Why is it that... | INFJ Forum

Why is it that...

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Grasshopper, Nov 14, 2009.

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  1. Grasshopper

    Grasshopper Community Member

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    Why do some people use your name more often when they speak, when they are angry at you?

    As it is said in the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" a person's own name is the sweetest sound in any language.



    If we always hear our name in association with something we did wrong, or something that someone is upset at us about then we will have negative feelings associated with hearing our name. I think that a person's name should be used in warmth, not in anger. What do you think?
     
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  2. Kavalan

    Kavalan Has risen

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    gets your attention. I don't use it with negative connotations but rather to get ones attention when they aren't paying attention.
     
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    enfp can be shy likes this.
  3. Tulip

    Tulip Community Member

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    I find people tend to use the person's name when they want to show either seriousness or closeness, which can be distinguished by their tone.

    :ranger:
     
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  4. OP
    Grasshopper

    Grasshopper Community Member

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    I notice it even in written messages too, so it isn't always about getting someone's attention.
     
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  5. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    I get a knee jerk reaction to the way some people say my name. It reminds me of times my name was used as a weapon against me. I am proud to say I never, never did that to any of my kids and they are all fine with their names and no hangups.
    My name was used against me so many times that I changed it. It felt good to start fresh with a new name even though everyone squawked about it. I stood firm though and didn't allow anyone to tarnish the new name.
    When people do it to make sure I'm paying attention I don't mind. If they try to belittle me in any way by doing it though ..... well, they could be heading into a door slam.
     
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  6. OP
    Grasshopper

    Grasshopper Community Member

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    I know parents do this, probably for the purposes of getting a child's attention, so it is feels like when adults do it to other adults they are viewing them as inferior. That is how I have felt, and that is what im trying to get at.
     
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  7. sookie

    On Holiday

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    I think it is a unconscious way of letting you know that they are made. If I do it I think I say someones name as a signal to them to pay expecially close to what I am about to say.
     
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  8. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Funny you mention that Dale Carnegie quotation, as it stood out for me as well when I skimmed that book. It is all in the tone. A melodious and sweet voice can charm the bad associations I have with my own name away in an instant. So I suppose Carnegie might have said it better thus:

     
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  9. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    In written text it's also about focus of attention. I agree with Kavalan's statement.

    However, in addition to that, people tend to want to get someone's attention more often, when they tell them negative things.

    I'm not sure if this becomes the main source of negative perception of someone's name. Most people don't like their given name, even if many others would tell them how much they like it. The reason is perhaps just that you are getting bored with your own name. It might be wonderful, but hearing it over than 100 times makes you hate it.

    I have associated my own name mostly with good news, for example good grades in school. That didn't prevent me from disliking it, because I soon had enough of it.


    edit: Maybe in some future people will find better ways to call each other than names, and avoid things like this:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FM-2030

    Names are strange not only because you might not like to be associated with your name, but also because others might not like to associate you with your name. Names may become tools for control. If I name myself Master, you'd have to call me Master. 0.o If I name myself Shit, you'd have to call me Shit, even if you don't like using such label. Meaningless identification is the best, but that wouldn't be numbers, because numbers aren't really meaningless to some people (the number 23!!!!!!). My hope is to have a way to communicate by actually applying the real things that we talk about, as they are, not as grouping identifiers.

    edit2: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - I personally don't like that book and wouldn't trust anything said there blindly. Maybe I dislike influence in general, no matter who does it with who. I don't think life's goal should be to influence people and to "win" friends. Sounds like treating them as objects.
     
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    #9 enfp can be shy, Nov 14, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2009
  10. SweetDreams

    SweetDreams Regular Poster

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    Haha yeah my mum only uses my first name when i'm in trouble!

    Other than that it's usually my nickname, which is probably
    more reflective of the loving relationship between us rather
    than my whole name?

    And yeah it does annoy me when she calls my by my full
    name, as it's associated with negative feelings.
     
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  11. Ophelia

    Ophelia Community Member

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    When their really angry they use the last name which can be more stern sounding to one its also the way it is said
     
  12. Kavalan

    Kavalan Has risen

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    To elaborate on my earlier post I use names neutrally when teaching or talking to a group to regain attention and it's not in a awkward way. This was one of many little tricks I was taught by my boss and an excellent 3rd grade teacher.

    Example: Now I'm going to tell you how to safely work in the blacksmithing area Joey. When you enter...

    The fact that one would associate negative connotations is tragic needless to say there will be times where one may do something bad and need to be yelled at but hey life's not all sunshine and butterflies as much as some would like.

    Maybe it's the fact that for good and bad I've always been called by my nickname and not my given... although in retrospect I may end up taking my given for professional reasons. o_O
     
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  13. laffeytaffey

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    Hmmm... You're right. It's really only whenever my parents have said my name that I feel fear run through me. Otherwise I'm like Woo! You said my name! lol Odd, eh? What would parent's say otherwise if they were upset and wanting you to know it?
     
  14. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    I think it's just to target you, to let you know specifically that you are the object of their anger :p
     
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  15. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    Oh this is interesting. When my parents get either mad/upset at me, they use my name, though I don't think they realize they don't need to. I can already tell; all that negative energy. :m158:

    My friends use my name often too, though I don't think it's for attention since if we're talking, they know they have my attention. I guess it would be more to emphasize a point.
     
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  16. Stellar Affinity

    Stellar Affinity Community Member

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    Interesting...It definitely catches me off guard when my mother uses my name in anger. It's kinda like it's a way of forcing you to realize the seriousness of the situation/conversation and/or just how pissed they are. I know one thing is for sure...I'd much rather hear my name in a warm, affectionate manner as opposed to angry. :md:
     
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  17. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    Haha so true. It just irks me when they use my name like that, although I have been guilty of doing this as well. :md:
     
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  18. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    I don't use people's names very much unless I'm doing the initial greeting, "Hey, Daniel, how's it going"... for example.

    Things like:
    "You know, Daniel.. this could...."
    "Hey Stacy, can I ask you a question?"
    "Skylar, you really have a knack for..."

    All these can be said with the name omitted bit leaves, I think, some intimacy out of what I'm trying to communicate. When I am trying to communicate this intimacy/closeness, I will use people's names but, just like hugs, I'm very selective with whom I do this with.
     
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  19. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    I think it's to do with wanting you to know it's you who's in the wrong and getting your attention and kind of keeping it while they tell you off ^^"

    I don't really use people's names all that much, only occasionally. I'm not sure why. I usually say 'excuse me' or tap them on the shoulder if I need their attention ^^"
     
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