The Perfect Relationship | INFJ Forum

The Perfect Relationship

gloomy-optimist

gloomy-optimist

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Jul 9, 2008
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Everyone has one. Let's say you had the most perfect person in the world; what are they like? What would you do for fun, where would you go, and how would you express your love for each other? Is it based on immediate attraction or carefully compromised commitment?

One of the things I find most interesting is whether or not our perception of "love" is based off of ourselves, or what we see in the media (it is surprising to me how many people have a warped perception of relationship based on the happy-ending quickly-escalating love lives of dolled-up actors/actresses). Let's see how the real person thinks of love~
 
There are many different types of love, Gloomy! I think you mean Romantic love here!

Our first example ought to be our parents, doncha think? Their role is to be our example in society, how we ought to act, behave, teach us, etc, but also show us what it means when one person loves another in that romantic sense. For example, a lot of children whose parents divorced when they were younger, only from what I've seen, find it difficult to find healthy romantic relationships. They grew up with distrust of their parents love, and that distrust runs over into their own personal relationships.

I can't really say what attributes I find to be "perfect". What I do know is that "perfect" for me will not be identical to me. Though I'd rather have carefully compromised commitment to immediate attraction. Immediate attraction I relate to lust, vs commitment which involves more time spent thinking about the relationship. If someone is willing to spend time making a relationship work, I figure the odds of that relationship lasting are greater than if you guys hit it off real quick.
 
Kwistalline said:
There are many different types of love, Gloomy! I think you mean Romantic love here!

Our first example ought to be our parents, doncha think? Their role is to be our example in society, how we ought to act, behave, teach us, etc, but also show us what it means when one person loves another in that romantic sense. For example, a lot of children whose parents divorced when they were younger, only from what I've seen, find it difficult to find healthy romantic relationships. They grew up with distrust of their parents love, and that distrust runs over into their own personal relationships.

I can't really say what attributes I find to be "perfect". What I do know is that "perfect" for me will not be identical to me. Though I'd rather have carefully compromised commitment to immediate attraction. Immediate attraction I relate to lust, vs commitment which involves more time spent thinking about the relationship. If someone is willing to spend time making a relationship work, I figure the odds of that relationship lasting are greater than if you guys hit it off real quick.
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I agree about what you said about parent's relationships; it does effect love life a lot :)

But yeah; I meant the perfect relationship for the person, what ever sort of relationship that may be (or imagined). For instance, my "perfect" relationship, even in a romantic way, would probably have a foundation on a deep understand of another person, which would begin with friendship. There would be more adventure than romance, I think, though a health dose of both.
In reality, my best relationship right now isn't romantic at all, but I have a best friend that's so fun to be around; I wouldn't mind if I ever did find a romantic one anyway :)
 
I am one picky fellow who is not very good when talking to women....which absolutely sucks when you hang out with guys who have no problem striking a conversation with women at social events.

I don't know why I'm choosy when it comes to women, but it might be because I have the idea of something perfect in my head. Another strange thing is when I have something good I question it over and over. This usually leads me to simply rejecting a woman simply because it is easier to deal with. I do look for these qualities in women for the long haul though; faithful, unique, passionate, warm-hearted.

Hope that helps.
 
It's amusing, one profile said that INFJs are the type most likely to have an extramarital affair because their relationship isn't living up to "The Perfect Relationship" they romanticise about in their mind.
 
Shai Gar said:
It's amusing, one profile said that INFJs are the type most likely to have an extramarital affair because their relationship isn't living up to "The Perfect Relationship" they romanticise about in their mind.
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Lol, I could see that. I actually avoid romantic relationships altogether because they tend to be more annoying than anything to me; too much commitment too fast, for me. I'm happier when I don't feel like I'm not trying to live up to someone else's standards (or my own :B). It's kind of funner that way too, in my opinion~
 
"Perfect relationship" *shrug* can it exist? Pick the jaded one.

Guess it would be with someone who was adventurous and wanted to see the world with me, childlike enthusiasm is damn attractive and a positive outlook on life is a must. He'd need to be emotionally mature and responsible with the ability and desire to pull me out of myself. Conversation, strong communication and a mental connection are a basic need for me. I want unspoken love, respect and faithfulness with a lot of fun and laughter thrown in. Guess my ideal relationship is one that makes me smile and feel unconditionally loved.
 
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, because there's humans involved and humans always have flaws.

Wanting a perfect relationship is expecting too much from the other person.
 
I would say that an idealistically "perfect" relationship would be one where there is balance between two souls who find the time in this crazy world to intermingle and fall in a perfect mess of correctly placed puzzle pieces to make a united entity.

:noidea:
 
scrabbleandpoems said:
I would say that an idealistically "perfect" relationship would be one where there is balance between two souls who find the time in this crazy world to intermingle and fall in a perfect mess of correctly placed puzzle pieces to make a united entity.

