Strong xxxPs drive me nuts sometimes

Artemisia

Artemisia

Community Member
MBTI
INFJ
They don't have the same concept of time nor the same sense of being responsible as xxxJs I feel. I seem to attract and be surrounded by a lot of INFPs and INTPs. In every case, they have been late to show up to meetings with me, late to reply to messages/texts (sometimes weeks late), etc. Do these people think that others will wait for them and that they can get away with their irresponsibility for long?
 
I relate to those Ps you're talking about, but basically my rule of thumb is that I try to make the expectations clear: I get very stressed out by much commitment/deadlines/rigidity, so I only spend time with friends who are willing to be very casual. If I have to be serious and particular, I'll do it, but I try to avoid having to like the plague.
So I do relate to being flaky about texts, etc, but if it's really important I won't do that. I just try to ensure there's as few serious obligations as possible, but don't shirk them if they're there.

What you could describe me as is strongly obsessed with being rational/reasonable, but not all that particular or conscientious.
 

Time is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one
- Albert Einstein​
 
charlatan said:
I relate to those Ps you're talking about, but basically my rule of thumb is that I try to make the expectations clear: I get very stressed out by much commitment/deadlines/rigidity, so I only spend time with friends who are willing to be very casual. If I have to be serious and particular, I'll do it, but I try to avoid having to like the plague.
So I do relate to being flaky about texts, etc, but if it's really important I won't do that. I just try to ensure there's as few serious obligations as possible, but don't shirk them if they're there.

What you could describe me as is strongly obsessed with being rational/reasonable, but not all that particular or conscientious.
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So basically you think people are demanding and only reply when it suits you unless it is really necessary. That is called being self-absorbed.
 
Artemisia said:
So basically you think people are demanding and only reply when it suits you unless it is really necessary. That is called being self-absorbed.
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Rather, the point was that I spend time with people who aren't all that demanding, and remember, it's not that I don't spend a lot of time with my friends -- I probably spend as much time as most do/more. It's just I avoid social situations that involve much planning -- it's more of a "whenever/whatever" thing.
So I respond with lengthy thoughts/replies to my friends' emails, not unlike the amount of effort I put into my posts in this forum. I just also don't view it as all that necessary to respond to everything, and I'd say there's a certain intangible understanding that my friends/I know we're there for each other.

To me, being scrupulous is about not setting false expectations. I set very realistic expectations, and the types of people who are friends with me don't mind. I don't think everyone would be OK with the way I am as a friend, but I just don't make friends with such people.

Also, yes I'm self-absorbed, but I'm not selfish in the sense of ignoring my loved ones' wellbeing or unethical. I don't mind listening to people blabber about themselves either...they can be self-absorbed too.

It's simply that I have managed to strike the balance where being casual doesn't harm anyone. And I know when to be serious -- my judgment of when is "necessary" seems to be pretty reasonable. I think you are just facing people who don't know how to judge that properly.
 
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Artemisia said:
They don't have the same concept of time nor the same sense of being responsible as xxxJs I feel. I seem to attract and be surrounded by a lot of INFPs and INTPs. In every case, they have been late to show up to meetings with me, late to reply to messages/texts (sometimes weeks late), etc. Do these people think that others will wait for them and that they can get away with their irresponsibility for long?
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Maybe you aren't that important to them.

Sometimes the answer is that simple.
 
I also agree with ABH here -- that's a possibility; the thing is, Ps (like me) tend to just have a much lower threshold of tolerance for not more or less doing whatever, whenever, etc, and that means that unless they perceive something as very important, they might not give it full attention. Js tend to be able to be less scatterbrained and sort of swallow the pill and be particular about a wider range of things.

It's not necessarily that you're not important, it could be that whatever your expectations are simply are things they don't see as important. Like, the following 2 situations are really different, and both are possible:

- the P talks to you a lot, is very invested in you emotionally, but is careless about things like showing up on time to your hangouts

- the P is overall flaky and haphazard with how much time they spend on you/invest in you

I invest a lot in my friends. But, I don't either make too many friends or tend to be less scatterbrained with my friends than otherwise. But they know I'll be there when they need it, and they also know I really enjoy spending time with them. If I don't respond to someone, it's usually because we talk near daily anyway, and I'm just impatient to read the link they sent me.
 
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Why is it so important that they meet you on time or text you back immediately? Do you think they're doing this deliberately? Do they mistreat you or show you a lack of consideration in other ways?
 
Gist said:
Why is it so important that they meet you on time or text you back immediately? Do you think they're doing this deliberately? Do they mistreat you or show you a lack of consideration in other ways?
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I am a super organized type A ENJT perfectionist and I am notorious for being a horrible texter. Like days with no reply (unless it demanded my immediate attention). Even with my mother or my BFF. Some times I go all weekend without looking at my phone.

I fail to see why this is such a horrible thing. If its not important people will get to it when it is time.

Didn't this poster just post about time wasters? How wasteful of someones time to have to stop what they are doing to immediately respond to a text.
 
Interesting that the P's strength is his or her lateness.
 
Jet said:
I am a super organized type A ENJT perfectionist and I am notorious for being a horrible texter. Like days with no reply (unless it demanded my immediate attention). Even with my mother or my BFF. Some times I go all weekend without looking at my phone.

I fail to see why this is such a horrible thing. If its not important people will get to it when it is time.

Didn't this poster just post about time wasters? How wasteful of someones time to have to stop what they are doing to immediately respond to a text.
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If it was important they would call.
 
I suspect that both strong introversion and weak sensing are also significant factors in poor punctuality and communication.

The strong p colleagues I've had are generally more communicative than j types: they will discuss things at great length, enjoying the discussion, and not letting it come to a conclusion. They also spontaneously make unplanned contact, as much as they miss planned contact.

They're just so tricky to deal with, without going mega-overbearing on them.
 
Jet said:
I don't even answer half the time. if it's important they will leave a voicemail.
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I'm not even great at checking voicemails... often when I get them the message will just be to "call them," and what they relay over the phone could have been conveyed just as adequately and much faster with a brief text.
 
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