What's more important: what someone thinks about you or how they treat you?

[TigersGoRAWR]

I think actions speak louder than words.... If they say they think of you well, and then treat you badly, the obviously have a very funny way of showing that they like you... or, they just didn't mean what they said.

Having said that, I think both are equally important, as long as the person means what they say to you ^^

 

[CorLeonis]

Equal.

I think it's silly to treat someone you love/like like poop, and I think it's silly to pretend that you really like someone even though you don't like them. Civil is one thing... but when you're being extra nice to get information, or gain... then it's silly, to me.

 

[Galileo]

If someone actually thinks you're worth spending time with, talking to, being around etc, it's going to effect how they treat you.

If friends or partners treat you badly, then perhaps they don't think as much of you as they say they do.


All that said, I'm not the sort of person who obsesses over the way people perceive me. So I guess it's more important how people actually treat me, because their actions directly effect me, their opinions don't. I'm not going to change who I am and what I do to effect someone's opinion.

 

[not sure]

If friends or partners treat you badly, then perhaps they don't think as much of you as they say they do.

True but sometimes people are going through a rough patch. They lash out and it has nothing to do with you, just their own demons. At times like that I can make some allowances. There are limits of course.

 

[just me]

What's more important: what someone thinks about you or how they treat you?


Poll to be added . . .

What's more important? Don't really know how to answer that. What's really more important to me?
Hate to say it, but truthfully there are those I know I could care less what they think about me. Now, if I didn't know how they thought, it would matter more. Some people just seem to not give a hoot about others, so I would not care what they thought as I see their thoughts shallow.

There are those that treat me kindly then seem to hate me behind my back for reasons I cannot digest. Those people I could care less how they treat me, because I know how they truthfully really feel.

In a perfect world, my name means a lot to me. However, the time often comes when others should pitch in much more than they do; leaving me feeling quite taken advantage of. When that starts costing me and the others do not seem to care, it bothers me how they think of me AND how they treat me.

I have learned to have low expectations of how others treat me, leaving how they think of me as being much more important. I would rather die with a good name.

 

[This]

I don't care what people think of me as long as they don't let me know it, piece of mind I guess. I probably wouldn't know what they think of me anyway.

 

[Gaze]

If someone actually thinks you're worth spending time with, talking to, being around etc, it's going to effect how they treat you.

If friends or partners treat you badly, then perhaps they don't think as much of you as they say they do.

I tend to agree with this. But to be fair, we show people we care in different ways, and sometimes this may not be understood or appreciated by that person.

 

[Gaze]

I'm questioning what i originally said. How someone treats you matters more on some level. You can believe someone cares, but if the actions seem to constantly make you question their committment, you have to wonder if their feelings are enough. Even if it's simple neglect, not being treated as if you're important, or your opinions are conveniently ignored, dismissed, or not given enough credit makes it easy to question whether someone really cares.

 

[aerosol]

That a person likes me is more valuable than him or her, or anyone else, treating me nicely.

I don't like fakeness. i dont quite understand it. if you have something to say then say it to me directly and don't sugarcoat it. all my life i have yearned for people to be real with me.

But, being treated badly by someone who likes you hurts a lot more than being treated nicely by someone who can't stand you.

 

[Gaze]

But, being treated badly by someone who likes you hurts a lot more than being treated nicely by someone who can't stand you.

agree

 

[Norton]

Let's analyze this the INTP/INTJ way:

don't like you/treat you badly => bad
don't like you/treat you well => bad
like you/treat you badly => bad
like you/treat you well => good

Only the last one is likely to yield a successful relationship. So, you see, there's something to be said for the analytical approach!

BTW, for those into math(s), the above mimics the "truth table" of an AND gate, of boolean algebra. That is:

0 0 | 0
0 1 | 0
1 0 | 0
1 1 | 1

(I'm slightly serious)

 

[KazeCraven]

I kinda felt that this question was really getting at "Would you rather people to care more about you or help you out more?" Because if we have to oppose them, I want all people who mistreat OR dislike me to stay away.

In that case, it's really complex, and depends on how I feel towards them.

Otherwise the only answer I can give is that I value authenticity highly.

 

[Oranguh]

I think it's safe to say that people with developed Fi in general find that intentions are more importance than actions.
Whereas perhaps people with developed Fe are more likely to find that they are somewhat equally important [though leaning towards actions]. (Many people would be inclined to say they "admire/respect" the fact that even though you detest someone, you would still go through the trouble to be nice. Having that "intention" is quite admirable, right?)
I can't say much for which functions would be totally indifferent towards the intentions and only focus on actions.... but I am guessing it could possibly be caused by underdeveloped Feeling functions?

Perhaps this can be traced down to the very workings of how these functions work? Any thoughts? Or perhaps a different proposal?

 

[This]

Let's analyze this the INTP/INTJ way:

don't like you/treat you badly => bad
don't like you/treat you well => bad
like you/treat you badly => bad
like you/treat you well => good

Only the last one is likely to yield a successful relationship. So, you see, there's something to be said for the analytical approach!

BTW, for those into math(s), the above mimics the "truth table" of an AND gate, of boolean algebra. That is:

0 0 | 0
0 1 | 0
1 0 | 0
1 1 | 1

(I'm slightly serious)

But do all the "bad"'s and "good"'s have the same value as each other? can one be more bad than another? or more good?

 

[Norton]

But do all the "bad"'s and "good"'s have the same value as each other? can one be more bad than another? or more good?

Now you're going analog on me!

But, seriously, the first two situations are when someone doesn't like you, so, to me, those relationships are out. The third is when someone likes you but treats you badly, which is a sign of pathology, so that one's out, too. The world is a big place with someone for everyone who wants one (and is willing to search long and hard, if necessary). So, go for the fourth--it has everything--affection, and the actions that prove it.

Judge people by what they say and what they do.

 

[uuu]

All I can about is what people think about me, because (a) they don't really "treat" me at all; I have no friends and (b) I consider it a given that people will be nice regardless of what they think of me, and if they are not, I don't want to associate with them.
Also, how they feel about me will influence how they act towards me, and not really the other way around.

 

[This]

Now you're going analog on me!

But, seriously, the first two situations are when someone doesn't like you, so, to me, those relationships are out. The third is when someone likes you but treats you badly, which is a sign of pathology, so that one's out, too. The world is a big place with someone for everyone who wants one (and is willing to search long and hard, if necessary). So, go for the fourth--it has everything--affection, and the actions that prove it.

Judge people by what they say and what they do.

I suppose so, I was just going by the pure game theory of it all though and I found it unlikely that those "bad" and "good" values would be the same in all situations. That part would depend largely upon your personal values of them and would differ from person to person. If you saw a chart with the treatment of both you and how you treated the other person the only nash equilibrium would be {(bad/bad)/(bad/bad)}