they are still willing to cheat if someone they were interested in shows some interest in them. I'm sure your boyfriend/husband was interested in other women before he met you (and maybe even after), but would you trust him to actually not take the opportunity if the woman was willing? This is food for thought for these men's fidelity to their significant others.

At least someone (I am referring to Pics here) has the decency to not name call and to look at the issue without getting offended. I question the intellectuality of some of the people above who name call. Think before you respond.

It works both ways…and often times women use the justification that “men are cheaters” to cheat themselves.
I’m not all that either but I could, if I wanted to, flirt with various women at my job who are either married or in relationships and get laid.
Men and women are not so different on this subject…it all boils down to integrity - for both parties involved…the cheater, and the one they are cheating with…they both hold some responsibility. So actually what you are doing right now by playing your fucked up mind games is in fact betraying and cheating on the significant others of all these men whom you playing with too.
If you don’t see how this is a wrong thing to be doing, then you should consider counseling for sociopathy.

 

[bodhireagan]

This reads as if you recently went through an experience your partner betrayed you by cheating with someone else, and now you want your "friends" to feel like you do. People's lives are not meant to be toyed with, manipulated, and used at your expense. How would you feel if you wrecked a friend's relationship doing this "experiment" of yours and they committed suicide? Because that is the real world and a possibility. Your experiment is not. It is impossible to judge an entire gender with 6 men.
In a more science-y fashion, there are approximately 3.5 billion males living on the Earth. You are using 6 males, and these are not random test subjects whom you would not show bias to, but rather friends who you have obvious bias towards. Doing an experiment of any type with personal feelings attached is illogical and betraying the purpose of the scientist. If you really want to conduct your experiment, I propose an anonymous online survey.

I am sorry if you just went through a break up or if you are having a hard time. But [MENTION=11526]Artemisia[/MENTION] you are deliberately trying to sabotage others' relationships. And not just some random guy at the food court, but your FRIENDS. Vengeance is selfish and never solves anything. Ill-placed anger coupled with vengeance does not fix what happened to you nor does it make you feel better long term.

 

[SpecialEdition]

So you have six men who previously expressed interest in you in the past. These men are now in relationships with women they love. You abuse the fact that they once expressed interest in you and begin flirting with them to see if they will take the bait. Did you flirt with them before they were in relationships? Did you fuck them before they got into relationships?

Women are the same. Women love to feel desired. Women cheat exceptionally frequently. Women initiate most divorces. Women fuck more men over than men women.

I think your "experiment" is biased because you don't have an appropriate control group and are operating under the assumption that "most" men would engage in fucking even though they are in love with someone.

If you want to feel sick over the results you knew you were going to get, it's a bit silly I think considering you are being exceptionally manipulative.

If you want to see who gets cheated on who a lot, you can hop over to reddit and read the relationship forums where more often than not, men get heart broken and it's the wives who are denying sex, who are cheating on other people, etc.

 

[Radiantshadow]

Assuming the OP is genuinely interested in the truth instead of a self-affirming power play...

The only recent study I could find from a quick database search on males' cheating behavior was from 2008 and which found several things:

• the majority of males report never having cheated on a partner
• the majority of males define any sexual behaviors, from kissing to anal sex, as cheating
• the majority of males did not predict cheating on their partners, provided no outstanding relationship issues
• those males who did cheat did so at a higher rate than women, indicating some kind of personal difference at play

People who cheat, regardless of gender, do so because of both situational and personal forces. They can do it to acquire reinforcing attention or escape punishing attention, to degrade or escape intimacy, to harm their partners for revenge or to keep them close by disempowering them, or even to get their partners to separate from them so the offending party can avoid having to make a painful decision or having honest discourse with their partner about the relationship. The list goes on. It's not such a black and white issue as to be gender-based.

