Tin Man
"a respectable amount of screaming"
No. While I'd befriend them if they were interesting enough, sex is an important part of a relationship and I wouldn't take that risk.
Would you date someone who is HIV positive?
- Thread starter Apone
- Start date
My second post.
I think it's a hard question.
Say you meet someone and like them.
They have a dark past.
(Now I say this knowing I couldn't )
But now they are dieing. (Anyone know how to spelling dieing like the process of becoming dead? )
How do you walk away.
I would have a hard time.
I think I would value the time together.
Yeah, ur gonna die.
Yeah, I'll miss you.
Yeah, it's tragic.
But I always feel things are tragic.
My wife. You might have heard me mention her.
She's not as romantic about things.
Probably makes it work for us.
If we were both the same, that would be too much. (Meaning if I meet someone HIV and they were too romantic. I.e. why me. Why am I dieing. Etc)
But I'd get caught in the emotion of it all. I imagine saying goodbye before you were gone. So I think I'd try to not be with you. But probably couldn't.
I don't know. Earlier I said I wouldn't. Now I'm saying I would. But fucking is gonna be a problem. How do you do that and not take risks. I guess life is all risks
Idk
I think it's a hard question.
Say you meet someone and like them.
They have a dark past.
(Now I say this knowing I couldn't )
But now they are dieing. (Anyone know how to spelling dieing like the process of becoming dead? )
How do you walk away.
I would have a hard time.
I think I would value the time together.
Yeah, ur gonna die.
Yeah, I'll miss you.
Yeah, it's tragic.
But I always feel things are tragic.
My wife. You might have heard me mention her.
She's not as romantic about things.
Probably makes it work for us.
If we were both the same, that would be too much. (Meaning if I meet someone HIV and they were too romantic. I.e. why me. Why am I dieing. Etc)
But I'd get caught in the emotion of it all. I imagine saying goodbye before you were gone. So I think I'd try to not be with you. But probably couldn't.
I don't know. Earlier I said I wouldn't. Now I'm saying I would. But fucking is gonna be a problem. How do you do that and not take risks. I guess life is all risks
Idk
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Well, I can't say that the responses here are very surprising… I'm probably even a little bit the same way. There is a huge stigma and it's actually kind of hard to get around that.
I recently met a girl who has had a pretty rough life-- completely not her fault, btw, and at the beginning of the year she found out that she was HIV+. She was never into hard drugs or anything like that-- her mother was involved with someone she shouldn't have been involved with and then he took advantage of that position and now she's HIV+…
Her mother is now dead, and what's worse, neither of them knew that they were HIV+. Quite a few years passed before she finally got tested, and she then found out that her immune system was so damaged that it's unlikely she'll ever completely recover. She's been taking her meds and is now at the point where she can't give it to anyone and it won't eat away at her immune system, but because she didn't know, there are 'holes' in her immune system where the virus destroyed so much that she'll never be able to fight off certain infections ever again. She's sick practically all of the time-- from fevers and the meds, and at the same time she just wants to get out and do something before the end.
The worst part is that she's one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my entire life. I think that maybe one of the reasons that she's so meek right now is because she's having a hard time concentrating because of the drugs and the depression and the antidepressants and everything… and I guess all of the other things and the perpetual fevers and insomnia from the meds (or stress or whatever) and everything, but still, I know she's a wonderful person. She volunteers to help the elderly people in her building when she's not at work… and she just keeps going even though she's really sick and should probably be getting more rest.
She does have some issues obviously and that's probably one of the big reasons that she's been in a string of abusive relationships-- but now all that I can think about is what could have happened if I had met her earlier in life… I would have been so nice to her. If she had actually been tested earlier and knew she had it then the HIV wouldn't even have been such a big deal-- she could have just taken the pills and the virus level would have been so low that she wouldn't have been infectious, and then she could have probably had a normal life.
But now every time I talk to her she seems convinced that she's going to die pretty soon… and I think I'm actually one of the few people in her life that actually knows this. She hasn't even told her family or friends-- she told her best friend in the world after it happened and they rejected her for it and told her to stay away. I keep trying to act normal or at least stay positive but sometimes I just don't know what to say to her and I don't think that I can pretend that everything's normal-- I want to go traveling with her (I do this a lot) but I don't think that her immune system could handle the stress of travel and exposure to new germs, and I honestly don't know what to do, or if there even is an answer.
I have to admit, I am kind of nervous about touching her… and I think she knows, and I feel terrible about it. I know you can't get it through touching, though… but I think there's always going to be that thing in my brain that I just can't get over… and I feel horrible because I don't want to make her feel worse even though maybe I am.
I can't tell my parents/irl friends about her because I think they would be afraid too… I love my parents but I just know how they would react, especially my mom. My sister actually works in a lab in a hospital where she tells me they give nasty lectures to people who they discover to be HIV+ because 'they shouldn't have been taking chances', even though this isn't like that at all and I think that such an attitude is absolutely horrible. Maybe I'm not getting it right or maybe she's exaggerating because I don't talk to my sister very often and to be honest I don't even know if I really understand her as a person, but when we talked she made it sound like that and I think her job is making her a germophobe so I don't want to tell her about this girl either.
So yeah, I guess that means I'm sharing my story with you guys… I really don't want to come off like I'm asking for sympathy here because I'm definitely not the one who is suffering the most here-- I'm just really not sure how I feel about all of this and I guess I wanted to tell everyone to get tested on a regular basis because whether you have it or you don't, not knowing/being sure is ALWAYS worse than knowing… you can still live a long time if you know an you find out early, but if you leave it and assume you'll be fine, then you're taking a HUGE risk.
