Trying to rid myself of misanthropy

[jupiterswoon]

I posted on this thread about how I think the world is a horrible place : http://www.infjs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24793 and how I am generally misanthropic and never want to have kids. And, I think a lot of what I was talking about came from bad experiences that happened to me when I was younger. Before then, I was a lot more trusting and open with people, but that's when I realized that a lot of people just suck. Also, before I was coming at this from a very moral black and white standpoint. People and their pettiness and the horrible things that they do to each other used to leave me in a state of depression, just by thinking about it.

Now, I am just trying to see people for what they are, some people are good, some people are bad, but people are really just a lot like animals, they might take advantage of situations or prey upon people who are weaker than them. I no longer feel guilt or shame about what happened to me, but I do realize that I can't let something from six years ago dictate my ability to be open with the world, and that I shouldn't try to close off a part of myself, or say never open myself up to hurt and vulnerability. I do think that I might start another thread specifically about how perhaps morals are what separates us from animals, or I guess more specifically thoughts separate us from animals.

But do any of you have recommendations for how I might try to open myself up, how to finally finish healing? I don't want to become jaded or misanthropic, and it appears as though that inadvertently happened along the way.

As an end note, I put in the more personal part because I am okay sharing that information, but I would prefer that instead of talking about the emotional part, if we can just brainstorm ideas for what to do. How can I rid myself of this misanthropy, and judging the world and thinking it is hell?

I've made good friends, I have a good job. I don't want to discount everything, because of emotional scars. I don't want to close myself off completely.

 

[Apone]

I don't think it's a good idea to generalize a few experiences to everyone you'll ever meet, but it's probably healthier to hate humanity as a whole instead of targeting one specific group.

It's probably best to see every situation, every experience, and every person as something completely new that doesn't necessarily conform to your expectations... mostly because that's how things really are. It's hard not to generalize because we're sort of wired to deal with these things as efficiently as possible and it's a lot harder to throw your internal guidebook out the window every single time, but I think it's probably better if you do.

You should still be cautious, though... I agree that some people do prey on vulnerability and it's hard to know who these people are because they tend not to just come out and show that side of themselves-- it's not a completely uncommon thing, either... just look at what happens when people get on the Internet as opposed to what they do when they're talking face to face... or what kinds of things people might look at if they don't think they're being watched as opposed to what they would look at if they did know... you can definitely apply that to real life/actions/situations as well.

People ARE dangerous to each other... I mean, we're all just animals and we're probably not as in control of ourselves as we think we are. On the other hand, we can also be aware of ourselves... and it's probably not a good idea to focus only on the negatives or to write people off because they or someone else made a mistake.... but of course, you have to make sure that they understand that they actually made a mistake... it's not doing anyone any good to keep perpetuating destructive attitudes.

A lot of people have at least a degree of misanthropy, but it can make you cold and detached and you have to ask yourself what is important to you in terms of enjoying your life.

 

[Nixie]

I find that it helps when you realize you are completely full of shit. It brings some humility to your perspective.

 

[Bikerdelic]

Well I going to have to suggest meditation, or yoga, as there exists meditations that can develop compassion and forgiveness. One of the main themes is letting go of the pain and emotions and thoughts, now being INFJ, you should be able to meditate after some practise as you are naturally intuitive. Why not go along to a Buddhist group, they are usually very friendly and inclusive, and don't mind people being non Buddhist. I was involved with a local Group where we showed relaxation techniques to people who came just of the street.
Yet again what you have described I have experiences of, honestly!, so this is how I manage myself. I could try to explain the process of such meditations, but this wouldn't be practical on a forum, as it would be very long and wordy. But to go along to a meditation class, or yoga class, you would taste the experience for yourself. We need good coping mechanisms which meditation is certainly one of them, as we often learn bad copying strategies such as withdrawing too much from the world. There's a beautiful saying that comes to mind and it goes " Be in the world but not of the world".
I have my past which was filled with some bad moments, but if we do not let go, or learn how to mentally let go (Meditation) then we continue to suffer long after the episode or incident has long past. Why suffer in your heart or mind?, life is too short.
You don't need to be a Buddhist to meditate, as it is recognised as an authentic psychological therapy in psychology (Mindfulness and cognitive therapies are derived from Buddhist practises) and you don't have to be ill to use meditation as its helps a person manage their own mind and thoughts, its not magic, but it just takes practise. This is how I healed my deepest wounds and continue to manage my well being. And lastly, if you have Christian beliefs, you won't be betraying them by meditating, as even Jesus meditated.
Well that my advise.

 

[acd]

Try to see things from other people's perspective.
Try to understand how other people are thinking and/ or feeling and why.
Focus on individuals instead of the generalized crowd.
Look at people's faces, really look, and see the vulnerabilities and struggles that they too are trying to overcome and hide in everyday life.