Why do younger men seek older women?

[Scientia]

I have discussed this topic here in the past ad nauseum and yesterday I was again reminded that very few men my age look at me with interest. I know that I look younger, about 10 years or so is my guess, but I have been wondering what these guys in their late 20s and early 30s are looking for when they knowingly pursue older women? I am flattered but always wonder what it is they really want. Just sex? A relationship? Long or short term? Kids? Another mom?

After two separate experiences in the city yesterday, I started to search for answers because I am open to the idea of when I can start thinking that way again. If guys my age don't know I exist, must I look at younger guys? I know myself well enough to know I need to understand why they would want me and if it would be just sex or a fling because I am not a fling person. I would not be able to trust someone younger to want a relationship unless he could explain it in a way I would believe. Actually, that would go for any age. I am discerning. I will flirt all day in my weird quirky way but if someone younger gets serious, I back off because I assume he just wants sex or to use me and nothing else. I could tell one of these guys was offended when I backed off. That made me think. Am I wrong? I mean, what could I offer that a younger guy would want and a younger woman wouldn't have?

I found this: http://www.today.com/health/men-confess-22-reasons-why-younger-guys-fall-older-women-t74731

What do you all think? Valid or no?

 

[James]

I think maybe women are fed a bit of a myth about men, that only women's looks and youth matter to them, when really most men are truly seeking something more than that, even if they're not conscious of it themselves. I think if you are lucky enough to find someone you share a bond with, that matters much more than age, or just physical appearance. I know of course that the initial physical attraction maybe the thing that brings people together, but beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

Personally I would not seek an older partner as a conscious choice, any more than I would a younger one. I would probably try to avoid a younger woman, as I would not want to have to deal with emotional immaturity, or other issues. I would be far more concerned with finding a kindred spirit, someone I could really connect with and who 'got me'. Then I don't think their age would matter. I certainly know a few friends who have older partners (more than 10 years age gap) and they are perfectly happy and content as couples.

It's not an unusual thing in society as it once was maybe thought to be. I think if a guy flirts with you, and you get 'good vibes' then maybe you should go with your instincts. You deserve to have some fun and romance. There are some good guys out there, who aren't out 'just for a fling' and you sound like you're maybe ready for that. Fortune favors the brave, as they say.

 

[La Sagna]

I also found that I would receive more attention from younger men than from men my age but what I found out is that the younger single men were more forward and confidant in making a move, especially when you look younger. That doesn't mean the men your age aren't interested. I also look younger and I realised that for some men that would make them more hesitant to show interest because they thought that I might be too young for them. One man that I had met at a meetup told me so himself when I was in touch with him later and he realised that I was much closer to his age than he thought. He had been very interested in me but had moved on because he thought that I was too young.

As for the younger men, I would say don't discount them but for me the one deciding factor would be if they are generally interested in older women or if they are attracted to you and you happen to be an older woman and that doesn't matter to them. Whenever someone has a preference for someone fitting a certain category such as a certain age group to me that's a warning sign. I don't like the idea of people making generalities and sticking to that as a mindset because that would indicate to me a certain immaturity level as well as close-mindedness and shallowness that wouldn't appeal to me. I like people to see me as a person first and not as my 'categories'. Those kind of people are the ones worth getting to know better.

 

[Gaze]

I think younger men are attracted to women they view as "older" because women tend to seem more confident in who they are as they get older. They are generally perceived as more experienced (in different ways ), and they are more independent. Younger men seem to fear that their female peers are not as secure, may seek them out just for their money and status, and are not as socially or sexually experienced. They may feel someone older will teach something knew or share their experiences so they can become more sophisticated partners and lovers. However, they could also seek out older as potential means of financial support, contacts, and opportunities. If they feel the "older" woman feels flattered by the attention, they play on this assuming she will be responsive to their interest assuming it makes her feel "younger", giving them a way in which will make them the next person to benefit from the wealth (financial or otherwise) of experience their older partner has to offer.

It is flattering if someone younger appears interested, but they tend to assume that younger means "anything goes" and no expectations. Many are interested only in a quick fling, or just having a good time. It's difficult meeting younger who are more serious, and looking for something genuine and long term. On the other hand, older men tend to assume I'm younger than I am (too much younger) and assume I'm not ready for commitment. People still seem to forget that looks or appearance aren't the final truth about who someone is. I don't know how many times I've been approached as a young woman at a club. The mature aspect of someone's personality is not obvious when they have a young face.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Oedipus by proxy.