 

[muir]

Really. I have been conducting an experiment recently. I have been sending loving/flirtatious notes and emails to some of my male friends who have girlfriends. Most of them claim they are in love with their girlfriends. You would be surprised to see how easy it is for them to cheat with another woman if the other woman shows interest in them. 3 out of the 6 live abroad and all three indicated they'd like to come and see me at some point (while being flirtatious themselves). The ones who are here where I live are also responding ecstatically to my giving nature. So while my sample size is small at the moment, that's 6/6 hits so far = 100%.

Remember, all of these guys are professionals (most with MAs or PhDs) and have girlfriends; most of them claim they are in love with them. Yet, if the opportunity of sex with me arose, they'd think nothing of cheating. I could be any woman, not saying that it's because they find me especially hot. They are responding to my supposed interest in them! I'm sick to my stomach. Are most (not all) men THIS selfish?

Isn't that entrapment?

 

[Cornerstone]

Isn't that entrapment?

I think it is, yeah.

If she had posted an open, impersonal offer of casual sex...and they took her up on it...it would be different.

She has led them to do something they weren't seeking to do before it was suggested to them. That's entrapment.

Are we accessories now? Thumbs down is the only way to prove your innocence! :lol:

 

[DonTaushMe]

First, you don't have enough data to conclude that all men are cheaters and the 'evidence' of that that you do have is lacking quite a bit. I'd think in order to do this little experiment of yours successfully you'd have to go to a club full of married men and bed them then go to a McDonald's and bed them, then go to a law office and bed then etc. etc. so if you wanna be a whore have at it, but this is all beside the point I am about to make.

That kid I hate, who tested as an INFJ, does this too. He manipulates people into situations and then boasts about it to me, to me of all people. Reasons why I hate him. This chick obviously does the same, thinks its ok and is driven in some way shape or forum to do so, so my question is: As an INFJ have you ever felt you could do something like this or that you have wanted to do something like this -like this meaning manipulating your own idea of a social experiment and then thinking you're the smartest person in the world for it only to get frowns all around you.

I'd figure I may as well up-root this thread seeing as, well, its just a really ignorant thread *shrug*

 

[say what]

Personal opinion: Friends don't experiment on friends. It's incredibly hurtful and manipulative to do this to your friends....and I would imagine that no matter what way this plays you, you'll likely lose them if you continue to do this.

Non-personal opinion: Firstly, experimenting on individuals to cause mistreatment and harm them is exceptionally unethical. What you're doing is terrible- not to mention you're going in with a completely biased perspective and approach, which will likely lead you to the outcomes you want to find.

Questions to know more about the experiment:

(1) What was your flirtatious email? Was it the same for all of them?

(2) What was their response back? How are you actually measuring that they (a) are flirting with you, and (b) are willing to cheat? Not to mention intention to cheat is MUCH different than actually cheating. You're considering a cognitive thought as an actual behaviour - which it's not. This is the first major issue - to make a judgement on a behaviour, you first must see the behaviour.

(3) How do you know that they are not just being polite? That they consider you a friend, and a friend of their partner, and are simply exchanging courtesy emails with you? Perhaps they're actually telling their partner: "Listen, this chick is flirting with me? She knows I'm with you, what's up with that?" and then maybe their partner is saying something like "Be nice to her. She just went through a break up, and is likely confused.", or maybe "Respond nicely too her, but lets cut this manipulative wench out of our lives. How dare she hit on my man!" Without knowing the context of their response, you really can't formulate what their actual intentions are unless they are forthright. Perhaps if we had more detail on the communications, this would be clear.

(4) What would happen if you sent these emails to men you hadn't had relationships with before? What about female friends? Do you think your sample of 6, which is a highly biased and contextualize group of men, really generalizes to all men?

(5)What is the purpose of the experiment? What are your end goals? What happens if one of these men want to cheat on you, will you do it? What happens then? Are you prepared to break a relationship up? How will you handle their responses?

(6) Do you think your past with them biases how you read their emails?

