Why do younger men seek older women? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Why do younger men seek older women?

Scientia said:
[MENTION=9809]La Sagna[/MENTION] - I think you might be right. I certainly do learn a lot from you. Sex guy? I wonder if I will have one. I can't see that happening but heaven help the first poor, unsuspecting man who sleeps with me after all of this. I am so pent up, I probably won't let him rest for three days!
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Haha...I understand the pent up part and that`s exactly how I was. I`m still working on catching up ;) . I don't think we fit the generalised idea so much so I would get frustrated at the idea that there's a general pattern that we're supposed to fit. We're not like "everyone", but I think that we have to play around a little bit and not look at every man we meet as a potential relationship (although I have to admit I looked at everyone through that lens, except for the Barbarian, but you know all about that haha). For me, that period helped me understand myself better and although it was really hard putting myself out there it was really worth it as a growing experience.

Go out and have fun. Eventually you'll meet the right guy for a relationship and you won't have a chance to do this again.
 
In my personal experience with older women (very little) I am drawn to the maturity factor that I cannot find in women my age. I feel that I am understood better. I've become incredibly jaded by what I see in younger girls.
 
dang said:
Maybe in the future you should date mature, deep, open minded young infj men. That could potentially be awesome for both of you.
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Why INFJ? Do you think that would work? I know someone who is a younger INFJ friend. He is wonderful and he fits this description but I just saw him and he doesn't think of me in this way. Somehow, I doubt most young INFJ males would be interested in older INFJ females. They seem to really like flashy extraverts. Am I wrong?
 
Scientia said:
Why INFJ? Do you think that would work? I know someone who is a younger INFJ friend. He is wonderful and he fits this description but I just saw him and he doesn't think of me in this way. Somehow, I doubt most young INFJ males would be interested in older INFJ females. They seem to really like flashy extraverts. Am I wrong?
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I have read that on paper an infj is most compatible in a relationship with someone whose dominant function is extroverted intuition meaning enfp or entp. But life isn't lived on paper. I love enfps myself. My mother is one, and we are very close. But I think two infjs can be a very good fit as well. I just think that infjs tend to be mature and not superficial. When I got married I was 26 and my ex was 31 with two young boys (just like you). I didn't care. It didn't hurt that she was a bright, confident, hot Norwegian woman either. I just hung out with a 23 year old French girl. It is strictly platonic, but I realize how easy it would be to have an infj girlfriend. We speak the same language. Perhaps an easy relationship is what you need. Someone one understands how you feel before you say a word. So just be open minded and follow your gut feeling. I am late for an appointment, but I am still writing this post because I want to be helpful. Wouldn't it be nice to have a boyfriend like this guy you know who is unapologetically authentic and generous? Just like your wonderful husband (joke). Just focus on making friends. Forget about dating. Once you trust a guy you meet and you discover you feel comfortable with him you can easily go from being just friends to being more than just friends. That's what happened to me. But before I go, and I am curious about your answer, do you feel you are even ready to date? Not just because you are still living with the three males who are in your life, but emotionally, are you really ready, able, and willing to invest in a new relationship despite your toxic marriage and accompanying trauma? Patience is a virtue. I separated from my ex in 2004. I am still single. Sometimes you have to play the long game. But I think it will be worth it in the long run. So how do you honestly feel about getting divorced, being a mother, working, and dating? That's a very full plate indeed. Enjoy the fireworks.
 
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I've never dated someone older, it's not that I haven't wanted too-- I imagine it's primarily because I still look 18 >w<
For me it's a maturity thing, I know maturity isn't equatable to age... but in my experience, younger people (myself included years ago) can have some difficulty socializing normally (and/or just having confidence in themselves).

My conversations with most girls younger than myself seem to also be a little one-sided/self-absorbed.. it's kind of disheartening
(I'm sure guys do it too btw). Again, this isn't representative of everyone (it's generalized) and honestly based largely on my own experience talking to women.
 
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Scientia said:
Why INFJ? Do you think that would work? I know someone who is a younger INFJ friend. He is wonderful and he fits this description but I just saw him and he doesn't think of me in this way. Somehow, I doubt most young INFJ males would be interested in older INFJ females. They seem to really like flashy extraverts. Am I wrong?
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I think you maybe wrong, but it depends on the guy. I was an immature INFJ and fell for the flashy 'extravert' and boy do I regret that now. You may find that your young INFJ has quite a crush on you, but would never dare admit it. Have you ever tried flirting with him ? The trouble is a young INFJ is prone to be very reluctant to make the first move. I am certain my mother was INFJ, and my father probably INTJ, but *maybe* he was INFJ. He worked as an engineer and was very science orientated so I think INTJ is more likely.

