The "friend zone"
- Thread starter Whiskers
- Start date
First off, let me just say, I don't think a friend zone exists - I think it's the "rejected, but I still think you have some redeeming qualities as a human being so I don't want to be a complete bitch to you" zone.
That said, it's a myth that women don't struggle with rejection, just ask the chubby, quiet, or/and outright fat and ugly women about it. Also, see the brozone.
Last edited:
Someone who is perceived as being friend-only material in a way that precludes sexual interaction. It's also seen as not being a very fluid category. Hence the "zoned" - once you're there, you stay there.
and why the so called friend zone seems populated mostly by men could be because
- it's a reflection of a vocal and embittered, as well as entitled part of the male population
- it's a reflection of pop culture, which ties into the above and is taken for granted
- it's a reflection of a disparity between male and female sex drive and "rules" of attraction, males in general may be more horny and likely to lower their standards to satisfy the urge, a case of male gaze, where the vocal part of men assumes it is easy for women to get sex, but without consideration for whether they want the sex, or whom they want it from.
- it's a reflection of a vocal and embittered, as well as entitled part of the male population
- it's a reflection of pop culture, which ties into the above and is taken for granted
- it's a reflection of a disparity between male and female sex drive and "rules" of attraction, males in general may be more horny and likely to lower their standards to satisfy the urge, a case of male gaze, where the vocal part of men assumes it is easy for women to get sex, but without consideration for whether they want the sex, or whom they want it from.
Both women and men alike understand the circumstances of having an unrequited infatuation, but will clearly express them in different manners.
Conditioning and power games played by both genders. And the infernal thing known as "the media". It can happen to both just as easily as one - it's not like America treats all women equally either. Otherwise, there would be a valid excuse for playing the victim role and exacerbating the issue.
It's just a question of terms, I think.
IDK ... I just thought that the friendzone was supposed to describe the phenomenon of a male whos in a position where his attraction for a female is rejected (or not expressed through fear) because the female values their friendship more. So the male is kind of a tag-along for the female.
I'm a bit confused by this. I'm a guy and there have been a number of female friends I've know which I guess are placed in the "friend zone". Usually when I first meet someone, I have an idea within a certain time frame (let's say a couple of months of casual meet ups) where I know whether I want to keep the person as a friend or pursue it as a relationship status. I don't consider any of those friends being placed in that category as demeaning or negative in any way. And I have never escalated someone in the "friend zone" to a possible relationship partner. If I haven't seen the person as a potential partner before, then there's a reason for that.
I thought the legend went that women dont get friendzoned, its a fraternity of sorts.
I suspect we are talking about some new-fangled-egalitarian-INFJ- friendzone here.
I've personally witnessed women get upset and even very angry at having their advances rebuffed.
I imagine women would take rejection pretty bad and express it more dramatically.
If we're talking about the specific case where a woman shows interest in a man, is rejected, then hangs around being his friend, I can see where that's unlikely. First, women usually wait till the men show their cards (and they are usually all too eager to show them!) If they do approach the man, they probably would not feel comfortable being friends after a rejection. I just think men are more hopeful (or more deluded) than women with regards to relationships.
Women I have known do not remain friends once rejected...at least in my experience...I think, that in my age group anyway, that women still have this notion that it is the man who is to be the one to initiate everything. I have known very few women who have felt comfortable enough to take the step to ask a guy out...they tend to give slight clues and play coy games in order to alert the man that she is interested, then it is up to him to initiate a response of more direct interaction.
If she were bold enough (which I find highly attractive btw) to be more direct and were shot down in flames then I think that based on this male/female social interaction that is still stuck in the 50's she would take it much harder than say a guy who was raised to be the initiator based on everything our society teaches us all the way from movies to passed down chivalrous notions.
I think that the younger generation right now has it on a bit more of a level playing field and there probably is more of the female friend zone.
If she were bold enough (which I find highly attractive btw) to be more direct and were shot down in flames then I think that based on this male/female social interaction that is still stuck in the 50's she would take it much harder than say a guy who was raised to be the initiator based on everything our society teaches us all the way from movies to passed down chivalrous notions.
I think that the younger generation right now has it on a bit more of a level playing field and there probably is more of the female friend zone.
Egalitarianism is more about respect when respect is the context of interaction. When it comes down to relationships, it's non-egalitarian social convention that rules. But convention has its marginalized stepchildren, and that's where egalitarianism does rule.
Who here has actually been "friend-zoned"? I think it's more a fear of some theoretical (from your position) situation than it is a reality. I can't see many scenarios where a guy is so desperate/hopeful, that he sticks around with someone that is of no use.
By "friend-zone" are you merely talking about no longer considering the possibility of having a relationship with that person? Because that's mostly just in your head.