Unrequited love

[sciski]

A combination of moping and extreme, passionate offense that the guy was too stoopid and deficit in taste in women to requite my love. Then anger at my own stupidity for falling for a stoopid guy, followed by a sudden drop in the wind in my offended sails.

Then more moping. :mD:

 

[DolphinSport]

I love my INTJ. He's magical... so my answer is just that I wouldn't let him loose. If there's one thing I could 'fix' about him, it'd be two things 1- don't try to fix/mastermind every problem I come to you with-- If I'm even slightly emotional, I'm trying to confide in you NOT get an answer--resist the urge to solve-- listen and say, "I understand". 2- don't assume something I want or like is certainly stupid just because you can't analyze it to be otherwise.. grrr. You guys can be so out of touch with feeling-- it's almost like you're handling a UFO when it comes to emotions. They're emotions because often they're NOT rational- duh )

 

[Lurker]

I love my INTJ. He's magical... so my answer is just that I wouldn't let him loose. If there's one thing I could 'fix' about him, it'd be two things 1- don't try to fix/mastermind every problem I come to you with-- If I'm even slightly emotional, I'm trying to confide in you NOT get an answer--resist the urge to solve-- listen and say, "I understand". 2- don't assume something I want or like is certainly stupid just because you can't analyze it to be otherwise.. grrr. You guys can be so out of touch with feeling-- it's almost like you're handling a UFO when it comes to emotions. They're emotions because often they're NOT rational- duh )

The good news is these can be learnt by INTJs, bad news is it may take some time cause it conflicts with automatic reactions. The first is difficult as that reaction involves acknowledging feelings and being empathetic as opposed to a black and white here's a problem let's fix it, fixing comes soooo naturally! The second causes an internal combustion of anti-logic. You seem to understand him, that's gonna help

 

[JEFF!?!]

I would deal with it the way I am dealing with it right now. Haha, it's a total mess. In as much as I want to share the experience with you, I just can't because they are hard to put in words. As an INTJ, I know my Achiless' heel is this thing called love. Nonetheless, I hope I could survive with this kind of situation.*sigh*

Anyway, I am interested with the answers of the INFJs. The person I love is also an INFJ.

I've been in love with this one girl (ESFJ) for a very long time. Not counting the occasions when I'm around her (pure bliss). It's kind of a bummer for this INFJ. I'm a secretly a pretty romantic person very prone to fantasies. My imagination is my worst enemy, my high hopes of "us" are often dragged back to earth when I remember that she probably will never like me that way. So is the fate of us INFJs.

 

[thirtysleuths]

Sadly, I often found the reason people were chasing me was because I was running away from them.

Agh! This happens to me; it makes me realize how much of a creep I am, when I'm head over heels, gushing over somebody! I flat out told this boy last night, you're a pushover - a toy. I don't want you, but I'll have fun with you if you're going to keep crawling back. While I'm no sadist, I do like to have my fun. And he had nothing to say! Can you believe that?! Perfectly comfortable with those terms. Makes me sick.

I all but gave my heart to an INTJ, recently, and she disappeared on me. She expressed that it was her, but I wonder... it's probably me. People say I'm intense - whatever that's supposed to mean. If I border on, or AM stalkerish, they ought to outright say so! Love is supposed to be intense, right? If I wanted a mehfriend, I'd have asked for one! Meh.

 

[sleepycloud]

Hmm
My unrequited "love" is actually an unrequited longing for friendship, which I am too shy to express, so shame on him for not being able to read my mind and crushing on some other ISFJ girl. [He's ExTP]

I've been in love with this one girl (ESFJ) for a very long time. Not counting the occasions when I'm around her (pure bliss). It's kind of a bummer for this INFJ. I'm a secretly a pretty romantic person very prone to fantasies. My imagination is my worst enemy, my high hopes of "us" are often dragged back to earth when I forget that she probably will never like me that way. So is the fate of us INFJs.

This resonates quite perfectly.

