For Women

Gaze · Feb 18, 2020

So, I have a question. Did you feel as if you needed a different kind of relationship, if you have or had a long term partner, to meet your social and emotional needs as you got older or as your life progressed? Do you feel you had less desire for a partner because you met your own needs better? How did you expectations of a relationship change or not change?

Kgal · Feb 19, 2020

Gaze said:
So, I have a question. Did you feel as if you needed a different kind of relationship, if you have or had a long term partner, to meet your social and emotional needs as you got older or as your life progressed? Do you feel you had less desire for a partner because you met your own needs better? How did you expectations of a relationship change or not change?

Yes to all of those questions.
After all these years I find I still need an Introvert for a steady companion. I have finally learned how to meet my own emotional needs so there is no emphasis on having a Mate.
My expectations on relationships has changed in that I do not need them to validate myself in whatever capacity is there. It's up to me to make me happy....so to speak.
oth.... I do require respect no matter what kind of relationship. That is not easy to find....
Yesterday I kept hearing these words repeat in the background of my mind..."I will never live up to your expectations."
From what I have seen "out there" in the world I do not make a great Friend.
I will leave you to your own suffering if that's what you want and do not feel a need to rescue anyone from themselves. I think that was part of who I used to be....especially in a marriage long term relationship kind of definition.
I grew up away from that.
I lived alone and separated from my partner for 7 years.
Now that we're living together again I find I wish I was living alone again. Hah!
I am just that difficult.

Gaze · Feb 21, 2020

Kgal said:
Yes to all of those questions.
After all these years I find I still need an Introvert for a steady companion. I have finally learned how to meet my own emotional needs so there is no emphasis on having a Mate.
My expectations on relationships has changed in that I do not need them to validate myself in whatever capacity is there. It's up to me to make me happy....so to speak.
oth.... I do require respect no matter what kind of relationship. That is not easy to find....
Yesterday I kept hearing these words repeat in the background of my mind..."I will never live up to your expectations."
From what I have seen "out there" in the world I do not make a great Friend.
I will leave you to your own suffering if that's what you want and do not feel a need to rescue anyone from themselves. I think that was part of who I used to be....especially in a marriage long term relationship kind of definition.
I grew up away from that.
I lived alone and separated from my partner for 7 years.
Now that we're living together again I find I wish I was living alone again. Hah!
I am just that difficult.

Hi @Kgal. Thanks for answering. I appreciated what you said about meeting your own emotional needs and not basing your happiness on someone else, and not needing that outward validation. That's a great place to be and a hard lesson to learn, and I'm still learning it. I also understand the need to set boundaries so you're not just caring for others to the neglect of yourself. We've been taught that self sacrifice is honorable but it can also be hugely diminishing to the self. I've been realizing how putting others first all the time can lead to putting ourselves last, and allowing others to do this to us as well because it's a lived pattern that becomes easy to fall into. Thanks for sharing.

Asa · May 5, 2021

Hellllllo ladies,

Is anyone else noticing that clothing sizes are changing? Is it my imagination that clothes are getting smaller? This includes bra sizes. It's giving me serious body negativity issues. I feel like I'm ballooning to be bigger and bigger, but when I take measurements I'm not bigger. My old clothes fit, my new clothes need to be returned and I choose a bigger size, and sometimes the bigger size is still a little snug. It's getting me down and I'm struggling with body positivity.

I've been trying to buy a new bra for summer. My measurements are 27" under-bust and 33.5" over-bust. I retake these measurements and compare the brand's size chart every time I order. This should be 32B. I moved up to 34A because 32B doesn't fit in any brand I've tried anymore. 34A isn't a wonderful fit, either. Going up a band size and down a cup size is a sure way to make a woman feel bad about her body... nobody wants to be fatter but have smaller breasts. The door prize to gaining weight is supposed to be bigger boobs! I switched to bralettes that come in S,M,L because I can't deal.

Having a chronic illness does a number on one's body image and self-esteem anyway, so I have to work to love my body and focus on being grateful. This clothing size issue is making me anorexic in theory, but not in practice.
As in, I want to take drastic measures to fit into smaller clothes again, but I ignore that urge and eat properly.

In one designer brand, I still wear an XS and it has made me loyal to that brand.

