Whiners SUCK. | INFJ Forum

Whiners SUCK.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by arbygil, Jan 24, 2009.

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  1. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    Ok. So obviously I have problems with whiners. People who feel they "deserve" something in life, people who feel they were dealt a raw deal and continue harping on it, people who love to revel in a cloak of "ohh, poor me."

    This attitude drives me nuts. I hate complaining whiners. Especially. ESPECIALLY. When they're ungrateful about the little things they *do* have.

    So I'm in this livejournal community, and someone posted a secret stating that they felt guilty for making their parents buy them the expensive school supplies...bad, but worse was that they "wished their parents had thought about how expensive it was to raise children" before they (the OP) could feel guilty about it.

    Maybe it's just me, but I can't stand folks who don't understand how good they have it just living in the United States. Some people complain that they don't have an iPod when honestly? You can get a cheap-a$$ MP3 player or even a thumb drive and download music to it.

    Why must everything be the BEST or NOTHING?

    I dunno. I just need to rant about this. I don't understand people who feel the need to blame others or complain how their particular circumstances are oh-soooo-sad when they haven't tried to venture out alone.

    I'm sorry if I'm stepping on toes here, but I can't understand folks with entitlement issues. In my opinion nobody deserves anything, so we should be grateful for every small blessing.

    So how do you feel about this? Am I the only frustrated one?
     
  2. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    You are by no means alone in this rant, arbygil :hug:

    The older I get, the more I come to understand the difference between my wants and my needs, the more aware I am of the sense of entitlement, the sense of never being content but always wanting bigger better faster more so rampant in our society, and even in some of those I dearly love.

    It's a tightrope, trying to balance my desire to have (and be content with) less when some of those closest to me want more More MORE!
     
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  3. gOpHeR

    gOpHeR Community Member

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    I feel the same way. One is only entitled to what one can obtain by their own merit.


    (waits for someone to say a mom gives a child life is he not entitled to be fed and kept alive until such time they can do so for themself)
     
  4. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I hear you arbygil. I appreciate gratitude in myself and others.. I think it says a lot.

    In terms of entitlement... I agree and disagree. I think it's important to recognize and find a way to feel grateful for how fortunate you are, even if it is not exactly what you want. The reason for that is because I believe there is something positive to be found in every situation. Even though there are situations I hope to never experience. The opportunity to learn, grow, evolve, and experience is sometimes the true bounty.

    I think it's also important to recognize why you want the things you want. It's being in touch deep down inside as to why you want it and what it means to you. It's being able to take a step beyond the compulsion to jump into the consumer market. Compulsive buying is more to being out of control than it is to freedom. And one of the great things about money is that it can afford various types of freedom. But that only happens if you're able to stay cool and not fall to being controlled by it.

    Thirdly (thirdly?), - I may have some counter-arguments coming my way here - but I also believe that we ARE entitled to receive and we deserve to have what we desire. That there is nothing wrong with desiring things and having things... but I would not want it to occur at the expense of a deeper self-evolution. This ties in with what I wrote above. It's hard to separate that sometimes from getting caught up in the hype of the "newest and the best" item on the market. But I think that's where the balance lies... in being able to enjoy those wonderful things you really want because you are not caught up in a desperate drive to have them. That game can get controlling, in which you feel you need just yet another thing. But when you begin to enjoy the comforts that money can bring - whether that's through buying things, experiencing trips around the world, using your money to help others, - whatever it is you desire - the lesson I think is learning to balance the desire for things and balance your use of money in an empowered way.

    Because in the world we use money as a means of figuring out our physical survival, physical needs, and desires (which we so want to fill), we've made money very complicated. But it's probably rather simple in all reality..
     
    #4 Soulful, Jan 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2009
  5. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    That makes me really sad :(

    I think complaining isn't constructive, especially if it's accompanied by not taking responsibility. That's very disempowering.


    As for money - Add on: I think the freedom of money is using money to help you experience life in more joyous ways.

    If you can do that without getting caught up in greed, fear of lack, superficial beliefs about worth as related to money, etc. then I think you've got it pretty much figured out.

    It sounds like they feel guilty for wanting the things they want when they realize it is at a (perhaps high) cost to their parents and frustrated for not being able to have what they desire.
     
    #5 Soulful, Jan 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2009
  6. OP
    arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    See, "deserving" to me sounds like a justification, or maybe a selfish attitude. I think it could be because I grew up a certain way, and I grew up just grateful for the government cheese and powdered peanut butter because it fed me - lol!

