Am I Really an INFJ?

[MoonstoneSky]

Hi there! I literally just made an account on here minutes ago in the hopes of finding assistance from all of you!

Well... This isn't awkward.
Okay, well, I'm MoonstoneSky. And I truly need help to determine whether I am an INFJ or INFP. It's been bugging me for the last year, from which I started out as an ISFJ for a day, according to some test. But the S was really small, so I took another quiz, and all of a sudden my N was almost 50% and I was almost certain I was an INFJ.
Then I read the INFP description, I felt I related to some of the points. And then I went into the functions, and I think I'm INFJ. But it bothers me that I'm CERTAIN that I'm not sure, either.
I found Vicky Jo's site, and that was what got me much more confident in my being an INFJ. But then I found another forum of another website, of someone who was almost exactly like me (or at least it seemed, through how he described himself). And everyone said he was an INFP.
So now I'm really conflicted and I'm pretty sure I'm not ISFJ, but not being certain of my INFJ-ness bothers me. So, the question: what is the best way to discern between being an INFJ or INFP?
I didn't put much about my personality now, but if you could use my personality to help me, I'd be happy to answer your questions.
But I can tell you this: I usually use a "softened" version of the directig style, but I use the informing style with my little brother and parents, for some reason.
And one last thing: I'm only fourteen. Yeah... But please don't abandon me! All help is appreciated. Thank you!

 

[Scientia]

Lol! Your uncertainty and back and forth is interesting. There is not much information about you for us to tell you much. If you think a certain description fits you, why not go with that?

 

[MoonstoneSky]

Well, let's see... Who am I?
I love reading fantasy books, but I think I spend more time reading articles online. My school doesn't have a library (it's all tech) so that kind of disappointed me, but I keep myself busy by reading theories and stuff online.
I'm kind of shy, but once I open up I can be EXTREMELY energetic. However, my classmates who I'm "acquaintances" with say I should loosen up concerning work. I'm usually the one to keep a small group of people on task, but a whole classroom is a bit too much leadership for me.
Oh, speaking of leadership... I did a Future Cities competition last year. I was the person everyone came to for help, and can I just say, that was the best feeling ever! So I'd love to be a leader of it meant helping people find out what to do.
My closest friends--an INTJ, an ENFJ, an ESFJ, and a definite INFJ--all describe me as the second most mature (after my INTJ, hehe) but also as the most childish, with me being the youngest. I have no idea what that means. It's contradictory and it bothers me!
Oh, by the way, having a female INTJ as a friend is probably the best thing ever.
I'm usually quiet and reserved, and love writing fiction. However, with my younger sisters and brothers, I can be a very different person when they anger me--I get really loud and usually yell, and if I told my friends I was like that, they probably wouldn't believe me.
Also, I set really high standards for myself. I'm used to getting straight As, and I hate getting anything below an 85%. But I usually do well, so thankfully I don't disappoint myself often.
I'll probably rant forever if I don't stop myself... Thanks so much for replying! I hope more people will be willing to respond to this thread, cause it really bothers me.
Until next time, I suppose.
And, to your final statement... I believe I mostly relate to the INFJ one, but I truly don't want to mistype myself! I hope I can get more help on this wonderful forum, though.

 

[Dave Fallon]

You have an interesting personality! But, at 14 I'm not sure you can nail it down to any one thing, yet. You'll probably find yourself in several different functions as you "figure it out", and then have a better idea about this in your late teens/early twenties. However, there's a few things that are interesting.

I love reading fantasy books, but I think I spend more time reading articles online. My school doesn't have a library (it's all tech) so that kind of disappointed me, but I keep myself busy by reading theories and stuff online.

Does your library not allow any books at all, even electronic ones? Where do you normally get your fantasy books to read? What is it about a library not having books that disappointed you?