Anyways, thanks for listening.
I recently met a girl who has had a pretty rough life-- completely not her fault, btw, and at the beginning of the year she found out that she was HIV+. She was never into hard drugs or anything like that-- her mother was involved with someone she shouldn't have been involved with and then he took advantage of that position and now she's HIV+…
Her mother is now dead, and what's worse, neither of them knew that they were HIV+. Quite a few years passed before she finally got tested, and she then found out that her immune system was so damaged that it's unlikely she'll ever completely recover. She's been taking her meds and is now at the point where she can't give it to anyone and it won't eat away at her immune system, but because she didn't know, there are 'holes' in her immune system where the virus destroyed so much that she'll never be able to fight off certain infections ever again. She's sick practically all of the time-- from fevers and the meds, and at the same time she just wants to get out and do something before the end.
The worst part is that she's one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my entire life. I think that maybe one of the reasons that she's so meek right now is because she's having a hard time concentrating because of the drugs and the depression and the antidepressants and everything… and I guess all of the other things and the perpetual fevers and insomnia from the meds (or stress or whatever) and everything, but still, I know she's a wonderful person. She volunteers to help the elderly people in her building when she's not at work… and she just keeps going even though she's really sick and should probably be getting more rest.
She does have some issues obviously and that's probably one of the big reasons that she's been in a string of abusive relationships-- but now all that I can think about is what could have happened if I had met her earlier in life… I would have been so nice to her. If she had actually been tested earlier and knew she had it then the HIV wouldn't even have been such a big deal-- she could have just taken the pills and the virus level would have been so low that she wouldn't have been infectious, and then she could have probably had a normal life.
But now every time I talk to her she seems convinced that she's going to die pretty soon… and I think I'm actually one of the few people in her life that actually knows this. She hasn't even told her family or friends-- she told her best friend in the world after it happened and they rejected her for it and told her to stay away. I keep trying to act normal or at least stay positive but sometimes I just don't know what to say to her and I don't think that I can pretend that everything's normal-- I want to go traveling with her (I do this a lot) but I don't think that her immune system could handle the stress of travel and exposure to new germs, and I honestly don't know what to do, or if there even is an answer.
I have to admit, I am kind of nervous about touching her… and I think she knows, and I feel terrible about it. I know you can't get it through touching, though… but I think there's always going to be that thing in my brain that I just can't get over… and I feel horrible because I don't want to make her feel worse even though maybe I am.
I can't tell my parents/irl friends about her because I think they would be afraid too… I love my parents but I just know how they would react, especially my mom. My sister actually works in a lab in a hospital where she tells me they give nasty lectures to people who they discover to be HIV+ because 'they shouldn't have been taking chances', even though this isn't like that at all and I think that such an attitude is absolutely horrible. Maybe I'm not getting it right or maybe she's exaggerating because I don't talk to my sister very often and to be honest I don't even know if I really understand her as a person, but when we talked she made it sound like that and I think her job is making her a germophobe so I don't want to tell her about this girl either.
So yeah, I guess that means I'm sharing my story with you guys… I really don't want to come off like I'm asking for sympathy here because I'm definitely not the one who is suffering the most here-- I'm just really not sure how I feel about all of this and I guess I wanted to tell everyone to get tested on a regular basis because whether you have it or you don't, not knowing/being sure is ALWAYS worse than knowing… you can still live a long time if you know an you find out early, but if you leave it and assume you'll be fine, then you're taking a HUGE risk.
Anyways, thanks for listening.
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i would date them but i would not have sex with them
edit to add:
my partner's brother is hiv positive - he has been since he was in his twenties and is now 48. he has always been saying he is going to die for over twenty years now.
he is still very much alive, although he too struggles with the meds quite often.
a positive attitude on both your parts will go a long way with the relationship and with her illness as well.
edit to add:
my partner's brother is hiv positive - he has been since he was in his twenties and is now 48. he has always been saying he is going to die for over twenty years now.
he is still very much alive, although he too struggles with the meds quite often.
a positive attitude on both your parts will go a long way with the relationship and with her illness as well.
I had this conversation with my partner the other day. (what if I were
exactly the same, but HIV positive? -- yes we play this game).
I wouldn't. It just causes so many complications not just for the relationship
but for the person you're debating whether or not to date. I couldn't put
myself through the emotional struggle. At first I thought this was selfish
but after more thought I realized it's not selfish, if anything this is selfless as I
would be honest and upfront and not waste their time while we "casually" date
when I know full well our relationship would never progress beyond that. Further
more I should not feel bad for not wanting to be in a relationship with someone
that is HIV positive. It's unfortunate that they have this illness and I feel for them
and I would love to be a friend, but to build a life with someone that was HIV
positive would take more work than I am willing to invest.
Yay for self-awareness.
exactly the same, but HIV positive? -- yes we play this game).
I wouldn't. It just causes so many complications not just for the relationship
but for the person you're debating whether or not to date. I couldn't put
myself through the emotional struggle. At first I thought this was selfish
but after more thought I realized it's not selfish, if anything this is selfless as I
would be honest and upfront and not waste their time while we "casually" date
when I know full well our relationship would never progress beyond that. Further
more I should not feel bad for not wanting to be in a relationship with someone
that is HIV positive. It's unfortunate that they have this illness and I feel for them
and I would love to be a friend, but to build a life with someone that was HIV
positive would take more work than I am willing to invest.
Yay for self-awareness.
