When do you feel most connected with someone? | INFJ Forum

When do you feel most connected with someone?

Altruistic Muse

Altruistic Muse

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Apr 6, 2009
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I was just thinking about this one today. In the context of a boyfriend I suppose. Because many people say that when they make love mainly they feel most connected but I think I often find that I treat that as sex, a separate thing for me. When I have a conversation with someone and find out things about them that no one else knows I feel a very deep connection. And also I have noticed that if someone shows signs of wanting or needing me, that they exhibit a specific quality, like being more relaxed or calmed by my presence, I immediately feel a greater affinity and desire towards them. It's little things I think that make me feel connected.
 
The kind of sex which creates that ultimate closeness that people talk about has to do with having a sort of "conversation" with the other person during sex. It's relaxed, yet passionate and includes nonverbally divulging various secrets... or verbally... if you're in to that sort of thing.
 
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when they stare at me from across the room. hardly ever happens but when it dose its like their reading me. like how i read people. like they know what im thinking. reminds me of the film 'the shining'.
 
I don't know about the sex thing but I feel most connected when it's just me and some one else, no other distractions.
 
Wyote said:
The kind of sex which creates that ultimate closeness that people talk about has to do with having a sort of "conversation" with the other person during sex. It's relaxed, yet passionate and includes nonverbally divulging various secrets... or verbally... if you're in to that sort of thing.
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This.
 
Nickyrd2 said:
I feel most connected when it's just me and some one else, no other distractions.
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Same here. Its the only time when i open up a bit, and hope that the person who I'm talking with will give me some insight into their world, their hopes, dreams and fears.
But this has never been the case so far.
 
Hmmm for me..... It was when ....oh never mind. It was a fantasy that is hoped to come true.


It never did.
 
When I feel most 'connected' with someone is when we are working together to complete one goal, both contributing equally and communicating directly.

I've had the closest relationships with those who I work with on a day to day basis. While they may not have been particularly meaningful or deep, the important part is the amount spend together and what we can acheive.

I have had others feel like we were 'close' when we have 2 or 3 hour conversations, but I do not think that these bring me closer to a person. From my observation, people tend to be closer to me than I to them. I'm somewhat detached. The only way I feel completely engaged in a relationship of any sort is if there is a clear set goal that can be accomplished and a way to measure it.
 
When someone discusses ideas or thoughts way out of the main realm with me because they trust that I can understand and know where they are coming from. They may show me writings or drawings or such things that they would seldom show to others. That sort of deep and inner trust of heart.
 
Tarakini said:
When someone discusses ideas or thoughts way out of the main realm with me because they trust that I can understand and know where they are coming from. They may show me writings or drawings or such things that they would seldom show to others. That sort of deep and inner trust of heart.
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Is trust something that is hard to gain from people?
 
I feel like I'm closest to someone when I am able to say things I would normally censor. Because I know they understand me.

I find its like this with my best friend. I've known her for eons, and I trust her completely.
 
when i can sleep next to someone peacefully,trusting them so much i feel safe in their arms knowing ill be ok when i close my eyes and awake the next morning relaxed and content without spending the night tossing and turning next to them
 
Liv said:
when i can sleep next to someone peacefully,trusting them so much i feel safe in their arms knowing ill be ok when i close my eyes and awake the next morning relaxed and content without spending the night tossing and turning next to them
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This, WITH cold chocolate drink. And a good book.

And the freedom to know that I can laugh and spit chocolate over her.
 
thats a weirdly very accurate memory,chocolate milk and a good book...the spitting not so much although ya being able to laugh about some stupid occurrence i agree
 
CoffeeShopDiva said:
I feel like I'm closest to someone when I am able to say things I would normally censor. Because I know they understand me.

I find its like this with my best friend. I've known her for eons, and I trust her completely.
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I have heard it said that even in the greatest of lands and of hearts, and the most benevolent of minds, that the gift of non-fear is the greatest gift of all. It's pretty to me that you can be this way with your friend and your freind with you. May it one day be this way for us all.
 
Oddly I feel most connected to others after or during in an argument. Besides that when I am hugged by someone who is soft, warm and kind who I know very well...It's kinda hard to win an argument while telling the other person how much I love them though.
 
the rare times when i can meet eye to eye with someone and feel completely as one with them without having to say anything. it's a moment of understanding and being understood without having to justify its occurence whether during the moment or afterwards.
 
Ophelia said:
Oddly I feel most connected to others after or during in an argument. Besides that when I am hugged by someone who is soft, warm and kind who I know very well...It's kinda hard to win an argument while telling the other person how much I love them though.
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No it's not. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean they're not stupid and utterly wrong.
 
I find more silently staring into their eyes. Getting lost inside the their mind. Feeling ever tiny grain of energy inside and outside of them.

Of course, they have to let me into the deep recesses.

Then, I feel completely and utterly connected as if one being, both of us fused together.
 
Nickyrd2 said:
I don't know about the sex thing but I feel most connected when it's just me and some one else, no other distractions.
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Seeing as I've had no 'serious' relationships at this point, I'd have to go with this.
 
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