:noidea:
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That was very poetic :0
 
Ok, this area is very complex for me. The perfect relationship for me (I'm talking about the type that eventually leads to marriage) is one in which I am not held back or inhibited in any way from giving of myself to someone and serving them, protecting them, and laying down my life for them. Obviously, for this to happen, the woman has to be willing to receive what it is I would give and not looking for something that I am not meant to give. The reason for this is, I would not be fulfilled in a relationship unless there was an arena in which I could exercise my feeling function, to put it simply. There is more to it than that. Because I also believe that a marriage covenant between a man and woman is meant to be a representation of the relationship between God and us (more specifically Christ and the church), I have this desire within me to lay my life down in order that I may completely serve and honor this one person. So far I have not really asked for any particular quality on her side, other than the willingness to trust and receive.
I would only hope that she would be willing to leave home (if need be) and the world behind in order that we may share in a common vision for the future. Oh, and it would definitely be great if in the relationship I find some hidden inner beauty inside her and help bring it out in the process. I really love doing that. Well, that's about it.
I know the odds for this happening are stacked way against me but I will patiently wait for what I do not see or have. Hope that is seen is no hope at all.
 
Hmm the perfect relationship for me consists of many things. They must be intellectual because I like to think philosophically and question things. Non-judgemental is obvious. Someone who does not follow how the media tells them to act and be so Unique. Caring is another thing. They care for others and nature. Would respect that I just need to be by myself sometimes. Just respect in general then. A girl who would get me to dance at a party even though I don't like to even go to parties. I'd prefer reading a book. Someone who could bring more logic into my thoughts. Another important thing is someone I could share my feelings with and they'd understand. Also, it would be hard but someone who isn't really materialistic I can't stand people who value items more than friendship or a relationship.

Someone I could just sit on a beach watching the ocean and sunset and even being quiet we would enjoy eachothers company. Also, someone who loves the leaves changing in the winter and who would go on my usually daily walk.

Most importantly someone who wouldn't care that I'm not manly and cried when I saw this song
[youtube]etw3aSumBEU[/youtube]
 
Lurker said:
"Perfect relationship" *shrug* can it exist? Pick the jaded one.

Guess it would be with someone who was adventurous and wanted to see the world with me, childlike enthusiasm is damn attractive and a positive outlook on life is a must. He'd need to be emotionally mature and responsible with the ability and desire to pull me out of myself. Conversation, strong communication and a mental connection are a basic need for me. I want unspoken love, respect and faithfulness with a lot of fun and laughter thrown in. Guess my ideal relationship is one that makes me smile and feel unconditionally loved.
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Lurker, don't settle for anything less! What you described up there would be a great foundation!
 
Shai Gar said:
It's amusing, one profile said that INFJs are the type most likely to have an extramarital affair because their relationship isn't living up to "The Perfect Relationship" they romanticise about in their mind.
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uhhh.....I would never even think of doing that.
 
Shai Gar said:
It's amusing, one profile said that INFJs are the type most likely to have an extramarital affair because their relationship isn't living up to "The Perfect Relationship" they romanticise about in their mind.
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I don't know what I'm capable of until I'm placed in the situation, I prefer not to judge people till I know what they've been through, not nessisarily first hand, but just to understand where they are coming from before I pass judgement.

It may be wrong, but when emotions and senses mix, they can be two very destructive things, sometimes an unfufilling relationship is enough to push one over the edge. They allow you to believe that you want something different, and maybe you do, but it's rarely the thing or person you're about to do.
 
The perfect relationship is any that involves unconditional love, despite any faults.

Can there be a "perfect" romantic relationship? Maybe, but the older I get the less I believe in it. As humans we have differences and they must be respected. As souls we can find love in others than can't be broken, and this is what I would deem a perfect relationship.

Poorly worded but I've had a few drinks and I'm feeling rather lazy. My point was made :p
 
Shai Gar said:
It's amusing, one profile said that INFJs are the type most likely to have an extramarital affair because their relationship isn't living up to "The Perfect Relationship" they romanticise about in their mind.
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I...could see that, I suppose. I probably wouldn't go so far; or, if I did, it'd be with a lot of guilt later
 
J. Cardigan said:
The perfect relationship is any that involves unconditional love, despite any faults.

Can there be a "perfect" romantic relationship? Maybe, but the older I get the less I believe in it. As humans we have differences and they must be respected. As souls we can find love in others than can't be broken, and this is what I would deem a perfect relationship.
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That's pretty well put.
 
^Thanks :)^

Eric86 said:
uhhh.....I would never even think of doing that.
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I'm not saying you would, but it's probably wise to reserve that judgement until you are in the situation. I've never been married and I've never cheated, although I came very close once.

It probably wouldn't have technically been "cheating" since my girlfriend and I had broken up the day prior, but we got back together the next day, so...

Regardless, it's a pretty sleazy thing to do, and I don't think anyone here would object to that.
 
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