    So I think of things this way: Do I want presents for my birthday? Sure! But do I deserve one? I'd say no. Because I'd have to ask what warrants me deserving a gift for my birthday? Or maybe it's because I have such low expectations that any little thing can seem like a treasure to me. I dunno...I need a positive example that shows why we do or don't deserve something. My image of people getting what they deserve is a negative one. When people say, "I deserve this" they sound greedy to me, or vain. Or maybe selfish. And when people say, "he deserves this" I never see that in a positive connotation.

    So that's what I mean when I say we don't deserve anything.

    I frequently think of "entitlement" the same way, although in my mind it's a less powerful definition than "deserve".

    *Nods.* It could be that. But it also sounded like they felt they needed the best stuff. There are probably a few ways of looking at it, but if I were in their position I'd probably either try making do without, or finding another way of making money so I could get what I needed.
     
    #6 arbygil, Jan 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2009
  7. KingOfSpades

    KingOfSpades Community Member

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    I tend to think the same way. FOr me life is a balance between being grateful and also thinking positively and thinking what I deserve in this lifetime.

    For a lot of my life I didn't have much of a backbone and let people walk all over me -- mostly because I didn't think I deserved better.

    I had a really powerful evolution over the last few years where I actually sat down and thought about what it is I deserved in life and asked the Universe for those things...and by and large the Universe has provided me with what I've asked for.

    The more grateful I am for the things in life the more the Universe seems willing to provide.

    So I can see both sides. I think whining is awful, but whining is different then feeling deserving..whining is saying "My ego is so wonderful I deserve every little want", whereas when you come from a place of thinking you deserve something, I think its a result of thinking, "I've worked hard for something and this is my reward that should come from that hard work".

    Maybe I'm splitting hairs though :) We need a monkey-smiley with a chainsaw splitting hairs.
     
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  8. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I understand (I think I do..). We're so shaped by our early experiences of money/deserving/entitlement. Sometimes people do use "I deserve, I'm entitled to" in an arrogant manner - they EXPECT something (without consideration of the greater picture (whether that be the people around them, those affected by their choices, what their wealth means, etc)).

    Arbygil, you deserve things just because you do. Because you have an innate worth, we all do, and that makes us deserving. For example, you do deserve presents for your birthday. Does that mean you have to get them? No, it does not. But does that mean you don't deserve them? No way. You do deserve them. Not getting them doesn't mean you don't deserve them. And deserving them doesn't mean that you should get them. It just means you're worthy of them.
    I often look at it from a spiritual perspective, so I find it hard to explain because I know it's not a neutral point. I see it not as a matter of not deserving something as much as a matter of - will having it be beneficial/positive.

    I know people may naturally say that if we were to get everything we deserved then the world would be chaotic. But if we were truly in touch with what we desired, then we would only desire the things that were truly best for us, and somehow all those desires would balance out in the world. I guess I speak of desires of integrity. I feel like I am rambling - sorry if that's the case. I hope it's all clear enough.
     
  9. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    :m179: Close enough? I'm never sure if that's a saw, a hair-straightener, or a vibrating dildo :).

    I love talk of the Universe! :D I'm grinning and nodding in agreement! I'm still learning to get to the point at which I ask for someone* and receive/ manifest it in my reality. *Haha.. typo.. funny, cause that's been on my mind for a while now! I did mean "something", but "someone" will also be joyously accepted!!

    How did you get to the point of asking/receiving things in your life KoS?

    I've heard the process of getting what you desire is

    1. Ask for what you want (sometimes desiring something is enough)
    2. Receive it (we receive it immediately)
    3. Allow (allow it to enter into our lives)

    Isn't that interesting? So the lag time between getting what we ask for isn't necessarily that we're not receiving it but that we're not letting ourselves receive it.

    I think gratitude is key. We attract what we put out. So feeling abundant in life and positive is a means of attracting abundance into our lives in all areas, including money.

    On an off-topic note, has anyone heard of TUT, the daily e-mails from The Universe? THE BEST!!! :D
     
    #9 Soulful, Jan 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2009
  10. TK*

    TK* Community Member

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    People who whine, regardless of how bad their situation is, are always irritating. Whining wastes time. Period. If you're so upset about something, change it yourself, don't expect someone else to do it for you.

    Now on deserving, I'm agreeing with what some others have said about having an "innate natural want," like love. Everybody deserves that, it's what makes us human, what bonds us to other people. Using "deserve" with things outside of love, happiness, self-worth, etc. towards physical pleasures, THAT is entitlement. No one deserves to have a big house. You deserve it if you work for it yourself and EARN it...but just innately, no. You don't deserve to have the big house unless you earn it.

    You shouldn't have to earn the right to love yourself, or happiness.
     
