Thoughts on interactions | INFJ Forum

Thoughts on interactions

Jana

Jana

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Apr 18, 2009
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So, I realised one thing today. Actually, I knew that for ages, but today it was loud and clear. I have bad habit to use mask of being smiley one, light one, little confused when I feel uncomfortable in public. On outside. And I don't like it. Inside I feel sirious, calm and etc. But most times I show behaviour from beginning of the post. Only with people I know well and respect I become honest with what I feel.
It's killing me. Today I was tense in someone's presence from few reasons. And that was someone I actually like but don't know well. So I let out that stupid chatty too humorus person...And I am really angry at that fact.
I don't like that smiley creature that sometimes takes place instead of me...

Do I making any sense and is this something that some of you experience also?
How do you help yourself?
Basicly, I am not "what you see is what you get" and I would like to be more seen as I am...
 
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Yes...

I've resigned to the fact that these masks are part of my personality. It no longer bothers me that I'm playing up different personae in different contexts. My external self is purely reactionary; I act according what the situation demands of me. Previously, I used to just be nice and smile all of the time, because that was the reaction my internal self externalized to protect myself from the difficulties of alien situations. I thought if I were nice enough, I could deal with all kinds of people, so I smiled my way through, even if I didn't internally. It was a reaction, much like everything else I do in social situations is a reaction, but I've learned to steer it better. No longer am I always nice to the point of goofiness; sometimes I feign seriousness, sometimes genuineness. Sometimes I lie, because that seems most fitting.

As I see it... who I am in isolation is a person who exists only for himself. It's the core, devoid of empathy, devoid of feeling, devoid of any humanistic aspect. It's an isolated, swarm of ideas and thoughts that exist in separation with the rest of the world. When I'm outside, this core reacts either positively or negatively to different situations, depending upon my predisposition towards them. I used to be flaky, light and overly non-serious to protect the sanctity of these ideas. I acted purely "externally", and then later regretted my reactions to situations. Now, I check to see how I feel about situations before acting. I let the "core" decide how I want my outward self to be projected. Some people think it's strange I take so long to make up my mind, but unless I do so, I feel a sense of betrayal to my true self.

I might have contradicted myself several times in this post, but concisely: only my internal processes are "genuine", everything I project outward is an image. Nothing more. I can let the image exist independently of my internal self, but that makes me feel bad, so I let myself "sense" how I feel about situations before deciding on how I want the image to be projected. That helps me strike a balance.

Is this remotely what you were referring to? Or did I manage to completely miss the point?
 
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Here's something interesting. I posted this before in another thread, and I'm stunned by its familiarity every time I read it.

Because EIIs are so perceptive of everyone's unique emotional states and responses, our mode of interaction is different with different people. This can trap us into thinking sometimes that we're being “fake,” when in reality we're merely adapting to the emotional needs of the people around us. Group situations (discussed more in the section on ) are vastly different than one-on-one situations, and every situation varies depending on who it is we're dealing with. A normally subdued EII can become quite animated in certain group situations which call for . This can lead to others (and the EII him/herself) to think that the EII is being “fake.” [1]
Click to expand...

*swap EII for INFJ.
 
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Sometimes we hide our true ourselves as protection and this is not necessarily bad. But, I can see how not being genuine might be troubling, particularly to an INFJ.
 
Jana said:
Do I making any sense and is this something that some of you experience also?
How do you help yourself?
Basicly, I am not "what you see is what you get" and I would like to be more seen as I am...
Click to expand...
Yeah, I have it happening. Only my masks is essentially my Fe; I became more attentive, more 'listening', more 'responding'...though quite often my Ni leaks through, but well. I've had a time when I really focused myself on sharpening that tool.

Carefully placing people? :| Or rather, I also put a hefty amount of detachment. Then I express myself as I like.
 
Norton said:
Sometimes we hide our true ourselves as protection and this is not necessarily bad.
Click to expand...

No, but it worries me that it becomes stronger when it is about someone I want to be close and I am not sure about response. I am aware that is kind of protection, but how one can like me if one does not see ME:)?
 
Jana said:
How do you help yourself?
Click to expand...
If you notice these modes within you that's a big step. For me once you see, it is simply a matter of learning, and growing, and time. The things we might feel out-of-control about we can learn eventually to throttle a bit and still be genuine. Life is a journey...just be patient with yourself and learn.
 
Jana said:
No, but it worries me that it becomes stronger when it is about someone I want to be close and I am not sure about response. I am aware that is kind of protection, but how one can like me if one does not see ME:)?
Click to expand...

As you become more comfortable with someone you will begin to reveal yourself as you truly are. Things that are meant to happen, will.
 
Limit said:
See! This is Deceit! Image creation.

There are some blistering idiots that would read this thread and go, “OH LOOK. YOU ARE ALL TYPE 3s”

ARGHHHHHLDJKFS:DF:SDKFS:DF:S :m192:
Click to expand...
Bah. That common?
Well, I'm a 6 so I can be a 3...if I were so inclined. :|

Jana said:
:) Sorting people is one of my obssesions..
Click to expand...
ooh, a friend. *hugs* Now where shall I put you....
 
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First of all, you have to trust your instict as to who you put the mask on for. That's number one. Two. You have to trust your instinct as to what type of mask it is. But, with practice, you can perfect that mask. Like any other artform. Let's face it, infj's put on masks. It's a part of who you are. It's your minds way of telling you "there's something wrong, this person, (puzzle piece), doesn't quite fit. Do something to make it fit better, for the moment, so it doesn't cause injury." Like pain. Your body tells you, that hurts, it's not supposed to bend that way, rotate your body such and such way, so your arm doesn't break, it may not be a comfy position, but at least my arm won't break. Maybe if you did some yoga, assuming that position next time won't hurt so much. So tell yourself, I trust my instinct, I need a mask, and I need a ____ mask, now fine tune that character. It's easier if you look it that way. Don't fight your instincts. Work with them.
 
There's nothing necessarily wrong with masks. I recommend getting used to
using them because for the majority of interactions you don't have a choice.
In fact, I would revel in the fact that you can so easily put up a false persona.
Spend time making up new personalities to act out when in particular situations.
Once you get a hang of it, I promise you'll love it.

Not everyone has to know the real you. Keep that side for those you are closest
to you, and let everyone else see the mask.
 
I'm actually sort of inbetween the what you see is what you get, and hidden personas ideas. The vast majority of the time, I am who I am and I do not put on some sort of facade to make myself feel more comfortable. However, I am easily swayed by the environment and people around me. Depending on who and what I am around and what I am doing, I will shift modes and appear slightly different in a sense. However, for me this is natural. Other things make different sides of me mangnify or decrease. It's all who I am though, so I seldom call them masked, as I am comfortable with these modes, and they are indeed natural and automatic. Further, if you were to watch me over time, you would see that these aren't masks, it's simply me fitting to the environment, which simply causes shifts.
 
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randomsomeone said:
If you notice these modes within you that's a big step. For me once you see, it is simply a matter of learning, and growing, and time. The things we might feel out-of-control about we can learn eventually to throttle a bit and still be genuine. Life is a journey...just be patient with yourself and learn.
Click to expand...

I agree. It is like switching from mode to mode:)
 
I don't have masks, but I may have costumes. I say that, because its more of a big long term shift. As in the "mask" I wear I will keep on for 5-6 months then shift to another one.
 
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