Taking care of people | INFJ Forum

Taking care of people

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by gloomy-optimist, Sep 2, 2009.

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  1. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    xxFJs take care of the people around them. It's a fairly natural reaction for us, due to Fe. IxFJs sometimes have difficulties with this, because they take care of people subtle ways that often go unnoticed and unappreciated.

    Basically, I want to know your experiences with this, what you think of it, all that jazz.

    And you can rant about it, too. I know that I often feel like everyone's mom irl, and it gets irritating >:/
     
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  2. Ketsugi

    Ketsugi Community Member

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    Yes, it always goes unappreciated and I used to care for others so much, I'd get taken advantage of. Those days are over.

    Okay, easier said than done... I need to be needed. *sniff* :m142:
     
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  3. just me

    just me GONE

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    It is when someone begins taking advantage of it, knowingly or possibly unknowingly, the levee starts to break. Remove the "cheerful" from the giving and it starts running downhill. There we are, head in the clouds, and someone has to try and rain on our parade.
    Rest of the time I like it better unknown.
    There are those that think we do too much and try to stop us, not understanding the joy they bring us when working with them.
    When my motives are questioned I can get a bit irritated. However, mine is a helping hand to lend and lend it I do much easier with trust.
    I think it but one of our roles in the greater scheme of things and feel happy about it.
     
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  4. TheLastMohican

    TheLastMohican Captain Obvious
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    Do you take care of people as a sort of investment, or just because they are there (according to potential, or according to need)?
    I have some difficulty with taking care of abnormally high-maintenance people: some people will not progress or be productive no matter how much of your own life you put into the process, and therefore the time and effort can feel like a waste.
     
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  5. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    That's the thing TLM, I think(well, at least in my case) that we can be the savior of those people and be there for them in those situations. If there's a person that needs my help I will selflessly try to help them regardless if I think that there won't be no progress in their behavior.However, if they do get better that is the greatest feelings of accomplishment I can ever get.
     
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  6. OP
    gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I take care of people because...well, I just do. I like to. It makes me feel like I'm worth something if I can make someone happy. And I'll continue doing it forever, if the conditions are right

    Really, all I need to be satisfied with someone is appreciation. That's why I get on so well with my ESTP best friend; I nurture, and he appreciates. And a void is filled.

    But I've been feeling so draaaaained lately. Like I'm a second thought to everyone. And if I'm going to break my back making people happy, I'd like to at least feel as if they notice I'm around. It could be considered very selfish, although it'd be very hard for me to stop caring and break away from that cycle.
     
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  7. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    This. I work the exact same way. I know I sometimes go too 'far' in this. I can usually feel the needs of people so easily, and I really want to take care of them, because I think most of the time I can help them. I'm quick to understand what someone needs in order to feel better.
     
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  8. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    I've kind of nearly gotten over the trying too hard to help thing, but it still comes out now and again when people aren't very nice towards my friends or family. I tend to be over protective, especially of family, so I'm fairly sure that people take me for granted because they know that I'll try to help.
    But, as you know, help is not always appreciated and/or needed and I've been told to go away several times. I find it difficult to just stand by and do nothing though >>"
     
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  9. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    I have more of a natural instinct to help people, not take care of them. They could be seen as one in the same though. If someone is sick, I am usually the first person to say "oh! I have a gazillion vitamins in my room, I'll go get you some!", and I proceed to come back with like 9 pills, haha. I also have a caring response if I see someone very upset or they are crying. However, like with everything, if I don't like the vibe from a person I will likely have an adversion to wanting to help them.
     
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  10. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Taking care of implies that the person is pretty much helpless without you. You take care of invalids and babies.

    But I also have an instinct to help, or encourage, or facillitate self-helpfulness.

    If "taking care of people" annoys you, don't do it. Maybe distance yourself a bit. People aren't going to starve or go crazy without you.
     
  11. OP
    gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I have a sort of mothering response to some people -- not everyone, but some people. And yeah, I know they would survive without me...kind of :/ Right now I'm thinking more of a rather lost ENFJ. He can function on his own, but mental and emotional health are difficult for him
     
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  12. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Do you encourage him to get professional help? Do you point out that he may have some problems? Other than that and listening to him, there's probably not much else you can do. And stressing about him can't be good for anyone involved.
     
    #12 acd, Sep 2, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2009
  13. OP
    gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    Yeah, I've pointed that out to him :/ And I'm working on my own end of the deal -- I know I can't fix him and stressing won't work. But it's my natural reaction to help him, and it's been very hard to shut that off...hence, my overall frustration.
     
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  14. slant

    slant Ruboobie
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    I practice that tough kind of love where a friend calls you up at 2am crying and you say "Go to god damn fucking bed. Love you hun but call me in the morning."

    I think people should take care of themselves. Really, all picking someone up out of a ditch again and again does is enable them. There are always going to be those people out there who enjoy taking care of other people, but for me, I'd rather just worry about my own needs. And now I'm hungry.
     
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  15. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    i don't tend to take care of people unless it is necessary and they have no one else to turn to.

    i like helping them take care of themselves.
     
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  16. slant

    slant Ruboobie
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    hey, thats exactly right.

    Me too rainrise.
     
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  17. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    I like creating opportunities and helping the people around me to realize their potential and be stronger for knowing me. That includes giving them the opportunity to develop skills that enable them to be more independent. People are not by nature autonomous no matter how much we enjoy pretending we are because of our values of individualism. We each have different skill sets and societies by nature tend to delineate different tasks amongst its members. By specializing in different tasks we are able to help one another achieve more than we could alone. This is important to me on the personal and social levels.
     
  18. sassafras

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    I like helping people. I always have and always wanted to. No matter how difficult things are going for me, I will drop everything to go help a friend. On one hand, I guess I hope that one day they'll do the same for me, but on the other hand, I neither ask for or want help.

    Maybe I like to delude myself into thinking I'm the stronger person. But obviously, I'm not.

    I need to stop that.
     
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  19. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    XD You can take care of me if you don't mind me taking care of you too, and providing a library.
     
  20. Quest

    Quest Community Member

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    Sometimes I feel like mother hen. I always worry about how other people are doing. I'm naturally nurturing and I've always felt this burden/responsibility to want to take care of everyone. I can always empathize with people and read emotions pretty well and then I feel this need to want to make their problems go away. I stumbled across life path numbers a few months ago and found mine; it all makes a bit more sense now. And funny thing is that sometimes people see me as distant and cold on the outside when on the inside I'm very caring.

    -Not that I'm always feeling sorry for people and trying to save everyone. Obviously, it depends on the situation at hand. I was mainly referring to people with big problems and situations, for the most part, not those who're are able to do something about their situations but are just sitting. But if I'm able to help someone in any way -big or small issue at hand, I'll do that.
     
    #20 Quest, Sep 2, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2009
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