I'm kind of shy, but once I open up I can be EXTREMELY energetic. However, my classmates who I'm "acquaintances" with say I should loosen up concerning work. I'm usually the one to keep a small group of people on task, but a whole classroom is a bit too much leadership for me.
Oh, speaking of leadership... I did a Future Cities competition last year. I was the person everyone came to for help, and can I just say, that was the best feeling ever! So I'd love to be a leader of it meant helping people find out what to do.

Ok. Do you think being a leader meant you got much support from those around you, or that you supported them more by giving them the direction they needed? If everyone had not come to you for help, do you think they could have achieved as much? I guess the basic question is: did you get more or did you give more in this experience?

My closest friends--an INTJ, an ENFJ, an ESFJ, and a definite INFJ--all describe me as the second most mature (after my INTJ, hehe) but also as the most childish, with me being the youngest. I have no idea what that means. It's contradictory and it bothers me!

Did your friends type themselves or are these your private theories about them? If you could choose how to break the contradiction and have your friends describe you one way or the other, would you rather they describe you as mature or childish?

Oh, by the way, having a female INTJ as a friend is probably the best thing ever.

Why? Is it that she is able to provide a balance to feelings you think you can't easily reign in? Or is it because you feel you can draw her out by being her friend?

I'm usually quiet and reserved, and love writing fiction. However, with my younger sisters and brothers, I can be a very different person when they anger me--I get really loud and usually yell, and if I told my friends I was like that, they probably wouldn't believe me.

Haha! I think anyone with siblings could relate. Could you give me an idea of what sorts of things they do that could get you angry? Are they things like invading your space, taking your stuff, etc.? Or more like being embarrassing and not acting the way you think they should (like opening doors without knocking, not washing their hands enough, etc). Or all of the above, I guess?

Also, I set really high standards for myself. I'm used to getting straight As, and I hate getting anything below an 85%. But I usually do well, so thankfully I don't disappoint myself often.

Do you think you do well purely objectively (ie, the only way you can tell you're doing well is the grade letters), or do you feel you are doing well because those around you seem pleased with you, and there seem to be others who don't do as well as you, and you try to judge yourself on a range of factors, not merely number/letter grades?

I believe I mostly relate to the INFJ one, but I truly don't want to mistype myself! I hope I can get more help on this wonderful forum, though.

Haha! I hope you can get more out of the forum too! My personal belief is that no one can type you better than you can type yourself. You're the only one that has access to your own private thoughts and ideals. If you think INFJ fits you, then I wouldn't immediately worry too much about all the uncertainty. Like I said way up above, you're 14, a lot of this hasn't settled yet and how you treat life and life treats you in the next few years may shape what you become. If you like something about the INFJ type, something that gives you strength or helps overcome a weakness, then that's great! If not, though, you may want to still look around at the other types as well as things like Socionics and Enneagrams to see what is most helpful. Good luck!

 

[MoonstoneSky]

You have an interesting personality! But, at 14 I'm not sure you can nail it down to any one thing, yet. You'll probably find yourself in several different functions as you "figure it out", and then have a better idea about this in your late teens/early twenties. However, there's a few things that are interesting.



Does your library not allow any books at all, even electronic ones? Where do you normally get your fantasy books to read? What is it about a library not having books that disappointed you?



Ok. Do you think being a leader meant you got much support from those around you, or that you supported them more by giving them the direction they needed? If everyone had not come to you for help, do you think they could have achieved as much? I guess the basic question is: did you get more or did you give more in this experience?



Did your friends type themselves or are these your private theories about them? If you could choose how to break the contradiction and have your friends describe you one way or the other, would you rather they describe you as mature or childish?



Why? Is it that she is able to provide a balance to feelings you think you can't easily reign in? Or is it because you feel you can draw her out by being her friend?



Haha! I think anyone with siblings could relate. Could you give me an idea of what sorts of things they do that could get you angry? Are they things like invading your space, taking your stuff, etc.? Or more like being embarrassing and not acting the way you think they should (like opening doors without knocking, not washing their hands enough, etc). Or all of the above, I guess?