Ginny · May 5, 2021

Asa said:
Hellllllo ladies,

Is anyone else noticing that clothing sizes are changing? Is it my imagination that clothes are getting smaller? This includes bra sizes. It's giving me serious body negativity issues. I feel like I'm ballooning to be bigger and bigger, but when I take measurements I'm not bigger. My old clothes fit, my new clothes need to be returned and I choose a bigger size, and sometimes the bigger size is still a little snug. It's getting me down and I'm struggling with body positivity.

I've been trying to buy a new bra for summer. My measurements are 27" under-bust and 33.5" over-bust. I retake these measurements and compare the brand's size chart every time I order. This should be 32B. I moved up to 34A because 32B doesn't fit in any brand I've tried anymore. 34A isn't a wonderful fit, either. Going up a band size and down a cup size is a sure way to make a woman feel bad about her body... nobody wants to be fatter but have smaller breasts. The door prize to gaining weight is supposed to be bigger boobs! I switched to bralettes that come in S,M,L because I can't deal.

Having a chronic illness does a number on one's body image and self-esteem anyway, so I have to work to love my body and focus on being grateful. This clothing size issue is making me anorexic in theory, but not in practice.
As in, I want to take drastic measures to fit into smaller clothes again, but I ignore that urge and eat properly.

In one designer brand, I still wear an XS and it has made me loyal to that brand.

I have had problems with bra sizes almost all the time. Sometimes I'm up a cup, down a cup, one size bigger or even not.

Some designers really are faithful to size, and I have also noticed the odd downsizing, like they didn't prewash the fabric and it shrunk.

I'm on the brink of deciding to tailor my own undergarments.

I also haven't done much shopping in recent years. Some online shopping, but that had its own weirdness because I have never bought the type of clothes I bought over the last year.

It could be different in Europe, though...

Asa · May 5, 2021

@Ginny – I buy some American brands, but a lot of European brands, too, and across the board, the sizing seems to be a lot different than it was a few years ago. If they are adjusting sizing to be more inclusive, it's fine that I'd take a bigger size, but a lot of these companies aren't adding sizes to accommodate those who were pushed out because XL is too small now.

Bras sizing is hitting me hardest. I'll probably go get professionally fit again once the pandemic is over and then stick to the brand that the shop suggests. I just wanted a breathable, cotton bra for summer that doesn't feel sticky to wear in heat, and that is comfortable enough to be active in, so no lace and satin.

I'm not as skilled at sewing as you are (despite a year in fashion school), so I don't think I could ever sew a bra. Will you use stretchy modern fabric, or will you make bras the old way without stretch?

Ginny · May 5, 2021

You overestimate my skill, @Asa, but I'm flattered you think so.

I'd consult my book again before I choose, but definitely either cotton or linen. You can use the weave to your advantage in construction. I might fashion cups from wadding material too for comfort. Haven't put much thought into it yet, but I saved some simple instruction ideas on pinterest.

Lady Jolanda · May 5, 2021

I haven't noticed any differences, but then I had to replace my entire wardrobe a couple of years ago due to antidepressant weight roulette and since then I've stuck to a couple of brands that are consistent in their sizing, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.

According to the measurements you posted, 32B should fit you. Have you tried 32C or 34B? 34A is the same volume cup as 32B, just distributed differently, so that wouldn't help any if your breasts really did grow. (You're not on your period, are you? All that bloating affects the breasts too.)

Edit: Also, I'm sure you look great.

Asa · May 5, 2021

Ginny said:
You overestimate my skill, @Asa, but I'm flattered you think so.

I'd consult my book again before I choose, but definitely either cotton or linen. You can use the weave to your advantage in construction. I might fashion cups from wadding material too for comfort. Haven't put much thought into it yet, but I saved some simple instruction ideas on pinterest.

Women used to make their own bras because bras weren't commercially available in many places. My grandmother told me she made her own when she was younger, and she didn't sew that often.
So, with that limited information, I believe in you!

Lady Jolanda said:
I haven't noticed any differences, but then I had to replace my entire wardrobe a couple of years ago due to antidepressant weight roulette and since then I've stuck to a couple of brands that are consistent in their sizing, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.

According to the measurements you posted, 32B should fit you. Have you tried a 34B? 34A is the same volume cup as 32B, just distributed differently, so that wouldn't help any if your breasts really did grow. (You're not on your period, are you? All that bloating affects the breasts too.)

