Understanding the INFJ Doorslam | Page 7 | INFJ Forum

Understanding the INFJ Doorslam

John K said:
Having read through the thread, I'm not actually clear why you want to reverse the situation. Are you clear what are your own motives?
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Always. I have had personal, professional, friends, dating and exclusive relationships with about 12 INFJs now. From my experience though, it works better with them, if you don’t tell them what your motives are. They’ll ask eventually, but they respond better to your objective if you don’t tell them. I know, I can’t explain it either. I’ve tried it both ways. Go with the one that gets results

Reversing the situation is just I want someone in my life. I don’t think there needs to be much of a reason other than that
 
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ClevelandINTP said:
Explain
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You just want what you perceive (selfishly) to be a problem (an infj doorslam) to basically just go away because you personally feel it is in some way unjustified because you sanctimoniously perceive yourself to be a "better" person for (falsely) believing that you give everyone an infinite number of chances to redeem themselves.

Sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes you pay the price.
 
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Wyote said:
You just want what you perceive (selfishly) to be a problem (an infj doorslam) to basically just go away because you personally feel it is in some way unjustified because you sanctimoniously perceive yourself to be a "better" person for (falsely) believing that you give everyone an infinite number of chances to redeem themselves.

Sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes you pay the price.
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I don’t think any of that is true. There’s just better methods. I don’t think I’m better than anyone. My telling you how I do things doesn’t equate to individual superiority. Don’t take it personal

I can accept consequences. It just so happens that this consequence is flawed, brutal and complicates things more than they should be

You’re acting like I’m the only one who might view this behavior that way, and I know I’m not. And it is clearly avoidant behavior which in a lot of cases can be an issue
 
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ClevelandINTP said:
Was that a doorslam
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See, that’s my issue right there: instead of just living with differences and not thinking more or less of someone, it’s walk away because you disagree
 
ClevelandINTP said:
instead of just living with differences and not thinking more or less of someone, it’s walk away because you disagree
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lol I can live with differences just fine. You don't know shit about me lol. I don't appreciate all of your strange insinuations and incorrect judgments though.
And your inability to converse on a level of emotional openness and understanding (within this conversation at least) is probably something that dissuades a lot of people from interacting with you.
It's not a type thing, it's a human thing.
 
I wasn’t saying you. I was saying “you” as in the perverbial “you.” You’re taking a debate, an exchange of ideas, way too personal.

You have just said something directly about me, though, and you don’t know me
 
ClevelandINTP said:
I wasn’t saying you. I was saying “you” as in the perverbial “you.” You’re taking a debate, an exchange of ideas, way too personal.
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lol you're obviously talking to me. Great tactic though. You sly dog you. You're adorable.
 
Yeah, Sharpei level adorable

Is this where the doorslam run away thing happens? If so, better to replace with we disagree, and hey, let’s talk about Fyre or remember that time we did that fun thing. (((((Hugs)))))
 
ClevelandINTP said:
I’m okay with that. That’s the point
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Somewhere along the line you've inferred that I'm not, or INFJs in general are not?
I don't know what has happened to you, but generally that's false.

I will venture a guess though. The way in which you travel that road is unhealthy and INFJs probably see the cracks in it and you are unwilling to do self reflection.
 
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Pretty consistently said I’m okay with disagreement and acceptance of disagreement. Not okay with silently withdrawing to avoid disagreement or discomfort. Sort of the whole point

Stop making assumptions. You could ask me how I travel that road. Sort of the whole point
 
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And that’s why making assumptions is toxic
 
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Wyote said:
Nah I'm good. Your retaliatory mindset is not healthy either.
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Now you’re equating my disagreement as revenge. And you’re saying if I don’t shutup and play by your code, I’m looking to get even

What is your deal
 
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