Some ghosts of the past... They still make me feel like I'm worth of nothing. :/ Aw thanks.
Of course!
Even if you can't see it right now, know that others can. I know that only helps so much because self-worth, as implied, must come from the self. Believe me, I too have ghosts of the past so I think I understand how you must be feeling. It was only in the last couple of years or so that I've gotten far enough along in my trauma recovery to find my own self-worth, -love, and -care. I won't claim to know exactly what your experience is, but I do know my own and I know that it's an extremely painful feeling.
Something that helped me that may or may not be so for you was when a mentor prompted me to make a list of all the negative beliefs I held about myself. I remember writing things like unlovable, unattractive, damaged/broken, useless, unworthy, lacking inherent value, stupid, untalented; the list could go on and on. Once done though, she asked me if I would say any of those things to someone I love, say a friend or family member. I looked at her like she was crazy and said something along the lines of "No never!" She asked me why not and I said, "Because those are just awful, cruel things to say to anyone, let alone someone you love and care about". The response she gave me was so simple, yet so revolutionary: "Then why on earth would you say those things to yourself?" That was a huge turning point in my own realization that a lot of the ongoing victimization I was experiencing at the time was being perpetuated by
me. Indeed, you're a magnificent creature no less deserving of love and care than anyone else you hold dear. When you truly believe this, you'll forgive yourself for having been so hard on you, you'll throw away the Old Tapes of Negative Self-Talk and rewrite your truth, and you'll feel your heart breathe a sigh of relief and thank you for being its friend. It's not easy, no, not by a mile. But it is possible. If I can crawl out of the hole I was in, I believe most anyone can. Only I can know how oppressive it was, but suffice it to say getting out of that loop is by far one of the most rewarding and loving things I've ever done for myself. And I wish the same for you, I really do.
