Your appearance | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Your appearance

For me, my physical body and my mental state go hand in hand. They are both very important to me. When I was obese and unkempt, I felt very much that way.

If someone says I am unattractive it will ruin my whole day, maybe even my week. I tend to dwell on things like that. My social anxiety completely overwhelms me when I worry about how I present myself to others, not just physically but mentally as well.

Even though I have always been concerned with what others thought, I was still not that aware of how I looked. I would wear mismatching clothes, or have a stain, or not shave, and I wouldn't care. It just wasn't something I conciously thought about, but when someone would point it out to me I would almost feel humiliated.

Now that I work in a professional environment I have to pay MUCH more attention to my appearance and I am rewarded when I do. I have found that even if I don't care how I look, other people do, and things can be MUCH easier if I spend a little extra time in the morning to make myself more attractive or I conciously spend time thinking about a nice outfit to wear.

I wouldn't say I am consumed with vanity by any means, but I do recognize the benefits of being well-groomed.
 
My appearance is rather simple, I have shaved my head daily or every other day since 2002, I look better without hair than trying to comb my hair forward, if Bruce Willis can have ladies after him, ...so can I.

To my style of dress, I prefer tan khaki, green khaki, black khaki , and cargo type pants. Picking clothes is rather easy for me, as I do not like pin stripes, 2-tones, ect. but solid colors. I do wear blue jeans and black and tan denim but I do not prefer them.

I like collar shirts and will not wear 2 button shirts, its very tacky and cheap looking, my shirts must have 3 buttons, or none at all..unless its a button all the way up type shirt.

I like Van Heusen clothes, I have a lot of clothes by Van Heusen. I like to buy my clothes at factory outlets.I used to wear a lot of DuckHead brand clothes too.

I'm not a fashion fanatic but between my simple casual style and appearance , I visually fit in well where ever I go, socially communicating is another thing.
 
NeverAmI said:
For me, my physical body and my mental state go hand in hand. They are both very important to me. When I was obese and unkempt, I felt very much that way.

If someone says I am unattractive it will ruin my whole day, maybe even my week. I tend to dwell on things like that. My social anxiety completely overwhelms me when I worry about how I present myself to others, not just physically but mentally as well.

Even though I have always been concerned with what others thought, I was still not that aware of how I looked. I would wear mismatching clothes, or have a stain, or not shave, and I wouldn't care. It just wasn't something I conciously thought about, but when someone would point it out to me I would almost feel humiliated.

Now that I work in a professional environment I have to pay MUCH more attention to my appearance and I am rewarded when I do. I have found that even if I don't care how I look, other people do, and things can be MUCH easier if I spend a little extra time in the morning to make myself more attractive or I conciously spend time thinking about a nice outfit to wear.

I wouldn't say I am consumed with vanity by any means, but I do recognize the benefits of being well-groomed.
Click to expand...

Yep, that's true. Being nicely groomed can increase feelings of confidence and success.
 
I worked in a bank and saw hordes of incompetent and/or unethical people in shirts, ties and suits. Well-dressed actually doesn't mean much to me anymore. Anybody can blow a few hundred and get a suit, it doesn't actually mean anything.

When I see a woman who appears exceptionally well dressed and groomed, I wonder whether she does much else with her day except shop and groom. She might, but odds are not really.

I am somewhat superficial though. I will tend to give an attractive looking person more chances than a less attractive person when it comes to personal relationships. Not much more though. Like, a top 1% beautiful in the population person has not much more of an edge than a top 30% person. But a bottom 10% person is definitely at a huge disadvantage.
 
Last edited:
Appearance is far down the scale from what is.
Certainly appearance is no substitute for what is.
Appearances are given most weight by those who see only appearance.
But appearance is a valid facet of what is.
 
Well, I have a job, and have to keep it. So I tend to dress like a man.
 
Crow said:
Appearance is far down the scale from what is.
Certainly appearance is no substitute for what is.
Appearances are given most weight by those who see only appearance.
But appearance is a valid facet of what is.
Click to expand...

So what is? How could you possibly differentiate between appearance and reality?
 
Quote:"How could you possibly differentiate between appearance and reality?"

That's the difficult part, isn't it?
Nobody can tell you how to do that.
But it can not only be done, it is the doorway that leads out of unknowing into knowing.
You seem like one who would prefer to know more.
Good luck on your journey.
 
Dragon said:
So what is? How could you possibly differentiate between appearance and reality?
Click to expand...

Exactly. For in many if not most cases, perception is the basis of our understanding of reality. Plato's Allegory of the Cave is a good example. The shadows on the wall, real and unreal, were the ultimate reality for the men chained in the cave.
 
Quote: "I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far."

Can it go too far?
:)
 
Ria said:
This is a difficult post for me to write, but as I'm trying very hard right now to make positive inner shifts and changes, I'll take another risk and push the boundaries of my narrow comfort zone, here on the forum.

I have (my entire life), struggled with a very rare OCD called BDD. As I'm on my Blackberry, its harder to post a link but its easy enough to google. At any rate, I find my best days are when I have extremely limited time infront of the mirror. 2 summers ago, I had 2 or 3 months of attacks where I was phoning in sick for work and getting out of bed was very challenging. Only a small handfull of people have been told until now.

There is a 2 part youtube video called "mirror mirror" that orchistrates a day in the life of a BDD person. I am much healthier now (it could get bad anytime though), so I am always conciousely greatful for the times I am healthy. I would cut to relieve the pain, the scars on my arm are very faded now which pleases me.

Things like showering, intimacy with my bf, getting ready for the day, going out anywhere, being around people etc, all trigger pain and fear and self rejection for my appearance but I find that ignoring it really helps. I have tried counseling but my counselor advised we stop because it was only traumatizing me and causing me to cut more aggresively. I take a herbal capsule called Gaba which targets the adreanal glands, I credit my ability to feel healthier to the Gaba. However, I still find myself to appear out of proportion, alien-like and as if I was really supposed to look like more how I feel about my insides; and that would be as lovely as I see my inner Self.
Posted via Mobile Device
Click to expand...


While I don't experience anxiety over the way I look, I agree that I am happier (or at least, more myself) when I don't look in the mirror. When I go on holidays I'll crew cut my hair, not shave, wear crappy old clothes and not look in the mirror or bother about my appearance at all.

This is one aspect of what I love so much about my holidays.
 
Yes, but with a fine plumage of feathers, what's to look bad?
Humans have a far harder time of it than us birds.
 
Ahhh to be a bird or some other life form! Sigh
Posted via Mobile Device
 
Mother nature has it the worst. She'll never be pretty enough for us...
 
God damn man, it was a joke.
 
No need for insults/abusiveness.
Remember your own rules.
 
Crow said:
No need for insults/abusiveness.
Remember your own rules.
Click to expand...
Sorry that I'm off topic, but I hardly call my last post an insult. If you have a problem with me, solve it over PM.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back