When does flirting get serious?

Eniko

Eniko

May snark if provoked
Donor
MBTI
INFJ
I find flirting a difficult subject, because I never know where it crosses over from "harmless fun" into someone actually being serious about what they're saying.

Like lately there's this girl I know online, a friend of a friend type deal. I mentioned once or twice around her (though not really at her) that I needed to get laid. And a while back this devolved into a long spiel about how she could come over and we could hang out and check out girls, and there was joking about her offering to have sex with me going around. Since then she's insinuated stuff like that a couple times more.

And then today she mentioned maybe going to the pride parade in Cologne which is not too far away from where I live. So I told her I could come up and hassle her there and she said "sure, we could make out in the dark corners of the Dom (cathedral)" and told me she'd let me know when she heard more from her friends as to actual plans.

So by now the flirting - for me - passed that "harmless fun" line and went into "okay you're saying stuff like this a little too often for me to not wonder if you're serious about it" territory, and I'm feeling a little weird. But when I get like this I never know if it's just me taking things too seriously or not. Seriously, how do you tell?

Mind you I doubt she has any romantic interest in me but last I checked that wasn't necessarily needed to follow up on the things she's mentioned. :tongue: She probably just wants to meet up and nothing more, but seriously why the constant innuendo? It throws me off.

So, thoughts on when flirting crosses that line? (or this anecdote in particular)
 
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Flirting, by definition, never gets serious :P

"but seriously why the constant innuendo?"
It's fun. It helps everyone feel better (until someone takes it too seriously).

Maybe she's hitting on you. Maybe she's not. As long as you're having fun, does it matter?
(and as long as you follow your morals/ethics, and learn a couple things, and...)



If she is interested in you, it seems like you've done a great job so far in attracting her. So, whatever you have been doing, I'd say to keep it up.
 
Is she a flirt in general? Because if she is, it'll probably never be serious. I'm an appalling flirt myself. If I'm flirting with you, you can be fairly certain that I have no romantic or sexual interest in you. If I'm acting kind of like a bitch and that flirting takes a jagged thorny edge, I probably have a crush on you. Or I just like mocking you. It's hard to tell with people.
 
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Flirting shouldn't get 'serious' It's just a way of getting to know someone (and by that definition, you can 'flirt' with everyone, it's the same as being an attractive person). With that being said, someone who is willing to flirt with you often has some type of vested (even if it's platonic) interest in you. Your going to meet her in person, don't worry about it, leave in the moment and then decide then.
 
Final said:
"but seriously why the constant innuendo?"
It's fun. It helps everyone feel better (until someone takes it too seriously).

Maybe she's hitting on you. Maybe she's not. As long as you're having fun, does it matter?
(and as long as you follow your morals/ethics, and learn a couple things, and...)
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I might be over thinking it nowadays, but I've always felt like the whole thing was a game of chicken and it just comes down to who starts questioning what's going on first, assuming neither party drops it before that happens. And I really suck at playing chicken.

Either way I highly doubt she's actually attracted to me. If she is I for the life of me can't imagine why.
Bored Now said:
It's hard to tell with people.
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And that's where my problem comes in. :tongue:

EDIT: Apparently I'm the only one who has this problem. :(
 
Eniko said:
But when I get like this I never know if it's just me taking things too seriously or not. Seriously, how do you tell?
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Eniko, i'm confused by this as well. usually, my intuition is correct that they are being serious but i tend to ignore it for these reasons :

1) by buying into that thought i start acting unnatural around them, particularly if i am not in the position to reciprocate their feelings

2) i may start having feelings for them too perhaps out of being flattered by the mere fact that they are attracted to me. this doesn't quite stem from a true attraction toward them so i tend to be hesitant to indulge in it.

from personal experience, i would say that it is harder to tell when that person is a woman because women usually do not closely guard the ego and emotional self so rigidly (there are exceptions as with men).

