What is the nature of female desire?

[La Sagna]

Why does the messenger matter if the message is true? Why evaluate the message by the messenger?

First of all the message isn't TRUE, it is true for some women in some circumstances but not true of all women at all times.

Second, can you not understand why a woman who still feels the effects of a patriarchal society would have a negative reaction to reading a book written by a man explaining to her how she feels and particularly what turns her on? 'Poor woman, don't you know this is how women are, and therefore this is how you're supposed to be also and how men should expect you to be? Let me teach you what you are supposed to feel and what you are supposed to want...' I have a stomach churning reaction to that sort of way of thinking. How about I get to decide what turns me on?

I have a problem with the statements below:

Overly romantic partners who are kind and understanding don't arouse a woman for long (she loves her partner with all her heart but the raw lust that initiates sex is gone)

For a woman "melding" or being in a relationship with so much emotional closeness that you can say "you complete me" is like a flat line and there's no room for the climactic peaks of carnal desire (this explains why many long-term lesbian relationships have a decrease in the frequency of sex)

A controlling and withholding partner is more sexually arousing than a giving and accepting partner

A woman's body and her mind are in discord (what she thinks is arousing and what her body is aroused by isn't in sync)

If you notice first of all it doesn't say some women feel like this, it pretty much says that any woman feels like this.
I must be hanging around abnormal women because this is not how the women that I know well enough to know these things feel.
Also, can you not see the harm that can be done by some inexperienced man if he were to read these comments and think that if he wants his female partner to want sex he should behave in a controlling and withholding manner, not be romantic or kind, that emotional closeness is not a good idea and that the woman's mind doesn't realize what turns on the woman's body?

 

[DonTaushMe]

"Female desire" = pedestal? My bad, I don't like pedestals

I'm not a "new found lesbianism" sort of girl. I knew I was a lesbian since I was like 3. I know. It's weird but it's true

I've had an interest in stuff like psychology and human sexuality since forever. I feel like I limited my perspective too much in the past. It's interesting to read about studies on sexuality and learn the background of the researchers. Actually though the author is a man, most of the scientist followed in the book are female.



That is the best comment ever!



This might be true... at least sometimes

Regarding myself, I don't particularly think the violent stuff is that satisfying. Eroticism is a very delicate art. Imitating porn like your ex did sounds like the wrong approach.



That's kind of funny. My first girlfriend was like that... not that I've had many XD

That's another thing -moving around is important. To be satisfied a woman needs to move around, to squirm and lean into the touch



That is a good thing! It's pretty boring if it happens right away... unless she wants to go again?



That is beyond depressing. Seriously? How can a girl NOT know where her clit is? I didn't know such a thing was possible. Makes me want to go bang my head against a desk.



Long fingernails? What a turnoff. Lol, I've always had short fingernails. Wouldn't it be nice if all the girls with short fingernails were lesbians?



That's such a bad idea that it made me laugh! Who would do that??



Wonderful advice! I have to work on this one

This was definitely offtopic but interesting!

I had a guy friend who used the term 'dead fish' for women who just laid there lol he'd get so mad too. As far as my first ex cumming right away, we usually did it again because that's just unsatisfying for me, plus she again did not know where her own clit was till I showed her. And I actually do figure out who is a lesbian and who isn't by the length of a woman's fingernails. Short fingernails either mean they work a lot in some job that requires it, they masturbate a lot or they're a lesbian and I don't hang out with a lot of women who have jobs lol...

 

[say what]

A little of this:

and a little of this:

and then we end up like this:

 

[the]

First of all the message isn't TRUE, it is true for some women in some circumstances but not true of all women at all times.

Second, can you not understand why a woman who still feels the effects of a patriarchal society would have a negative reaction to reading a book written by a man explaining to her how she feels and particularly what turns her on? 'Poor woman, don't you know this is how women are, and therefore this is how you're supposed to be also and how men should expect you to be? Let me teach you what you are supposed to feel and what you are supposed to want...' I have a stomach churning reaction to that sort of way of thinking. How about I get to decide what turns me on?

I have a problem with the statements below:









If you notice first of all it doesn't say some women feel like this, it pretty much says that any woman feels like this.
I must be hanging around abnormal women because this is not how the women that I know well enough to know these things feel.
Also, can you not see the harm that can be done by some inexperienced man if he were to read these comments and think that if he wants his female partner to want sex he should behave in a controlling and withholding manner, not be romantic or kind, that emotional closeness is not a good idea and that the woman's mind doesn't realize what turns on the woman's body?

Then why even comment on the gender of the author?

 

[LucyJr]

[MENTION=9809]La Sagna[/MENTION]
I agree with you. Its not only that, but the points are too predictable and unoriginal to me...it sounds like advices from the pick-up community...And I don't agree with a single one of them. I think the "raw uncontrolled desire" part is p**n metaphor...it happens very rarely in real life, and when it does happen...men are terribly sorry for their lack of self-control. Its just to lighten the imagination of unexperienced people, in my opinion.

