What Drives You?

This is a really good topic. I would rep you for it but I've used up my rep points for the day. Bummer.. I will be back with a more thought out response....

 

My chauffeur

 

You seem to be unable to exist in the present moment,
except when you write things like this.
Which might be why you can write things like this.
You describe a person who is not the person doing the writing.

You seem self-obsessed: always judging your every thought and action.
It can be difficult to like yourself.
This may be because you do things you don't like.
Stop yourself doing those things, if you find you don't like them.

That does not mean be "nice".
It means decide what you feel is acceptable to you and be that.

Avatars say a lot about us.
I often notice avatars more than the person they represent.
What does yours say about you?

 

First I want to say that I'm aching - seeing you hurting like that. I feel for you and I hope that somehow my words are able to convey that I care. I'm not under the illusion that what I say could change your life in any way, but maybe my sympathy helps and maybe you're able to find a grain of truth for yourself somewhere underneath my words.

I just talked to a friend of mine on here about the "who am I" question.
I see you're in pain over the fact that you think that who you are is guilty. And I bet it doesn't help you to know that in one way or another we all are. What makes you suffer is that you KNOW you're guilty. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I think what we're looking for is a way for you to not let this guilt rule your life. I'm sure you are a very caring and considerate man (even if you don't like that about yourself, I find it to be very admirable). So do you feel guilty because you feel like that consideration and care root in some egocentric basic need? I can tell you that everything anyone does comes from an internal, 'selfish' need. Imo altruism doesn't exist.

Considering this aspect, I'm the same way. I am a very friendly person but I am aware of the fact that this is probably because I want to be liked back/treated nicely and because I have an inner strive for harmony. The reason I don't feel guilty because of it, is that it could not be any other way. Our self/consciousness is the fuel to our actions, our sense of self is what drives us. This applies to the pushover as much as it applies to the dare devil or anyone else. That's not necessarily good or bad, but it's - at least I think so - a basic truth you have to come to terms with.

So maybe my ramblings didn't help you at all but if they did, or if you know the reason why they didn't, please tell me.

 

• What truly drives you?
  Defintitely the desire for acceptance. If I think I won't be able to get acceptance through in a certain situation, I'll avoid it. Much of this has to do with a perceived lack of acceptance when, in most cases, I've already obtained acceptance.
• What makes you interested to see another day?
  That's a hard question. I like to see myself progress in different areas. Whether it's weightlifting, guitar, or financial goals etc., if I've got nothing to look forward to, my life seems pretty empty and pointless.
  When I do have nothing to look forward to, I find myself consumed by fantasy. So, books, movies, thinking about what could be (but probably won't come to pass) would be my vice there.
• How truly content are you to let injustice happen?
  Injustice... I'm in an environment where I don't see a lot of injustice. If it's related to someone I know or am close to I find myself working to right the wrongs I see. Many times though, it's difficult for me to see beyond my own problems (mild though they are) to care enough for others that don't have faces and names in my world.
• Is extreme guilt a virtue or a problem?
  It's a double-edged sword for me. It's the motivating factor that drives me to improve myself. I see things in me that need to change, especially if the flaws are keeping me from achieving me goals, and the guilt motivates me to begin the process of change in that area.
  It's a problem because when I dwell too much on my problems the guilt will grow to debilatating proportions and incapacitate me from begining the change process. That guilt sounds like, "I'm this way. I can't seem to change. I've never been able to change. I don't think I'll ever be able to change. So I won't try, because, what's the point anyway."
• Without guilt, how do you learn from past mistakes?
  Sometimes I learn from my mistakes before I feel guilty. When I make a mistake, sometimes I'm angry about the situation and those involved. Later on, guilt will set in, but before it does, I'll usually begin taking steps not to make the same mistake again.

 

*starts making a strong pot of fair-trade coffee to share with NAI*

 

You mean you're making a pot of coffee for 'yourself', right?

 

I see enormous power within myself. Fi drives me. I'm generally somewhat depressed and can't seem to see another perspective except that life is technically meaningless, and that any meaning has been that which has been biologically hardwired into us or otherwise arbitrarily assigned.

You see, all this guilt, kindness, satisfaction, anything that you feel is merely a product of biological hard-wiring or what we've been conditioned to. It's like we're all stuck in the matrix.

 

• 
  [*]What do you see in yourself?
  