 

[aeon]

Great answers in this thread, and great thread topic.

for some, it is because they are buying into a myth and/or roles
for some, it is because of libido
for some, it is because of social status
for some, it has to do with issues
and for some...and this list could go on and on...with as many entries as there are young men.

For some, they know who they are, what they need, and they own that, and they understand that
human beings are not just a physicality, but that is part of it, and they know that in many ways,
age is just a number, and it would be foolish to say yea or nay because of it. They remain open
to possibility and connection with everyone they meet, and sometimes that is a women who is
a number of years older than he is.

And the way I see things, each and every engagement with another human being ends up being
both like any other, in that we are human, but unique, because we are those particular humans.

So I don’t know if we can ever know why anyone has interest in anyone else given a real-life
experience of it. That takes some asking, and sharing, and understanding. And that’s no small thing.


Cheers,
Ian

 

[the]

I like older women, but not if they look significantly older. I recently decided not to continue dating a girl my age because she did not age well. Plus if they are old enough, they might have a daughter my age!

 

[Stu]

[MENTION=12050]Scientia[/MENTION]

Is it your observation that those men closer to your age are pursuing women older then them, the same age or younger?

Are you more comfortable within your age group because you feel more able to relate and have a better ability to predict their behavior?

Have you considered entering a monogamous but not necessarily serious relationship? (ie having a BF for fun)

Could it be that deep down you are not open to any relationship and that older men pick up on that where younger men don't?

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Another factor might be that older women are less annoying. Whenever I go out and get a headache from someone talking BS, it's virtually always a young woman crapping on about shoes, makeup, hair, jewelry, handbags, micro pigs, expensive perfumes, credit cards, home makeovers, celebrity gossip, blah, blah, blah.

 

[Scientia]

[MENTION=12050]Scientia[/MENTION]

Is it your observation that those men closer to your age are pursuing women older then them, the same age or younger?

I actually have no idea. I just know they aren't pursuing me.

Are you more comfortable within your age group because you feel more able to relate and have a better ability to predict their behavior?

This is likely true. I also think we might connect on more levels.

Have you considered entering a monogamous but not necessarily serious relationship? (ie having a BF for fun)

I have but I don't think that's what would make me happy. I would find it difficult to have intimacy when I don't see any future.

Could it be that deep down you are not open to any relationship and that older men pick up on that where younger men don't?

Could be. I haven't thought about that. I fear that if I project more openness than I already do, it might not be a good thing.

Great insights, [MENTION=1939]Stu[/MENTION]!

 

[Gaze]

Another factor might be that older women are less annoying. Whenever I go out and get a headache from someone talking BS, it's virtually always a young woman crapping on about shoes, makeup, hair, jewelry, handbags, micro pigs, expensive perfumes, credit cards, home makeovers, celebrity gossip, blah, blah, blah.

Or is that many men expect that of some younger women, so these women simply give them what they are expecting? Wanna bet how many of those women are also ignored when they do try to speak about other non-beauty or appearance-related topics only to be dismissed or made to feel they don't know what they are talking about by chauvinistic men who think women are simply pretty airheads? Or what about those women who get tired of hearing about topics they don't care about but still humor their date by listening and when they share their own views, are talked over, or expected to simply give lip service to whatever their date is saying? There's always three sides to every coin.

 

[Scientia]

Another factor might be that older women are less annoying. Whenever I go out and get a headache from someone talking BS, it's virtually always a young woman crapping on about shoes, makeup, hair, jewelry, handbags, micro pigs, expensive perfumes, credit cards, home makeovers, celebrity gossip, blah, blah, blah.

Micro pigs???

 

[just me]

I talked with a younger woman today that was in a vehicle with a man. There was this incident we all were watching, so we commented about it while I was walking past with my GSD. I was attracted mentally with several things about her. She was willing to talk to an older man walking a dog she did not know. She smiled at the older man dressed with blue jeans that have been sewn ten times at least and a camo T-shirt and camo hat that was all worn and faded. She was beautiful to me. She was smart and willing to have a conversation with me, dressed as I was dressed. I believe I could have stayed all night talking with her, but acknowledged my place walking my dog and best friend and her place with a man her age. I thought she was beautiful. I had been cutting grass in 96 degree temps and surely looked and smelled terrible, but she took of her time to be kind and acknowledge me. That is beautiful.