 

[the]

@La Sagna
I agree with you. Its not only that, but the points are too predictable and unoriginal to me...it sounds like advices from the pick-up community...And I don't agree with a single one of them. I think the "raw uncontrolled desire" part is p**n metaphor...it happens very rarely in real life, and when it does happen...men are terribly sorry for their lack of self-control. Its just to lighten the imagination of unexperienced people, in my opinion.

Whats "p**n"?

 

[rawr]

Whats "p**n"?

pr0n

 

[LucyJr]

Whats "p**n"?

...porn.

 

[the]

...porn.

Why would you edit that word?

 

[LucyJr]

Why would you edit that word?

Just for diversity sake...I guess.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Between the lines it sounds like female sexuality is somewhat like a see-saw (teeter-totter for Americans) balancing between self-loathing on one side and narcissism on the other. Tipping the balance too far either way seems counter-productive.

 

[Gaze]

Between the lines it sounds like female sexuality is somewhat like a see-saw (teeter-totter for Americans) balancing between self-loathing on one side and narcissism on the other. Tipping the balance too far either way seems counter-productive.

so, is it different for Australians then?

 

[Flavus Aquila]

so, is it different for Australians then?

See-saw

 

[iHeartCats]

Nah forget all of that pseudoscience. It's Satan.

 

[say what]

I find it difficult to truly categorize anyone's sexuality, as it's ever changing during our life course. I don't think, on an individual level, we ever truly know or are aware of the depth of our own desires and intimacies. That's one of the greatest things about sex, is you're always learning, exploring, and understanding. To stay that one person's desire, sexuality or intimacy can fit a certain mould or formula, is to disregard the best thing about people coming together (er....literally and figuratively!).

 

[La Sagna]

Then why even comment on the gender of the author?

If gender doesn't make a difference then why have a book about female sexual desire and not just the sexual desire of all human beings? Whether the content is right or wrong is not at all dependant on the gender of the author I agree but I feel more uncomfortable with a man taking the position that he is going to teach all of us what women really want then if a woman were to propose to do that. I think this is more of a visceral reaction, no doubt brought on by experiences and observations regarding sexual inequality among the genders, the sexual aggressiveness of some men as well as the different ways men and women are 'expected' to behave or judged on their behaviours. It's definitely a gut reaction but I stand by it being a valid stance on a subject that is very primal in itself.

 

[Jill Hives]

And I actually do figure out who is a lesbian and who isn't by the length of a woman's fingernails. Short fingernails either mean they work a lot in some job that requires it, they masturbate a lot or they're a lesbian and I don't hang out with a lot of women who have jobs lol...

Absolutely none of those things are true for me, I just can't grow long finger nails without them tearing off. On top of that even if I could, I find shorter nails to be much more practical for all kinds of reasons. I am very attracted to men, and not sexually attracted to women in the slightest.

I would however be flattered if a lesbian came onto me, but I would feel bad to have to turn them down...haha.

 

[DonTaushMe]

Absolutely none of those things are true for me, I just can't grow long finger nails without them tearing off. On top of that even if I could, I find shorter nails to be much more practical for all kinds of reasons. I am very attracted to men, and not sexually attracted to women in the slightest.

I would however be flattered if a lesbian came onto me, but I would feel bad to have to turn them down...haha.

Do your fingernails still tear when they are short? My first ex bit her nails; it was really, really horrible x.x

 

[barbad0s]

Between the lines it sounds like female sexuality is somewhat like a see-saw (teeter-totter for Americans) balancing between self-loathing on one side and narcissism on the other. Tipping the balance too far either way seems counter-productive.

Yeah I'd have to agree with this for myself... sorta

I think I just feel those two emotions simultaneously a lot to a mild degree

 

[Jill Hives]

Do your fingernails still tear when they are short? My first ex bit her nails; it was really, really horrible x.x

They tend to tear very easily once they reach that mid range of not being short and not being long. It's odd. I file my nails regularly to avoid snag nails, I hate that crap! And of course if one nail tears off, then I need to make the others match in size, or I keep noticing it and it drives me nuts. Which also serves to keep them on the shorter side. I have thankfully not ever had a nail biting problem, teeth bitten nails are kind of icky and extremely uncomfortable around the nether regions. I can attest to this fact because 2 of my exes, and my current partner, were/are nail biters. I hate him going anywhere near my bits with his hands. I have told him of my displeasure with his ragged nails, but he still won't take the extra few minutes of self care to make it a non issue, and so, I usually forgo any manual stimulation.

Add this small gripe to the never ending pile of reasons that I am starting to be okay with wanting a divorce.