I'm post-menopausal. LOL. I may try 34B next time. I don't think my breasts grew. I'm the same size as I've been "since forever" when I do the measurements, but just not fitting the same bra size comfortably.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with prescription weight issues. <3

Ginny · May 5, 2021

Speaking of meds, I have noticed that only certain types of bra fit me ever since I'm off the pill. But even before that...
Half cup, demi and balconette only. Figured it might be body type related?

I'm also thinking I probably won't be getting many more wire bras. They kind of dig in at the sides a lot.

Asa · May 5, 2021

@Ginny - Same. I prefer demi and no wires. For bralettes, many different shapes work.

Asa · May 5, 2021

Lady Jolanda · May 5, 2021

Asa said:
I'm post-menopausal. LOL

Haha oops.

Asa said:
I'm the same size as I've been "since forever" when I do the measurements, but just not fitting the same bra size comfortably.

Ginny said:
Speaking of meds, I have noticed that only certain types of bra fit me ever since I'm off the pill. But even before that...
Half cup, demi and balconette only. Figured it might be body type related?

That's a good point too.

Maybe the size didn't change but the shape did?

Asa said:
I prefer demi and no wires. For bralettes, many different shapes work.

I prefer demi too but I need wires and I can't wear bralettes cause they give no support.

Interesting those differences.

dZpADTLrPmX4c · May 9, 2021

I've not tried bralettes but really should. Mine don't need wires and this last pair is poking me.

Hba5h65 · May 11, 2021

Asa said:
Hellllllo ladies,

Is anyone else noticing that clothing sizes are changing? Is it my imagination that clothes are getting smaller? This includes bra sizes. It's giving me serious body negativity issues. I feel like I'm ballooning to be bigger and bigger, but when I take measurements I'm not bigger. My old clothes fit, my new clothes need to be returned and I choose a bigger size, and sometimes the bigger size is still a little snug. It's getting me down and I'm struggling with body positivity.

I've been trying to buy a new bra for summer. My measurements are 27" under-bust and 33.5" over-bust. I retake these measurements and compare the brand's size chart every time I order. This should be 32B. I moved up to 34A because 32B doesn't fit in any brand I've tried anymore. 34A isn't a wonderful fit, either. Going up a band size and down a cup size is a sure way to make a woman feel bad about her body... nobody wants to be fatter but have smaller breasts. The door prize to gaining weight is supposed to be bigger boobs! I switched to bralettes that come in S,M,L because I can't deal.

Having a chronic illness does a number on one's body image and self-esteem anyway, so I have to work to love my body and focus on being grateful. This clothing size issue is making me anorexic in theory, but not in practice.
As in, I want to take drastic measures to fit into smaller clothes again, but I ignore that urge and eat properly.

In one designer brand, I still wear an XS and it has made me loyal to that brand.

It's not your imagination. I'm wearing UK size 10 / US size 6 for the past fifteen years. I'm sure my size hasn't changed and all the old clothes still fit well. In a few shops I'm now finding I need a larger size - my friends are having the same experience. If I had gained some weight I wouldn't mind but I haven't!

I've had issues with bra size in the past so I never buy a bra without fitting it on.

mintoots · May 11, 2021

Bralletes are freedom for me when sleeping.

flower · May 11, 2021

I wish I could wear bralettes or wireless bras, but I need the underwire for support. The one great thing about working remotely from home during the pandemic is that I can be without a bra sometimes, although I do regret it afterwards (neck and shoulder pain).

Ginny · May 11, 2021

Has anyone tried these super bras that the internet praises? The ones that support big boobage without wires, which also relieve back and shoulder pain?

I see them all the time on pinterest.

Asa · May 11, 2021

Winterflowers said:
I've not tried bralettes but really should. Mine don't need wires and this last pair is poking me.

There are a lot of good ones now that offer light support.

GreenTea said:
It's not your imagination. I'm wearing UK size 10 / US size 6 for the past fifteen years. I'm sure my size hasn't changed and all the old clothes still fit well. In a few shops I'm now finding I need a larger size - my friends are having the same experience. If I had gained some weight I wouldn't mind but I haven't!

I've had issues with bra size in the past so I never buy a bra without fitting it on.

Thank you for confirming that it is not my imagination.

It's really annoying.

Ginny said:
Has anyone tried these super bras that the internet praises? The ones that support big boobage without wires, which also relieve back and shoulder pain?

I see them all the time on pinterest.

I haven't seen these ads. I just Googled it, so I probably will now.

Ginny · May 11, 2021

I'll share when I find them again. At work rn, waiting for technical stuff to pass

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