 

[say what]

Yes, they were in fact interested in me at some point. A few of them had in fact made it clear. But you see, that's not the point. The point is that even though they are now in relationships with other women, they are still willing to cheat if someone they were interested in shows some interest in them. I'm sure your boyfriend/husband was interested in other women before he met you (and maybe even after), but would you trust him to actually not take the opportunity if the woman was willing? This is food for thought for these men's fidelity to their significant others.

At least someone (I am referring to Pics here) has the decency to not name call and to look at the issue without getting offended. I question the intellectuality of some of the people above who name call. Think before you respond.

Actually, you can't disregard this...this makes it even more messy. You had a relationship, there are emotional ties. Their responses will be different than if you were a stranger.

 

[muir]

Artemis: goddess of the hunt!

Artemisia herba-alba is another name for wormwood used to make absinthe and known for its bitterness

[video=youtube;O57Wow3QeuM]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O57Wow3QeuM[/video]

''The little green fairy, who lives in the absinthe, wants your soul!''

 

[muir]

[video=youtube;_dl2L4v6ecM]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dl2L4v6ecM[/video]

 

[Artemisia]

Questions to know more about the experiment:

(1) What was your flirtatious email? Was it the same for all of them?

No, the email conversations are adapted for the specific individual. I did send hearts and an "I love you" to at least two of them and they sent back the same, even stating I miss you. Yes, this might be a cutesy way of saying I love you as a friend, but would you want you r significant other to have this sort of conversation with their female friend? Not to mention the fact that I get back daily messages ever since I told them about my "feelings" for them. Suddenly, they all want to talk to me every day, especially when their girlfriends are at work or university. Nice guys, hmmm?

(2) What was their response back? How are you actually measuring that they (a) are flirting with you, and (b) are willing to cheat? Not to mention intention to cheat is MUCH different than actually cheating. You're considering a cognitive thought as an actual behaviour - which it's not. This is the first major issue - to make a judgement on a behaviour, you first must see the behaviour.

You mean there is actually a scientific method which shows you how and when someone is flirting? This is pure instinct. Do I have to measure it scientifically if someone is attracted to me? It's not difficult to know whether he is or isn't.

Let's suppose for a minute that they are not actually willing to make this physical (not true, but let's just suppose). Would you still want your significant other to engage in this type of conversation with a friend of the opposite gender....and not just once or twice but nearly every day for the past two weeks?

(3) How do you know that they are not just being polite?

They aren't just being polite. Do I have to measure that scientifically also?

That they consider you a friend, and a friend of their partner, and are simply exchanging courtesy emails with you? Perhaps they're actually telling their partner: "Listen, this chick is flirting with me? She knows I'm with you, what's up with that?" and then maybe their partner is saying something like "Be nice to her. She just went through a break up, and is likely confused.", or maybe "Respond nicely too her, but lets cut this manipulative wench out of our lives. How dare she hit on my man!" Without knowing the context of their response, you really can't formulate what their actual intentions are unless they are forthright. Perhaps if we had more detail on the communications, this would be clear.

Their significant others do not know me.

(4) What would happen if you sent these emails to men you hadn't had relationships with before? What about female friends? Do you think your sample of 6, which is a highly biased and contextualize group of men, really generalizes to all men?

I did admit that my sample size is very small. But I am not going to carry this experiment ad infinitum with over 200 men. I don't have the energy for that.

(5)What is the purpose of the experiment? What are your end goals? What happens if one of these men want to cheat on you, will you do it? What happens then? Are you prepared to break a relationship up? How will you handle their responses?

No, my intention is not to sleep with any of them. In fact, I am not exactly attracted to them. I merely want to confirm that men, if given the opportunity, will cheat even if they claim they love a woman. These guys also have no problem telling another woman they love her while in supposed loving relationships. Whether they are being truthful or not is besides the point: the point is that a) they are willing to be cheaters b) they are selfish liars and c) they are not to be trusted.

(6) Do you think your past with them biases how you read their emails?

