Whose type are you?
- Thread starter Gaze
- Start date
I've had numerous long and short term relationships in my life. None of them were completely satisfying. There always seems to be an improper balance of attributes in my girlfriends that don't satisfy my multidimensional personality. It's difficult to even talk about without sounding full of myself but the fact of the matter is I have a lot of interest and involve myself in a lot of activities and groups. My resulting complex character is difficult to understand (even to myself) and, as I gather, rather intimidating for women.
What I believe I need is a confident sensual woman who challenges me to grow on multiple levels. For once I want to be introduced to exciting new experiences instead of being expected by women to lead them around. Strangely enough, oftentimes it feels like I need some wise cheerleader type who assumes her lot in life admirably.
Anybody know what type I should be looking for?
(I've never had a stalker ... sounds terrible)
What I believe I need is a confident sensual woman who challenges me to grow on multiple levels. For once I want to be introduced to exciting new experiences instead of being expected by women to lead them around. Strangely enough, oftentimes it feels like I need some wise cheerleader type who assumes her lot in life admirably.
Anybody know what type I should be looking for?
(I've never had a stalker ... sounds terrible)
I’m not sure really, but one thing they all had in common was an unmet need to express their truest selves, and in me they saw someone who would accept them and appreciate that, indeed, someone who needed that (though I did not understand my need in this way at the time).
Of course, a lot of people have that need to express, but I suppose only those who were comfortable with my person chose to engage.
I’ll make a near-meaningless characterization in that those who lived more in their heads found someone who was already there, and those who lived more in the world found an easily-over-excitable seeker of stimulation both mundane and esoteric who was all-too-eager for off-the-cuff adventures.
I’m more introverted and prudent these days, even if my basic nature is unchanged, and in any event, I only want to be my sweetie’s type now and forever after.
cheers,
Ian
Of course, a lot of people have that need to express, but I suppose only those who were comfortable with my person chose to engage.
I’ll make a near-meaningless characterization in that those who lived more in their heads found someone who was already there, and those who lived more in the world found an easily-over-excitable seeker of stimulation both mundane and esoteric who was all-too-eager for off-the-cuff adventures.
I’m more introverted and prudent these days, even if my basic nature is unchanged, and in any event, I only want to be my sweetie’s type now and forever after.
cheers,
Ian
with regards to general/platonic attraction:
at my workplace i pretty much keep to myself. because i am quiet people rarely approach me for conversation. perhaps, my shyness and introversion gives negative impression. i am not sure.
but i have noticed that many older men (65 – 80 years old) like to speak with me. just strangers, people passing by. i am not sure why. they ask me my name, they shake my hand, they smile into my eyes. one of them really touches my heart; always silent - a timid old man, and it is clear to me that he has some problems, but i don’t know what they are. ever week he stops by my shop, looks at me and waits for me to look back. so i nod at him and smile and then he walks away.
at my workplace i pretty much keep to myself. because i am quiet people rarely approach me for conversation. perhaps, my shyness and introversion gives negative impression. i am not sure.
but i have noticed that many older men (65 – 80 years old) like to speak with me. just strangers, people passing by. i am not sure why. they ask me my name, they shake my hand, they smile into my eyes. one of them really touches my heart; always silent - a timid old man, and it is clear to me that he has some problems, but i don’t know what they are. ever week he stops by my shop, looks at me and waits for me to look back. so i nod at him and smile and then he walks away.
I have no idea. Not that many if past experience dictates this.
But then again, I have had people come out of the wood works to tell me "you know, I always really liked you but you intimidated the crap out of me so I never said anything...", referring to wanting to be friends and/or otherwise.
So maybe more than I think. Who knows? Irrelevant now anyway, as I am married.
But then again, I have had people come out of the wood works to tell me "you know, I always really liked you but you intimidated the crap out of me so I never said anything...", referring to wanting to be friends and/or otherwise.
So maybe more than I think. Who knows? Irrelevant now anyway, as I am married.
I can't say that people have come out of the woodwork but my sisters or friends tell me after the fact--you know so and so liked you....he was trying to pick you up....
I suppose I could be intimidating. I just don't operate like I NEED to have someone. I don't relate at all to the stereotypical presenation of singles as despertly trying to be partnered. Meh. I'm tyically clueless to the whole thing because it doesn't occur to me to think that way about men I meet. Normally, I don't become attracted or interested unless there is some genuine or continued contact with them.
