Your Armor

[Praefect]

If you would judge me by what I write here and then would meet me in person you would find that a key ingredient of my personality is absent online, and that is my armor. I wear the emotional equivalent to of medieval plate armor and near nobody is allowed a glimpse behind the visor. I could count on one hand the number of people that got inside the inner circle at any one point in my life.

And I wear this armor because I am very easily hurt. Without it, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will slash my soul.

And I wonder, now, if this is an infj trait, and if it is, what other coping mechanisms the fine people here have developed over the years to keep yourself from letting pain or the fear of it hold you back.

 

[jyrffw54]

I definitely don armor, as I walk the streets of the world.

As for not letting pain/fear of it hold me back, I just say, "this doesn't bother me" and move on. It may be a lie at first, but when you tell yourself that enough times, it becomes more true.

Fear of it is a different story...

 

[Jana]

Speaking little abou myself. Even the closest friend don't know thing or two about me. And yet, that things are quite importantto understand me.
I think that my armor is being light and in good mood. Once someone got to know me and I let him/her near me, they become aware of my dark moods and hidden stuffs...

 

[bagelriffic]

i read once that the only cure for fear is action, no other exists, and that hesitation fuels it. and so i agree with soul's post if telling yourself its not so huge until you get through it helps i think its a good idea. often ive found the idea of ridicule or whatever it is im afraid of is often worse than what it might actually manifest as and so this is what i tell myself when im hesitant bc i know its true. and i think the more i push against my boundaries the easier it gets, regardless of the outcome so it almost turns fear into a win win situation bc its an opportunity to expand and grow. so if i were in your shoes id just go against what feels natural and reap the benefits of tackling wtv's holding you back.

 

[Kgal]

For a very long time I walked through the world with an armor such as you speak of. As jana said, not even those closest to me knew some of the deeply important (to me) aspects of myself.

When I was about 35 I had a paradigm shift that opened me. Many significant changes happened and for the first time in a long time I allowed true love to enter into my heart - both for another - and myself. When this happened - my armor became more flexible and penetrable. I think I was more strong in my Ego, my centered space, because of the love of my other, and the fact that I allowed myself to let go of Duty and seek my own reasons for being happy.

Yet I still kept the armor - even between me and my beloved other. (shaking head no - this was a mistake)

About 4 years ago I attended a retreat/event of sorts over a period of 2 weekends. The event was designed to help a person identify their shame/guilt/hatreds/fears and then teach the person how to let them go and obtain peace of mind. The event was transformative for me in that I once again had a paradigm shift and this ultimately led to a letting go of the armor.

I found that the less armor I had around my heart - the more I was able to accept people and myself as I am. Ironically this vulnerability to being hurt and pain has allowed me to feel more loved than I've ever experienced before. These days it seems the more I give it - the more I get it.... Love that is.

The retreat event taught me something very important about people. We all go through the same processes of wanting to be loved, being scared, being humiliated, being happy, and so on. No matter where we come from, no matter what we believe - or - not believe. While we are unique - we are also the same. I know we are all connected. For a long time I knew that from a physics perspective - but now I know it from a universal truth perspective.

So now when I'm around people I don't know very well, I watch and I listen to see if there is a connection I can sense between us. If there is one - I'll speak whatever is on my mind and see how it plays out. Many times people never ever get me. Frankly, that makes me feel lonely - but I can't expect them to understand me - for most do not view their world as I do. Their words cannot really hurt me - unless I let them - by having some expectation or attachment to the relationship.
Since practicing meditation and mindfulness, I don't have this problem as much anymore. I just try to love the person in front of me for who they are and the fact they are trying to be the best person they can be at the time. IMO most people are trying to do the right thing within their limitations of education/environment/economic situations/health and so on. Of all the types, the INFJ is best at understanding and showing compassion for what humans have to go through these days.