No. The emails presuppose that they have some sort of a past with me. What I was trying to find out is how willing these men are to sleep with someone they know well if given the opportunity, even when involved in a so-called loving relationship with someone else.

 

[muir]

I knew a girl who did this to someone i worked with once; we were all in the same company

We all got talking about personality types; she tested INFP

Gasp...maybe all INFP's are home wrecking men stealers!

Watch out everyone!

Maybe I should go on an INFP forum and tell them all what home wrecking men stealers they are!

 

[say what]

No, the email conversations are adapted for the specific individual. I did send hearts and an "I love you" to at least two of them and they sent back the same, even stating I miss you. Yes, this might be a cutesy way of saying I love you as a friend, but would you want you r significant other to have this sort of conversation with their female friend? Not to mention the fact that I get back daily messages ever since I told them about my "feelings" for them. Suddenly, they all want to talk to me every day, especially when their girlfriends are at work or university. Nice guys, hmmm?



You mean there is actually a scientific method which shows you how and when someone is flirting? This is pure instinct. Do I have to measure it scientifically if someone is attracted to me? It's not difficult to know whether he is or isn't.

Let's suppose for a minute that they are not actually willing to make this physical (not true, but let's just suppose). Would you still want your significant other to engage in this type of conversation with a friend of the opposite gender....and not just once or twice but nearly every day for the past two weeks?



They aren't just being polite. Do I have to measure that scientifically also?



Their significant others do not know me.



I did admit that my sample size is very small. But I am not going to carry this experiment ad infinitum with over 200 men. I don't have the energy for that.



No, my intention is not to sleep with any of them. In fact, I am not exactly attracted to them. I merely want to confirm that men, if given the opportunity, will cheat even if they claim they love a woman. These guys also have no problem telling another woman they love her while in supposed loving relationships. Whether they are being truthful or not is besides the point: the point is that a) they are willing to be cheaters b) they are selfish liars and c) they are not to be trusted.



No. The emails presuppose that they have some sort of a past with me. What I was trying to find out is how willing these men are to sleep with someone they know well if given the opportunity, even when involved in a so-called loving relationship with someone else.

It sounds like your intentions are to hurt the females in their lives.

Why do you want to cause so much destruction to others?

 

[say what]

The reason I am asking all these questions is it helps not to impose my own personal opinion on what you're doing...as it sounds to me you're being exceptionally malicious and manipulative.

Why does it matter if these men are to be unfaithful? Is that not between them and their spouse? Why do you feel the need to prove this? And of them? Have you actually sat down and thought about the outcomes of this, and how you're playing foolishly with other peoples' lives and emotions? That what you're doing could seriously hurt other people and ruin aspects of their lives?

Are you merely doing this for attention? Wanting to seek out attention from these men? Why do you need this attention? To what ends does this fulfil your purpose?

 

[Artemisia]

It sounds like your intentions are to hurt the females in their lives.

Why do you want to cause so much destruction to others?

I did say above that I do not know the females in their lives. I don't particularly care about them and nor am I looking to hurt them specifically.

 

[say what]

I did say above that I do not know the females in their lives. I don't particularly care about them and nor am I looking to hurt them specifically.

But do you not think your actions are going to hurt them?

 

[ThomasJ79]

Artemisia: Do you think that if a man is in a committed relationship(dating or married) that thinking about another woman sexually constitutes cheating? I have to ask because you seem more concerned with their thoughts than their actions. When you were in a committed relationship, did you ever think about another partner, if even for a moment? It seems to bother you more that they have an intent to cheat rather than they are actually cheating, which you are claiming is equivalent to cheating, which it is not.

 

[SpecialEdition]

Here's what I think:

To really make this experiment whole you should open your legs and let them all fuck you. Talking about cheating or meeting up or being mildly flirtatious is one thing, but if you can actually get them to seal the deal and dump a few loads in you then you will have more conclusive evidence.

Anyone else agree?