I'm starting to see a trend now, in terms of people who actually approach me and try to follow through with courting me (i.e., "hollas" don't count). I've been attracting dorky artists who are somewhat older than me. It's like they want me to be their Zooey Deschanel in some twisted hipster fairytale, which is sort of appealing to me I must admit. They are all very attractive and try to court me in a spontaneous, quirky manner, and then each of them turns out to be crazy in some major way.
I get this a lot too. I'm not really sure why, I think I'm pretty chill once you get to know me. I think I put on this air of "I'll fucking stab you in the throat if you piss me off" as a defense mechanism. I'm always impressed when people approach me anyway and find that I'm actually kind of a softy.
As far as dating and relationships go, I am a shit magnet, for the most part. I seem to attract the kinds of guys who think that I will allow them to use me or treat me like crap, have substance abuse or mental health problems, or creepy weirdos with fetishes that freak me the eff out. Been there, done that and I'm not going there again (well not the creepy weirdos...just not going there, ever). Hence, the defense mechanism. I did have one relationship with a really good guy a few years ago, but it was WAY long distance (I'm in the US, he lives in Australia). The only reason it didn't work out is because of the distance (neither of us could afford to immigrate) and his health issues (he didn't want to burden me with them, I guess?). We're still really close friends, though. I guess at this point, I'm holding out for a guy similar to him, who lives in the US. I'm probably SOL. heh. Guys like him, over here, usually aren't into women like me.
Something I've noticed also, especially where I live, is that the guys around here are really NOT in to independent women with a tomboyish streak. They all seem to want the Disney Princess/damsel in distress type...and a LOT of them are very superficial and want the pretty face/perfect body types. I've never really been one to conform to gender roles, and many of the men here want their women thin, petite, "hot", and barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Screw that.
[MENTION=3765]Vicarious[/MENTION] I adore you.
And also yes, I seem to be quite similar to what you've said about yourself. I attract a lot of shit or things that aren't good for me. Whether I attract it or whether I choose it...I think thats 50/50 to be honest with you. I seem to be giving off some weird vibes I'm unaware of that has these guys coming up to me. Not that they are bad people at all, most of the guys I've dated haven't been bad people they are just seriously messed up in some way and most of them have the common denominator of being master manipulators when thye don't get their way. This always results in my self esteem being demolished.
Also, it's funny about what Vicarious said about independent, tomboyish women. I'm petite and like clothes and make up, but I'm extremely independent and quite tomboyish in some aspects. Maybe douches like women like us? haha
And also yes, I seem to be quite similar to what you've said about yourself. I attract a lot of shit or things that aren't good for me. Whether I attract it or whether I choose it...I think thats 50/50 to be honest with you. I seem to be giving off some weird vibes I'm unaware of that has these guys coming up to me. Not that they are bad people at all, most of the guys I've dated haven't been bad people they are just seriously messed up in some way and most of them have the common denominator of being master manipulators when thye don't get their way. This always results in my self esteem being demolished.
Also, it's funny about what Vicarious said about independent, tomboyish women. I'm petite and like clothes and make up, but I'm extremely independent and quite tomboyish in some aspects. Maybe douches like women like us? haha
Haha could be...it must be the independent, tomboy thing....cuz I'm not petite, I'm tall and fairly overweight (blah). I do like clothes and make up though, and I take pretty decent care of my hair. I never leave the house looking like I just rolled out of bed. But, at the same time, I listen to metal, I know how to do a lot of basic car maintenance, I know how to hang dry wall, I can fix a lot of shit myself, my sense of humor can be kind of raunchy at times, and when I want to, I can drink most guys I know under the table. I kill my own spiders. I collect knives. I'd rather watch a good horror movie than a sappy chick flick. I don't even own a dress. Blah blah blah. I guess a lot of guys don't like that, I dunno. LOL
And I adore you too [MENTION=5297]Neverwhere[/MENTION].
One of my co-workers made a comment about the "invisible ring of leave me alone" that she had around herself. I remember telling my sister that and was surprised when she said I had the same thing but more like a "don't bother/don't waste my time" vibe going on. Apparently creepy toll booth guys are immune to it though.