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  11. OP
    arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    No, no! That made perfect, perfect sense, and it was extremely insightful and uplifting. :) It's something to consider: We're all worth *something* to the universe, otherwise we wouldn't exist. At least that's how I'm reading it.

    There *is* a balance between feeling your worth as a created being, and seeing your circumstances as a gift - and bless those who can balance it well!
     
  12. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    Hell yeahs, couldn’t agree more!

    The irony of whinging about whingers is not lost on me but people who do the opposite of what Soulful said and refuse to see the positive in any situation are people I have no time for, I can like them, I can see goodness in them and such but I cannot handle the negative, draining attitude that goes with the whinging so I can't spend very much time with them or invest energy.

    As for a sense of entitlement, I believe it's about knowing what you want and truly believing you are deserving of gaining all you desire. You're talking about the power of attraction and I agree there too.
     
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  13. KingOfSpades

    KingOfSpades Community Member

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    LOL! Well, I guess either way that monkey is happy about something, although chainsaw versus dildos give different pleasures, I suppose, haha.

    I grew up with very co-dependent tendencies. I think psychologists disagree about co-dependency but I feel as if that was a powerful force operating in my life for a while. This is the wikipedia definition, which I think is a good summary:

    Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates.[1][2] A "codependent" can be loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.[citation needed]
    A common usage of the term is that codependency occurs when enabling addiction, taking care of another person in a way that is not healthy in the long run to either that person or themselves, or both.[3] Codependency is loss of self for the codependent.[4]
    The concept can also be understood as a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress caused, for example, by a family member's alcoholism or other addiction, sexual or other abuse within the family, a family member's chronic illness, or forces external to the family, such as poverty.[citation needed]

    ----

    I didn't really learn how to deal with this codependeny until a few years back when I reached a real low point in my life and sought counseling. Part of the process of getting rid of these behaviors was learning to put my needs first.

    As I became more centered, I naturally thought about what it is in life I deserved. Within a very short period of time, life started to change for the better.

    I know a little bit about the "law of attraction," but had never seen it spelled out like that -- I think the three prong approach makes a lot of sense. I love the distinction between "receiving something" and "allowing it to manifest", which I had never considered before but makes a whole lot of sense. Letting myself become open enough to experience change was a skill I had to develop as well. Part of being co-dependent is a refusal to believe that things can change.

    I think I agree with philosophers and others who say that we are totally responsible for our own happiness. In a way, blaming things for not going our way is a form of whining. It's really easy to blame others or blame life if we are unhappy for some reason, but we have a lot of power to shift gears and get the things in life that we want. Although, I still think that *how* much power we have is a matter of debate.

    Also, what is TUT?? Sounds interesting!
     
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  14. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    Oh I completly agree! I don't give these people the time of day anymore.

    When I was younger, I was, for lack of a better word, pretty spoiled. Being an olny child and all mix in with the fact that I had developing depression, I thought I didn't have it good enough. So I do understand where these people are comming from.

    However, once you get out of that mindset, you realise how wrong you were for thinking that way, and thinking that the world "owes me". You are incharge of your own happiness, you make it for yourself (much easier said then done, I know). And sadly it takes people a very long time to get to this point.
     
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  15. mayflow

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    As an INFP, it could be argued that I ain't too much on thinking in logical terms and such, but just busy daydreaming in my mind and all, but it occurs to me that if whiner's suck, then maybe sucker's whine? [​IMG]
    Gosh! There are so many aspects to the human mind! :smile:
     
  16. Silently Honest

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    YANG
    I agree completely.
     
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  17. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Nice, Mayflow.

    TUT:

    A philosophical club of like-minded thinkers who believe that life is the ultimate adventure... because thoughts become things, dreams come true, and all things remain forever possible!
    Membership is FREE and begins with taking The Oath to receive our free 'Notes from the Universe' emailings - short and often humorous reminders of life's magic and your divinity.

    http://www.tut.com/

    Copyright TUT (written by Mike Dooley, author of "Notes from the Universe" books) - I replaced my name with Soulful.

    There are a few examples online. I usually save mine to a folder so I just pulled up a few. A little nuts, I know :D

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Random note:

    I realize there's an assumption that pervades most human thinking: That upon the day of birth, a new soul emerges... pure, bright, and sparkling with promise.

    But then, how would you explain the gasp among those in the unseen who, upon witnessing your first howl as a babe, proclaimed, "Oh my God!!! NO way! It CAN'T be! That's... Soulful!!"