Do you think you do well purely objectively (ie, the only way you can tell you're doing well is the grade letters), or do you feel you are doing well because those around you seem pleased with you, and there seem to be others who don't do as well as you, and you try to judge yourself on a range of factors, not merely number/letter grades?



Haha! I hope you can get more out of the forum too! My personal belief is that no one can type you better than you can type yourself. You're the only one that has access to your own private thoughts and ideals. If you think INFJ fits you, then I wouldn't immediately worry too much about all the uncertainty. Like I said way up above, you're 14, a lot of this hasn't settled yet and how you treat life and life treats you in the next few years may shape what you become. If you like something about the INFJ type, something that gives you strength or helps overcome a weakness, then that's great! If not, though, you may want to still look around at the other types as well as things like Socionics and Enneagrams to see what is most helpful. Good luck!

Hello! Thanks for such the long reply... I'll try to answer each question as best I csn!
Alright, first off, the library... We just don't have a library.... It's sad. I simply go to the local library to get my books. However I like having a full library at school since it made it so much more efficient, having as many books as I wanted in a place I went almost every day. I can only go to the public library every two weeks, when my mom can take me.
By being a leader, I just loved seeing people's faces light up once the understood something when I explained it. If people hadn't come to me for help, though, I may not be as confident as I am today. I feel as if that experience changed me more than it changed even them. They still remember me as an extremely helpful friend, but they really gave me more than I feel I have them.
My friends, they typed themselves. I introduced my ENFJ friend to the Myers Briggs, and she took an online test. She became really excited and told the rest of my friends, who took it themselves. It turns out the INFJ had already taken it himself, though. And I probably would have typed them all correctly, except the ESFJ. He seemed more of a P. And I would much rather be described as mature.
My INTJ friend... She certainly helps me think rationally when I get too emotional. But she's just such an interesting person, I couldn't resist trying to be her friend. She has always been unknowingly rude to strangers, but once becoming her friend, I saw a side of her nobody else could see. She's actually quite caring if she cares about you. I love people with "multiple personalities" like that.
Yes, my siblings. Usually just being loud, I yell back at them, which is a horrible way of solving the problem. But it's actually the only way they listen. Other than that... Chewing with their mouths open, taking my stuff without permission, coming into my room without permission. And gosh, they're extremely embarrassing.
As for my grades. I admit I sometimes focus too much on my grades, simply because I want to meet my two parents' ( a scientist and a doctor) expectations. However, I get satisfaction as well from just being acknowledged by a teacher. I'm also guilty of comparing myself to others... It's horrible, but if I'm doing better than others, I also judge myself by that as well.
Again, thanks so much for the reply! Yes, being fourteen definitely makes a difference... But I've gotten really into the MBTI. I may change over the years, and hopefully I'll be able to find out my type by the early twenties.
Also, I'm an Enneagram 4w5. It's another personality indicator I love!
Thanks!

 

[BrokenDaniel]

From what you wrote i'll go with INFJ. There are certain things that i could relate from your posts when i was your age somewhat.

 

[Dave Fallon]

Hello! Thanks for such the long reply... I'll try to answer each question as best I csn!

Ok! So if you are interested, here is my guess at your personality.

I'm going to guess you are an INFJ, not an INFP. Here are my reasons:

• The library: I think an INFJ would be more interested in what the library has to offer them and in efficiency, because Ti function. An INFP would be more disappointed in the library on principal (Libraries should have books, period.) even at the cost of efficiency (Fi/Te).
• Being a leader: I think an INFJ would see the position as a chance to help others but ultimately improve herself, because of Fe and Ti. An INFP would look at it more of shepherding lost individuals, and would probably feel strongly that those individuals needed her and she received little from the experience, or couldn't explain what she received (Ne/Si).
• Typing your friends: This is a tough one, but I think an INFJ (Ni/Fe) would want to type friends mostly on her friends' terms, but would also feel confident that she could do it. I think an INFP would have been more insistent on typing her friends regardless of their interest (in hopes of better understanding them and helping them) and, with Ne/Si, would have been a little less confident in the objectivity of her type guesses, believing her typing was influenced by subjective instances.
• INFJ friending INTJ: I think one of the things INTJs seem to have in common is the propensity to use whit and logic as both an axe and a shield, a weapon and a defense, due to their Ni/Te. INFJs, with their Ni/Fe, probably more often feel a kinship with the "inner INTJ", and do so out of respect for the whole package (multiple personalities). INFPs might be more likely to think the Te is risky or un-ideal and try to change it, unless they are very in touch with their own Te and can recognize a kinship with INTJ's vocalizations, in which case they're more interested in the "outer INTJ".
• Siblings: This is another tough one. Like I said, I think anyone with them can relate to sibling things regardless of type. I think an INFJ would be objectively embarrassed and annoyed by their behavior because they are close and therefore may fall into the INFJ's personal ideals. Controlling them would be awkward, and I can see an INFJ resorting to angry shouting, then regretting it as a bad way of handling the situation. An INFP would be more personally embarrassed for their sake. She would want to improve them, help refine their manners. I think an INFP would also be more confident that the way she handles them is correct, or at least the best way given their actions.
• Grades and general self-assessment: I think INFJs typically have trouble with self-assessment, and therefore are more likely to lean on objective things like grades to tell how they are doing. Both INFJs and INFPs would compare themselves to others, but Fe would be seeking clues on to how she can improve herself for her own sake, an observer; Fi would be seeking clues to how she can improve for their sake, a helper or a teacher, often in the interest of improving everyone together. Also, Ne would look more subjectively at the relationship; Ni would work harder to look more objectively (though, Ni/Fe always complicates that).

Whew! That all comes with the major caveat that I'm no professional, just theorizing, and others may contradict my guesses. I wouldn't put more weight on my comments than another person who may have more experience with this or be more academically trained, and I certainly wouldn't say my guesses should trump your internal conclusions. All I have to go on is a few posts on a forum; you have every moment of your own life to help you figure it out.

Hope that helps!

 

[MoonstoneSky]

Thank you for both posts, BrokenDaniel and Dave! So, seeing as both of you say INFJ... It's extremely interesting that two people came to the same conclusion in just a day! Of course, I definitely hope I'll be 100% confident in my type one day. But hearing others' insights is nice.
However, for the time being: internal conclusion lies at INFJ. I welcome posts that may respond differently, though! I need all the help I can get.

 

[littlemissmaya]

do a search for 'infj vs infp' - there are a few sites that have good comparisons between the two and questions that you could ask yourself to discern your type. i had to do the same thing, except infj vs intj. good luck!

 

[MoonstoneSky]

do a search for 'infj vs infp' - there are a few sites that have good comparisons between the two and questions that you could ask yourself to discern your type. i had to do the same thing, except infj vs intj. good luck!

Yup, I've definitely done the search... Quite a few times, actually. And I feel as if I relate to the INFJ descriptions more. But then I read something about INFPs and I start feeling all confused... *sigh*.
Okay, this might seem really off topic, but, do you find it easy or hard to tune out people or sounds? Or does it depend on the situation? Because I read that INFPs can just tune out almost anything, especially people. I guess I can, but if I'm really stressed I can shut out people, but not sounds.
So, can you tune out people or sounds easily? And what about when you're stressed? Thanks!

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

You are diagnosed with INFJ
My condolences

 

[Erlian]

I have two answers.

1
You are in the middle. There are more different personalities than 16. You might be a combination of a few. Just as I'm close to the INFJ, but slightly more an INTJ. As you grow older you might find that you slightly prefer either INFJ or INFP.

2
You're an INFJ.
I'm not looking through functions here. Just the 8 letters. I didn't record it, but the things you wrote seem more like a J type than a P type. Especially J because you want a definite answer so badly.
There is a possible reason why you test as INFP. I've been shown and explained that J types are more likely to test as S than as N compared to P types. J correlates with S and P correlates with N. It might work the other way around too. You are a definite N. Your dominant N might cause you to select P choices in tests or recognise P traits, even though you are really a J. I don't know if I can just turn it around like this, but it might explain your different results.