Praefect. I can only speculate why words can slash your heart and make you bleed with pain. I might wonder if your pain is already there from some prior life experiences and when those words are spoken - the pain is triggered once again. In my experience, the only way to let that pain move from your heart and release the energy that's bound up in it - is to share it with others. The caution here - tho - is to do this with a safe person(s). For that to happen - you have to open a small window in your armor and let something out - as a test - and then see the reaction from the individual in front of you. This way you learn how to feel if there are connections between you and others. Another positive of this action, is you've opened your armor up and faced your fear. Like SouloftheLaurel says - tell yourself this doesn't bother me - and then take a little risk. If the person in front of you totally 'effs it up' - then say to yourself - well that one is off the list - feel your disappointment - show compassion for yourself and your loneliness - and go on to meet another.

Hope this helped you in some small way.

 

[Gaze]

Speaking little abou myself. Even the closest friend don't know thing or two about me. And yet, that things are quite importantto understand me.
I think that my armor is being light and in good mood. Once someone got to know me and I let him/her near me, they become aware of my dark moods and hidden stuffs...

+1 very similar. I may not appear to be in a good mood but i will often appear very casual or distant, or overly formal - that's my armor. But when you get to know me, then you see my dark side .

 

[kucala]

I as well, definitely don armor. I don't, however, think this is an INFJ trait. True, it may be more common or stronger in this type, but I think everyone has their armor, to some degree.

 

[Barnabas]

I don't just wear armor, I've built a walls around walls built on top of and below other walls with moats and dogs with guns that shoot lava. which surround a castle with many empty rooms of which randomly conceal myself within changing rooms randomly. Wearing multiple layers of different types of personal body armor, the outer most being like the suit of a knight and the inner most being a plate to cover my heart.

 

[Gaze]

I don't just wear armor, I've built a walls around walls built on top of and below other walls with moats and dogs with guns that shoot lava. which surround a castle with many empty rooms of which randomly conceal myself within changing rooms randomly. Wearing multiple layers of different types of personal body armor, the outer most being like the suit of a knight and the inner most being a plate to cover my heart.

[MENTION=1848]Barnabas[/MENTION]

wow!!!

 

[Barnabas]

you guys get an extra wall called Anonymity which makes other walls obsolete


edit:

But not the dogs with the lava guns, just in case any of you guys were getting ideas. I knoew how much INFJs like breaking down walls

 

[toska]

I worked a really shitty customer service job for over a year where almost everyday I was cussed out, called foul names and personally blamed for disabled people's issues with their malfunctioning medical equipment. That solved it for me. After that experience, it's pretty difficult now for someone to hurt or offend me with words.

 

[DoveAlexa]

I think its simply foolish to not build walls. Especially on the internet, where people are blunter than ever.

 

[the]

I am pretty sure everyone has walls of some sort.

 

[jules1342]

I dont have armour but I definitely have walls. And lots of them. Every wall signifies a different part of myself that can can only be let out in safety and the walls have many different and varied ways of being broken. And that's the thing, I want them to be broken but in my experience most people arent willing to get close enough to break through the walls. Maybe because some of my deeper walls are broken by reciprocal passing of the walls of others. So most people will get stuck after one or two minor walls.

The interesting thing, for me at least, is that after the final wall there is nothing. A void of infinite potential that I am not usually able to tap into. And one that I am afraid to let loose on my own because I have no clue what it will do and where it will go without some place of safety for it to return to. Something that only appears when two people have no walls between them and can be totally honest with one another.

 

[Dichotomy]

I don't just wear armor, I've built a walls around walls built on top of and below other walls with moats and dogs with guns that shoot lava. which surround a castle with many empty rooms of which randomly conceal myself within changing rooms randomly. Wearing multiple layers of different types of personal body armor, the outer most being like the suit of a knight and the inner most being a plate to cover my heart.

lol ^^This^^ not that it is funny at all...very sad really, but it can be a cold hard fact. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable is the only way to be truly happy...to feel love and to give it.

For a very long time I walked through the world with an armor such as you speak of. As jana said, not even those closest to me knew some of the deeply important (to me) aspects of myself.

When I was about 35 I had a paradigm shift that opened me. Many significant changes happened and for the first time in a long time I allowed true love to enter into my heart - both for another - and myself. When this happened - my armor became more flexible and penetrable. I think I was more strong in my Ego, my centered space, because of the love of my other, and the fact that I allowed myself to let go of Duty and seek my own reasons for being happy.

