For Women

Spoiler: Opening Statement

Because this thread is specifically about women, I just want to briefly say that it's a fortunate thing to see women play a wider-role in our society today, especially in politics and public-life.

However, speaking as a man, y'all can keep your cooties over there.

Seriously though, I have the utmost respect for those particular women of this world who tirelessly dedicate their lives to the service of others and regularly surmount the expectations of our grim collective past.

 

Great thread idea!

 

@Wyote Where do you live?

 

gaze! i love this thread idea. thank you for sharing so much about yourself and being so open. i will contribute soon <3

 

Location, school and heritage makes a large difference when it comes to women supporting women.
Some universities have programs set up specifically so that women are not left out in the cold after graduation. Those schools know that without ongoing female support many of their graduates (and potential supporters) will let their degrees go to waste as they're pressured into the lower paying, mediocre jobs that we fill without complaint as it is in our nature to do what has to be done to keep the family/organization running.

The Indian culture also has deep roots in making sure their women stay in touch and keep achieving their goals, as well as keeping healthy work/life/family balances.

The problems really come in when we look at the corporate cultures that are predominately populated by white male at the higher levels. Even a man of color feels the need to conform and work harder to stay and grow in their position, so a woman, colored or otherwise is at a severe disadvantage unless they put on the cold, tough attitude it takes to get anywhere. I've seen it over and over and over again (been through too many lay offs). Women in managerial roles will be particularly hard on women in the office as that is what they feel is expected, and on the flip side, they feel all women need that attitude to get anywhere (they actually think they're helping by being jerks).

 

Along these lines: Have you seen the new short by Pixar? It speaks volumes about women in the workplace as well as a nod to women supporting women toward the end.
I think it's funny that the timing on this seems to be related to the whole Lasseter situation they went through.

 

@Asa, I admire your courage. I'm also a survivor - sexual assault, abuse, and domestic violence. I think it's extremely important to talk about being a survivor, healing, and recovery. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2016, but had been unknowingly suffering from it since adolescence. I'm also on my path to healing and expect to be for the rest of my life, which is okay with me. Recovering from trauma has made me love, care for, trust, and respect myself more than ever before. I'm also a recovering co-dependent and am big on setting healthy boundaries. I didn't know what "healthy boundaries" even meant until I was 35 years old.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes about trauma recovery. I don't know whose quotes they are though.

"Victims are not responsible for being knocked down, but they must be responsible for getting back up. Great change has always been led by those who were bigger than their circumstances." (I don't like the term 'victim', but you could just as easily replace it with 'survivor')

"I'm not where I need to be, but thank goodness I'm not where I used to be."

"You survived the abuse. You're going to survive the recovery."

"It's okay to grow slow."

"Healing is not linear."

I hope this will be a safe space for others to come forward. Or not come forward, but at least know they're not alone.

Thank you.
#metoo

 

God damn. Everytime I read something like this I'm like 'another!?'

One of my best friends is involved in domestic abuse recovery - his wife set up a charity to serve our area - and he once said to me that 'I don't think I've met a single woman who hasn't been abused or harassed at some point in her life'. He's 61 now. This really struck me at the time, and then I thought of my female friends and family, and I had to agree with him. Sometimes I think that decent men don't actually realise the extent of what goes on.

 

Yeah, it's terrifying when you realize just how prolific the issue really is. One in five women in the US will be raped or a victim of attempted rape in their lifetime, and less than half of them will report it. One in five. That is staggering. Only 12% of child sexual abuse incidents are reported.

So many people wonder why survivors (of abuse in general) don't come forward or report. As someone who did report, I can tell you exactly why. The answer is simple, but gross. In the domestic incident, cops showed up but didn't believe me even though I had cuts, bruises, and a broken finger. They said there was no sign of forced entry (I had already told them it was my ex and he'd let himself in after taking my spare key from where he knew I kept it hidden, so yeah there wasn't going to be any sign of "forced" entry) and therefore no indication that he'd done that to me. They even insinuated that it was just as possible that I'd done that to myself(?!). I asked them if they were going to at least take pictures of my injuries for their records and one of them told me I'd have to do that myself if I wanted pictures. They didn't arrest him; they told him to get in his car and leave. I drove myself to the emergency room afterwards where the staff let me stay all night because I was too scared to go home. It's called re-traumatization and that shit makes you question whether the world in general is a safe place to be. Even those whose job it is to "serve and protect" can't be trusted to keep you safe. My own brother blamed/shamed me for some of the other abuse I experienced for not getting away from it sooner.

So yeah, I can totally understand why so many keep their mouths shut. It's probably in their best interest. Just typing this up was a little triggering tbh. I've learned how to live with it, but it still pisses me the fuck off.

Mad props to your friend and his wife. It's because of people like them that people like me have someone who will listen and take them and their safety seriously. It's fucked up, man.

 

Queens see queens. Yes, another important topic for discussion. I'm looking forward to reading more of what you have to say on it.

I'd love to. My recovery really took off when I learned what healthy boundaries are and how to set and maintain them (with myself as well as others). I believe boundaried healing is the most effective kind. I'll try to get my thoughts in order and revisit this soon as well. Great idea!

 

Okay.
I've been wanting to contribute to this thread, but I've been scared. But.. I think perhaps sharing my story would be helpful to someone else going through the same thing, so I decided to just go for it, even though it won't be easy.
Like others here have shared, I am also a survivor of abuse and assault. About a year an a half ago I was raped by a complete stranger. I've never even uttered the words ''I was raped,'' not even in writing.. I would use some other terms to describe the event, but I have found a wonderful counselor and I am making great strides in recovering. I have accepted that this happened to me. I'm not afraid of men anymore. I go running outside. I live alone and I'm not paranoid at every moment. I never thought this would be the case for me again. I have PTSD but I know that if I keep going to therapy and just trying I will continue to get better and better..

@soulareclipse , I really like the quotes you shared, and especially "You survived the abuse. You're going to survive the recovery."
I tell myself that all the time! thank you for being so open!

I would really like to turn my trauma into something positive. i would like to help other people somehow who have been raped or abused [women AND men alike].. I think even just talking about our experiences can make other feel less alone. No one ever talks about what happens after. That was almost more traumatic for me. Having to go to the hospital, getting stitches, getting tested for diseases every couple of months, etc.. I just really don't want anyone to go through this alone.

Thank you to everyone in this thread who shared their experiences. I hope you guys all know that I am always, always here for you. you can message me any time.

 

Neko... I am in total shock... I have no idea what to say... I'm stunned, so I hope you can just feel my support and admiration of your courage because I can't articulate properly how I'm feeling.