 

[charlatan]

NP vs NJ is subtle and difficult, because P seems like it supports openendedness, yet N supports possibilities.

The way to distinguish these is NJ means the possibilities are part of a plan, which is why a common theme is foresight in say INTJ, INFJ. This is what the modern concept of Ni is encapsulating.

Between NFJ and NFP, NFJ are more likely to follow a philosophy of developing themselves and others deliberately -- in other words, realizing themselves to the fullest. The NP approach is somehow more akin to what is simply is, and note it as much as possible.

 

[MoonstoneSky]

First of all, thanks so much to o_q, Erlian and charlatan who responded. It seems most everyone has the same opinion, which has really helped in this journey of self-discovery. I've learned a lot about myself through this
Also, [MENTION=12103]Erlian[/MENTION], your second answer does prove a point. I've read on a few forums before that INFJs may be "the least J type" that's actually a J. That might explain why I've tested as INFP sometimes.

 

[charlatan]

Then I read the INFP description, I felt I related to some of the points. And then I went into the functions, and I think I'm INFJ.

Please do yourself a favor and look carefully into the issue of whether the functions match the MBTI dichotomies/4 letter types. They do not match. This is something the MBTI community sort of tries to cover up, but as it happens, the functions do not have much research behind them as of today in terms of massive statistics gathered against a standardized format, because simply, Isabel Myers, the woman who implemented Carl Jung's ideas, did not implement the functions, but rather these dichotomies.
Until then, Jung's theory's application was not nearly as commercialized, mass-marketed, etc.

You can then read about various insights about the functions qualitatively. But quantitatively, they don't have anywhere close to the same research going for them. Sometimes the things you read about, say, Te/Fi or Si/Ne will ring a bell -- if so, great. You learned something about yourself.
But they aren't nearly as clear a sorting tool.

You should allow yourself the possibility of being in the middle. Reflect closely on whether you get a significant ring of recognition in your ears when you hear about either of the two sides.

There are validly people who hear "concrete" vs "abstract" and go well, I like them both, and I don't feel some kind of inherent preference that says one rings more true to what I'm about. These people are designated with a "X" frequently in short.

Those who don't believe in "X" purport to say that one letter changes all the cognitive functions associated to type. They are misguided -- those cognitive functions patterns are a separate story, and do not correspond in some exact way to what functions you can or cannot use as a given type. Also, in fact, the current model is only one model out there, and Isabel Myers and C.G. Jung did not use the same functions models.

 

[Alomoes]

Hrrm. I don't know. Not enough information. But yeah. The way J and P work in MBTI is all screwed up. In Socionics it is reversed.

I don't believe you are INFJ. But it doesn't matter. New theories will pave the way to enlightenment regardless of who you are.

Hrrm. New information. Are you the outcast or the recluse?

 

[MoonstoneSky]

In reply to [MENTION=12965]Alomoes[/MENTION] - I believe I may be the recluse. People who are close to me say I'm strange in some ways, but I don't think anyone I know or myself would refer to me as an outcast. I guess you could say I'm not that far out... At least, to strangers and acquaintances?
Also, [MENTION=12896]charlatan[/MENTION] - that's interesting. Almost everyone has said looking at the functions would be my best choice... I've never thought of them being incorrect. I do consider the sorting tool helpful, but I've found that many stick to the stereotype of "Js are organized, Ps are messy". The online ones, anyways.

 

[charlatan]

that's interesting. Almost everyone has said looking at the functions would be my best choice... I've never thought of them being incorrect. I do consider the sorting tool helpful, but I've found that many stick to the stereotype of "Js are organized, Ps are messy". The online ones, anyways.

Well you see, there are many stages in the development of understanding type -- that's stage 1, when people realize there's more to it than the test.