awhile back i was in a situation where i knew someone was being serious as she was constantly walking me to classes and being more than friendly in both speech and her actions. physically, she would get very close to me at times, but it was more often implicit than overt.

my intuition told me that she wanted me to reciprocate instead of just respond, but i pushed that thought to the back of my mind because i had some emotional baggage and wasn't ready for a relationship.

besides, she was an ENFP and so i wasn't entirely sure if she was doing it out of friendliness or romantic interest. i gave myself the benefit of the doubt, even though i knew the reality of the situation.

my intuition has continued to save me and prove itself correct. unfortunately, it is so low-key that i tend to rationalize myself out of believing it or only realize its accuracy in hindsight.
 
It's hard to tell with ENFPs. I knew an ENFP in high school who flirted with me quite a bit, but I don't think she was interested in me that way. It was just a fun thing to do.
 
If you're attracted to her, then just leave yourself open to the possibility that it's genuine. If it isn't, you didn't necessarily act on it so you won't embarrass yourself. I'm sure you don't mind the positive attention - we all enjoy that. Don't take it too seriously and just let stuff happen. If she's honestly interested, she'll wind up making a move.
 
When you get there, see if she wants to make out, and then you'll know whether or not she was serious.

I guess I never really have the problem of wondering whether people are being serious. Maybe I don't flirt enough?
 
i KNOW when it goes from flirting to serious... but its just so friggin' hard to explain...
 
rainrise said:
my intuition has continued to save me and prove itself correct. unfortunately, it is so low-key that i tend to rationalize myself out of believing it or only realize its accuracy in hindsight.
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I do the exact same thing you do Rainrise. My intuition knows what's up, but I second guess and rationalize so much that I rarely capitalize on such occurrences when I should, or I dwell on it too much and I become really really really shy to the point of avoiding them. ughhh. so frustrating. haha
 
flirting, to me, is more of a ritual/social dance... to the tune of emotion...
 
Flirting becomes serious as soon as someone's fingers become smelly...

(might sound vulger, but I'm just being myself here folks!)
 
Ortorin said:
Flirting becomes serious as soon as someone's fingers become smelly...

(might sound vulger, but I'm just being myself here folks!)
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Maybe I'm too naive but what the heck did you just say? Smelly fingers? Like from masturbating...
 
umm... ok, do you know about the birds and the bees?

Ok, just kidding.

I mean when you start getting some "hands on" time with the other person...

Or if you want me to be even more direct about it. When the guy is fingering the girl or when the girl has her hand around the guy's penis.

I can't think of any other way to be more direct about it...

(seriously, I try to be a little coy about it all and it doesn't come through... maybe I just have a dirty mind 'cuse It made perfect sense to me.)

Oh, and by the way, I'm not making fun of you, maybe I was being too vague in the begining.
 
or ... you know...

EDIT: Ortorin got to it before I did
 
If you find the answer to this, please share :B

But yeah...with some people it's fairly easy to tell, with others it's extremely hard. For instance, I know someone that would be cool to know better, and I'm pretty sure he's the same way. Problem is, we're both flirts, but we're both too unsure to let the other know that we would like to get more serious.

So, I dunno...maybe take the first step and find out?...
 
The best thing to do when your unsure about if the other person like you that way is to try to joke around about being serious.

Play the "nervious" game. Put your hand on their knee and slowly move it up while saying "does this make you nervious" every few inches. It's VERY easy to tell how people feel when you do this.

1) They don't like you and pull away, you can play it off by saying something like "awwww! You got nervious!" (you can still get them to like you though if you can play it off right and see if they play back.)

2) They say that you can't make then nervious... at first stop before you start grabing anything, but on the second or third time you do it... go for the grab/grope! Watch their reaction, if they don't seem to like it, then play it off again as just a joke, if they DO like you, your in like flin!

Damn, I've had too much practice at all of this!
 
wow, lol. Either my advice is so good that everyone is out trying it right now... or no one like it and stays away like the plague!
 
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