What is the secret to falling in love? | INFJ Forum

What is the secret to falling in love?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Satya, Aug 18, 2008.

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  1. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    One thing I don't seem to be capable of is falling in love. Am I missing something? :?





    Edit: Following the advice in this thread can lead to an insane amount of pain and frustration!
     
    #1 Satya, Aug 18, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2008
  2. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    For me let go of all expectations and just relax and enjoy yourself, it's not something you can try and control (or analyse).
     
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  3. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    How can an INFJ, who is governed by that damn practical J, let go of expectations?
     
  4. SuperFob

    SuperFob Regular Poster

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    I wouldn't be surprised if I end up never falling in love. I won't consider another woman unless I think she can come close to fulfilling my ideal view of a relationship.
     
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  5. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    There is no secret; it just happens.
    One bit of advice I'd give to people who are dating is to be open to all types. I think it is good to paint a mental picture of the partner you'd like to have but only if it's done in a smart, thoughtful and 'good' way. Myself, I didn't create a real man; I created a fantasy man and when I was in dating mode this certain type kept appearing before my face! Sure they were close to what I fantasized about but they had no depth. I had been attracting very superficial people. So I repainted the picture and went completely against type. The rascals disappeared when my focus changed and I ended up meeting some wonderful men, a couple of them are good friends to this day.
    So if the wrong types keep coming to you over and over don't blame the universe, blame yourself! Just start re-writing.
     
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  6. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    being physically attracted
    having compatible ambitions
    having similar senses of humour
    feeling comfortable
     
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  7. CokeNut

    CokeNut Community Member

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    There's a secret? :shock:

    Haven't figured it out, but I do love falling in love :mrgreen:

    I am sure that i don't control it ... it just happens, I figured that's the way its supposed to happen.
     
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  8. G.Kai

    G.Kai Community Member

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    I fall in love way too often, far too deeply, without control, or respect for the consequences. Then I get over it and start over again.
     
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  9. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Yeah, it doesn't come naturally, just try and remember that it will happens when it happens and if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be anyway.
     
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  10. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    Nice, I like that.
     
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  11. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    i just quit trying... and then it happened... ;)
     
  12. OP
    Satya

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    To be honest, there is a person I think I could fall in love with. I don't understand it. I have this strong crush on this person that I keep trying to destroy, simply because I really hate crushes. But whenever I think of this person, I get this funky happy feeling. It's like a mixture of comfort, lust, and anticipation. I want to know more about them and spend more time with them and I feel really jealous when they get close with other people. However, I don't act on these feelings because I have apprehensions. I would like to destroy this feeing because it is setting me up for disappointment, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.
     
  13. Brruceling

    Brruceling Newbie

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    You are in fact missing something, I believe. If you want to know what its like to really fall in love you have to let it happen, and it doesn't happen overnight. You don't seem capable of falling in love because you aren't allowing your feelings to develop. You have this strong crush and yet don't act on it, so what do you expect to happen? Nothing will change if you don't act. You will just continue to have a crush, and that is the end of the story.

    Falling in love happens when you take that comfortable, lustful, anticipatory crush and make it into a relationship where you spend more time together and get to know each other on a deeper level. Love is not something you feel for someone you've just met, like a crush. Love is something which grows - plant the roots, and if the conditions are right it will flourish and become beautiful. You can't know if you're capable of falling in love with someone until you try, and trying means becoming closer.

    Do yourself a favor: let go of your apprehensions, stop worrying about disappointment, and just go for it. Maybe you'll fall in love and maybe you won't. You'll never know unless you try.
     
  14. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    Satya, trying to crush or destroy the feelings is what is going to set you up for disappointment or pain in the future. Don't repress or fight those feelings - just let them flow through you.
     
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  15. OP
    Satya

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    Letting go is not something I'm particularly good at. Especially if there is some possibility that I will fall off into some sort of emotional abyss.
     
  16. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    I'm going to say something highly controversial in the Christian realm. Probably will offend many christian people. however, you are not (*my definition** ;) ) a christian, nor is this a specifically christian realm!! So . . .

    We've already established that Satya's a pretty gutsy dude. Logic would say you need to look for certain things to be compatible. But, hey, I have no place saying that (gee, thanks sumone). So . . . try it out. see where it leads. Life is too short for regret. You could have a serious "what if" ten years from now, watching them with someone else. Or, ten years from now this person could be a "why did I make that mistake" (personally? I think that is a "good" regret). It's up to you to decide if that person is awesome enough to risk the current relationship. Now is no time for personal critisism (sp?). Don't worry about if you are good enough. that's for another to decide.

    hope they get along with your family (or vica versa!)
     
  17. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    "Jaw drops"

    I guess my main concern is that I feel I'm not good enough. I guess I can put that aside, and just start spending more time with him. If the opportunity presents itself, I'll mention how I feel, and see how things go from there.
     
  18. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Satya, I may not agree with you on all things, but that doesn't mean I wish the worst for you. Besides, you may be what he is looking for, as well!
     
  19. Free2BMe

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    If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got!
     
  20. Will

    Will Wintertime

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    I don't know, I suppose being open to all options and opportunities. Tough to say, but for keeping a loving and romantic relationship then honesty, communication, and loyalty.
     
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