    Soulful, you are an ancient, timeless, powerful gladiator. You've always known exactly what you were doing. Today you are exactly where you should be and this year, more than ever before, "OMG!!!" will precede your name.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Hubba, hubba,
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    --
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]OMG, Soulful?! You know Soulful?! That's so cool! Are all the rumors true? [/FONT]

    --------------

    # 2

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]You don't have to take everything so seriously, Soulful. Reality isn't black and white, answers don't have to be yes or no, and absolutely nothing has to happen today. Act when you're ready. Be led by your feelings. And the next time someone wants to fit you into a mold, just tell 'em that your jeans are in the wash, your angel's at the mall, and Oprah's on the other line.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Fuzzy as dice -
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]You're a spiritual being, Soulful, on an eternal quest, in a love-adventure you get to design. Do it your way.

    --------------------

    # 3:


    [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Lots of things don't make sense at first, Soulful, when only the physical senses are used. [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]
    What does your heart say?
    [/FONT][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Boom,
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    -------------------

    #4:

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]If, once upon a time, Soulful, earlier in your life, suddenly and without warning, an event, a person, or some unexpected good news suddenly changed everything for the better, it can only mean one thing... [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Chances are astronomically high that it will happen again. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Especially since you're even cooler now. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I'm just sayin' -
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    -----------

    # 5

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Sometimes, when you're feeling your lowest, Soulful, the real you is summoned. [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]And you understand, maybe for the first time ever, how grand you are, because you discover that vulnerable doesn't mean powerless, scared doesn't mean lacking in beauty, and uncertainty doesn't mean that you're lost. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]These realizations alone will set you on a journey that will take you far beyond what you used to think of as extraordinary. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]There is always a bright side. [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] The Universe
    [/FONT]
    --
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Don't disguise your tears, Soulful, don't hide your sadness, don't be afraid to find out who you really are. Because in those fleeting moments you'll summon such beauty and strength that, in no time at all, you'll fully grasp exactly why you're so gossiped about here in the unseen.

    ---------------

    #6

    [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I wish there were words to tell you, Soulful, how beautiful life really is, how safe you always are, and of the love that constantly bathes you. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]How powerful you are, how much you can have, and of the glories that await. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Of the perfection, the magic, and the infinite possibilities. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]But you actually threatened me with bodily harm if I were to ever let you peek at where you were headed before you arrived. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]You gangsta',
    The Universe
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
    © www.tut.com ®
    [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]

    You always did love surprises, Soulful, and, wow, are you going to love what's coming....

    ----------

    #7

    [/FONT][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]When you think a new thought, Soulful, entertain a new dream, or mentally choose a new goal, your thoughts "leave" you and go out - in every direction, to the farthest corners of the planet. They carry a life force all their own, like ripples created when a pebble is tossed into a pond. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]You can't change this, Soulful, but you can use it. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]You rock,
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    -----------

    #8

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Soulful... you're not using all of your angels. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]What's up with that? [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Use all of your angels. Run faster, jump higher, get more. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Call, ask, give thanks -
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    -------

    #9

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The only person you really have to make happy, Soulful, is you. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Good thing you're so cool -
    The Universe
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]------------[/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]#10[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]
    Have you ever noticed, Soulful, that there's really only one thing you can do to unquestionably change the scenery in your life?
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Physically move through it. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]In the fast lane,
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    -------------

    #11 - One of my absolute favourites:

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]It really is easy, Soulful. You really are powerful. I really do love you. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]You can have it all. You will live forever. And the best is yet to come. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]You're already rich. There's more on the way. It's closer than you think. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]There've been no mistakes. You've never been judged. And all things are playing out in your favor. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Moreover, as if all of that wasn't enough, it's totally Friday and you're so, so beautiful. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Boom,
    The Universe
    [/FONT]
    Soulful... Ya'll ready for this?

    ----

    :D
     
  18. ohmermaid

    ohmermaid Community Member

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    if only airfares weren't so ridiculously expensive.

    take those people to some third world countries and they'd shut up after some time.
     
  19. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I've long wondered what the effect would be if they ran boot-camps for out-of-control teens in impoverished places like "third-world"/global south countries, where their role was to help and volunteer. Sometimes I wonder if compassion would override all the other stuff. Obviously the teens would still need help addressing issues that got them to that point, then they'd also need to be able to talk and debrief about their experiences and culture-shock. But all in all, do you think it could be more effective than the regimented boot-camp idea? Is compassion the deepest cord to strike?
     
  20. ohmermaid

    ohmermaid Community Member

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    that's a really awesome idea.

    i don't know about deepest, but it's one hell of a chord. i do know that travelling really, really broadens your horizons. you get to see the big picture - that the whole world isn't about you, and that there are people living their lives in ways you've never even imagined. even if it wouldn't make a dramatic change, i believe that it has enough power to at least make people think - about things that don't revolve around them.
     
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