But, then you look deeper and realize the dichotomies hardly equal the test -- the test only has some of the most common, some of the more superficial features, and there's a lot more reading you can do about the concepts underlying them. If you pick up a good book, you realize that the dichotomies tell you a lot of things in general, and are more philosophical than you might have realized. J/P isn't just about messy vs organized, but in some sense about the drive to exact order, versus the drive to simply be, simply observe, and let things unfold. The problem is the tests only cover the most superficial version of order-exacting vs spontaneous perception, in the form of things like "do you like to follow a schedule."

What is shaky isn't necessarily the functions themselves but the idea that the dichotomies and the functions get you the same type. If anything, there's a LOT of cases of someone who is a dichotomies-introvert and yet fits something like a Te-dominant by many definitions you commonly find of Te -- why? They're factual. They prefer efficiency. They're no-nonsense and objective.

The other step is to realize there are a lot of slightly different ways of looking at the functions.

I'm not saying the functions are wrong so much as the two typologies are distinct. To get an idea just how loose the correlation is, the oft-used model that says INFJ=NiFeTiSe is NOT what the original founder of MBTI theory, Isabel Myers, thought is the model -- she said it's NiFeTeSe. This model hasn't caught on as much -- that's about it. There are numerous quantitative studies done to see if in fact there is a pattern in the MBTI test form responses that indicates significant support for these models, and they almost always show there's huge problems....which suggests that the type dynamics models are more a philosophical blueprint than empirically coinciding with the established MBTI types hat accord with the tests. It's possible the Jungian analyst John Beebe is responsible in part for popularizing the commonly used model, as he is one of the few people who is both in the Jung world and in communication with MBTI typologists. Most other Carl Jung followers, like Jung, didn't make much effort to popularize the typology, and not all of them think it is something they find useful.

Just by the way, the concept that the functions always occur as 8 is not so much due to Carl Jung as due to the more modern theorists. Some think INFJ vs INTJ is about Te-Fi vs Fe-Ti but that doesn't accord either with Jung or Myers.

It doesn't mean it isn't philosophically an interesting model --- just that these are ways of seeing the type constructs in action, not necessarily something hard and fast "THE" way to view type.

 

[all things pass]

But I can tell you this: I usually use a "softened" version of the directig style, but I use the informing style with my little brother and parents, for some reason.
And one last thing: I'm only fourteen. Yeah... But please don't abandon me! All help is appreciated. Thank you!

Just based on my own limited knowledge (and please, anyone feel free to correct me or disagree), I think it will be common for many types to use one communication style with family, another in the professional and exofamilial realms.

I relate in that I also tend to use the informing style more at home, the directing style more at work. "Please do this, please do that, thanks."

I've had to soften it over the years as I was often accused of being bossy as a child and adolescent. At home, with family, I am content to let others take more control (I associate home time with relaxation and pursuit of personal interests and hobbies), thus the informing style is better unless I am tasked with decisions, at which point the directing style becomes my modus operandi. There's also the fact that my wife, although a perceiver (probably IS-P) is better at taking care of everyday home business, thus I don't need to use the directing style as often with her--she's very good at taking care of the unplanned crises that pop up, whereas I am more comfortable planning ahead and dealing with problems I've already anticipated and planned for.

 

[Alomoes]

In reply to [MENTION=12965]Alomoes[/MENTION] - I believe I may be the recluse. People who are close to me say I'm strange in some ways, but I don't think anyone I know or myself would refer to me as an outcast. I guess you could say I'm not that far out... At least, to strangers and acquaintances?
Also, [MENTION=12896]charlatan[/MENTION] - that's interesting. Almost everyone has said looking at the functions would be my best choice... I've never thought of them being incorrect. I do consider the sorting tool helpful, but I've found that many stick to the stereotype of "Js are organized, Ps are messy". The online ones, anyways.

Well, have fun self IDing. For more help. http://www.socionics.com/

INFp is the one you want.