I am old enough to like younger, smarter women. Haven't a clue why, or maybe I just won't tell. I hate that I walked away, but felt it time to do so.

I also can't stand watching beautiful young women being poked at and pushed at by boys. Women seemingly must mature faster than boys.
[MENTION=12050]Scientia[/MENTION], you are one easily liked person, at least to me. If you think you are flirting with the boys and don't expect a response: you will get one. I don't at all think it all about age or looks. Sometimes just a little attention can trigger the like pheromones.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Or is that many men expect that of some younger women, so these women simply give them what they are expecting? Wanna bet how many of those women are also ignored when they do try to speak about other non-beauty or appearance-related topics only to be dismissed or made to feel they don't know what they are talking about by chauvinistic men who think women are simply pretty airheads? Or what about those women who get tired of hearing about topics they don't care about but still humor their date by listening and when they share their own views, are talked over, or expected to simply give lip service to whatever their date is saying? There's always three sides to every coin.

The annoying conversations I have overheard were coming from young women talking among themselves. I got the impression that the discussion topics were energising to the participants, and not begrudgingly enacted roles.

 

[Gaze]

The annoying conversations I have overheard were coming from young women talking among themselves. I got the impression that the discussion topics were energising to the participants, and not begrudgingly enacted roles.

Gotcha. Regardless, something else to consider.

 

[the]

Or is that many men expect that of some younger women, so these women simply give them what they are expecting?

Sounds pretty lazy of them. Why do you think women are attracted to men (or even other women) who treat them that way?

 

[Gaze]

Sounds pretty lazy of them. Why do you think women are attracted to men (or even other women) who treat them that way?

Don't think it's about attraction. Could just be the available mates. Or it could be money? If someone wants to get someone's interest or attention for whatever reason, it's not hard to imagine them shaping themselves to fit what the person wants.

 

[dang]

Honestly, one of the primary reasons in my opinion that younger men date older women is that older women tend to know themselves and they tend to be sexually experienced. I would definitely be in a relationship with a youthful, playful, fit woman in her 40's who possesses self understanding, confidence, and aims to please sexually. Maybe in the future you should date mature, deep, open minded young infj men. That could potentially be awesome for both of you. I recently met a 47 year old busty French woman who is super cool and extremely sexy. Unfortunately she is married with children so our relationship is merely platonic, but if she were single and without kids and a US citizen I would definitely go out with her. And let's be blunt (you will probably call me creepy but whatever). A sensual 40 something French woman who works out is probably amazing in bed. It is a major turn on for me and I am sure I am not alone. If you are a good catch, you will be fine. I could introduce you to some cool guys your age who would love to go out with you. Mature men prefer older women as opposed to young girls. Now that I am divorced and 41, I would choose to go out with Salma Hayek over Selena Gomez. Don't underestimate conversation too. Cool 40 something women can be way more fun to go out to dinner with and stuff. Hope this helps. Don't sell yourself short. You seem like the exact type of person I would want to go out with if you were completely divorced, lived alone, didn't have kids, lived in LA, and liked facial hair. Plus you are a teacher. Where I live, studs your age and younger would be lining up to go out with a hot, athletic, cool, intelligent, milf teacher like you. Good luck. Not that you really need it.

 

[the]

Don't think it's about attraction. Could just be the available mates. Or it could be money? If someone wants to get someone's interest or attention for whatever reason, it's not hard to imagine them shaping themselves to fit what the person wants.

If those are the reasons a woman is acting this way towards a potential partner, then regarding all the other questions you had asked in that post I would just think, "who cares?"

feeling dismissed, only speaking about "woman topics", being talked over.... I really have no sympathy if they are settling or just after money.

 

[Scientia]

If you are a good catch, you will be fine. I could introduce you to some cool guys your age who would love to go out with you. Mature men prefer older women as opposed to young girls. Now that I am divorced and 41, I would choose to go out with Salma Hayek over Selena Gomez. Don't underestimate conversation too. Cool 40 something women can be way more fun to go out to dinner with and stuff. Hope this helps. Don't sell yourself short. You seem like the exact type of person I would want to go out with if you were completely divorced, lived alone, didn't have kids, lived in LA, and liked facial hair. Plus you are a teacher. Where I live, studs your age and younger would be lining up to go out with a hot, athletic, cool, intelligent, milf teacher like you. Good luck. Not that you really need it.

Thanks. I hope you are right.