I think any two types can make it work, it they have genuine affection and love for each other, it's just certain types are more likely to feel that initial attraction. At least you know even with a younger INFJ you are getting to know someone serious, who you will probably have shared interests with, and who had depth and values. Sometimes I think the only types that really get INFJs are INFJs (possible INTJ exception). Give it a whirl if you think there's a chance Scientia.
 
Let's see what happens when I say...

Because age is nothin' but a number when you're dealing with hoes.
 
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I haven't read all the responses to the OP, so excuse me if I am redundant. I honestly think it is because many "older" women actually are more attractive than they were when younger. At 39, I can say with complete confidence that I look better now than at say 29. I know what style of dress best flatters me, and I have learned more than a thing or two about makeup and hair. In my younger years, it was basically like "Ooh, tight and sparkly, I like!" I am still that way to an extent, but more discerning. Taupes are heavily involved, for example. Also, I have learned a lot more about diet and fitness. Long gone is the "freshman 15," hello Pilates, light weights and running. Antioxidants and the gym did not enter into the hectic schedule and mindset of my twenties And there's the confidence factor. I feel more confident socially and intellectually than I did as younger woman, and who doesn't find confidence attractive? And then there's the financial thing. I look comfortable, even a bit well-heeled when I want to. That's a lot of what attracts women to The Silver Fox. Same thing goes for men. Financial comfort/success is attractive and even sexy. Young women do get more over-all attention IMO, but I like the quality of attention I get now. When I get a "wow" look from a man, it's usually from the type of man I can actually picture having a conversation with.
 
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James said:
I think you maybe wrong, but it depends on the guy. I was an immature INFJ and fell for the flashy 'extravert' and boy do I regret that now. You may find that your young INFJ has quite a crush on you, but would never dare admit it. Have you ever tried flirting with him ?
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First of all, he's half my age. Second, we flirt all the time in an INFJ quirky kind of way. It's all just fun. I do enjoy just about every minute I spend with him but I am pretty sure he does not have a crush on me. I brought up the idea of us being attracted to one another a long time ago and he shot it down so fast, my head spun around like the exorcist girl. That, and all of his exes are the flashy extravert type I mentioned, so I don't even think he sees me in those terms.
 
Half your age ? Well that explains a lot, Mrs Robinson ! I thought you meant maybe 10 -12 years younger, Lol.

This has become a very interesting thread. I wouldn't be able to look at a woman under 30 except in a paternalistic way. If they were interested in me like that I'd think (I'd know) they had 'issues' and I am never going down that road again. I think if some younger guys saw this thread, and realized they had a realistic chance with older women they'd probably pass out.

Scientia said:
First of all, he's half my age. Second, we flirt all the time in an INFJ quirky kind of way. It's all just fun. I do enjoy just about every minute I spend with him but I am pretty sure he does not have a crush on me. I brought up the idea of us being attracted to one another a long time ago and he shot it down so fast, my head spun around like the exorcist girl. That, and all of his exes are the flashy extravert type I mentioned, so I don't even think he sees me in those terms.
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Older women are far more knowledgeable than younger women (both in the bedroom and in general). That definitely appeals to some guys. Some guys might not like the pressure to have to take the lead in relationships, so being with a woman who is more mature than them might take some of that pressure off.

Also, women in their 20s receive tons of attention whereas that is not the case for older women (because many guys in their 30s and 40s would still prefer a woman in her 20s and neglect women their own age), so they probably like the fact that they get a much better response and more attention from older women.
 
Somehow I think many of the perceptions had of older women are myths rather than truths. I think younger men are attracted to older women because they don't think the older woman would pressure them into a relationship. They like the novelty of dating someone outside their age range and experience, seeing it as slightly exotic. Older women, however, have perspective and more understanding of men because of previous experiences so they are not as likely to be annoyed by things younger women would be bothered about. Younger women will more likely want men their age to be an ideal, whereas older women will more likely expect a man to act like a man, and not hold it against him as much. Younger woman are taught to have a checklist to judge potential partners. Older women know better, and are more likely to see the possibilities than expect their partners to live up to some high standard. I think culture plays a role in this as well.
 
Dragon said:
Some guys might not like the pressure to have to take the lead in relationships, so being with a woman who is more mature than them might take some of that pressure off.
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This never occurred to me.
 
[MENTION=14664]dang[/MENTION] - Am I ready for a relationship? Yes. I won't go into how many years the death of this one has lingered on or how much self reflection, therapy and growth I have gone through but, yes.
 
Scientia said:
[MENTION=14664]dang[/MENTION] - Am I ready for a relationship? Yes. I won't go into how many years the death of this one has lingered on or how much self reflection, therapy and growth I have gone through but, yes.
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Awesome. Go for it.
 
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