What do you think of the "cougar" phenom? | INFJ Forum

What do you think of the "cougar" phenom?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, May 31, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    I'm watching a talk show and the topic is "cougars."

    So, what do you think of the "cougar" phenom?




    How do you see relationships between older women and younger men?
     
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  2. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I don't think it can work well in sense of a cougar. I see it as an older women using a younger men and often not looking for anything serious. Its the same as a men dating a much younger women. One is taking advantage of the other.
     
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  3. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    I think it is just as creepy as young woman dating much older men.
    A certain age difference is fine, but people who are too far apart are in very different places in their lives, not only physiologically but also in maturity and experience. Relationships should be partnerships, which need equality.
    I guess it depends...but I still think it is creepy.
     
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  4. slant

    slant amour-propre
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    Hot.

    I'm a cougar myself.
     
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  5. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    LOL! I know we've talked about this before, somewhere.

    The older you get, the less "icky" it becomes, as long as it's within a certain range. For example, I'd have no problems dating a 30-year-old, and we wouldn't be that different in our thoughts and mannerisms. We'd still be pretty much on the same page; a decade doesn't change much.

    But someone in his 20s who isn't ready to settle? Noooo way. That's a whole level of immature I wouldn't want to touch with a ten foot pole. Mind you, if he's on an extreme mature level and he's chasing *me* and we can actually sit down and have an intelligent conversation? That's another story. I don't know about dating, but talking is fine.

    Someone a decade older than me is ok, too, and I have no problems with a 50-year-old as long as he's still got energy and enjoys life (NH comes to mind as that type). I'd feel uncomfortable with someone who's fifteen years forward or back either way. There's a certain level where that gets uncomfortable. At least, until I hit fifty. Then, we'll see if I still feel the same.
     
  6. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Yeah, I think it's creepy too--although I must say there can always be exceptions depending on the parties involved. Mostly its just like was said above. It's an older person taking advantage of some crush by a younger person to fill a selfish short-term need.

    When I worked at the club in Nashville, I had an older lady constantly hitting on me and trying to "hook-up". Truthfully, it was very confusing to me and I couldn't really handle it. Something in me made it feel wrong and dirty. It was a shame too because she was pretty lonely and had a lot of money. She was not unattractive either, though not a knockout or anything. I started to give in a couple times then backed off. It really frustrated her and I didn't really understand it at the time. Our ages weren't that far off either (25 and 37), but it felt like a world apart.
     
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  7. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    My mom is in her 50s (and single) and when she gets hit on by younger men, even when they are only a few years younger, she does not even consider them. Which I think is odd. I do not see what is wrong with a 10 year gap, or a 5 year gap.

    But if she dated someone my age I think I would have a heart attack.

    I think it also depends on how old you are. At my age (21) dating someone ten years older is a lot older, because 10 years is nearly half of my life. But when you are 60 and you are dating someone who is 70, 10 years is a lot less time.
     
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    #7 GaiaGraha, May 31, 2010
    Last edited: May 31, 2010
  8. OP
    Gaze

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    What about the couples who marry? How do you see marriages between younger men and older women?
     
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    #8 Gaze, May 31, 2010
    Last edited: May 31, 2010
  9. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    Exactly. :)
     
  10. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    I feel like it is just too unequal. He will probably have most of the power and control. I cannot see them respecting each other as equal.
     
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  11. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    I feel like it is just too unequal. He will probably have most of the power and control. I cannot see them respecting each other as equals.
     
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  12. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    A lot of it is subjective. Once you get out of your 20's and into your 30's, you have usually reached a level of emotional maturity where you can relate to almost anyone that is older. But too many years still plants a void between people. Times change too fast now, and what was right/proper/cool/valued when you grew up, is nothing like what was so for someone growing up 20 years prior. I still love to see that rare connection of souls that knows no bounds (age/race/social status).
     
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  13. OP
    Gaze

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    This seems to be the case usually.

    I think dating someone younger is not inherently bad, but it's the nature of the relationship which is the issue. If you're dating someone younger just to feel younger, that's using someone to fill an emotional need, which i disagree with. And as Arby said, it's a matter of maturity, age difference, and compatibility. At my age, i'd probably only date someone no more than 3 years younger, which is pretty much the same age group.

    But can't say how i'd feel at 40 or 50.
     
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  14. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    If they respect each other and they have enough to talk about - and they've talked about those possible hot buttons - then why not? It's no different than marrying someone who is a different race, color, creed, or nationality than you. But sometimes these relationships can last longer because they've discussed these issues at length. Or at least they should have. I know I wouldn't just hop the marriage train because it feels right; I have to know why we're doing it and I'd have to discuss all the issues involved in it.

    It can happen - but again, it's not about power and control; it's about respect and honor. No marriage should be about power and control - it should be about two complete people who realize they can do more together than they can separately. Love is an emotion, but you have to have more than love to keep a marriage together. Respect has to be there, as does cherishing and balancing each other. When you're more mature certain things are less important (like material goods). You also start asking one another about purchases and you're willing to share. It's not about "me" it's about "we". And that can take time to develop. With a mature couple who gets this, and a mature couple that believes in communication, you can have a marriage that transcends a lot of age issues.

    But it has to be there at the onset. It has to be something someone already has before marriage.

    Agreed, Res...and it does change the older you get. I thought the very same way in my 20s, and it only started changing for me when I hit my mid-30s. Then I was willing to say seven years' out (I at least wanted someone in their 30s). Now, I'm willing to go ten years out in either direction.
     
  15. GaiaGraha

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    I really disagree that once you get into your 30s you have reached a level of emotional maturity that you can relate to anyone. I know plenty of people 30 and older who are not emotionally mature at all. Also, even within MBTI theory they talk about how you go through a change in your personality (and your life) around your 50s.
     
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  16. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    What happens between two consenting adults is none of my business.
     
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  17. Questingpoet

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    I did say usually Crabby, many people never reach this level. I'll stick by that statement. Nothing is ever 100%, especially my statements! ;) And while you are correct in your thoughts on people in their 50's changing, I don't think it's just your 50's, or your 20's.....or any age. We change our entire lives (again not a blanket statement), but many people are not self-aware enough to see it. I speak in general terms here. The 30's are when most people mature emotionally, if they are ever going to. There are plenty of people that never will, I give you that.
     
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  18. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    I think, too, it depends on the individuals. Some people will never be ready for marriage, no matter what age they are (*cough*Hugh Hefner*cough*). Others will buckle down and make room for a family and have the maturity level to make it last at age 20. If you get an older and a younger person together who have the mindset of "we're going to make this last/work no matter what, and we'll help each other along the way" then you might have a twenty-year age gap in a relationship, and it works.

    I recently heard about one man who was 65 and his wife of (30?) years recently died at age 86. And he was devastated. It worked for them so...*shrug* who am I to say it shouldn't/can't work? It just takes special couples to do it.
     
  19. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Cougars go in the same box as Sugar-Daddies: Blah!

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
  20. NeverAmI

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    Not as good of a topic as sugar mommas. :D
     
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