When I snap back to depressing reality I deal with it by thinking about how the fruition of the relationship is as its destruction and how depressing it is to see married couples with kids; how the fairytale always wears off anyway. I try my best to detach and find happiness in other areas. Sometimes it works, sometimes it feels nice to have a melancholic crush, sometimes reality gets too much...but I'm changing moods and mind states enough to be boggled down too much by unrequited love.

 

[claire]

Unrequited love is the most horrific terrible thing ever for an INFJ... I've loved my best guy friend for two years..(the whole time I've known him). There is only a handful of people who I can completely relax around and who at the very least moderately understand my INFJ mind but him (an ENTP)... was an instant mutual understanding.. an instant best friend ... he moved away to be with his girlfriend last Summer... I just died inside for a few months.. and still there doesn't go 15 minutes when he hasn't somehow been in my thoughts. Well now he is back (and single) but but my heart is utterly broken.. I confessed my feelings.. but he doesn't see me in the way... best friends but "just nothing more" I don't know what to do... I'm utterly shattered.. feel as though my very self has lost it's balance.. so much did I pour myself into him and thoughts of him.. I can't remember myself without him. I can't imagine meeting anyone else that could compare to him. It's more than terrible. What's worse is that I'm usually amazingly good with intuition and "feelings" about things.. I truly believed we would work out.. and am horrified at this self error.. perhaps in the future there is still a chance.. I fear that meeting someone else they will always be a second best to my one and only but unrequited love. I've never had a boyfriend.. not been the type for anything meaningless at high school... and I thought he was my one. Please fellow INFJs attempt to ease my sorrow and despair..?? This all happened to me yesterday.. still very raw. Anyone got similar stories but.. with a happy ending??

 

[Shai Gar]

***Deleted Content***

My brain/keyboard filter kicked in.

 

[Lurker]

Sorry to hear Claire, the only thing I know that helps is a good cry to get it out and then time and distance.

 

[Shai Gar]

Plenty of distance. New Zealand is all rather close together, you should get as far as possible away. Darwin is a very VERY long way from there. Why don't you come over this way and I'll take you bowling.

 

[HolySmoke]

Unrequited love is the most horrific terrible thing ever for an INFJ... I've loved my best guy friend for two years..(the whole time I've known him)... still very raw. Anyone got similar stories but.. with a happy ending??

Yes, I am so sorry for your sadness. It will work out for the best in the end. Consider if he stayed with you without having the level of commitment that you have for him, that beautiful thing called love that you are able to provide. If he was unable to provide the same commitment in return you would have been more hurt later. Perhaps children would also have been involved. Better to move on.

I know it is hard now. I understand. It will allow you to be so appreciative of the right person at the right time. Hang in there and try to be strong.

 

[JEFF!?!]

When your an INFJ, it's terrible when the person your crazy for is an ES. Our minds work so differently and it's even more heartbreaking when your trying to talk about things with substance and meaning...she prefers talking about whatever pops into her head, like whatever happened to her friend over the weekend. All I want is a meaningful conversation or two. :frusty:

I can't really blame her, it's just the way she is.

When I snap back to depressing reality I deal with it by thinking about how the fruition of the relationship is as its destruction and how depressing it is to see married couples with kids; how the fairytale always wears off anyway.

I cringe and look away whenever I see couples kissing, hugging or holding hands. I can't help but imagine the two of us doing something like that...the feeling is awful.

 

[alcyone]

Yup, meaningful conversation don't happen often with ES's...(hubby is one)...UNLESS their emotions are up, or their is a disturbance in their 'force'...(read their life). In which case they can be very meaningful for short periods of time.

 

[Pristinegirl]

Two evil words... Well there is not much to do but live in hoplessness and agony for a while. Perhaps the other part will change their decision, or time will mend your heart.

I really need to stop chasing, looking and running haha. I would say I do it daily. Do you have any suggestions on how to stop looking, when it is e.g in my case an American whome I wish to find.