Yet I still kept the armor - even between me and my beloved other. (shaking head no - this was a mistake)

About 4 years ago I attended a retreat/event of sorts over a period of 2 weekends. The event was designed to help a person identify their shame/guilt/hatreds/fears and then teach the person how to let them go and obtain peace of mind. The event was transformative for me in that I once again had a paradigm shift and this ultimately led to a letting go of the armor.

I found that the less armor I had around my heart - the more I was able to accept people and myself as I am. Ironically this vulnerability to being hurt and pain has allowed me to feel more loved than I've ever experienced before. These days it seems the more I give it - the more I get it.... Love that is.

The retreat event taught me something very important about people. We all go through the same processes of wanting to be loved, being scared, being humiliated, being happy, and so on. No matter where we come from, no matter what we believe - or - not believe. While we are unique - we are also the same. I know we are all connected. For a long time I knew that from a physics perspective - but now I know it from a universal truth perspective.

So now when I'm around people I don't know very well, I watch and I listen to see if there is a connection I can sense between us. If there is one - I'll speak whatever is on my mind and see how it plays out. Many times people never ever get me. Frankly, that makes me feel lonely - but I can't expect them to understand me - for most do not view their world as I do. Their words cannot really hurt me - unless I let them - by having some expectation or attachment to the relationship.
Since practicing meditation and mindfulness, I don't have this problem as much anymore. I just try to love the person in front of me for who they are and the fact they are trying to be the best person they can be at the time. IMO most people are trying to do the right thing within their limitations of education/environment/economic situations/health and so on. Of all the types, the INFJ is best at understanding and showing compassion for what humans have to go through these days.

Praefect. I can only speculate why words can slash your heart and make you bleed with pain. I might wonder if your pain is already there from some prior life experiences and when those words are spoken - the pain is triggered once again. In my experience, the only way to let that pain move from your heart and release the energy that's bound up in it - is to share it with others. The caution here - tho - is to do this with a safe person(s). For that to happen - you have to open a small window in your armor and let something out - as a test - and then see the reaction from the individual in front of you. This way you learn how to feel if there are connections between you and others. Another positive of this action, is you've opened your armor up and faced your fear. Like SouloftheLaurel says - tell yourself this doesn't bother me - and then take a little risk. If the person in front of you totally 'effs it up' - then say to yourself - well that one is off the list - feel your disappointment - show compassion for yourself and your loneliness - and go on to meet another.

Hope this helped you in some small way.

This is very good!! That road has been a long hard one for me and one that is not healed or created over night...but WELL worth the effort. Picking a safe person to start with is the key. On this forum alone have I learned to open up a bit more as well. My best friend/sister was shocked to tears when I started opening up to her...I had never realized how protective I was. It was a huge step for me...it was like feeling the sun on my face for the first time in my life, and the unhappiness that I never knew was there, fades ...and life truly starts..

 

[Jonathan]

I do have armour, but I usually try not to let that get in the way of creating relationships with 'tested' people. When I first meet someone, I have radial layers of armour and walls which, over time, people can either advance closer to the centre at my will (where the purest from of me exists), or I'll keep them out completely. There are some people that try to get to know me, or spend time with me, but I don't let them in at all out of fear that they'll attack me somehow.

I think introverted intuition works in this way. We keep our thoughts and ideas, introspective insights, views of the world, tastes.... everything that makes up the INFJ's inner world, hidden from people, because it's where our thoughts and feelings develop the most. Especially because we like complexity, abstract ideas, and constant growth, we may feel that others simply won't understand key things that are integral to our identities. We need to test people before we can share what we're thinking, because these people have proven to be capable of appreciating us for who we are. We use our intuition to judge who we can trust and who we can't. I hope this isn't too generalized...

 

[Barnabas]

lol ^^This^^ not that it is funny at all...very sad really, but it can be a cold hard fact. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable is the only way to be truly happy...to feel love and to give it.

I love the dogs, that should be enough.