  I suppose reading this question, what I'm interpreting from it is "What are you aiming for?" I realize that may be completely off the mark, but such is my mind to wander to it's own comfort zone, I suppose. To answer that question, what I see that I aim to uncover from within myself is my potential as a person. In development of both abilities, and personality, I can see that there is a long way to go, which has discouraged me a lot in the past, since what I visualize is still a bit beyond the reach I've developed thus far. However, despite reaching for the moon and falling into a pool below me time and again, I still want to keep reaching until I can say that I've hit that point. If I can reach that, I'll search even farther, to see just to what limits I can attempt.
  
  [*]What truly drives you?
  
  Though it may come off as a bit selfish, the desire to reach my dreams. However, I'm also set on doing so along my own path, instead of intentionally taking the same route as those before me. So finding my dreams, and in my own fashion.
  
  [*]What makes you interested to see another day?
  
  There are too many things I still want to experience! Things to learn, to feel, to see, and take in. And more importantly, I want to be able to be there for the ones I love. Especially in a time that many loved ones have been taken from my family, I don't want them to have to deal with any grief because of me.
  
  [*]How truly content are you to let injustice happen?
  
  It depends on whether it's an injustice by my own feelings on the matter, or an injustice based on a set of rules that were laid down under circumstances that I may or may not agree with. I suppose that's something that's quite self-centric in terms of thought, but it's also something that I'll stand by as an honest statement. Things like the mistreatment of others, verbally, physically, mentally... those I will do whatever I can when I see them to stand in the way of anything carrying on further. However, many laws that we're given, I feel no allegiance to in enforcing them. If it's not a situation that I can find as morally or ethically wrong, I guess I'm just a bit apathetic. It's really only what causes suffering to others that concerns me, I suppose.
  
  [*]Is extreme guilt a virtue or a problem?
  
  It depends on what effect of it comes into play. I can say that a sense of extreme guilt has in many instances caused me to help out even in instances where I'd normally be too distant or timid to normally think to do so. However, it has also held me back from a lot of things out of a level of concern for the feelings of others that doesn't actually exist. I think that it has both high and low points, so rather than call it a virtue OR a problem, I'll say that depending on the situation, it can be many things.
  
  [*]Without guilt, how do you learn from past mistakes?

To be fair... I learn from my mistakes almost exclusively from the guilt I pile onto myself. That said, I'm so used to that, that I suppose I haven't put much thought into how else I would. I guess I could say though that constructive criticism has also helped out a lot, it simply is overshadowed by exactly how much I guilt myself.

 

Uhoh, seems like I was pretty off there. *hangs head in shame"

Thanks for explaining that to me, I think I understand what you're saying a little better now. But I need to ponder on it...

 

I can be incredibly naieve.
But it is not really naievety.
More a bulletproof optimism that is prone to distort what is,
and turn it into merely the way I choose to see it.

I know people are not trustworthy.
Still I trust people.

 

You're right, different perspectives can be helpful.

Sometimes that's a good thing. It's all a matter of balancing it out, I guess.

It would probably help, yes.

My take on it is that the question to 'who you really are' might not make sense since I believe that a personality is under constant change due to external and internal forces. However, if you do not feel comfortable with the person you are in certain situations, e.g. at work or where ever, your problem still applies. Shoot.

Well, I can only encourage you to stay on track and wish you luck.

And an extra big hug just because:

 

Guilt can not separate you from others, it makes you even more attached to people, because guilt is somekind of hurted feeling which is not moving and even transformates to that feeling " guilt" which makes you even more attached to your past, and when past is hurted, you are making future beliefs, which can be various: full of fear, full of dellusions, not real expectations.
Your motivation isn't selfishness, because if you want acceptance, that means you want to give yourself to someone.
The thing which separates you from "happy consumer" is YOU. you are unique, you have your past, your presence (but you can not see it clearly yet), your own reasons, you are human full of hurted feelings, that means, there was time when the most sensitive feelings were open, someone scared you because of stupidity of them.
You are not your guilt, you are a person who holds the guilt into himself.
Yes! that is right, some people with their stupidity can make us angry, they don't see how beautiful you can be with your own qualities. And that is not your fault. it is them, who doesn't see.
Not life is shaping you, you are your life.
You don't need to fix anything in you, you need to understand from where comes your calmness and accept it.
Your differences doesn't make you broken, it makes you unique. Just the most open part of yours is hurted. And you afraid to see it.
Seeking of perfection in relations isn't disease. The thing which should be healed is your love. you have it somewhere deep deep in you, but it hurts too much that you could find it.
Guilt doesn't make you alive, guilt is that what makes you afraid, and fear is coming from doubt. guilt doesn't let you to see other people pain. You feel that because you want to find similarities with someone, that you could share yourself.