 

[Praefect]

For a very long time I walked through the world with an armor such as you speak of. As jana said, not even those closest to me knew some of the deeply important (to me) aspects of myself.

When I was about 35 I had a paradigm shift that opened me. Many significant changes happened and for the first time in a long time I allowed true love to enter into my heart - both for another - and myself. When this happened - my armor became more flexible and penetrable. I think I was more strong in my Ego, my centered space, because of the love of my other, and the fact that I allowed myself to let go of Duty and seek my own reasons for being happy.

Yet I still kept the armor - even between me and my beloved other. (shaking head no - this was a mistake)

About 4 years ago I attended a retreat/event of sorts over a period of 2 weekends. The event was designed to help a person identify their shame/guilt/hatreds/fears and then teach the person how to let them go and obtain peace of mind. The event was transformative for me in that I once again had a paradigm shift and this ultimately led to a letting go of the armor.

I found that the less armor I had around my heart - the more I was able to accept people and myself as I am. Ironically this vulnerability to being hurt and pain has allowed me to feel more loved than I've ever experienced before. These days it seems the more I give it - the more I get it.... Love that is.

The retreat event taught me something very important about people. We all go through the same processes of wanting to be loved, being scared, being humiliated, being happy, and so on. No matter where we come from, no matter what we believe - or - not believe. While we are unique - we are also the same. I know we are all connected. For a long time I knew that from a physics perspective - but now I know it from a universal truth perspective.

So now when I'm around people I don't know very well, I watch and I listen to see if there is a connection I can sense between us. If there is one - I'll speak whatever is on my mind and see how it plays out. Many times people never ever get me. Frankly, that makes me feel lonely - but I can't expect them to understand me - for most do not view their world as I do. Their words cannot really hurt me - unless I let them - by having some expectation or attachment to the relationship.
Since practicing meditation and mindfulness, I don't have this problem as much anymore. I just try to love the person in front of me for who they are and the fact they are trying to be the best person they can be at the time. IMO most people are trying to do the right thing within their limitations of education/environment/economic situations/health and so on. Of all the types, the INFJ is best at understanding and showing compassion for what humans have to go through these days.

Praefect. I can only speculate why words can slash your heart and make you bleed with pain. I might wonder if your pain is already there from some prior life experiences and when those words are spoken - the pain is triggered once again. In my experience, the only way to let that pain move from your heart and release the energy that's bound up in it - is to share it with others. The caution here - tho - is to do this with a safe person(s). For that to happen - you have to open a small window in your armor and let something out - as a test - and then see the reaction from the individual in front of you. This way you learn how to feel if there are connections between you and others. Another positive of this action, is you've opened your armor up and faced your fear. Like SouloftheLaurel says - tell yourself this doesn't bother me - and then take a little risk. If the person in front of you totally 'effs it up' - then say to yourself - well that one is off the list - feel your disappointment - show compassion for yourself and your loneliness - and go on to meet another.

Hope this helped you in some small way.

I can very much relate to that. My little one right now is the only person I have ever truly confided in. Everything. After I was done I even had this moment of panic, OMG, I have no more secrets, wat doo?



It's been a very transformative experience, to say the least.

Why this hurts me, well, she has a theory on it. I have faith in people, and when people show themselves to not be worthy of that faith the disappointment I feel goes beyond that one person and extends to all of human kind. Or something like that. I'm not entirely convinced it's the case.

 

[Grey Wolf]

I don't just wear armor, I've built a walls around walls built on top of and below other walls with moats and dogs with guns that shoot lava. which surround a castle with many empty rooms of which randomly conceal myself within changing rooms randomly. Wearing multiple layers of different types of personal body armor, the outer most being like the suit of a knight and the inner most being a plate to cover my heart.

sounds about the same as me HAHAHH I have never really let any in in before. I only allow the closest friends to see the inner armour and a little vulnerability. but never once have i let anyone in all the way. there was 1 person that I almost let in but that was a mistake and that blew back into my face pretty bad. I dont blame the person though. and so no I'm just waiting for the next one to see how far I would go

 

[Diana]

Armor, walls, castle, moat...I've got em all.